A little discouraged...

vmlabute
vmlabute Posts: 311 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone,

Because this is what I consider "my family" I would like to see what everyone's opinion on this (I may vent a little):

I am a single mom/parent of a 3 year old boy whom I love with all my and he is the sunshine of my life :love: . My sister, who is 18 months younger than I am (she's 27), is a stay-at-home mom of my 19 month old niece. Because I do literally everything on my own, I have asked her to help me out by meeting me half way from where I go to CrossFit and home to pick my son up and take him to daycare for me (I wanted to get my Olympic Lifting in early at 6:30 this morning so I can go home to my son earlier tonight). At first (yesterday afternoon) she agreed to it and was happy about it. Then I get a call in the evening from her saying that she's not going to do it...her quote to this situation:

"I'm not going to do this because I don't agree with it. I don't think it's right that you're going to wake your son up at 5:30am to go to YOUR lifting class, to benefit YOU. You think about yourself too much and I'm just not going to do it because I feel bad for your son"

Am I a bad mother for keeping myself healthy and fit? I work full-time, workout everyday, home every night to eat dinner, bathe, cuddle and read with my son. Just very discouraged because I came so far with my fitness after being in an abusive marriage and doing everything on my own. Thoughts on this??
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Replies

  • thepandapost
    thepandapost Posts: 117 Member
    By taking care of yourself, health and all, you are making yourself a better mother for him. You're not being selfish by taking care of you.

    <-- From a person (I'm 26) who lost her Dad last year because he didn't care of himself and he died of obesity related issues.
  • DavePez
    DavePez Posts: 5 Member
    Hi,
    It sounds like a tough one as family dynamics are never easy, I just wanted to ask is it possible for you to train from home a few days a week with some free weights? I train at home and find it easier to work and be a dad as I can keep my own schedule,
    Good luck with it though I hope you find a solution
  • LITtlerMeCO
    LITtlerMeCO Posts: 130 Member
    What time does he usually get up/go to bed? My best friend's daughter just turned five but when she was three she was often up and ready to go at 5:30 am.

    As for selfish, if this puts you in a better mental/physical place I can't see how it doesn't benefit him too.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    You're not being a bad mother for wanting to be fit and healthy, but 5.30 is pretty early for a 3 year old... It's pretty early for me and I'm 31! Maybe your sister just doesn't want to babysit?
  • vmlabute
    vmlabute Posts: 311 Member
    I'm a happier person and actually have energy to keep on going now until he's gone to bed
  • _sirenofthesea_
    _sirenofthesea_ Posts: 117 Member
    I think your journey is exactly that - whatever is working for you and yours, keep on keeping on. Along the way people may not have the same vision as you, but don't let it impact what you want and need out of life....
  • vmlabute
    vmlabute Posts: 311 Member
    he normally gets up at 6:30 so just an hour difference
  • sparacka
    sparacka Posts: 137 Member
    This is why I love my YMCA...they have "child-watch," so I can get a workout in without relying on family or babysitters. Are there any gyms in your area that offer a similar service?

    And: no, you are not being selfish nor are you a bad mom. Being a mom (especially a single, working mom) is extremely demanding. You are taking steps to ensure your lifelong health, which is a fantastic lesson to be teaching your son. Hang in there, mama. I hope that things get better for you!

    :smile:
  • Sugarbeat
    Sugarbeat Posts: 824 Member
    I think you're right to take care of yourself so you're better able to take care of your son. I don't agree with your sister, but she has a right to her opinion. Do you have any other options?
  • nancy1983
    nancy1983 Posts: 6 Member
    You're not a bad mom!!!! My son used to wake up at 5 am every morning when I worked. He was just fine! You are not doing this only for yourself. I=You are making yourself healthier to be with your son longer. Do what you feel is right!
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    By taking care of yourself, health and all, you are making yourself a better mother for him. You're not being selfish by taking care of you.

    <-- From a person (I'm 26) who lost her Dad last year because he didn't care of himself and he died of obesity related issues.
    ^
    THIS
    ^Shame on your sister man. I am sorry and maybe God is putting you through the fire to make you stronger from the situation that it goes to show family is not always there for us when we need them but can actually sabotage our life. I am sure your son is going to be OK he is a kid and soon will be getting up early on his own anyway well most do so idk. Its her choice though for not helping you but it sucks that she cannot see it through your eyes. understanding is very important to us and getting fit for ourselves does more for the kids than anyone can ever understand. My uncle forever inspired me and I would be overweight right now possibly had he not been so dedicated through his life for what he does. Your going to get through this and you already are and you will be stronger mentally emotionally as well. Just have to be ready that people/things will always be in the way and if you need to get things done to do it yourself. I hope you find a different/better route soon!!
  • focusedonfitness2015
    focusedonfitness2015 Posts: 240 Member
    You were a person and a woman before you were a mother. You will always be all three of those things and cannot lose the identity of any of them. Taking time for yourself will make you a better mother. We all have mothers guilt to an extent but its healthy to take care of yourself...not only physically, but mentally. I honestly feel I am a better mother to my 3 children because I work outside of the home. My kids are now 17, 15 and 6...all very well adjusted and healthy in mind, body and soul. I workout 3-5 times per week as well. My kids need to see that its healthy to take care of yourself. They will follow suit when they become adults too. You're not being selfish
  • shayjay91
    shayjay91 Posts: 20
    Being helathy and fit is showing a great example for your son. Maybe go 3 days a week instead of 5 or soemthing? Maybe your sisiter is a bit jelous?
  • dlemond1128
    dlemond1128 Posts: 25 Member
    I didnt have a sitter the other morning for my 6 am Lifting Group, so instead of missing my group I took my 4 year old little guy with me. There is nothing wrong with them getting up a little ealier. I believe taking time for your needs is a must to be a happy, healthy mom.
  • Babbs1977
    Babbs1977 Posts: 42 Member
    Honestly it sounds like your sister is jealous of your success and ambition. You want to work out early so you can get home earlier to spend more time with your child during a period of the day where he'd normally be awake...that's not selfish. You want to be healthy and strong for him...that's not selfish either. Frankly she sounds like she's coming up with an excuse to not have to be up that early.

    Forget her attitude, and just focus on making sure you make decisions that are right for your family. Have your son wear his clothes to bed so you can get out earlier in the morning, you could even wear your workout clothes and be able to just get up and leave. Basically have everything ready the night before so that you can leave right away in the morning and take him to day care without her help. You might have to leave a bit earlier, but he will adjust. When my son was a toddler we were out of the house by 5:45 so that I could work out at my company...he did just fine.
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
    You are definitely not a bad mother for wanting to exercise and stay fit. Your health is definitely on top of the priority list along with your son. He needs you to be a healthy mother. However, with that said, I would personally not wake up my daughter early and ask help from family so I could go to a fitness class. I feel bad as it is waking her up to go to day care some mornings so I can get to work on time. I would try to find ways around it, workout on my lunch break, workout from home while he's sleeping, find a gym with day care, limit classes to weekends and find alternative workouts during the week, etc.
  • MoveitlikeManda
    MoveitlikeManda Posts: 846 Member
    at that age my kids were up at 4am ready for breakfast lol

    sounds like it could actually be mopre the fact your sister didnt want to (too early for her?) so instead of saying "come on love thats still the middle of the night (it is to me lol) she turned it on you.

    you are a great mum, the fact you are looking after yourself to stay healthy shows that, its not all about you its for your son too.
    your sister needs to back off and when she has a super mum medal she can start slating others on the life/parenting choices.

    kept up the hard work hun, you look great xx
  • wapan
    wapan Posts: 219 Member
    Remember that these dark moments are minor distractions on the way to good health. Whatever anyone says - and people love to judge moms, and especially single moms - remember that being a healthy person will make you an amazing mom and role model. You definitely inspire me!
  • LITtlerMeCO
    LITtlerMeCO Posts: 130 Member
    he normally gets up at 6:30 so just an hour difference

    It may take a little adjusting but maybe putting him to bed a little earlier will smooth out his mornings. What he will learn from this is consistency, discipline, that you are more than just his mom-you are a person with your own needs, and that extra energy you are getting benefits him (and I'm guessing it puts you in a better emotional place--I know I'm more pleasant when I get my workouts in!).
  • NoHurryInLife
    NoHurryInLife Posts: 1
    Fitness professional Shaun T answered a question about this topic last week:

    Q. "How do I handle people that suggest exercise is selfish and that it takes time away from family?"


    A. "Well, actually exercising is selfless! I've said before that "You are the nucleus of your existence!" A happier you equals a happier family. If someone feels that you're being selfish for exercising just remind them that you want to love longer and have positive energy for the family."

    I am not a mom, but part of my motivation on this journey is that one day I will be. I think taking care of yourself is important so you can take care of your child. Your child will grow up seeing you take care of yourself and that will resonate with him. I wish my parents did that when I was a kid. By the time I was 15 I was extremely overweight. And my dad had a stroke almost a decade ago because of stress and really, REALLY poor health habits. My family's life was severely affected in more ways than I can count.

    You know, when people have an unhealthy lifestyle, they often say it's their life and they're not hurting anyone. But that's not true, because if those unhealthy habits lead to extreme health issues, everyone close to them suffers. A lot.

    You are not being selfish. Please dont give up, even if your sister wont help you. Where there's a will, there's a way, and being a single mom who is coming out of an abusive relationship and still working hard to take care of yourself and your infant, I'd say you have some serious willpower :)

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