Angry and ashamed at your fat/pre-weight loss self?

numinousnymph
numinousnymph Posts: 249 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else feel like this? I've lost 67 lbs since my heaviest weight, and am at a perfectly good, healthy weight now, and I look on the slimmer side. I have much more self-confidence than I did when I was overweight. But looking at pictures of my "old" self angers and upsets me. I hate looking at myself like that. I feel ashamed to have ever looked like that and to think I was walking around looking like that. It horrifies me to think that that was what everyone saw when they looked at me. I'm also angry at my fat self because after all my hard work and frustration, I'm left with ugly, excess, wrinkled skin that I'll more than likely have to have surgery to remove (yes, even with a loss of just shy of 70 lbs I'm certain I will still need surgery to get rid of loose skin, despite people saying it takes much more weight loss before you'll need skin removal). I gained all of my weight from the time I was seven to the time I was fifteen (started on and off losing weight after that point), so I didn't really understand about the concept of calories in vs. calories out and how how much (and the kind of food) I was eating was making me gain weight. But despite that, I can't stand looking at pictures of me as a fat kid, fat teen, fat adult. Even though I look very different and better now, I still feel embarrassed if someone sees me when I was fat. When I get compliments on how much weight I've lost and how good I look it just reminds me about how fat I used to be.

Sometimes, I feel like my fat self is a ghost that haunts me. :frown:
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Replies

  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Oh yes I get it. I think this about myself sometimes too but if I ever say it out loud my husband gets onto to me. He is always telling me how much he wished I loved myself as much as he loves me. He tells me to not talk bad about his Amy when I see an old pic of myself come up on the slideshow on our computer. He is right. IT is what it is. I know it back then but was in denial. I don't purposely post my before pics on facebook hardly because it means I have to admit to people I was so big. But ... its whatever. You are not going to be that bigger you anymore so embrace your past so that you can look forward to your future. :flowerforyou:
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I still love my fat self. I feel like 'she' was an awesome person, just clueless about calories in/calories out and proper food choices. In fact I feel sorry for 'her' because I remember how hard she worked at dieting and exercising while doing it all wrong.

    I'm not ashamed at all. I love who I was then and who I am now.
  • weightliftingaddict
    weightliftingaddict Posts: 28
    I don't feel angry or ashamed. My old pics are motivation, if anything, to keep pushing forward. The biggest difference is not necessarily what I see in the mirror, but how I now feel. Being healthy is priceless! And becoming healthy is something to be proud of. Love the lessons you have learned and love yourself.
  • weightliftingaddict
    weightliftingaddict Posts: 28
    Thumbs up seltzermint
  • brookielaw
    brookielaw Posts: 814 Member
    No, not angry or ashamed, but I do feel sorry for the old me, because she couldn't have handled even half of the cool adventures I've been having lately!
  • Mariachicat
    Mariachicat Posts: 311 Member
    I still love my fat self. I feel like 'she' was an awesome person, just clueless about calories in/calories out and proper food choices. In fact I feel sorry for 'her' because I remember how hard she worked at dieting and exercising while doing it all wrong.

    I'm not ashamed at all. I love who I was then and who I am now.

    ^^This.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    I still love my fat self. I feel like 'she' was an awesome person, just clueless about calories in/calories out and proper food choices. In fact I feel sorry for 'her' because I remember how hard she worked at dieting and exercising while doing it all wrong.

    I'm not ashamed at all. I love who I was then and who I am now.

    While never having been over weight....
    I feel the same way....

    Having actually done some reading, and listening, it is amazing at how easy it can be be if you are willing to learn, educate and apply things....
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  • jillian_fan2425
    jillian_fan2425 Posts: 167 Member
    I don't really like looking at photos of myself at my highest weight, and I wasn't proud of having reached that number on the scale, but I don't feel angry. That girl was dealing with a lot of stress and hadn't yet found a way to cope with all that she was juggling. It was kind of a dark time for me, but I emerged from it stronger and I think it was important because I learned a lot about myself. Instead of focusing on the past, I try to focus on how my new body and my newfound courage tell the story of who I have become, and I feel excited when I think about reaching new goals (including my goal weight) in the future.
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  • jolarocknrolla
    jolarocknrolla Posts: 236 Member
    Nope the fat me and the non-fat me are the same person. We both had/have the same drive and determination to succeed ... if anything I'm grateful for my "fat" photos, they keep me humble and motivated and help me remember why I'm doing this.
  • lalepepper
    lalepepper Posts: 447 Member
    By this point I've had enough time to reflect and make improvements where I realize that I was coping the best way I knew how. If anything, I feel some pity for my old self for not having the knowledge to avoid getting so heavy in the first place. At the same time, I have forgiven myself for the behaviors that landed me at 293 lbs. I feel that anger and resentment toward myself would only serve to continue to hold me back. Pessimism, shame and depression helped me gain the weight, and hope and optimism have helped me lose it.

    I realize now that the habits that led me to gain all that weight go a lot farther than just eating too much - I had a disordered relationship with food and a lack of real tools to handle my problems. I can empathize with why I ate the way I did and allowed myself to get so fat. Now I'm much stronger and well informed because I've addressed the underlying issues that I was eating to handle.

    Yeah, I admit that I was weak and misinformed, and lacked a lot of foresight, but I've moved past that. I can't ask for much more than to live and learn, and try to live better. I have become a much more optimistic and enthusiastic person since losing weight, and refuse to let negative self-speak bring me back to where I started.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Angry? No. Ashamed? Not really.

    More just embarrassed and a little horrified when I look at fat pictures of myself. And determined like hell to never get back to that place!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Thumbs up seltzermint

    Thanks!

    I do wanna add a disclaimer that I don't feel others are *wrong* for feeling differently...actually I am very happy and oddly grateful that I don't hate myself -- now or at any previous time.
  • Chevy_Quest
    Chevy_Quest Posts: 2,012 Member
    I still love my fat self. I feel like 'she' was an awesome person, just clueless about calories in/calories out and proper food choices. In fact I feel sorry for 'her' because I remember how hard she worked at dieting and exercising while doing it all wrong.

    I'm not ashamed at all. I love who I was then and who I am now.

    ^^This - Fantastic and right on!
    @Selzer - great post!

    And just to add.. when I see myself from before I see a person who just did not have as much knowledge as I do now.

    Also when I see myself from before I get really proud of what I have been able to accomplish and what I will accomplish in the future. So... I see myself in the "past" as the "starting" line and I revel and celebrate how far I have come! :drinker:
  • waltcote
    waltcote Posts: 372 Member
    I don't have a lot of old pics but I am amazed how I looked. And i am proud of what I have accomplished! Can't change the past just learn from it and try to keep improving. :bigsmile:
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    I haven't reached my goal weight, but I don't feel that way at all.

    Life happens. You have a history. Everyone has a history. Yours included a time in which you were fat. That past time is part of what makes you "you", now.

    It sounds like you learned a lot about how painful social exclusion can be, because for you fat was a barrier between you and other people.

    You can apply that experience to your world now as a thin person. You see a fat person, you have empathy for their situation, and maybe knowledge that can help them if they experience fat as a problem and are ready to ask for help. But you can also have empathy for others who might feel excluded--the handicapped, the shy (who may feel as socially insecure as you did at high weight), the immigrant...anyone who lacks social confidence. You know that feeling. You can relate to that feeling.

    Being fat wasn't shameful. It was a learning experience. Use your memories of being fat to be a better "you" now--give your past suffering some meaning and use.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    At my heaviest weight, I was 36 pounds more than I am today. Still, that was when I first dated my husband. At my wedding, I was 25 pounds heavier than I am today. I still love those pictures and think I looked beautiful. But that probably has more to do with the happiness that's evident on my face and less to do with my size.

    So no, I'm not angry or ashamed at the size I used to be. I think I emanated confidence and satisfaction in my appearance at all points in my life, and the fact that it shows up in pictures makes me smile.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I plan to burn all my fat photos except for one.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I am not angry because I had to find ways to deal and comfort myself rather than eat. Now I can help others which is very fulfilling. I am proud of myself for getting my weight down. I have had to learn to set boundaries with myself and tell myself No. I have had to learn I can get thru tough stuff without all that food and find out who I really am. I have learned I can make changes and get my self respect back. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol, I turned to food. I think we cope with stress anyway we can until we find better ways, problem solving, exercise.
  • Lives2Travel
    Lives2Travel Posts: 682 Member
    Angry or ashamed, no. Sad that I wasted YEARS not doing things because of my weight, yes.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    I am not angry because I had to find ways to deal and comfort myself rather than eat. Now I can help others which is very fulfilling. I am proud of myself for getting my weight down. I have had to learn to set boundaries with myself and tell myself No. I have had to learn I can get thru tough stuff without all that food and find out who I really am. I have learned I can make changes and get my self respect back. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol, I turned to food. I think we cope with stress anyway we can until we find better ways, problem solving, exercise.

    This.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    My fat(er) self made the decision to improve. My fat(er) self was just as awesome as my current less-fat self. Why would I beat myself up over the fact that I had a very real struggle with something for 40 years but I did not give up. Even when I was fat(er) wasn't ashamed of my struggle with my weight despite the fact that many people thought I should be.
  • Chevy_Quest
    Chevy_Quest Posts: 2,012 Member
    I am not angry because I had to find ways to deal and comfort myself rather than eat. Now I can help others which is very fulfilling. I am proud of myself for getting my weight down. I have had to learn to set boundaries with myself and tell myself No. I have had to learn I can get thru tough stuff without all that food and find out who I really am. I have learned I can make changes and get my self respect back. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol, I turned to food. I think we cope with stress anyway we can until we find better ways, problem solving, exercise.

    This.
    +2
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Not angry or ashamed but it's more like I am disappointed in my former self. I wasted a lot of time making unhealthy food and exercise choices while feeling bad about myself. From my mid 20s until now. Now I'm 38--middle aged!--and it's a hell of a hole to dig out of. Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun and I'm happy with my results so far. I just wish I hadn't waited so long.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
    I don't think I am angry or ashamed. I look back and wish I would have gotten motivated to lose the weight sooner. Mainly because I do more active things now that I missed. I still look at the old pictures for motivations...sometimes when I am down on myself, they remind me of how far I have come and how hard I worked to get her. I also look at them to remind myself I don't want to go back there. I will still show people a before and after picture when a subject of weight loss comes up.
  • gardnerkennedy
    gardnerkennedy Posts: 69 Member
    Yes, both angry and ashamed. There are reasons for my weight gain (depression, general unhappiness) but there's really no excuse. I am angry and ashamed I let myself slide so far and did not love myself enough to take care of my body.

    A couple of years ago I realized I was tired of being fat and got serious about losing, but only recently felt the acute urgency that I did not want to spend one more day of my life overweight.

    I had occasion to look through some photos of myself at my absolute heaviest a few weeks ago and looked at them ruefully, realizing I have wasted years being overweight and dealing with all the bull**** it brings along with it.

    Now that I am losing, I feel better in many ways. The path is long and difficult, but I am on it and living life more fully.
  • alice_schmalice
    alice_schmalice Posts: 283 Member
    Guilt and shame are very different. I am guilty of all of the self sabotaging things I've done to contribute to being unhealthy. - which INCLUDES shaming myself into making a change. Am I ashamed now? No. Shame means there is something fundamentally wrong with ME, shame says "who cares, you're going to fail anyway, just eat that junk." Shame says "you're worthless, you're a mistake." Guilt says "well you made unhealthy choices, what will you do about it?"

    Love yourself at all stages, otherwise you may decide you don't care again and go back to being unhealthy.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    My fat(er) self made the decision to improve. My fat(er) self was just as awesome as my current less-fat self. Why would I beat myself up over the fact that I had a very real struggle with something for 40 years but I did not give up. Even when I was fat(er) wasn't ashamed of my struggle with my weight despite the fact that many people thought I should be.

    Absolutely this. I'm the same person, just smaller. I'm not ashamed of me now, so why should I be ashamed of me then? I spent those years building a career, having my daughter and doing a ton of other things.
  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,007 Member
    Angry, check
    Ashamed, check
    Sad, check
    Embarassed, check

    I used to be 100lbs heavier than my ticker says. Actually more than that. I look at the few old pix of me and feel so many emotions.
    I will not ever go back there.

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