Hubby Gaining Weight :/

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  • Gary6030
    Gary6030 Posts: 593 Member
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    Most men are competitive. Maybe challenge him to something like a 1/2 marathon or a full marathon to compete for best times? Just an idea.
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    All I can say is that I used to be your husband. I don't know what he did in the Corps but I know when I got out it was such a load off my mind and body that I just needed time to allow myself to adjust to civilian life and to just let myself feel like a normal person again. Unfortunately the job I got after getting out was not very physical so I have kind of been on a break longer than I should have been. I am finally getting back to whipping my butt into shape but in all honestly I didn't really get that far out of shape. When I got out of the Marine Corps I was right at about 180 and the highest that I have weighed myself (earlier this month) was 208.

    Besides November/December is rough anyway, I mean personally I gained 10lbs last month, and that's kind of what kick started me wanting to get back into shape. It was the first time in my life that I have ever broke 200. But now I'm eating right (or at least a lot less) again and hitting the gym regularly partly for me and partly to support my wife who is also trying to lose weight but has a lot further to go than I do.

    The only thing that I can suggest is to give him a little time to unwind and then maybe ask him to start hitting the gym with you. Tell him you would like to be able to spend more time together. OR you can do like my wife and be less than subtle and just laugh at him when he is naked. Shoot if nothing else put him to work in the house... have him move furniture, paint, re-arrange the attic/garage/basement. You get the idea. But yeah there is a reason that there is a lot of "Cleaning, light, moderate effort" and "Cleaning, heavy, vigorous effort" in my Exercise Diary.

    AAAHAHAHAHAHA I love your last paragraph lol. Has your wife broken your spirit with her relentless and evil teasing? :laugh:

    I see what you mean about the burnout from the MC...I guess I just notice it more because he has been bringing it up on his own a lot, and so I'm like "Oh yeah, I guess you DID put on weight babe. Hmmm...let's fix it?"

    IDK, I'm from the Dr Laura school of thinking where I believe that you should do your best to look your best (and that means best for YOU, not being some stick thin or jacked muscle man/woman, yada yada) because you want to "impress" your spouse. I try to look as good as I can for my husband, and I feel he appreciates that I want to look good for him. Am I wrong? And am I wrong to hope for (not expect!) the same from him?
  • teasdino
    teasdino Posts: 228 Member
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    I feel your pain. My dh was also a fit Marine, and now....that was 20 yrs ago, and he STILL talks about himself like he's in shape as he was back then. Whenever anything about exercise, activities, whatever comes up, he says proudly, "Well, I used to hump x amt. of miles at 4 am" blah blah blah, as if it has any relevance to NOW.


    THANK YOU!!!!
    Mine even went so far as to look the doc in the eye and tell him "yeh...well I am a 'master fitness trainer'". Of course it was funny that this time it was a civilian doc that actually had a bigger ego than my husband. Hub came home all grumbly about the doc chewing him a new behind. Now THAT one I laughed at ;-]
    jac
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    I feel your pain. My dh was also a fit Marine, and now....that was 20 yrs ago, and he STILL talks about himself like he's in shape as he was back then. Whenever anything about exercise, activities, whatever comes up, he says proudly, "Well, I used to hump x amt. of miles at 4 am" blah blah blah, as if it has any relevance to NOW.


    THANK YOU!!!!
    Mine even went so far as to look the doc in the eye and tell him "yeh...well I am a 'master fitness trainer'". Of course it was funny that this time it was a civilian doc that actually had a bigger ego than my husband. Hub came home all grumbly about the doc chewing him a new behind. Now THAT one I laughed at ;-]
    jac

    Hahaha my husband is only 24, so he's not quite to that stage yet lol :P

    Thanks everyone for the excellent advice, I think I'll suggest he go to the gym with me and get a membership. They do have childcare and I think it would be a great thing for us to do together. Thank you!!!
  • Loki182
    Loki182 Posts: 31
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    I'm just picking on my wife a little because I know she reads my posts. In reality she was perfectly happy with me just the way I was. I however had gotten to the point where I no longer was, and I decided to do something about it. For the last 4 years I have been doing basically the bare minimum just to get by and not blow up but apparently nobody told my metabolism and I have been gaining weight for a few months now fairly steadily. I have always told myself that I was not going to become a lazy fatbody but I was definitely starting to go down that road so I just made a decision to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand. Ultimately I know your husband will probably do the same. Once he reaches a certain point it will most likely just click for him.
  • innerfashionista
    innerfashionista Posts: 451 Member
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    I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.

    As stupid as it was, my husband let himself gain about 30 pounds because I'm overweight. He said he wasn't concerned about it because he wanted to know what I went through every time I tried to lose weight, the frustration I felt, the pain, everything. He's currently dieting now, and it took HIM dieting for ME to get back into it. We have an open dialog at home, and we're completely honest with each other too. Aren't you supposed to be like that in a marriage?

    Are there things you both enjoy doing? Is it possible to go hiking or biking together? Are there classes at your gym he may enjoy? Does he like weights?

    While reading your posts, I never thought you were degrading your husband or anything. I'm in a similar, but completely different situation. Had we never had very open, very vulnerable conversations about losing weight and working out and healthy living, I don't think we'd be as close as we are. Someone else mentioned it before, use that competitive streak to your advantage ;)
    Oh my goodness...relax, everyone. I am not the heartless shallow wife it seems some of you would have me be :wink:

    When I say poke fun, I mean I have done it once or twice since, I don't know, August/September-ish? We do it to each other, for those of you who asked. He was always very honest with me when I was getting out of shape and we ASK each other to be completely honest. However we are NOT hurtful about it, we joke (but understand that behind the joking is a bit of a serious comment) and we also encourage each other along the way!

    Also, to whomever asked, I want him to be in shape for himself, not because of me! Sure, I'm willing to admit there's a bit of a shallow bug in me that wants my old hubby back, but it's not my main cause for concern. He's been unhappy and making his OWN comments about being out of shape and though they are usually jokey, I think part of him wants to get back into shape but he just isn't quite there yet.

    Anyway, back to my main question, I'm simply wondering if there is anything someone has done as a couple that helped one partner to motivate the other? I like to run, and he does not (this comes from PTing CONSTANTLY) so that's out.

    So, I guess with all of that being cleared up, let me be absolutely clear that I am NOT in any way telling my husband what to do or when to do it, nor am I being insensitive. Thanks.

    Thanks to those who have provided me with helpful answers, sans judgement ;)
  • marber
    marber Posts: 118 Member
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    He has had a major life change. You said he mentions it jokingly himself.

    Could he be a little depressed after such a big life change. Even if it was what he wanted it can be a big shock to your system having such a change.
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member
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    I can only imagine what the replies would be if a wife's husband was on here complaining that his wife gained a few pounds and wasn't as hot as she once was.
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    He has had a major life change. You said he mentions it jokingly himself.

    Could he be a little depressed after such a big life change. Even if it was what he wanted it can be a big shock to your system having such a change.

    It's possible...I think he's in a bit of denial that his metabolism is changing, his job is not nearly as physical as before, etc. He's getting "older" (he is only 24, but to him, it's older) and I think he still believes very much that he is still 18 and can eat anything and do nothing and be tiny. I'd say there's probably a bit of a struggle with the lifestyle change, but he seems otherwise much happier now than he did in the Corps!
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member
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    Can we all assume that the cause of your interest in getting into shape was him making fun of you and poking at your rolls of fat?

    His 'payback' for poking her would be her poking him... not getting in shape. Please read the comment completely to avoid misunderstanding. :)

    I was talking to her, not replying to your comment. It seems like we had a very similar train of thought.
  • 3trees
    3trees Posts: 71 Member
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    A cautionary tale.
    My husband and I married 20 years ago. We were both young and fit. Four years later he broke his leg. It's never been the same and he can't exercise much without pain in his knee. With each of my pregnancies, he had a 'sympathetic pregnancy' but his weight didn't come off with delivery (not that all of mine did, but some did). The weight keeps creeping on. His mother is overweight and over 90 - so he's rationalized that his genetics will carry him through. Maybe they will. Occasionally he will try to lose weight - and succeed. But his heart/mind aren't really there, so he regains it.

    What I've learned over the past 15+ years is that the motivation must come from him. However, you might find a good hook. Once my husband competed in a 'biggest loser' competition for 12 weeks at our health club. He lost the most weight. He's competitive and he won. However, without the real desire to be fit, it didn't last. I don't know how to get someone to have their head in the right place - but without that, any weight loss is likely to be temporary.
  • samrockrocks
    samrockrocks Posts: 251 Member
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    I can only imagine what the replies would be if a wife's husband was on here complaining that his wife gained a few pounds and wasn't as hot as she once was.

    she asked for advice, not some snide comment about your false interpretation of what she said. Lexi isn't demeaning her husband by wanting him to be thinner. She wants him to be HEALTHY and she also slightly wants him to look like his sexy self again. What man or woman isn't at least that small amount of shallow?

    Lexi- Make it a competition. Make there be a reward in the end. Like that stupid colgate toothpaste commericial, haha. If you reach your goal before he reaches his you get a weekend out with the ladies and if he beats you he gets to go out with the boys... or something like that!
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    I can only imagine what the replies would be if a wife's husband was on here complaining that his wife gained a few pounds and wasn't as hot as she once was.

    she asked for advice, not some snide comment about your false interpretation of what she said. Lexi isn't demeaning her husband by wanting him to be thinner. She wants him to be HEALTHY and she also slightly wants him to look like his sexy self again. What man or woman isn't at least that small amount of shallow?

    Lexi- Make it a competition. Make there be a reward in the end. Like that stupid colgate toothpaste commericial, haha. If you reach your goal before he reaches his you get a weekend out with the ladies and if he beats you he gets to go out with the boys... or something like that!

    We are ALL that exact amount of shallow haha. Thanks Sam :)
  • AndreSF
    AndreSF Posts: 84 Member
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    If you enjoy working out, talk to your husband, see if he can support you by joining workouts with you...:) My wife and I have been working out together for the last 4 months or so, completed Beach Body P90 program and now half-way in P90X. I'm really enjoying sharing workout routines in the morning with my wife and I know she does too :) It helps a lot to share the dietary preferences too.
    Ridiculing your husband's love handles might only hurt your relationship IMO... not claiming to know everything about making relationships work, but we have been married for over 20 years...

    Good luck!

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