Feeling discouraged

Please buy and read the following book:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans

also:

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can be devastating and is likely contributing to your weight issue. If possible, I would also recommend some counseling to try to figure out where you're at, how you got there and how to get out.

Best wishes and friend me if you'd like -- I've been there, too, but am not there any more.

I know exactly what you are going through. He wants her to get up at 3 AM and go to Walmart so he can show her
who is in control. Then if she gets upset about being treated so badly she will feel like she is worthless. If she feels worthless
she may begin to eat to make herself feel better then he will feel righteous and all knowing when everything he said comes true.
He does not want her to succeed in her weight loss because he wants to keep her under his control. If she succeeds in loosing weight she may gain confidence and love for herself and she will no longer accept the abuse he is giving her each and every day. He is either afraid of loosing control over her or he is a narcissist feeding off her emotions.

The shame is that her (your) children will eventually begin to disrespect you as well because you allow him, and in time them, to treat you badly. I say this because I was you many years ago.I too felt powerless to do anything about my situation, only to find out that I was powerless because I gave up the power willingly to anyone that would take it.
People can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. In time I hope that you will be able to turn things around. I found that it is true that no one will love you until you love yourself. No one respects someone that does not respect themselves. I do hope you walk this journey for yourself even if you have to walk it alone. The further you walk the stronger you will become. Know that you are not alone. There are many of us that are right there with you. Please keep in contact, we all need each others support.

You know who you are, and you know your heart. Although someone being so callous and cruel does hurt, especially the one that is supposed to be your greatest support, resist the urge to let him and the cruel statements define you. Let yourself cry. I feel that is so important, I have trouble with crying as well so if you have to listen to music or watch a show that makes you sad. I feel crying and getting the hurt out somehow is important. God Bless and stay strong. You are deserving!

queenbcu so sorry hugs also.. I ve been with a guy like u have..&he was always hurtful&mean&say anything just to get me to binge also... hang in there.. ignore him think POSITIVE THOUGHTS..,also he's verbally abusing u.. I to this day it took me awhile but im no longer with that guy&im on my own.. id rather be alone than to put up w/that ****.. good luck to u .. U can do this do it for u&your kids.. soo u can be around longer hes wrong u can do this.. U'r strong!!&No man will should ever tell u any different.. U have lots of support here!! type all u want we r here for u

I don't think you told us if you're married to him or not?

How can you all simply acknowledge what is happening here with comments like oh keep up the good work, stay strong, blah blah blah. I rarely post on these forums, but reading this ..... This person is being verbally and mentally assaulted while trying to better them self ...... You all should be ashamed, she needs to walk out the door, not obediently go to walmart at 3am to get food for someone, I get up at 3am for the gym, but if I did not and someone woke me up at 3am for something.... the godamn house better be on fire, or a cat better be stuck in a tree, or jesus better be standing in the living room interviewing for the position of head angel. This thread makes me want to throw my computer across the room, just knowing that someone who treats another human being like that is allowed to exist and breath my air is frustrating.

Really.

Okay....so this is gonna be your post for one year from now.

""So, everyone who read how disgustingly awful my significant other was, here is where I am today. I decided to seek my revenge by making myself into a better person and dropping this weight. I am now within range of my goal weight and have done some other life altering things to improve my situation. My significant other has changed his attitude a little, as other men are now noticing me as I walk by with my new, slim, toned body. Every time my significant other puts me down now, I remind him that I am beautiful enough now to easily find someone else, so he better shape up or ship out. I now have the power in my relationship, because he can not emotionally bash me, else I threaten to leave him (and let's face it, with his attitude, he could not find anyone else, LOL).

I am now down to my last 20 pounds and plan to take that off slowly as I ease into maintenance. And, BTW, my significant other got so emotionally distraught over my new figure and all the attention I get, that HE gained about 50 pounds and he is now the beached whale who can not get off the couch. But, I don't bash his weight, I just remind him how he treated me when I was that way. Fate sure has its sense of humor, no?

I also went back to school and got my degree and now have a great new job. I make more money than my counter part, which I have to admit, I do remind him of often. He hasn't apologized for how he treated me in the past, and I don't ask for it. But, I know he thinks of it every time he lugs his fat frame in front of the bathroom mirror and when he falls backwards trying to get off the couch.

Just wanted to update all of you."" (we hope to see you post something like this in one year, so stay here with us)


So, hang on to the knot at the end of the rope and keep focused on your goal....and every time he puts you down, simply look at him and remind him that there is coming a day when he will eat those words and regret how he is treating you. Use your anger at his words to work out even harder, log even better, hit your macros even closer, and get the job done.

Good Luck

No biggie Just do your thing and don't let it get to you. Next time if you feel like buying healthy go for it! Your doing it for yourself not anybody else so you should not seek his or anyone else's approval. And if you are you can have my approval of buying healthy foods anyday!

Aw girl, I don't even know where to start.

First off, as most of the people here told you, your relationship shows all the signs of an abusive one. You said "[it] didn't seem that bad to me (it just hurt my feelings)", but that's exactly what verbal abuse IS. Google "signs of an abusive relationship", and I'm willing to bet that a vast majority will apply to the situation you're in.

I can imagine it's not easy to leave when you have kids together and are bound by a lease, but you have to ask yourself: do you want to continue living with a man that is already abusing you, and will most likely get worse with time? Do you want to risk your children's health and well-being, when he might lash out at them too? (You didn't write anything about him abusing your kids too, so I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but it's often the case). Is it really impossible to escape this destructive prison, when everything that's most important for you (your health, mental and physical, your loved ones, your life even) is at stake?

I don't live in the U.S., so I don't know what kind of help for abuse victims you have in your area, but I'm sure you can find it. Get any help you can, and please, for your children and yourself, get out of there as soon as you can.

Also, everything that the post below says:

We don't know if you're married or not (as stated above) and if you are, that adds another level to this "relationship". If you aren't, and you're not in a position to do anything in terms of moving out until May, start getting your ducks in order now. When May comes, which I assume is the time your lease is up and you will be in a financial place to leave, then all the legwork and research should already be done. If it's not, then you're just setting yourself up for excuses to stay.

As far as getting healthy for revenge...well, that in itself is not healthy. You need to keep doing what you're doing to get healthy for you, first and foremost. Not your kids, not your significant other, not for revenge, not for anything or anyone...but yourself. Keep focused on your end goal, and don't let these bumps in the road deter you from that. The by product of getting healthy for yourself will take care of all of those other reasons which may be secondary. As you lose weight and gain strength and endurance, you will gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment. This is something you have complete and total control over. This is where you're choices are yours and yours alone.

You're in a bad relationship with an abusive controlling person, you already know this. You know something has to change. None of this is news to you...you also know the choice is yours to stay or go. Staying keeps you in your comfort zone, which isn't all that comfortable, however, you do know what to expect. Leaving is out of your comfort zone, it's scary and you have no idea what's going to happen. That's not always a bad thing...as a matter of fact, it may be the best decision you ever make. It may not seem like it at first, but its like everything else, you have to take it one day at a time and one step at a time...everything gets easier over time.

If you need more support, you can add me on MFP, although let's face it, all I can offer are words of encouragement and virtual hugs. Hang in there, girl, we believe in you!