help - need advice for self sabotaging

vegasmellie
vegasmellie Posts: 118 Member
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
I've been struggling with this for a long time. I get to a certain point and then I get scared. I've realized recently that one of the things I'm scared of is attention. I've lost weight before and somehow last time was able to handle the attention, but it can be daunting. Specifically the male attention. I'm not saying I don't like it, just from guys I'm not interested in. Fat is such a great deterrant from that! I guess I protected myself that way. The only problem is I want a boyfriend and I'm never gonna get one if I feel this way about my body. I wanna feel good and be healthy!

anyone who's gone through the same thing or has some advice feel free to chime in. :wink:

Replies

  • vegasmellie
    vegasmellie Posts: 118 Member
    I've been struggling with this for a long time. I get to a certain point and then I get scared. I've realized recently that one of the things I'm scared of is attention. I've lost weight before and somehow last time was able to handle the attention, but it can be daunting. Specifically the male attention. I'm not saying I don't like it, just from guys I'm not interested in. Fat is such a great deterrant from that! I guess I protected myself that way. The only problem is I want a boyfriend and I'm never gonna get one if I feel this way about my body. I wanna feel good and be healthy!

    anyone who's gone through the same thing or has some advice feel free to chime in. :wink:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    I think this is the area of weight loss success that isn't talked about very much. The "adjustment" to your new body/life. . .

    I find that for years (and possibly still) the closer I got to my goals, the harder the loss/watching my eating becomes.

    Here's the truth, as I've discovered it.

    You will get attention that is different from before. I get a LOT more attention from the opposite sex now. It does make me really uncomfortable at times. I find I also get treated differently by women, who I suppose now view me as competition in a way that they wouldn't have before. (or something. . .who knows?) Also, in general, I get better service than I did before, while shopping or eating out. There's a side of this argument that says that I feel differently about myself, so my confidence is attractive. Plain and simple, I just don't think this is so. We live in a pretty superficial society, and now that I look better, people treat me better. I wish we lived in a utopia where this wasn't the case, but it is what it is.

    Not "hiding" is still my biggest struggle. There are days when I'm less comfortable in my new, smaller skin. I do feel very tender sometimes, like I'm still growing my new shell.

    For me, I have to constantly remind myself that this is for me most importantly. I set my goals for a reason, and I have the right to meet them. You do, too. Claim your right,fellow lotus flower!:flowerforyou:
  • amy7775
    amy7775 Posts: 5
    I know how you feel I was married for 15 years and now that I'm divoced now almost a year I have thought about dating too. So last night at a bar in the town at I live I paid for a drink for this guy I had never meet before but he good looking so my friends that I was with told me to do it so I did and I didn't care if he come over to talk or not but it was something I would have never done before and yes he did come to talk.So sometimes it is ok to step out side of the box. So good luck I hope I could help you some.
  • justticker
    justticker Posts: 1
    I think this is the area of weight loss success that isn't talked about very much. The "adjustment" to your new body/life. . .

    I find that for years (and possibly still) the closer I got to my goals, the harder the loss/watching my eating becomes.

    Here's the truth, as I've discovered it.

    You will get attention that is different from before. I get a LOT more attention from the opposite sex now. It does make me really uncomfortable at times. I find I also get treated differently by women, who I suppose now view me as competition in a way that they wouldn't have before. (or something. . .who knows?) Also, in general, I get better service than I did before, while shopping or eating out. There's a side of this argument that says that I feel differently about myself, so my confidence is attractive. Plain and simple, I just don't think this is so. We live in a pretty superficial society, and now that I look better, people treat me better. I wish we lived in a utopia where this wasn't the case, but it is what it is.

    Not "hiding" is still my biggest struggle. There are days when I'm less comfortable in my new, smaller skin. I do feel very tender sometimes, like I'm still growing my new shell.

    For me, I have to constantly remind myself that this is for me most importantly. I set my goals for a reason, and I have the right to meet them. You do, too. Claim your right,fellow lotus flower!:flowerforyou:

    wow, thank you for this info/insight! i'm just starting (once again!), and i too would always end up gaining back as a reaction from the new attention, and thinking this was just me.

    THANK YOU SO MUCH! :)
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