No Support
samm1ches
Posts: 8
How do you ladies and gents get by who have no support? I am the only person in my family that is focusing on my well-being and it is really hard. I find people start ignoring me when I start talking about my progress. I am proud of pushing myself but, even my husband doesn't say anything. I watch everything that goes into my body and track my calories burned while everyone else will make late night "munchie runs" and sit there and eat a whole bag of chips or worse. How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?
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Replies
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Prove them wrong with your results. :bigsmile:
I'm in a similar situation so I get what you mean. Just don't let them put you down. Even if they say something just ignore them. That's what I do (well, I bite back sometimes.. I'm not from steel in the end of all).0 -
I hear ya! I just got started a couple of weeks ago, easing into my healthy new lifestyle, and my relatives have been nothing but negative, critical, and ridiculing. But it may be a blessing in disguise for it is helping me finally realize something I guess I knew all along, which is that the only person I can truly rely on is myself. You have to keep reassuring yourself that you can do it, despite what anyone else says or how they try to make you feel. You alone are in control of your life, not the people around you.
I have decided to adopt the position that I will not discuss my progress with my relatives, and instead rely on myself to congratulate me as I get closer to my goal. After every little bit of exercise I do, it's almost like I can feel my inner thinner self beaming. Ultimately, it is your inner thinner self who will be thanking, congratulating, and rewarding you for your hard work.
Also, coming on here and reading success stories really helps keep you motivated!0 -
How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?
Sorry to be blunt, but if your motivation doesn't come from within, you're unlikely to succeed.
Here's a suggestion. Write down on 3x5 cards all the reasons you want to get fitter and healthier. Write as long a list as you can. Imagine all the positive consequences of transforming your body.
Check to see whether expectations about what other people will think, how other people will respond, are prominent on the list. If they are, it's time for you to look really deeply at what you care most about. This can be hard -- much harder than actually staying on an eating and exercise plan. Take your time. Be honest with yourself.
If you find that you really want to do this for yourself, then make a new list that only includes reasons for yourself. Consult the list frequently. There's your motivation. You don't have to care what others think or do. Whether or not you care is entirely up to you.
I hope this helps!0 -
How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?
Sorry to be blunt, but if your motivation doesn't come from within, you're unlikely to succeed.
This. You have to be doing it for yourself, not for anyone else.
Find other people who will support you, like here, and can celebrate those successes with you that people who aren't doing this might not appreciate! There will always be doubters and haters, and those who just don't get it. My mil still doesn't after 4 yrs . When I'd lost my first 3 stone and chatting to hubby about need new clothes she said there was no point wasting money as I'd just gain it back, just a buy a cheap belt for a few weeks. On our last visit she saw me having 'late night munchies' - a packet of quavers "have you given up then". But I know who I do it for, and why I make the choices I make - for how much better I feel and look.
Good luck with it.0 -
You should never care what anyone else is doing. This is ONLY about you and what you want. Just do it. You are important and no one else will workout or watch what you eat for you or even usually even care how you're going with it all so ..........get to it and forget them.
Oh and another thing remember you are on this website so any support you need can be found here from people that really understand so look for the ones that did well and know what they are talking about and ask to be their friends. They won't mind you sharing what is going on at all.0 -
my partner every night eat junk food my motivation is a want to look skinny in my wedding dress next year and i won't if i eat what he's eats theres nothing i can do about he's eating I'm hoping one of this days he will want to get heathy with me the best thing for you to do this take a picture of your body and look at it every time you want to eat crap it really works it makes me workout (:0
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I am just reading 'When you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair' by Geneen Roth. She explains very powerfully how your self worth comes from within - if you can get hold of a copy that might help your situation
) 0 -
Oh dear, no one in my circle is trying to lose weight, friends or family. To add insult to injury my mother has caught the "baking bug" and it's multiple delicious cakes and pastries every week, sometimes more than once a week.
What do you do? Basically, you cope. Being able to go up a flight of stairs without needing an ambulance afterwards is my motivation. How I can now buy clothes locally instead of ordering on the internet is motivating. My health improving, my tape measure, numbers on the scale.. etc. My mini-goals (I just went under the 100 kg mark, lower than I've ever been in 10 years).
As long as you keep looking for motivation outside, your progress will always be tied to it. Don't let that happen because no one has a 24/7 cheerleader attached to their belt.0 -
Because I am not doing this for them... I am doing this for me.How do you ladies and gents get by who have no support? I am the only person in my family that is focusing on my well-being and it is really hard. I find people start ignoring me when I start talking about my progress. I am proud of pushing myself but, even my husband doesn't say anything. I watch everything that goes into my body and track my calories burned while everyone else will make late night "munchie runs" and sit there and eat a whole bag of chips or worse. How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?0 -
[/quote]Because I am not doing this for them... I am doing this for me.[/quote]
This!0 -
I'm fortunate that although I live with my mother she eats reasonably healthily and we each buy our own food (and like different things) so the worst temptations I usually have in the house would be something like dried dates (sweet but caloric).
I have found my own support by making my journey public. I have a facebook page, facebook.com/mr500weightloss, and I report my weight there each week. Last spring after losing the first 50 pounds I spoke at church one Sunday evening when we had the opportunity to share testimonies. That public speaking experience has resulted in total strangers coming up to me at Walmart and Publix (grocery) telling me that they were there that night and wanted to share their experiences with me. By being more open than many people are, and by having a more extreme weight loss journey than most (I want to lose 300+ pounds), I have found support outside of my family: in my friends, coworkers, and church family.
Ultimately, though, as others have said, I'm not doing this for anyone else, although I'm excited to see other people be inspired by what I'm doing. I'm committed to this because I choose to love myself and I don't want to be limited by my weight.0 -
Feel free to add me0
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Ultimately, any journey you take is on your own.
But it's nice to have people to cheer you on. Which is why this is such a useful resource.0 -
Feel free to add me0
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Feel free to add me0
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Well you're better off with no support than living with those who will sabotage you. When they ignore you, count your blessings that at least they're not trying to sabotage you!
Just look within for validation of your weight loss goals. If you're feeling left out when everyone else is having their late night munchies, then you can save some calories for night and eat something of your choosing right along side them... or you can feel free to abstain entirely.. YOU have control of how to handle it and what is going to make YOU the happiest.
Also try to avoid falling into the trap of nutritional zealotry and feeling superior or more virtuous because of your food choices. I think we all know someone who does this and it makes us want to avoid them like the plague- Just do a reality check occasionally to make sure that you have not become that person.0 -
When I first went vegetarian I was really struggling. My family actually tried to sabotage me by cooking bacon and going to McDonalds and stuff.
I was about to quit and give in until I found out a few "friends" were actually taking bets about when I'd cave. I was so angry and hurt I actually pushed through almost out of pure spite, and by the time I wasn't angry anymore I'd transitioned into where it was second nature.
Sometimes the crappy behavior of others can actually fuel our own drive. Prove them wrong and be an example to them. You can do it!0 -
Build a really good friends list on MFP. Make this the place to come to for support and encouragement.
A whole bag of chips???? Just the thought of that makes my tummy hurt :sick:0 -
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We are here to support you, but Do this for yourself.
I wager that when your family sees you being successful they will start to notice and make small changes for themselves. This happened to me at work. I looked around one day and the bagels and donuts were being replaced by oatmeal and fruit. That's sometimes where support in your daily life begins.
Do this quietly and they will notice. Stay here for support and help.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Actions speak louder than words.
Just keep doing your own thing and make health snacks for yourself
I didn't tell anyone that I was trying to get healthier. At about 9 months into this my husband joined me and got healthier also. Our daughter called us "her incredible shrinking parents".
You can only do this for yourself. When others see the results of your hard work, it may inspire them.0 -
Plenty of support in here, we may not be family and yet to be friends....however we will all support you.0
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We join site/s like this one
Seriously, no one is here for support in person for me. In fact my husband is bringing home everything I like junk food wise that he doesn't even usually buy. Things he doesn't even eat, I have looked at this box of my fav donuts for over a week now. He can eat what he wants and never goes above 170, he doesn't get it. My family isn't local but my stepmother always tries to sabotage me when we are visiting. Pushing me to eat, oh you can have that this once.
You have to do it for yourself, want it for yourself, because it's your body. You are the one who has to carry around the weight.
Just use this site and get to know people. I just joined a few weeks ago. Well I had a few years ago apparently because when I tried to sign up it said already was here, but I only used a couple times for logging food I think, I never commented or read forums. While it isn't in person, it can be useful. There are sooo many people going thru the same struggles who understand you.0 -
I get my support here. I rarely talk about my diet/fitness with anyone in real life unless they ask.0
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don't discuss it with people around you... unless they bring it up in a positive way... otherwise - just keep making your healthy choices - and come here if you need some cheerleading...0
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You can't really expect your work toward getting healthy to matter to other people. It's nice when it does but for the most part it's just not that interesting to people. That's why we have MFP, to talk to other like-minded people so that our SOs and families don't have to listen to us drone on about calories and lifting and whathaveyou.
You also really can't expect other people to give up foods they love because you're trying to avoid those foods. My advice is to either allow yourself some extra calories for "treat" foods, or make yourself some low calorie snacks to have around for when other people are munching on chips. The bottom line is that you're going to be surrounded by food. There are going to be parties and dinners out and tons of goodies in the break room at work. When it comes up just look at it as training for maintenance.0 -
You should be proud of you - don't wait for someone else to validate that you are doing a good thing - I had lost at least 50 pounds in the past using MFP and exercising - it was not until I lost my mojo - quit smoking (which I did not get praise for) - but starting gaining the weight back that my long time boyfriend said "you were doing so good, I was so proud of you" - BUT - did he ever tell me that while I was busting my butt and/or watching them eat a lot of junk. He is diabetic and does nothing to watch his diet, etc.....
This is for me because I just turned 48 in June - because I could not stand to see the pictures from my recent 30th class reunion - because I have been having so much swelling and pain in my lower legs/feet that I could not participate this year in the Susan G Komen walk/race with my family like we have done together for the last 2 years - and I am a breast cancer survivor - Because at my recent doctor's apt I weighed 301 pounds - the heaviest in my entire life -
so.....you have to ask yourself - why are you willing to change your daily journey - what are YOUR small goals....what are YOUR big goals? - use pictures pasted everywhere if you need to - I use the success stories on this web site as my daily motivation - morning and night -especially when I feel like I can't do it "today" - I look at what I have succeeded at the meal before - what better choice did I make - I'm no expert and I do not pretend to have all the answers - I am a creature of wanting instant gratification but at this point each meal is a milestone for me - each choice, each day.
You an do this for YOU - because YOU are worth it!!!! -
Be good to YOU!!! 0 -
Much like a person going thru a breakup ..
pretty soon your friends are tired of hearing about it and you are left to fend for yourself. There will come a time where you will be left to your own devices and have nobody to rely on
use the people here to be your sounding boards... we're here because we have a lot in common
chin up..you got this0 -
To quote Frank Ocean: "Work hard in silence. Let your success be your noise."
Honestly, I live by this. I almost don't want people to notice my success so they'll be blown away when they do! Listen to your own self and be inspired by your progress.0 -
How do you ladies and gents get by who have no support? I am the only person in my family that is focusing on my well-being and it is really hard. I find people start ignoring me when I start talking about my progress. I am proud of pushing myself but, even my husband doesn't say anything. I watch everything that goes into my body and track my calories burned while everyone else will make late night "munchie runs" and sit there and eat a whole bag of chips or worse. How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?
Simply put they're jealous. Everyone knows how important it is to be healthy but unfortunately it's easier to not care and indulge than to get it together and take care of yourself. And there is so much emphasis put on junk food everywhere you turn that people don't want to turn it away. And people are afraid of change. Years of bad habits are hard to break and people see exercising as something they would have to force themselves to do and something they'd have to spend hours in a gym doing. What they don't realize is that it can be fun and you can get an intense workout in , in only a half hour like I do everyday. In the end, when you're the one who's fit and healthy and happy, they're going to be the ones coming to you begging for help. If you need support you've found a huge family here on MFP who will always be there for you!0 -
I'm doing this for myself to be healthier.
While I try to cook healthier for my family I know there are limits. My husband is not going to eat yogurt, fruit ( he has food allergies), low-fat cookies and so forth. Our teenage son ( the picky eater) runs and walks everyday he doesn't need my low-fat stuff. In my daughter's case ( she's 3yrs old) I can only offer her healthy options, and make sure to be active with her.
We can't force our spouse or children to exercise with us. My husband rarely joins in our evening walks, and he's only been to the pool at our gym once. He works hard and has his own hobbies.
Do I do a little dance every time I lose a pound . Yes I do. I show them my starting definition of abs or guns too. If you are overweight (you look very fit in your profile picture) they may end up being more supportive once you start losing. If your always failing in your pursuit of losing weight ( always on another diet) they may just be waiting you out too.
If you're having a hard time being around their snacking. Fix yourself a healthy snack or leave the room. Take a walk or what not.
Good luck!
Feel free to add me0
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