people commenting on weight loss in a negative way
joanna_82
Posts: 151 Member
In the last few weeks, I've had a couple of people say to me things along the lines of 'are you still losing weight', 'you've lost more weight' 'god you must have lost a couple of stone by now' etc
I don't like it. AT ALL. I don't feel anyone has the right to comment on your shape/size/weight unless you invite them to. I also don't understand why people are seeing this as a bad thing, and also almost making me feel I shouldn't be doing it, as if it personally offends them somehow.
Why do people feel the need?
To be clear, I'm 5ft7 and started out at 180 pounds, now 168 and to get to the top end of a healthy BMI i still have another 7 pounds to lose.
I'm starting to wonder whether I should keep on losing if this is just going to mean more comments from people around me.
I'm healthy, I know I am healthy. I'm an active person with sports related hobbies and for the first time in my life I feel like I have control over my own body. But nobody else sees it that way.
Rant over. I'm doing this for me. And I know I'm eating enough calories, I'm making good choices and I am not binge eating. This to me is AMAZING.
I don't like it. AT ALL. I don't feel anyone has the right to comment on your shape/size/weight unless you invite them to. I also don't understand why people are seeing this as a bad thing, and also almost making me feel I shouldn't be doing it, as if it personally offends them somehow.
Why do people feel the need?
To be clear, I'm 5ft7 and started out at 180 pounds, now 168 and to get to the top end of a healthy BMI i still have another 7 pounds to lose.
I'm starting to wonder whether I should keep on losing if this is just going to mean more comments from people around me.
I'm healthy, I know I am healthy. I'm an active person with sports related hobbies and for the first time in my life I feel like I have control over my own body. But nobody else sees it that way.
Rant over. I'm doing this for me. And I know I'm eating enough calories, I'm making good choices and I am not binge eating. This to me is AMAZING.
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Replies
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I always wondered that myself.....it's really none of their business..I equate it to people rubbing a pregnant woman's belly..WTF...
As for them saying you are fine...and don't need to lose more that is because they are used to you the other way.
We are the same stats and when I joined MFP I was 178...started at 205...
I set my first goal at 165...hit that...yah no wasn't where I wanted to be and knew I could do more.
2nd goal was 155...hit that and feel good...but I do continue to lose a bit here and there. Thinking of 145 as my Ultimate goal weight...but we will see.
My son did say I was getting "too small"...but he's used to "chubby mom"...
As long as you are eating enough and doing it in a healthy manner it is none of their business...
And I am with you..this is freakin' amazing...I never thought I would ever be this small again...I am smaller than when I was in the military...I am smaller than I was in High school (I weight more but I am smaller)0 -
Maybe you are right, its that they are used to seeing me like I was before and now suddenly I've changed and they can't quite see it.
One of the people that comments is my best friend. She knows that I had a massive binge eating problem and I feel like she should be proud of me for finally conquering it. It has taken me years of failed attempts to kick it and I'm so glad about it. I wish she could see it from my view, that I've ditched a habit that made me so unhappy.
I also don't feel comfortable telling people that the only reason I've lost weight really is because I've stopped stuffing my face with chocolate, biscuits and crisps on a daily basis!!!!!0 -
You don't owe ANYONE any kind of explanation at all! Sorry you're getting negative responses for something you've done so positive. Ignore it! You KNOW you are doing the right thing. Perhaps your "friend" is jealous? I say "friend" because if she's not truly happy for you then she is NOT your friend. People are weird...Maybe you are right, its that they are used to seeing me like I was before and now suddenly I've changed and they can't quite see it.
One of the people that comments is my best friend. She knows that I had a massive binge eating problem and I feel like she should be proud of me for finally conquering it. It has taken me years of failed attempts to kick it and I'm so glad about it. I wish she could see it from my view, that I've ditched a habit that made me so unhappy.
I also don't feel comfortable telling people that the only reason I've lost weight really is because I've stopped stuffing my face with chocolate, biscuits and crisps on a daily basis!!!!!0 -
You are absolutely right. It's no one's business but your own (i.e., how much you weigh, how much weight you lost, etc...). Sometimes people speak before doing a check on what they're about to say. Chalk it up to just not thinking before speaking and let it slide like water running off a duck's back. The only person you have to please is YOU. You're doing an amazing job!0
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I have gotten that since I was half through my weight loss and back then I was obesity still. Even now I get called names stick, skinny minny, if you turn sideways you will disappear, etc. etc....used to bother me, some of these name calling were from relatives/family. Now I just do what I want to do, my hubby is happy, my doctor is happy with my weight loss and that is all that matters!!!0
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Do what YOU want to do, who cares what anyone else thinks! It's your body and your life so it's your choice!0
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Maybe you are right, its that they are used to seeing me like I was before and now suddenly I've changed and they can't quite see it.
One of the people that comments is my best friend. She knows that I had a massive binge eating problem and I feel like she should be proud of me for finally conquering it. It has taken me years of failed attempts to kick it and I'm so glad about it. I wish she could see it from my view, that I've ditched a habit that made me so unhappy.
I also don't feel comfortable telling people that the only reason I've lost weight really is because I've stopped stuffing my face with chocolate, biscuits and crisps on a daily basis!!!!!
Yah I hear you there...the one that comments the most to me is my own sister...
When I was bigger it was "you need to lose weight to find a good looking man" or "He will always go for bigger girls look who his mother is" about my son liking "stocky" girls...or "you think you are smaller than you really are"
and now it's things like
"you think you are smaller than you are"..still...:noway: to "you think you are an expert, well you aren't, I know how to lose weight" to " of course he will like bigger women, his mother was big all his life" to my son who likes bigger girls...
Or friends telling me I lost my hips...or my shoulders are too big now (I lift)
I just smile...friends can be like that...esp when you aren't the "fat" one anymore...0 -
My family has had a harder time with my weight loss that I could have imagined. They only knew me overweight (for the most part) and seeing me at below 130 still shocks them. My goal is 120... 8 lbs to go and I am doing it in a very healthy way. I eat well, exercise right, still have PLENTY of fat on my body... except in my boobs but I have let that go.
I am doing this for me. I love who I have become... stronger (emotionally, mentally physically), more confident, and happier in my own skin for the first time in my life. So I focus on that and I try NOT to discuss weight loss, eat habits and such with the family. It is what it is!0 -
I don't know why comments would make you doubt whether or not to continue losing weight.
YOU feel good. What else matters?0 -
Thank you for such lovely responses!
It is very strange, and I don't know if anyone else has come across this feeling, but I almost feel like I am losing my 'shell' and a normal woman is emerging rather than a scared and unhappy girl hiding behind food. I almost feel like I am starting to live again. And given that feeling there is no way that I'm giving up on it because of what anyone else thinks.
I've decided the next time my best friend says something I am going to tell her it makes me uncomfortable. She lost a lot of weight for her wedding and has had anorexia in the past so maybe she isn't quite the person to discuss weight with!
My other best friend sent me a message that just said YAY when I told her I was finally under 12 stone. Thats the support i need!
:-)0 -
I'm female, 56 and have been overweight and yo-yo dieting since I was 19. The thing that has always irritated me is people's constant reference to "what men like" and the underlying assumption that I am losing weight to "get a man" or to "keep a man" etc. When I mentioned to a colleague that I was dieting, she said I "need not worry" about my weight because "some men like bigger women". She didn't care about the strain on my joints or my heart, all that mattered was some random, strange men and what turns them on. Grrrr! Another female colleague informed me that girls of my size should not wear trousers as they showed how big my thighs were, so I should wear long skirts that covered up my legs! Damned cheek!
Once, when my motorbike broke down I was examining it by the roadside when another biker stopped to help me. As he got on his bike to leave his parting remark was that if I lost weight I might be able to find a boyfriend, who would maintain my bike for me! When I got home and told my boyfriend about this, he laughed, but I was absolutely fuming at the man's assumptions and all the social conditioning behind it.
It really made/ makes my blood boil that these people's underlying belief is that women exist solely as eye candy for men, and to conform to what men find attractive. The thought that people think I am dieting in order to mould myself, to conform to a social norm that men find "sexy" literally makes my flesh creep. I'm doing this for me, for the sake of my health and mobility.
The ironic thing is, it isn't even true. All the time I've been dieting and suffering these comments from strangers, acquaintances and colleagues, I've been in a long term relationship with a man (not the same man). I have several times met someone new and started a long term relationship with him, even though I was over 20 stones. What is more, not one of my LT boyfriends ever went off me for getting fat, left me because I was fat, or told me to go on a diet, so those making remarks were completely and utterly wrong, anyway! Grrr!0 -
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I get that too, everyone I haven't seen for a while says oh gosh you lost loads of weight and I am like not I haven't lost that much. It really got to me the other day and I had a cry but at the moment I have gall stones and can't eat anything fatty even on a treat day so I think people see me not eating anything other than salad for lunch and just assume I am on a strict diet to lose weight (I still wanna lose some weight/body fat I am almost to where I wanna be).
I think my prob is I need to stop caring what others think and do what I want as long as I am healthy and happy that's all that matters ????0 -
As I was losing, I constantly was asked how much I had lost. Constantly asked. I got very irritated that people who never had a reason to speak to me before now felt the need to know a number.
I came up with an answer that politely and obliquely told them it was non of their business. The conversation would go like this:
OP: Hey Bluefish! How much weight have you lost?
Me: 2 pounds!
OP <puzzled look> Nawwww, you've had to have lost more than two pounds.
Me: Nope! I lost two pounds. Don't know where they went. There rest of them I left on the gym floor!
Rarely did they push for a real number.
As I reached the -200 mark, I started to let the number out by changing the last line to: The other 198 I left on the gym floor.
Then in both situations, I changed the topic to something like "How would you like to join me doing the next 5K?"
Most of them change the topic completely and/or end the conversation. One time someone said yes to the 5K and I made a new friend.0 -
Apparently I'm 'skinny' or 'fading away'! I'm 5'6" and 179lbs so its fair to say that I'm neither of these things. People look askance when I still have another 25-30lbs to lose. I think its because a)I was so big that I look really small to them now and b)Most people are carrying a few pounds extra so don't seem to know what a healthy weight looks like. I know the vast majority who pass comment mean it in a supportive/ well done kind of way as they are very supportive of my running etc, but it does sometimes get a bit irritating.0
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I'm 5'5" and 238 pounds and even I have had people tell me that I don't need to lose any more weight. I think it's just because people are so used to seeing me at 340-360 pounds that it's such a shocking change and they can't imagine me any thinner. I just try to be patient with them because I know that the majority are very well meaning.0
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The people in our lives all have roles. They all fit in because of qualities they have, or qualities they bring out in us. We all put people, consciously or otherwise, into zones and we selfishly want them to stay there. When something happens to challenge those relationships it can really unsettle people. Weight loss is a classic example of this, it doesn't have to even be the 'fat friend' thing, even if your weight has no bearing what-so-ever on your relationship with that person fat loss is a visual representation that your mindset has changed.
People just don't like that, we never have and we never will, the stronger the reaction perhaps the more "needed" you are by others? That said this is their problem which they are vocalizing onto you, that's not right. You have enough to deal with with your own goals and progress, if your shape no longer fits their puzzle in the same way that it did it's up to them to re position you in that picture.0 -
Try going through your life with a constant stream of "Wow, how tall are you?" "Do you play basketball?" "How's the weather up there?" and similar comments.
People comment. Get over it. That you would even consider giving up your goals because people comment is more of an issue than the comments0 -
Whether you are thin, fat, athletic, or any other shape people are going to judge and people are going to comment. Bottom line: As long as it is healthy, do what makes you happy. Live for you! Viva la resistance!!!0
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For the people complaining that no one is commenting on your weight loss, it is not jealousy -- it is because of people like this OP.0
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The way I see it, as long as you're losing weight in a healthy way, then it's really none of their business. Their negative comments are unnecessary. Don't let them stop you from doing what you want to do. This is to make yourself happy, not anybody else!0
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I ran into this issue the first time I lost weight. I say ignore them, and do what makes you happy. They will get used to your new fabulous size.0
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just say thank you and move on.
And if they are particularly offensive- just make an off comment about their clothing and then say "oh gee I thought it was give unsolicited opinions day"
and then move on.
Congrats on the positive steps forward- don't let that niggly stuff bother you- ti's just not worth the frustration.0 -
The people in our lives all have roles. They all fit in because of qualities they have, or qualities they bring out in us. We all put people, consciously or otherwise, into zones and we selfishly want them to stay there. When something happens to challenge those relationships it can really unsettle people. Weight loss is a classic example of this, it doesn't have to even be the 'fat friend' thing, even if your weight has no bearing what-so-ever on your relationship with that person fat loss is a visual representation that your mindset has changed.
People just don't like that, we never have and we never will, the stronger the reaction perhaps the more "needed" you are by others? That said this is their problem which they are vocalizing onto you, that's not right. You have enough to deal with with your own goals and progress, if your shape no longer fits their puzzle in the same way that it did it's up to them to re position you in that picture.
There's a lot of truth in this.0 -
$%@&** off! is what I say. :laugh:0
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I am so sorry to hear that people are not supportive of you in this journey. For some of us, who like me are post-menopause and have put on way too much weight in the last 20 years, losing weight is not easy! We need and should ask for compassion as we determine the best way to take it off and create a new, happier self. I, for one, trumpet your strength and will to say to those folks MYOB!0
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Haven't read all the responses here, but I noticed that you said one of the worst offenders is your best friend, who lost a lot of weight and dealt with anorexia. I would think something like that might leave a person overly sensitive to seeing things like a dramatic weight loss in their friends. It may be coming from genuine, if misplaced, concern. Maybe the next time this person makes a comment, you could say how great you feel, how much your confidence has been boosted, etc. Make it about how fit and healthy you feel, etc. ETA You could also throw in something about how you appreciate their concern but you are being careful to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way, and her comments are upsetting and unhelpful. You don't owe anyone any explanation, but clearing the air between friends is always a good thing, IMO.0
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I'm starting to wonder whether I should keep on losing if this is just going to mean more comments from people around me.
When I hear things like this, I always wonder if the person is looking for an excuse to quit.0 -
I have to say I do not get these comments that I know of. Maybe it happens behind my back.0
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DO NOT let this be your excuse to stop. people will find anything to comment on, think about what they are really saying. theyre putting a negative twist to something that you want, something that millions of other people have wanted to do but gave up because it was too hard or too time consuming. and then they have the gall to try and put you down because of your success? *kitten* that. imagine the look on their face when you hit your goal weight, theyll see why you didnt stop then, and maybe theyll realize that their comments came from a place of jealousy, not one of truth0
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