Friends who tell you you don't need to lose weight

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  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    It makes them feel better if they aren't eating the fried food and drinking beer by themselves.

    This. I never told anyone I was focusing on getting healthy (just one part of which is losing the lard), but it's amazing (a) how people notice - when honestly I only notice the number on the scales and the change in clothes size, (b) how people automatically assume you actually want their "input" and (c) how they assume I don't eat anything or spend 20 hours a day working out, and feel they are entitled to accompany this with sometimes snarky comments (which I ignore).

    I've never commented on anyone else's appearance. It's just not something I've ever done. I wish others would have the courtesy to do the same with me, but then, I can't change the world, just myself.
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 380 Member
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    I have only just edged into a healthy BMI and I get this a lot.

    As others have touched upon: 1) they don't see me naked; 2) they have a distorted idea of what a healthy weight is these days; 3) there may well be some jealousy there, if not about actual weight, then about them wanting to eat healthier but not managing to i.e. you being so committed may be making them feel inferior. This could be subconscious rather than outright malice.

    And I'm going to add 4) they are used to you being a certain size and people are generally not very good at 'change'. I always think if I were introduced to these people for the first time at the size I am now, would they think to themselves 'well, she looks unhealthily thin'? No, they wouldn't, far from it.

    Keep doing your thing.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
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    I get this a lot, I lost 130 pounds in a little over a year. I have gained about 20 back a year ago and decided I wanted to re-lose it. The people that were my best cheerleaders no say, "I can't tell you have gained it back, I wouldn't worry about it, you look great" They don't mean any harm, but it drives me crazy. I am like you in that I still go out, have fun, enjoy a few beers and the occasional fried food or pizza fest. They honestly don't give me trouble about that and tell me to enjoy more, so really it is more my problem, so I ignore it and know I am doing it for myself, but it just gets to you sometimes. All I can say, is keep working at it and do it for yourself
  • Sweetvirgo63
    Sweetvirgo63 Posts: 119 Member
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    Some people really hate it when their friends do something to get healthier and fitter and the biggest reason is because you end up looking and feeling better than they do and that ticks them off; that's why they prefer you to stay the way you are [it's their way of feeling good about themselves]. Do it for yourself regardless of how your friends react. It's your health you're looking after, not theirs. Good for you on doing the right thing for yourself!
  • misscem94
    misscem94 Posts: 114 Member
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    I had this when I'd lost about 35 pounds. I was still overweight (I had a BMI of 27, there or thereabouts), and I think it was down to two things. The first, the people who were saying this had only ever known me as obese, and the second, people will just compare what you look like to the norm, whether that is healthy or not.

    Just push on through. I did, and now all I get mostly positive comments from family and friends. I get the odd "You're really skinny now/Are you ill/Don't become anorexic" comment from distant relatives, but if you carry on with your journey, you should start to see a decease in these comments. i hope so anyway!
  • xo_jenny
    xo_jenny Posts: 15 Member
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    I find this happening to me sometimes and my favorite strategy for re-directing the conversation is to change the way I represent my goals to my friends and loved ones.

    It's hard not to share my habit changes with them as it is pretty noticeable in social settings that I am eating different, drinking less, making workouts a priority, etc. but instead of telling them "I'm trying to lose weight" (which is undoubtedly met with "You don't need to lose weight!") I make my goal more specific, "I am training for a 10K, doing the 30 day shred, want to see my abs for the first time," etc. and then they seem to be more understanding that I need to fuel myself a certain way in order to meet my goals. They usually seem more receptive to a concrete goal than just a generic "I'm trying to lose weight."

    Good luck to you! xx
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    I just looked up some stats--about 1/3 of Americans are obese, and about 2/3 are either overweight or obese.

    So "normal" these days is overweight.

    Your friends probably just have the wrong idea about what healthy weight looks like.

    When in doubt, go by the numbers. BMI & fat %.
  • funfang
    funfang Posts: 200 Member
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    I also get that time to time, my co-workers were telling me that I am "disappearing". I just told them I haven't have my breakfast yet... The other lady one day said to me, OMG, you are loosing so much weight, you make me look like a fat person! I smiled at her and said, oh you are not but I was really thinking " then get your *kitten* to the gym!"

    I am sure some people were just amazed and meant to compliment you, but I also think when you are loosing weight or being healthy, you reminded them that they are "not" ( rather eating healthy or excise ) so they say those things to make themselves feel better....

    Just keep going, ignore those people, give them a nice friendly smile and don't be bothered.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
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    I find this happening to me sometimes and my favorite strategy for re-directing the conversation is to change the way I represent my goals to my friends and loved ones.

    It's hard not to share my habit changes with them as it is pretty noticeable in social settings that I am eating different, drinking less, making workouts a priority, etc. but instead of telling them "I'm trying to lose weight" (which is undoubtedly met with "You don't need to lose weight!") I make my goal more specific, "I am training for a 10K, doing the 30 day shred, want to see my abs for the first time," etc. and then they seem to be more understanding that I need to fuel myself a certain way in order to meet my goals. They usually seem more receptive to a concrete goal than just a generic "I'm trying to lose weight."

    Good luck to you! xx

    That is a better way to go about it and I usually am training or working towards a fitness goal of some sort. The only time I really need to explain to anyone though is when I skip a happy hour to go work out.
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,222 MFP Moderator
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    Friends who tell me I don't need to lose weight...don't see me naked.
    :laugh:

    So totally this!

    My MIL visited this last weekend, and informed me that I needed to stop losing weight. Which I initially took for a compliment until my hubby told me that she had gone to him and told him he needed to make me stop losing. Makes me crazy. No one cares if you're over weight, but get to a healthy place and suddenly people worry that you're becoming anorexic. Grrrr. Makes me want to do 2 things - lose an extra 5 pounds to spite here, and strip off my clothes and ask her if she still thinks I'm too thin. LOL!
  • kbh1218
    kbh1218 Posts: 7
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    It makes them feel better if they aren't eating the fried food and drinking beer by themselves.


    ^^Bingo. Just what I was going to say.
  • Snail_Whale
    Snail_Whale Posts: 21 Member
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    I don't have any friends so it's not a problem ;-)

    Ditto, lol.



    I just don't say anything to family, either. They don't need to know.
  • missemmibelle
    missemmibelle Posts: 100 Member
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    Sometimes losing a significant amount of weight is like starting a family, traveling as a hobby or rooting for the Cowboys.

    Your relationships change along with your waistline.
  • Anita4548
    Anita4548 Posts: 39 Member
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    Oh my god. I get this response all the time!! It is really truly annoying. However I never listen to them anyway :) Good luck with your weight loss !!
  • ekat120
    ekat120 Posts: 407 Member
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    I don't have any friends so it's not a problem ;-)

    Ha! This!

    It took me a lot of time and yo-yoing to stop caring what other people think about my weight. My body is my business. Now I'm pretty good about letting it go in one ear and out the other.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    (snip)

    And we're not supposed to respond to someone saying they're on a weight loss plan with, "Yeah, I wasn't going to mention it, but you were getting pretty chubby there, tubby!" So it's the tried and true response to reassure each other that no, we don't need to lose weight, even when we do!

    This is my take on it too. We're conditioned to say certain things - like if someone says "hi, how are you", you say "fine, how are you". This isn't necessarily an honest answer, you could be having a completely ****e day but you say "fine" because that's brief and polite and the other person really doesn't care, they're just asking to be nice.

    So when you say "No thanks, I can't have another beer, I'm still trying to lose weight', they say "oh, don't be silly, you look great!' because the alternative is not only telling you the truth (I wondered when you were going to lose that last 20 pounds) or even worse, facing their own reality (holy crap, I should probably stop drinking too, my pants are getting tight).

    And I also agree with you OP, it may be that, if they knew you when you were heavier, you look a lot better so it's a bit of a compliment. I'm kind of in that same boat. After losing so much, I know I look better than I did but I also know I've got 20 more pounds to lose to get to a technically healthy weight. And I've also learned that one more beer or just a little cake will lead to more and that's a slippery slope.

    The solution is to stop mentioning weight, calories, etc. Just say "no thanks, I'm all set" or "no thanks, I'm full". In situations where you're being pressured about food, you could even go over the top and be like "oh my gosh, it was sooo good and I am soo full. Really, I couldn't eat another bite but thank you so much!" They're be so flattered, they'll leave you be.
  • babbyb1
    babbyb1 Posts: 66 Member
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    I just keep in mind that the fact of being overweight and over bmi will lead me to an early death via stroke or heart attack. Most people cant judge what a healthy weight should look like because obesity and being overweight is on the rise. Those people also don't realize that just by losing ten lbs, it will greatly reduce your risks of developing diabetes or if you already have it: will be on the path of getting rid of it, reduce high blood pressure, and add years to your life. Not to mention the energy and confidence I have gained from losing. They aren't in your brain when you are standing in front of the mirror, on the scale or at your doctors so unless they are some type of health experts then don't listen to them. Just smile and nod and change the subject. Only talk about your weightloss endeavors with supportive people. It could be a bit of jealousy on their part as well. You never know how people think. Don't let others lead you off your path to success. Stay strong. Do this for your health and your peace of mind.

    All of this. Do what is best for YOU.
  • babbyb1
    babbyb1 Posts: 66 Member
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    Friends who tell me I don't need to lose weight...don't see me naked.
    :laugh:

    So totally this!

    My MIL visited this last weekend, and informed me that I needed to stop losing weight. Which I initially took for a compliment until my hubby told me that she had gone to him and told him he needed to make me stop losing. Makes me crazy. No one cares if you're over weight, but get to a healthy place and suddenly people worry that you're becoming anorexic. Grrrr. Makes me want to do 2 things - lose an extra 5 pounds to spite here, and strip off my clothes and ask her if she still thinks I'm too thin. LOL!

    "My weight loss is monitored by me and my physician. When my physician thinks that I am at my proper weight, then I will go from a weight loss cycle to a maintenance one. But thanks for your concern."

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