An issue I see a lot is peer pressure

Workout4Health
Workout4Health Posts: 447 Member
in Motivation and Support
This applies to a lot of people including myself and also for a lot of the people on here. When we start to engage in a program whether it be dieting, losing body fat, or gaining muscle, often times people around you can get insecure and try to make it difficult for you.

Many times while you're losing weight, a friend might pull out a piece of cake and put it in front of you and say something like, ''Hey, don't waste food, there are kids starving in Africa.'' Or they may say something like, ''Well you're working out, anyways right?''

I've seen others on here with issues such as their family members telling them to stop losing weight. Then there are other issues where sometimes people will tell you that you have gained weight or that they don't believe you've lost weight. Sometimes these issues can cause a person to fall back and regress.

So I wanted to make this thread to discuss issues about how to deal with other people. Maybe this thread has been thrown out there before, so sorry if it is a bit superfluous. But I think this is an important issue. Peer pressure, and we have people with emotional issues that also need to be dealt with to stay on track.

Replies

  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    I have found that the most important thing is not what people say to me, but how I react to others. It is within our selves to make an informed decision to lose weight, and to stick to our guns. If I gave in sometime everyone waved a cake in my face, I'd probably not have lost anything.

    There is also something to be said about killing them with kindness. Say thank you, acknowledge what that person says, and move on. Not much else they can do if they realize they have no effect on you.
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  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Legitimate peer pressure, like people pushing you to do something you've already said "no thank you" to, is often met with an attitude from me.

    Stick to your guns, don't take it personal when someone pressures you, and don't make it personal when you refuse.

    That's the best I know how to deal with it.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    I have found that the most important thing is not what people say to me, but how I react to others. It is within our selves to make an informed decision to lose weight, and to stick to our guns. If I gave in sometime everyone waved a cake in my face, I'd probably not have lost anything.

    There is also something to be said about killing them with kindness. Say thank you, acknowledge what that person says, and move on. Not much else they can do if they realize they have no effect on you.


    I agree with what you have said. I guess one way to look at it is this. We all have a certain goal in mind, a certain number perhaps. I guess we just have to tell ourselves that the ONLY thing that matters in the end is that we get on track on tackle that goal. In between that time, what one or two people might try to say might not matter. Because in the end as long as you come out more knowledgeable, healthier, fitter, trimmer, etc.. Then that is going to be the most important thing. People can say what they want but as long as you did what you set out to do, then they can't stop you.

    Definitely. This whole thing is about mental fortitude.
  • rgrady33
    rgrady33 Posts: 48 Member
    You bring up a good point. The problem is that when people do the things you describe they are using their thinking of what you should be/do. What is it to them if you don't eat the cake? If they truly cared about what you are wanting for yourself they would not exhibit such behavior. It probably is more about making themselves feel better about their behavior.

    The easy answer is your friends and family don't respect you and your choices, but that isn't it either. Imagine how much time it took you to decide to go a different direction in your life (in this case, healthier lifestyle). Now think about your historical choices with the people you have known? The habits you've had are likely shared among the people you associate with, and the longer you have known them the harder it will be for them to become accustomed to new habits. Even if those habits aren't shared directly among your group, they are certainly a part of how they relate to you in their mind. If you are the joker in the group and one day you decide to be serious all the time, it would be difficult to get used to that.

    So, what do you do? Respectfully sticking to your guns is one thing, and one way to do that is to share with them what your wanting for yourself. Note that I don't mean sharing with them that you are on a diet or that you want to lose X pounds; those are tactics/strategies, not goals. What are you truly wanting for yourself? What is your ultimate goal? Answering that will not only help you with your peers, it will also help you keep you on track by keeping the TRUE goal in sight (not that pesky number of pounds you want to lose).
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I reverse peer pressure and tell them to get off their *kitten* and join me for a 20 mile joy ride and earn their cake...that pretty much makes them shut the **** up.

    Beyond that, I'm 40 in just over a month and really don't care much about what people do/say/think/etc....I rock it and I know it...and they know it too.
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  • TiberiusClaudis
    TiberiusClaudis Posts: 423 Member
    Couldn't agree more with the posts.

    Just a few oh by the ways, you trying to make a transformation means a change for your peeps. You will have to decline nights out drinking, eatting out..you will be spending more time at the gym...possibly meeting new people with similar goals...all threats to the norm..and it's human nature to resist change.

    The other thing is prepare to get a lot of broscience thrown at you. I still have friends that are say 20% BF telling me how to diet...I'm at 5.5%BF. I simply look at them with a blank face and say..wow..I'll try that and try to move the conversation on.

    At the end of the day, remember, YOU are transforming...and no matter what your life is going to change...mostly for the better but sometimes you have to let some things including people go.
  • MarliQQ
    MarliQQ Posts: 112 Member
    In the case of weight loss and fitness--an endeavor that many try and fail all the time around you--success is so rare, very few people have true examples to look upon. So I think because few succeed, when you become one of the few and you do it in a noticeable time frame, it can become unsettling, because subconsciously very few people like change. Now what comes out of their mouth differs from person to person, based mostly on how they rationalized the subconscious fear, but I think that is all it is....
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  • Discoqueen77
    Discoqueen77 Posts: 61 Member
    Some don't realize they are even doing it.
  • jms1739
    jms1739 Posts: 80 Member
    I have run into peer pressure on occasion. I did have my ex husband, complain that I was going to leave him if I got to thin so he always tried to do something to sabotage me. Ultimately that isn't what I left him for. Thankfully the new Hubby is very excited about my changes and so he actually helps me out.

    I have people at work that complain daily that they need to lose weight, I give suggestions, but what they take from it is their choice. I like to do a lot of research before I eat out anywhere, so that I know I am making the best choices for me, and when they take a look at the nutritional facts, the look on their face when they see what calorie and fat amounts in their favorite dishes.

    I know that isn't necessarily peer pressure, but it is me getting tired of hearing about " oh I should watch what I eat also or Oh I need to start working out" and nothing every happens. So I just keep plugging along with what I am doing, because I don't like to get involved, and look at it this way, when you are ready to commit 100% to what you need to do to get healthy, and want to ask me about suggestions or share recipes, I will be more than happy to answer you questions.
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  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    I have run into peer pressure on occasion. I did have my ex husband, complain that I was going to leave him if I got to thin so he always tried to do something to sabotage me. Ultimately that isn't what I left him for. Thankfully the new Hubby is very excited about my changes and so he actually helps me out.

    I have people at work that complain daily that they need to lose weight, I give suggestions, but what they take from it is their choice. I like to do a lot of research before I eat out anywhere, so that I know I am making the best choices for me, and when they take a look at the nutritional facts, the look on their face when they see what calorie and fat amounts in their favorite dishes.

    I know that isn't necessarily peer pressure, but it is me getting tired of hearing about " oh I should watch what I eat also or Oh I need to start working out" and nothing every happens. So I just keep plugging along with what I am doing, because I don't like to get involved, and look at it this way, when you are ready to commit 100% to what you need to do to get healthy, and want to ask me about suggestions or share recipes, I will be more than happy to answer you questions.

    Congrats on finding a supportive husband! Can you tell me where you found yours, I'm on the market. lol
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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I would also add that as time goes on, this kind of stuff happens less and less. I'm going on a couple years now on this little safari...early on, people gave me the whole, "what are you on a diet or something?" thing...but as time has gone on, they realize that I've made a permanent change in the way I eat and my fitness. So now, I get a, "cake in the break room!" notice and if I say no thanks, nobody pushes the issue anymore.

    I will add to this that I have lost some friends along the way here...or maybe not lost, but we're not as close as we once were...but I've made some awesome new ones as well who are more fitness and nutrition minded. Change can be sucky at first, for pretty much everyone involved...but ultimately you have to do what's best for you and your overall health and well being.

    I do what I do for me and my family and so that I can be around for a long time to love my family and watch my boys grow into men...I don't do what I do for Joe/Jane Schmoe in cubicle 2.
  • jms1739
    jms1739 Posts: 80 Member
    I have run into peer pressure on occasion. I did have my ex husband, complain that I was going to leave him if I got to thin so he always tried to do something to sabotage me. Ultimately that isn't what I left him for. Thankfully the new Hubby is very excited about my changes and so he actually helps me out.

    I have people at work that complain daily that they need to lose weight, I give suggestions, but what they take from it is their choice. I like to do a lot of research before I eat out anywhere, so that I know I am making the best choices for me, and when they take a look at the nutritional facts, the look on their face when they see what calorie and fat amounts in their favorite dishes.

    I know that isn't necessarily peer pressure, but it is me getting tired of hearing about " oh I should watch what I eat also or Oh I need to start working out" and nothing every happens. So I just keep plugging along with what I am doing, because I don't like to get involved, and look at it this way, when you are ready to commit 100% to what you need to do to get healthy, and want to ask me about suggestions or share recipes, I will be more than happy to answer you questions.

    Congrats on finding a supportive husband! Can you tell me where you found yours, I'm on the market. lol

    I wish I could tell you, there is a special place to go, but there isn't. You will find that special person, one piece of advice : Never settle. But I am sure you already know that. Sometimes the best things happen when we aren't really looking for them.
  • JulieGirl58
    JulieGirl58 Posts: 158 Member
    Once I told my mother at Thanksgiving that I didn't want any stuffing, potatoes or gravy and she yelled at me, "What are you trying to do, ruin Thanksgiving for everybody?" I burst out laughing, which just made her madder. How could my efforts to eat healthier ruin anyone's dinner? Later I realized that she felt I had no gratitude for all her hard work to prepare such a lovely meal. Often, especially with family, people like "food customs" and "food relationships that are traditional", to never change. It is rarely about the food itself. To this day my mom is insulted if I don't eat some of her home made candy. So I take a few and it makes her happy, whether I actually eat them or not. :)
  • evsplava
    evsplava Posts: 35 Member
    Bump.
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  • evsplava
    evsplava Posts: 35 Member
    I agree you shouldn't drop friends because they aren't fitness minded but I believe being a couch potato is contagious. I invite friends to walk with me rather than sitting on the sofa drinking 80 oz of beer. I take into account they are unable to move like me
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I honestly don't really care - I just nod & smile then go my own merry little way.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    So I wanted to make this thread to discuss issues about how to deal with other people.

    Kill them. They'll all just disappoint you one way or another anyway, so just get it over with.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member


    So I wanted to make this thread to discuss issues about how to deal with other people.
    Two words No Thankyou . Now that problems solved what do you want to talk about?
  • Discoqueen77
    Discoqueen77 Posts: 61 Member
    It's funny how sometimes the people who often worry about your weight, are the same ones who ask "Am I taking you to Dairy Queen tonight? It's a nice summer evening." Or ask, "Did you eat dinner? What did you eat? Be sure to eat something." This has happened to me already and I am only 13 days into this weight loss. "Are you on the phone again?" (When recording calories.) Yesterday, I had to 'get my back up' and set boundaries. "Hey. I am on the phone recording calories, and seeing how what I just ate affects the nutrition side of things. I want this to work. You need to be patient and supportive." Period. Also had to show this person how, despite what he believes, I am eating more healthy, even if it's not just salad and chicken every day like him.

    Social customs change, and people generally don't like change. Like when people prepare the big meals and you don't partake- you are 'rejecting' them through food. Rejecting time together if you don't run for ice cream. (Ordered a small cup and ate half- easy solution) So maybe put some on your plate and walk away, look like you are picking. Push it around etc. I hate hurting people's feelings. But the bottom line is, if they really push, you need to do what is best for yourself, period.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    So I wanted to make this thread to discuss issues about how to deal with other people.

    Kill them. They'll all just disappoint you one way or another anyway, so just get it over with.

    Yes.Kill.

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