A little discouraged...

Hi,
It sounds like a tough one as family dynamics are never easy, I just wanted to ask is it possible for you to train from home a few days a week with some free weights? I train at home and find it easier to work and be a dad as I can keep my own schedule,
Good luck with it though I hope you find a solution

I think your journey is exactly that - whatever is working for you and yours, keep on keeping on. Along the way people may not have the same vision as you, but don't let it impact what you want and need out of life....

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I think you're right to take care of yourself so you're better able to take care of your son. I don't agree with your sister, but she has a right to her opinion. Do you have any other options?

By taking care of yourself, health and all, you are making yourself a better mother for him. You're not being selfish by taking care of you.

<-- From a person (I'm 26) who lost her Dad last year because he didn't care of himself and he died of obesity related issues.

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^Shame on your sister man. I am sorry and maybe God is putting you through the fire to make you stronger from the situation that it goes to show family is not always there for us when we need them but can actually sabotage our life. I am sure your son is going to be OK he is a kid and soon will be getting up early on his own anyway well most do so idk. Its her choice though for not helping you but it sucks that she cannot see it through your eyes. understanding is very important to us and getting fit for ourselves does more for the kids than anyone can ever understand. My uncle forever inspired me and I would be overweight right now possibly had he not been so dedicated through his life for what he does. Your going to get through this and you already are and you will be stronger mentally emotionally as well. Just have to be ready that people/things will always be in the way and if you need to get things done to do it yourself. I hope you find a different/better route soon!!

Being helathy and fit is showing a great example for your son. Maybe go 3 days a week instead of 5 or soemthing? Maybe your sisiter is a bit jelous?

Honestly it sounds like your sister is jealous of your success and ambition. You want to work out early so you can get home earlier to spend more time with your child during a period of the day where he'd normally be awake...that's not selfish. You want to be healthy and strong for him...that's not selfish either. Frankly she sounds like she's coming up with an excuse to not have to be up that early.

Forget her attitude, and just focus on making sure you make decisions that are right for your family. Have your son wear his clothes to bed so you can get out earlier in the morning, you could even wear your workout clothes and be able to just get up and leave. Basically have everything ready the night before so that you can leave right away in the morning and take him to day care without her help. You might have to leave a bit earlier, but he will adjust. When my son was a toddler we were out of the house by 5:45 so that I could work out at my company...he did just fine.

at that age my kids were up at 4am ready for breakfast lol

sounds like it could actually be mopre the fact your sister didnt want to (too early for her?) so instead of saying "come on love thats still the middle of the night (it is to me lol) she turned it on you.

you are a great mum, the fact you are looking after yourself to stay healthy shows that, its not all about you its for your son too.
your sister needs to back off and when she has a super mum medal she can start slating others on the life/parenting choices.

kept up the hard work hun, you look great xx

he normally gets up at 6:30 so just an hour difference

It may take a little adjusting but maybe putting him to bed a little earlier will smooth out his mornings. What he will learn from this is consistency, discipline, that you are more than just his mom-you are a person with your own needs, and that extra energy you are getting benefits him (and I'm guessing it puts you in a better emotional place--I know I'm more pleasant when I get my workouts in!).

Fitness professional Shaun T answered a question about this topic last week:

Q. "How do I handle people that suggest exercise is selfish and that it takes time away from family?"


A. "Well, actually exercising is selfless! I've said before that "You are the nucleus of your existence!" A happier you equals a happier family. If someone feels that you're being selfish for exercising just remind them that you want to love longer and have positive energy for the family."

I am not a mom, but part of my motivation on this journey is that one day I will be. I think taking care of yourself is important so you can take care of your child. Your child will grow up seeing you take care of yourself and that will resonate with him. I wish my parents did that when I was a kid. By the time I was 15 I was extremely overweight. And my dad had a stroke almost a decade ago because of stress and really, REALLY poor health habits. My family's life was severely affected in more ways than I can count.

You know, when people have an unhealthy lifestyle, they often say it's their life and they're not hurting anyone. But that's not true, because if those unhealthy habits lead to extreme health issues, everyone close to them suffers. A lot.

You are not being selfish. Please dont give up, even if your sister wont help you. Where there's a will, there's a way, and being a single mom who is coming out of an abusive relationship and still working hard to take care of yourself and your infant, I'd say you have some serious willpower

It is your decision to wake your son or not and it isn't for us or your sister or anyone else to be the judge of that. You are his mother and it is up to you. You sound like an intelligent woman and a dedicated parent who makes decisions that you feel are best for your son and yourself. Period.

However -- I don't really feel that your sister is "in the wrong" either. I think it was pretty rude of her to give you such short notice. But she's entitled to her opinion. If she really feels that your parenting decision is not a good one and she can't in good conscience participate in some of the caregiving associated with it...that's her call. It may put a damper on your relationship with her but I wouldn't say she has done anything wrong aside from giving you less notice than would have been appropriate.

That is just...wrong of your sister. Seriously. A) If she didn't want to do it she could have said it immediately so you could have made other plans if possible. Insinuating that you're selfish because you are wanting to be healthy (which in turn makes you an even better role model for your son) is beyond rude. I don't get people like that.

Then again, I live over 2 hours away from my closest relative and most of us don't have the strongest relationships with one another.

I think you are in an extremely tough position and good on you for always trying to do your best.

However - for the sake of family (and appreciating that you probably need and rely on the support they can provide you), don't feel too angry at your sister. She might have her own stuff going on which is masking why she has REALLY said this. Instead, try and reach her halfway (I know this is difficult). Perhaps say "OK - I hear what you are saying about getting my boy up very early and I understand your point, but this exercise is really important to me. How about I only do it X times a week instead - would you still be prepared to help me out please?"

We can't always get our own way and to be fair - it isn't up to your sister to help you (however much everyone on here seems to think she should). Get her back on your side and you'll all be happier long term.

In the meantime, just because I advocate a bit of compromise - it doesn't mean I don't sympathise with how unfairly you feel you have been treated. Sometimes, when you feel like you're battling the world - one more obstacle (however small) can seem incredibly unjust.

Keep with it!

Your not a bad mother.. Shame on your sister for making you even question that. Your health is important.