Well here's the skinny on my fat problem

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I'm Kristen, I'm 27, and I weigh 208. I'm 5'4'' and I'm sick of being miserable all the time about it. I wait tables and the extra 50 lbs I've gained hurts my back and feet and I'm sick of it., but mostly I wish I had more energy.

But I've been here before. I even had an account that I ended up not ever using after a few weeks and then I forgot my username and password. I end up setting monthly goals like, "Give up soda, energy drinks or mochas" and "drink more water" and "walk/jog 25 minutes everyday" and I do it. For three weeks. Then something crazy happens and I just need a "day off" but then I never go back until I've gained back everything I lost while I was being 'healthy' and then some. I have a highly stressful life (I'm not going to rant and rave about all that here) and for some reasons this year in particular has been pretty hard. I know everybody has their 'hard stuff'. So, question #1

How do y'all deal with it without binge-eating a tub of Ben n Jerry's Phish Food? I can handle stress if I'm not having cravings, and I can handle cravings when I'm not having stress...but when the two come together it's like I become the Borg that must assimilate all desserts. (I have other healthy outlets like music and journaling to deal with stressful stuff, but in the end, the sugary-thing-I-want always wins. Even if I don't have any in the house...I live across the street from a store that sells it. If not ice cream, then it's something else)

Question #2
Will you be my friend? I feel a little bit pathetic asking, because I have a lot of friends, people I love, but I also am ashamed of myself for being overweight and I'm afraid to ask them for their support because I worry that it will change the fabric of my relationship with them. If they help me too much and it becomes nagging, what if it ends our friendship? What if I don't live up to their expectations? What are the appropriate parameters of friends supporting friends losing weight? I don't have much experience on either end, but I think that if I can find some friends, here, who are ALSO losing weight and need MY support back, then maybe I'll stick with it better than I have when I always go it alone.

Question #3
What is it that you need? I want whatever support I get to be a two-way street, I need to be able to give some support to you too, but to be honest, I never supported anyone through weight-loss before. I don't want to become the nag, I don't want to make someone else feel bad by succeeding in their face too much, and I don't want to cause anyone any sort of harm. According to my internet, this is one of the BEST communities for losing weight. What makes it so good?


Love and Hugs!
Kristen

Replies

  • tuffinmypuff
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    I can relate the the binge eating.. I'v been a binge eater since i was a young child. you may want to look into therapy of you can afford it, it has helped me greatly. Learning to use other coping skills can be tough and figuring out what works best for YOU can be a challenge for sure.
    Personally I keep a little "stress bag" its got a bunch of little fun things
    (I am about to sound like a 5 year old): silly puddy, coloring book and crayons, my favorite nail polish, a slinky, my favorite childhood bear. Things like that.
    Finding things to keep your hands busy can also be helpful, knitting, making jewelry, ya know crafty things. xD

    Another thing is working on identifying the feelings your having when your about to binge, if its just stress. What is the stress over? How can you break it down into manageable steps? Can you make a list of the steps to follow in the future? can you call a friend to talk about it?

    so just finding other things to take comfort in has been key in my experience
    Good luck and if you need someone to talk to or help you out you can add me :flowerforyou:
  • alienbabyjen
    alienbabyjen Posts: 36 Member
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    Hi Kristen. I'm a binge eater too. Have been most of my life that I can remember.

    1. When you do have a binge, forgive yourself. It's going to happen. The trick is to not give up over a mistake and get back on track immediately. Thinking "oh well, I've been bad all week, I give up altogether" is not how to get to your goal. Recognize it for what it was so that next time you can find another way to deal with what triggered it. Say ok, that just happened, but right now this second I'm back on track. Don't give up.

    2. I'll be your friend (anyone's friend, really) You can send me a message any time.

    3. I need you to show up here. Log in, be truthful about what you're eating, start on your new path. We are all in this together, which is what I love about this place. Some are at the beginning, some in the middle, some at the end. But the journey is all the same, and we are the only people who can understand us. We can all do this together.
  • sydsquidlee
    sydsquidlee Posts: 51 Member
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    hey there!!
    1. how i answer the binge.. oh i was bad when I was a teenager I wouldn't eat for a day then honestly eat 3000 or more calories in like 2 or 3 hours. I couldnt control my eating. I have found other foods I like that are healthier. Also I mark on my calendar a cheat food. NOT A CHEAT DAY. I get one food as much as I want on a certain day. After awhile it didn't seem appealing. I also tried working of the calories in one mini tube of ice cream.. a million blurpees for ice cream, I will take netflix and an apple please.

    2. I would love to be your friend. My goal is to be a personal trainer for women looking to be healthy and gain some self confidence. Being the best person you can be inside and out. That includes taking care of you body.

    3. What I want. Is someone to communicate back and forth the daily struggles. I love working with people, talking, sharing ups and downs... recipes... and days in the gym when your motivation level is watching CNN and sitting on the treadmill.
  • tr3kkie9rl
    tr3kkie9rl Posts: 144 Member
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    You mentioned Borg - that is all I need to know. We can be friends :)
  • alice_schmalice
    alice_schmalice Posts: 283 Member
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    i'll friend ya - i'm looking for friends myself - 5'2", 173, dr says 30 lb loss is a good idea. I've gotten down to 160 but I couldn't tell you the last time I was lower than that... an addtional 5-10 lbs is a lot of weight on a short girl.

    I love ice cream. I know i'm an emotional eater - I've finally identified that when I am "craving" intimacy with another person and can't have it, then I crave ice cream... I know that's random but that's what I've noticed..
  • barsandbodegas
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    Hi Kristen!

    My name is Brittany, and I have had a problem with binge-eating for a while. I think, for me, it's an emotional eating kind of thing. I've been overweight since I was, like, 9 and I'm 20 now. So, it's been happening for a while. It takes a lot of effort for me to control my urges to overeat, but I like to think I'm slowly getting better. My best method to avoid is distraction. Sometimes it works but I still occasionally slip up. For instance, I binged last night and I was miserable afterward. But today, I remind myself that it's a new day. I drink plenty of water and try to be more conscientious of what I'm eating today.

    :smile: I'll be your friend! Feel free to add me. I don't have very many friends, especially where I live. I'm new on this website, so I don't have a lot of experience with being a weight loss buddy online. I've only ever had one friend who was my weight loss buddy in real life. She and I encouraged/supported one another, especially when we saw results. We discussed food choices, new recipes, and our struggles losing weight without judgment. And we sometimes worked out together. We never nagged, though. Right now, the only person in my life that knows I'm trying to lose weight is my husband. I don't have plans on telling anyone else that I know in real life, because I don't want to have to live up to their expectations and judgments.

    The only things I look for in a buddy is someone who is positive/encouraging and isn't going to judge me if I slip up. I've never felt bad by anyone succeeding too much in their journey to better themselves -- if anything, it actually encourages me.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
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    You and I are the same height and around the same weight... you're much younger though. Feel free to add me.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    Welcome back!

    If you were going on a trip and there was a detour, would you turn around and go home?
    If you had a flat tire, would you just sit there? Would you fix it? After you fixed it would you continue forward?

    I think you'd continue on your trip.

    This is no different! We all fail at times. Get up, dust yourself off, and Keep Going.
    One night of a binge does not mean you gie up forever!

    We are here to help! To get you past the 3 week mark, and beyond!

    Good luck!
  • rieann84
    rieann84 Posts: 511 Member
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    1. The more time that I put between myself and the foods that I just can't stop eating, the less I crave them. It's a hard road to get to, but once you get there..it's easier. Not saying I don't ever have thoughts of just buying a cheesecake from the store and eating it ravenously in my car. What helps me get there is the really simple phrase "It's not worth it". But you have to believe it for it to work. Some things just aren't worth the horrible feeling afterward. Not worth the hours spent in the dressing room on the verge of tears. Not worth the burning image of that really really unflattering picture taken of me. I think back to all those things and it just reminds me that i'd be better off maybe substituting something similar.

    My biggest problem as far as temptation really comes from my boyfriend. I really think if I were on my own I'd have WAY less "cheat" meals and days. But what fun is that? :) Food is for sharing and socializing and having fun. I'm trying to be less and less hard on myself when I do indulge. This sounds really lame, but it's a journey and not a destination.

    2. Yeah, of course. I read my MFP news feed in moments of boredom, so the more content the better.

    3. I'm pretty low maintenance. I prefer friends who are more active (log in atleast once a week). Friends that don't follow fad diets or impossible calorie restrictions (900 cals/day).
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
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    I used the do the whole, eat healthier,.. don't drink this don't eat that etc. etc. Lose 10lb, gain 20lb back.

    Since I've started here, and I haven't been here that long. I've lost 30lb, while eating things I like, along healthier things.
    So I will have cake, ice-cream, chocolate etc. because if I don't I'll do just like you said, go nuts and eat a ton and then give up.

    I find an exercise I like, and stick with it,.. because I do need to exercise,..but I'll switch it up. I don't "have to" run this much etc. etc.
    I love my gazelle because it's easy,.. I can do it in front of my tv and I can do it for an hour or so. So find something you don't mind doing.

    Diet is key! Sure I don't give up anything ,..but I do have to fit it in my calorie goal... So I can't play the and game... not ice-cream and chocolate and cookies and pie and pizza. I'll have pizza today,.. cookies tomorrow etc. As long as it fits in my calories.

    Feel free to add me as a friend.

    I like exchanging new ideas, sharing victories and mess ups.. (I mess up all the time) .. Support to me is someone who gets what you are doing ... not a drill Sargent.
  • racqeann
    racqeann Posts: 59 Member
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    Question 1: Binges. This was a hard habit for me to break. I was also a "tub of ice cream at a time" kind of girl. The first thing I recommend is to get any "unsafe" foods out of the house altogether and don't buy them at the store when you do your shopping. I can keep some unhealthy foods around and eat them in moderation, but there are some things I just can't. Ice cream, chips, cereal, and pizza are not allowed in my house because I will eat the entire package in one sitting. I live alone, so that helps me keep my "unsafe" foods out. I know that you live right across the street from a store, so that gives you easy access, but if you stop buying your "unsafe" foods (whatever they are) during regular grocery-shopping trips, you will force yourself to walk across the street every single time you want ice cream, and that makes it just a little bit more of a challenge and a little less likely that you'll do it. The second thing I recommend is to make yourself wait 15 minutes before giving in to a craving. Don't tell yourself, "You can't have that" because that makes it forbidden and all the more desirable. Instead, tell yourself, "I'm going to do laundry/clean the bathroom/journal/start a movie for 15 minutes, and then I can have that food if I still want it." Cravings are usually temporary and their strength decreases over time as long as you allow it to seem like it's still an option while distracting yourself with something else. If you still want the food in 15 minutes, go get it. Or tell yourself, "I'll get it in another 15 minutes if I still want it then." If you find that you have distracted yourself to the point of forgetting about the food, or that you are able to resist the craving, all the better.

    Question 2: Friends. I am building my support network on MFP and would love to have you as a friend! Feel free to add me. :smile:

    Question 3. Support. I don't need a lot of support - I do like to look at other people's food journals, so if you make yours open to friends, that helps me. For me, MFP works well because it keeps me accountable. I tell myself that I can have whatever I want, as long as I add it in my tracker. If I want a food that I can't add because I don't know what's in it (restaurant food, food made by other people), I typically don't have it because I can't add it. Really looking at what I put into my body every day has helped me be more conscientious about it.

    I am 5'6" and currently weigh 246 pounds. I started my "weight-loss journey" (hate that phrase, lol) in March 2012 at 324 pounds. I've struggled with weight for 20 years and never had the success that I've had since March 2012. Believe in yourself! It only seems impossible because you've never done it before. But that doesn't mean you can't! Good luck!
  • elv1ra
    elv1ra Posts: 146 Member
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    ill be your friend. i sent you a request.

    for the binge eating, im so bad for it. i cant bring bad food home anymore, i just cant have it around. on the other hand you need to find some healthier alternatives that you enjoy. for me its protein bars, frozen grapes, oven baked "fried" pickles, (ONE PORTION OF) chips and salsa etc. the bigger selection you have of healthy foods that you enjoy, the less likely you are to go completely off the rails and binge on actual junk food, because you won't feel as deprived by your calorie restricted diet.

    I understand not wanting the support from your real life family and friends. Im extremely introverted and private. i dont want to fail in front of everyone, and i dont want anyone questioning my choices, or to feel scolded or judged when i mess up. so i definitely get it.
  • chaemd
    chaemd Posts: 38 Member
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    I'm Kristen, I'm 27, and I weigh 208. I'm 5'4'' and I'm sick of being miserable all the time about it. I wait tables and the extra 50 lbs I've gained hurts my back and feet and I'm sick of it., but mostly I wish I had more energy.
    Welcome, Kristen! Thisi s exactly where you start - when you can't take anymore and getting better is the only option. You have to DECIDE that this is it. Once you make the decision, I mean Really make the decision, nothing else will do. If you're there, we're here. I can speak collectively because I've been on this site for a while and these folks don't play. When they say they will support you, believe it. I've seen it.
    "Give up soda, energy drinks or mochas" and "drink more water" and "walk/jog 25 minutes everyday" and I do it. For three weeks. Then something crazy happens and I just need a "day off" but then I never go back until I've gained back everything I lost while I was being 'healthy' and then some.
    When you're not really ready, this will happen. I read somewhere that excuses are for people who don't want it bad enough. If you want it bad enough, when you fall off, you will get back on. You will fall off occasionally. We all do. I hate it, but that's life. What you need is that image, thought, quote, goal, etc that will speak to you through the haze of the struggle and tell you that today is a new day and you have to decide to put that foot in front of the other and make it happen today.
    [/quote]
    So, question #1
    How do y'all deal with it without binge-eating a tub of Ben n Jerry's Phish Food? I can handle stress if I'm not having cravings, and I can handle cravings when I'm not having stress...but when the two come together it's like I become the Borg that must assimilate all desserts.
    [/quote]
    You have other "go-to's", use them. Lean on them more. When I have a program in place, that keeps me from binge eating because I already know what I am supposed to be doing and I know that it will get me to where I want to be, so I stick to it. I also have a future date in mind when I should see my success. That keeps me on track, so perhaps setting up some interim milestones for success will work.
    Question #2
    Will you be my friend?
    Absolutely, I will send you a friend request..
    Question #3
    What is it that you need? According to my internet, this is one of the BEST communities for losing weight. What makes it so good?
    I just like it when people make comments to other posts, other achievements, other comments. I like to be a part of the community. So post when you feel like it and when you do something great like complete your food diary for the day or exercise, I'll be sure to "Like" it.
    I'm Chae and I know that you can do it this time. :wink:
  • oystercatcher3944
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    Hi Kristen,

    I would love to be your friend (since we are the same age and all...)

    1. I struggle with stress eating too. When I have a difficult client at work I have started to feel the exact moment the urge to go cruise the conference room snack table hits. I have no easy answers on this one, other than yoga/mindfulness work has helped me at least recognize what's happening, if not eliminate it completely. And then recognize the option to go do something else for a minute. I have walked around the block my office is located on hundreds of times...

    2. see above; I'll add you!

    3. I think the support that is most helpful for me is feeling like there is somebody else out there struggling with the same things I am. Most of my friends and family members are normal weight, and they seem to eat whatever they want most of the time. It's easy to feel alone, which sucks because losing weight is hard work. So just hearing what others are experiencing in an honest way is helpful for me.
  • amberj32
    amberj32 Posts: 663 Member
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    So, question #1

    How do y'all deal with it without binge-eating a tub of Ben n Jerry's Phish Food? I can handle stress if I'm not having cravings, and I can handle cravings when I'm not having stress...but when the two come together it's like I become the Borg that must assimilate all desserts. (I have other healthy outlets like music and journaling to deal with stressful stuff, but in the end, the sugary-thing-I-want always wins. Even if I don't have any in the house...I live across the street from a store that sells it. If not ice cream, then it's something else)

    Don't deprive yourself. Fit it into your day.

    Question #2
    Will you be my friend? I feel a little bit pathetic asking, because I have a lot of friends, people I love, but I also am ashamed of myself for being overweight and I'm afraid to ask them for their support because I worry that it will change the fabric of my relationship with them. If they help me too much and it becomes nagging, what if it ends our friendship? What if I don't live up to their expectations? What are the appropriate parameters of friends supporting friends losing weight? I don't have much experience on either end, but I think that if I can find some friends, here, who are ALSO losing weight and need MY support back, then maybe I'll stick with it better than I have when I always go it alone.

    Yes, sending friend request. I have very few friends outside of MFP. You don't need to comment on everything I post or my food logs, etc. I probably won't for everything either, but I will do my best. That's life.

    Question #3
    What is it that you need? I want whatever support I get to be a two-way street, I need to be able to give some support to you too, but to be honest, I never supported anyone through weight-loss before. I don't want to become the nag, I don't want to make someone else feel bad by succeeding in their face too much, and I don't want to cause anyone any sort of harm. According to my internet, this is one of the BEST communities for losing weight. What makes it so good?

    Succeed all you want! It's so good because of all of the friends and support and they understand. Of course there are a few bad apples out there but don't let that deter you.
  • Patttience
    Patttience Posts: 975 Member
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    Hi Kirstin, I'll be your friend. You sound like a nice person. I won't nag you but encourage you to come and join our little group called 3FC pals. So far we are three who all met on the 3FC forum - our group is new here. We encourage each other. I've just been through a small glitch in my weightloss journey but with their help got through it and am back on track.

    I'm only slightly taller than you and have worked as a waiter plenty of times. If its a reasonably busy restaurant, you don't need to bother with any other exercise. In fact, i don't think you should worry about it anyway until you get your weight right down and/or feel so motivated. I find it easier to sustain a weightloss program without it in the long term and most research these days says while exercise is great for health, it doesn't really achieve much re weightloss.

    I have a history of binging too. I know its a tough nut to crack. There are some good books about it. I haven't read any of them yet but i've pretty much conquered my history. One good book i have heard many talk about is Brain Over Binge. I've got a book beside my bed called The End of Binging/Binge eating.

    How i deal with stress when i am genuinely upset and feeling overwhelmed and things of that kind, is find a counsellor to talk to. I find it moves me on very quickly. I have set myself up locally with a few people i can talk to - one is my GP, one is a psychologist (i have a history of depression too) and one is at the place where i volunteer which is a community centre where they offer that sort of service anyway. One you can get all your thoughts and worries out of your head, you start to feel better. And hopefully in the session you can start to look at solutions too. For me now, i usually find one session is enough but i would go back a week later if i still had concerns.

    Its no coincidence that stress triggers binging. There are physiological explanations for it.

    With regard to binging, i've committed to quitting sugar foods because these are the things in binge on. In fact my emotional binging just became a habit of binging and so i had to do something totally radical like quitting all that rubbish food so that i had room for healthy vegetables and stuff which help me avoid binging and so on. I have found out that a lot of people aren't ready for a tactics like this but for me it works. So far its been over six months since is started i my quit sugar campaign. Its not quitting sugar TOTALLY. There are certain prescribed situations where i have deemed it safe for me to eat it. And so this year i've had about 6 serves of cake or dessert. Sometimes it still requires a lot of mental effort to make sure i don't eat more than one serving but so far so good and i'm really happy with my strategy.

    Another strategy on a day to day basis that i have picked up this year from a book, was to rate my appetite and satiety with each meal. All the girls in our group do this now too. Its an approach to intuitive eating.

    What is it I need: I need your good -at- wordiness. I need people to chat to in the group. I have found posting stuff to people who listen and respond every day helps me keep focussed and on track. Also as i have just found out for the first time this year, it really helped me get through a tricky time when things could have gone off the rails. I had been experimenting with low carb and went off it suddenly and found the adjustment back to moderate fat levels difficult. It completely threw me, plus i had some other stresses that were weighing on me a bit but hadn't got to the point of going for counselling yet.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
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    i'll friend ya - i'm looking for friends myself - 5'2", 173, dr says 30 lb loss is a good idea. I've gotten down to 160 but I couldn't tell you the last time I was lower than that... an addtional 5-10 lbs is a lot of weight on a short girl.

    I love ice cream. I know i'm an emotional eater - I've finally identified that when I am "craving" intimacy with another person and can't have it, then I crave ice cream... I know that's random but that's what I've noticed..

    I thought it was just me...when it's been too many days without my hubby, then bring on all the sweet snacks, and don't stop til they're all gone.
  • bdenitto
    bdenitto Posts: 210 Member
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    I. I don't keep foods that trigger binges in my house. If I am stressed, I jump on here and I talk to others about what is stressing me out. I realized early on in this process that I needed to limit my time with people who stress me out. I have learned that It is okay to set limits. Don't be afraid to let others know you put your healthy and well-being before them. Cake is my favorite binge food. I try to buy a slice every once in a while. I have it when I am not stressed.
    2. I have sent you a friend request.
    3. Comment when you want and remind me if I am not being accountable.
  • gdnplnty
    gdnplnty Posts: 170 Member
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    Here is the thing about the borg. They may think that resistance is futile, but you my dear, are not a red shirt. YOU can resist.

    We, as humans, join together and do end up kicking their butts.

    I am always willing to lend an ear, but mine isn't pointed. :-)
  • happyapathy
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    1. I don't ~binge~ eat (I would run out of food so fast and I am on a budget) but I do emotional eat. I'm working on stopping myself and saying "No, you're not hungry, you're bored." "I'm not hungry, I'm sad." Things like that.

    2. Friend request sent.

    3. I don't really know, I just started looking for MFP friends. Right now, just people to Like when I lose weight on a weigh-in or when I'm under goal on my diary. Comments are cool.