"Big Guy"

Great_Mazinga
Great_Mazinga Posts: 214 Member
in Motivation and Support
A co-worker greeted me with "good morning big man" this morning. Another regularly says something similar with "Big guy". I don't think they mean anything by it. They're generally some of the nicer folks here, but it still feels like "fatty", or worse. I don't greet them with "good morning baldy / four eyes / shorty / etc." Maybe I should start retorting? ;p Why do people think they can/should address you this way? Anyone else deal with this? What about the ladies? I've never heard anyone sincerely greet a woman as a "Big Girl".

I've lost 91lbs! Can't I get some credit!?

Edit: I'm 5`11", long torso, short legs, never reach an official BMI of normal, as such. I probably am too sensitive. :/

Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Yeah...that sucks, and there is definitely a huge double standard at play. Greeting a woman as "Hey Big Girl!" could probably get someone fired, whereas for men it's regarded by some as a complimentary "men are supposed to be all big n' strong" attitude... and therefore, becomes a big grey area :-/

    I understand that you aren't taking it THAT seriously like wanting to file an HR complaint or anything...hehe. But I can still see where it would be offensive.

    I think some people forget that men are often sensitive about their body image, too.

    Personally, I think it sounds pretty dumb and would never call a male over age 4 or 5 "big guy".
  • 6ftamazon
    6ftamazon Posts: 340 Member
    Are you tall? It might not necessarily be your weight that they're referring to. I mean, I'm 6 feet, and even when I was thin, I'd get similar comments because I was so tall.

    Regardless, I don't think they mean any harm, and if their comments do bother you, you can kindly tell them.

    Awesome job on the loss btw :).
  • Nojoke81
    Nojoke81 Posts: 131
    I've had that all of my life. I was tall and lanky as a kid but became big as hell when I moved out and started managing my own foods, whilst at all of the sizes in between I've been called big.

    I never really thought about it, however the fact that I've always be referred to as 'big' doesn't bother me at all.

    There are far worse things a man can be described as.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think ^ she's possibly onto something!! Height may be part of it too...I was just thinking about this...most of the guys I've been with (long term relationships, ex and my husband) have gotten "big guy" and "big man" comments frequently, and didn't really seem to mind or just kind of took it in stride. But most of them, overweight or not, were well over 6 ft. The only one who was bothered by these comments was my ex husband who was around 5'10" and morbidly obese. I truly do think some of the people who called him "big man" or "big guy" DID think of him as tall...especially some of his employees who were high school & college guys way way shorter and smaller, and they said that almost as a term of respect because he was their boss.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    it means nothing. its like calling someone boss or chief, i call my friends "big guy" all the time and they are all smaller than me, its just like one of those names that applies to everyone

    doesnt have anything to do with fat, in fact the only people that i avoid calling big guy would be larger folks for this very reason
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    They probably see it as a compliment, because men generally want to be big. Women generally want to be small, so calling a woman "big girl" or a man "little guy" are both demeaning. I don't think there is a double standard, there's just a difference in what each gender generally idealizes, everyone knows it, so it's aholish to call a member of one sex the opposite of that sexes' ideal.
  • MeLanceUppercut
    MeLanceUppercut Posts: 116 Member
    Yeah I get that sometimes too. I don't think folks really mean anything by it. BUT people should consider their colloquialisms. You called an overweight person big guy, and they may take it wrong. It would be like calling an amputee, "Stubby."
  • cardinalsfootball
    cardinalsfootball Posts: 167 Member
    I think about 3/4 of the time it's innocent or mostly innocent, and about 1/4 of the time it is some <expletive> just using a double meaning word to insult someone fat. I'm 5'10" and would get it when I was in my mid 200's weight. I would probably hear it 10 times per year from various people, mostly in service industry.

    Frankly, I was NEVER sensitive about my weight, really, except on the occasions when someone said that.

    I do think it's not an expression that should be used except by close friends.

    To demonstrate that it's not just a word said to anyone, in the 18 months since I lost most of my weight, there have been ZERO instances of that expression being used.
  • Ftw37
    Ftw37 Posts: 386 Member
    A co-worker greeted me with "good morning big man" this morning. Another regularly says something similar with "Big guy". I don't think they mean anything by it. They're generally some of the nicer folks here, but it still feels like "fatty", or worse. I don't greet them with "good morning baldy / four eyes / shorty / etc." Maybe I should start retorting? ;p Why do people think they can/should address you this way? Anyone else deal with this? What about the ladies? I've never heard anyone sincerely greet a woman as a "Big Girl".

    I've lost 91lbs! Can't I get some credit!?

    Edit: I'm 5`11", long torso, short legs, never reach an official BMI of normal, as such. I probably am too sensitive. :/

    I *hate* being called "big guy". But as I lose weight I've been getting it less and less.

    I actually look forward to being pointed out as "that old guy over there" or "that guy over there in the sneakers" or even "that ugly guy."

    Better than "big guy."

    Frank
  • Nojoke81
    Nojoke81 Posts: 131
    I think about 3/4 of the time it's innocent or mostly innocent, and about 1/4 of the time it is some <expletive> just using a double meaning word to insult someone fat. I'm 5'10" and would get it when I was in my mid 200's weight. I would probably hear it 10 times per year from various people, mostly in service industry.

    Frankly, I was NEVER sensitive about my weight, really, except on the occasions when someone said that.

    I do think it's not an expression that should be used except by close friends.

    To demonstrate that it's not just a word said to anyone, in the 18 months since I lost most of my weight, there have been ZERO instances of that expression being used.

    I don't believe any word to an individual is JUST a word. However I don't think that most instances indicate demonstrable maliciousness.

    I've had it since I was a skinny 10 year old, simply because I was tall for my class, for instance.
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    I wouldn't worry about it. They're probably used to the old you and haven't adjusted their "autopilot" response when they see you yet based on your new weight and size. I'm sure as you continue losing weight and get healthier they'll drop that response. Who cares what they think anyway, they're just co-workers.

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