No Support

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Replies

  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
    My fiance tries very hard to be supportive - he praises me for how much better I look already, etc. But I know it gets on his nerves when I talk about my weight loss goals CONSTANTLY. It's on my mind a lot every day, and he feels like it puts undo pressure on him (while he too has lost weight, he doesn't feel like he's done very well, but I disagree). For him it just feels like I'm pressuring him even though I don't mean to.

    Maybe that's how your family feels too. They don't want to change their lifestyles, and knowing you are trying to do just that may make them feel pressured or judged, so they don't want to address it.
  • wagglesworth
    wagglesworth Posts: 53 Member
    I am in the same situation with my husband. He complains to anyone with ears that my diet is killing him. He plays the role of the martyr. I'm not forcing my change in eating upon him. He still eats pizza, ice cream, cakes, etc. I keep the freezer stocked with his favorite meals. I don't know what his problem is and right at the moment I don't care because this is not about him. I'm doing this for me - to save my life. Having support from others who are making these life changes is important to me. I need the support and want to support others as well. Consider me a friend who will help get us where we need to be.
  • wagglesworth
    wagglesworth Posts: 53 Member
    That is a wonderful quote. I'm new to MFP and looking to make friends. I'd like to add you.
  • loribethrice
    loribethrice Posts: 620 Member
    I get more eye rolls from people I work with than anyone else. It drives me insane. When they offer me pizza or cake or candy or whatever and I say no I get called things like "anorexic". I don't know why people react that way!
  • pattialling
    pattialling Posts: 19
    My family is almost the same way. I was reading this thing that was talking about easy steps to help you lose weight and one of the tasks was to "throw out all the junk food in the house... your family will understand." And I was like... not mine! I think it would be totally rude to do that anyway, because we all share the food in my house. My grandparents are proud of me but they think I'm wasting my time or I could be using a different method and that it would work faster (like not eating lunch, NO THANK YOU!). BUT- this is what I do to help me when I'm in a situation where I feel like I'm not getting any encouragement at all:

    Join groups online that are about weight loss- I have a couple on my facebook page that have a bunch of people trying to lose weight and they talk about their progress and what kind of exercises they accomplished that day and such. I would search for something like that on facebook if you have one. It's really great because when I feel like I'm about to have a weak moment I turn to them and say stuff like "I feel like eating every cookie that ever existed on the planet! Help!" and I got a bunch of comments that gave me ideas for alternatives... someone even posted a healthy cookie recipe that still have chocolate chips in it!!!

    I'm right with you girl, you can add me as a friend if you ever need support! My goal is to lose 100 pounds (I weighed 180 and am 6 ft tall), I started my final weight loss journey 15 days ago! I'm going to college for Applied Exercise Science with my sister! (I'm currently a psych major but will be switching soon I believe- psychology and fitness kind of go together though.) Please keep up the good work! The key to fitness or any kind of success isn't in motivation... it's in consistency! If you do this everyday YOU WILL reach your goal, no matter how fast or how slow it takes. :)
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,153 Member
    About 15 years ago I was complaining to a friend that, "why should I even care? It's not like anyone else does!" And her reply was very quick and succinct: "Because NOBODY else really does care ....that is why YOU should." That is the first realization that things like this (as well as others) are really up to us (each individual alone). Sure, people support, criticize, comment, etc. But, in the end, you do it for you - period. When you take back your control, nobody can bring you down.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    You have friends and supporters here. If you need a group to back you in real life, I would suggest joining a group like TOPS or even Weight Watchers. Weekly meetings and weigh ins are great but the interaction with other people trying to lose weight like you may offset the negative feedback you get from home.
  • amandaowen69
    amandaowen69 Posts: 9 Member
    I just stopped expecting some else to motivate me and help keep me on track. I need to do this for myself and stop looking for other peoples approval. My husbands is suppose to be losing weight due to health issues and doesn't do what he is suppose to and then gets pissy with me when I try and help him. I think he sees me doing well and is a little jealous. I try and explain that the only person holding him back is himself. If you cheat be truthful about it and move on and try and do better the next day
  • keefmac
    keefmac Posts: 313 Member
    You don't need a pat on the back every 5 minutes, just get your head down and get it done!.

    If someone compliments you or asks about your weight loss all the better but don't bore people with your diet stories..
  • samm1ches
    samm1ches Posts: 8
    Right now I am staying pretty motivated because of the fact I got diagnosed with peripheral artery disease at 26. I know that alone will keep me going for a while. I do think this is why it bothers me that no one cares especially my husband since it is so vital to my health.

    Thank you all for the kind words, advice, and friend requests.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    How do you ladies and gents get by who have no support? I am the only person in my family that is focusing on my well-being and it is really hard. I find people start ignoring me when I start talking about my progress. I am proud of pushing myself but, even my husband doesn't say anything. I watch everything that goes into my body and track my calories burned while everyone else will make late night "munchie runs" and sit there and eat a whole bag of chips or worse. How do you not lose motivation when everywhere you turn there is people not caring?

    My husband isn't trying to lose weight with me. He continues to eat chips, drink beer and anything else that he wants. That does not equate to lack of support.

    I don't talk about my diet and exercise all the time unless it's to say something like "I just got a new lifting PR" or "That run really wiped me out." I rarely says anything more than the obligatory, 'good job'. I don't talk about my food and if I did, I'm sure I too would eventually get ignored because that's not interesting at all to anyone but myself. Again, this does not equate to a lack of support.

    I don't lose my motivation simply because it doesn't matter if I have a cheering section or not. I just have to get it done if I want to see results. I want to see results so I don't stop.
  • Jessie24330
    Jessie24330 Posts: 224 Member
    I deleted all my friends off here a few months ago. I don't have any support in real life and I don't want to become dependant on it on here. I worry it will affect my long term success if I don't just rely on myself for this stuff. Of course, I am still active on the forum but that is it. The weight I lose and the choices I make are all me. It may not work for others but that is the way I need it to be. Please don't rely too much on others for support or I fear that you will be setting yourself up for long term failure.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    If you're internally motivated, you don't need their support. It would surely be nice to have, though! Unless you're talking about it too much, like every other day, I can't believe they don't support you! Not nice!

    If you're bringing it up several times a week, they're going to get really sick of it, though. Interesting to you, but boring to them.

    The fact that you are losing weight and eating healthier (or just less) doesn't mean they have to make changes. Just as well that they don't, as it gives you practice being around the food and not eating it.

    Once your weight loss starts showing, people will start commenting on it. Promise. You'll get so many comments and questions that you'll wish it would just stop. There will probably be at least one person who tries to discourage you, too. Some fat friend or relative will tease you and suggest ice cream and crap like that. Maybe not, but don't be shocked if it happens.
  • Fsunami
    Fsunami Posts: 241 Member
    1) Its why you have us.

    2) External validation is a trap - .avoid it. This is a thing you DO, not a definition of you ARE

    3) Some people arent verbal.

    None of that means the people in your life dont care.

    And if they dont, you can be damn sure we do, because we've been there.

    FR on the way

    Fsunami
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
    I don't discuss my goals or progress with anyone aside from my SO and my MFP friends (one of whom I am friends with IRL so that helps). Not even immediate family or other close friends... they're all either not interested, haters, yo-yo dieters, or have some great Dr. Oz cleanse or Herbalife shake to tell me about...
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    I might be in the minority here, but I actually find external support to be a bad thing for me. I don't work well under stress at all. When I do my own thing, losing on some weeks, maintaining on others, eating whatever I want and exercising when I feel up to it I end up making progress.

    When others are involved I feel the constant pressure to deliver. Even if that person is encouraging and supportive no matter how many weeks I don't lose weight, my need to do it perfectly in another person's eyes keeps me stressing and obsessing. I Work out through pain to keep up with the expectations until I burn out, I find myself saying no to things I like more often than I would like then feel deprived, I feel the need to stick to rules more often .

    In my family life is what it's always have been. No comments on my food choices, a few comments every now and then about my weight coming off, and no one discusses food with me other than we discuss how delicious a certain dish is, regardless of calories. Even though it means more temptations, passive support (people staying out of my way) is what works for me.

    On MFP it's different. I have friends who I love but I don't feel pressured into "sticking to the rules". They would cheer me on every now and then and we may have a few conversations, and I'm relaxed about it, because I know if someone becomes a source of stress then it's easy to click the "close" sign on my browser.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    For me this is an inside job. I started this for ME because I want to get healthier. I didn't tell anyone when I joined a gym and started tracking, same as I didn't tell anyone in the real world, 4 weeks ago that I had quit smoke until after a week. I don't need their support I have met many friends on here where I get daily encouragement. People not in the same position don't understand how great it feels to lose a pound or how upsetting it is to go 3 weeks and not lose one.
  • beckyjeanleemaddox
    beckyjeanleemaddox Posts: 154 Member
    It was like that at first for me but now my family is eating healthier too. But i've found you have to do it for you. Everyone gets bored of hearing about my progress, I don't blame them. So I talk less about it and just do it for me.
  • Bellavita2888
    Bellavita2888 Posts: 36 Member
    " I'm committed to this because I choose to love myself and I don't want to be limited by my weight. " I'm committed to this because I choose to love myself and I don't want to be limited by my weight. Very nicely said

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