My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!

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245

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  • Adriaedwards
    Adriaedwards Posts: 4
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    there are better fish in the sea! You need to look out for YOU! and no one else :)
  • Shash27
    Shash27 Posts: 172
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    Agreed. Time for a new boyfriend. You deserve support and if he's being THAT insecure and awful show him the door.
  • huneyb007
    huneyb007 Posts: 6
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    Relationships should be more than skin deep. If you were underweight I would understand his concern!!!

    But this is about his own insecurities... threatening to dump you is simply childish and "emotional blackmail".

    He obviously has his fears, but usually this type of behaviour is about controlling you, Owning you and making sure no one else would ever want you... (well at least making you think that way)

    Relationships are about trust... if he doesn't trust you then he doesn't deserve you either. Talk to him. If he can't be rational, be careful. It's up to you where you go with the relationship, but even the hardest woman can slowly be erroded by this type of attitude.
  • rebawagner
    rebawagner Posts: 199 Member
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    What is his reason? Is he worried you may be getting to thin? I could understand if he is worried your weight loss may be getting out of contol and he just doesn't know a better way to communicate that. Now, if that is NOT the case. I would reccommend you take a hard look at your future together and see if this is really someone you WANT to be with. Its not his choice, its YOURS!
  • TurtlesRule
    TurtlesRule Posts: 53
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    Yes it is right at the border line Im considered "obese" right now because of my hieght :blushing:
  • foxfirekenzie
    foxfirekenzie Posts: 244 Member
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    OH NO HE DIDN"T!

    That boy needs to be kicked to the curb! Any partner that tries to control you like that doesn't belong in your life. I say no go on that guy.

    Be you. Be strong. Ditch the boy.
  • sixxbaby
    sixxbaby Posts: 543
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    dump him....
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    Is your goal within a healthy BMI for you?

    If it is, dump him. No one needs to be given ultimatums. You deserve better!

    If it isn't, maybe he is just concerned for your health.

    I'd have to agree with this one.... Granted giving you an ultimatum was dumb on his part, but sometimes people are worried and they just want to force you to do what they think is right.


    *Edit: Noticed you answered this question lol. So then ya...next time he says that, I'd say ok, if that's what you want...bye.
  • larousse_37
    larousse_37 Posts: 80
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    I'm going to play devils advocate here... Where are you at regarding BMI right now? Is it possible he's just concerned for you, or prefers his women curvier? It's pretty messed he said he'll dump you though, sounds rather shallow to me. My boyfriend is always monitoring my weight loss as he really dislikes skinny girls, but if he made that kind of ultimatum, I'd probably leave!!
  • Pinoy_Pal
    Pinoy_Pal Posts: 281 Member
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    ANYONE who uses "ending a relationship" as a bargaining chip needs to be shown the door! Can you really expect a successful relationship with someone who has that kind of a mindset? This is a major sign, and it's right in front of your face. The question is, will you truly notice it? Good luck....
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    ummm, totally dump him first! how does he not support you, and threaten to break up with you! my boyfriend tells me he likes me the way i am, but he knows its important to me and supports me anyway. its not fair for you, its your life, your body.. not his!
  • HEATHERB500
    HEATHERB500 Posts: 78 Member
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    Hey girl! You need to let him know that you are doing this for you and that you would like him to support you with it. If he is unable to do that then let him be on his way. He is most likely insecure and that's not the type of guy you want to be with anyway. My boyfriend of ten years started this crap too. I told him that if he doesn't want it to that this doesn't concern him. I am also almost finished with my nursing degree and he has tried to sabbatage that too. he knows he no longer has anything to minipulate me with. I have shown him the door, funny thing is he keeps coming back. When I'm done he won't be allowed back. Here's the deal if you explain to him and he is still manipulating and doesn't change or at least try to change his ways within a few months he never will. You will be better off without him. Put yourself in a situation where you do not have to depend on any man for anything. You are young find the things that you enjoy that are separate from him and learn to love yourself. Then when the right guy come along and treats you like you deserve without the immature manipulation bull---- you will be a lot happier. Best of luck in reaching your goals.

    Take it form someone who has been walked all over for ten years!
  • DPruneda17
    DPruneda17 Posts: 124 Member
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    I bet he's scared that if you lose weight, that other guys will start to notice you even more. I think he's scared he'll lose you once you get too HOT! ;oP It sounds like he is insecure of himself and your relationship. He may need to be reassured that you losing weight and feeling better about yourself will only improve your relationship. Happy girls make happy boys! haha!

    OR he just likes his girls a little fluffy!
  • ctheslayer
    ctheslayer Posts: 79
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    "Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."
    - Eat Pray Love
  • syl312
    syl312 Posts: 31 Member
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    Sounds like he's INSECURE and thinks you will move on once you lose the weight!! you do what makes u happy.. :)
  • itsbella
    itsbella Posts: 1,101
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    What about him? Is he healthy? Does he care about himself? Could it be that if you get healthier and more beautiful you may want to DUMP HIM FIRST???!!

    Tell him that if he doesn't get healthy with you mind, body and spirit...you're gonna put your boots on that were made for walkin'!! :wink:

    CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL ....it never works!
  • lushy20
    lushy20 Posts: 215 Member
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    sounds to me like he is getting worried than you will look better and no long wanna be with him. hes the one with the issues not you. tell him you are doing this for yourself that you wanna feel and look better for him no one else. if hes not happy with that then to me hes not worth your time
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
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    I don't know ya'll or the relationship, but it sounds to me like he is looking for an excuse! Maybe, if you want to keep him, ask for a break and do your own thing get healthier and if he doesn't like it when your ready to end the break, then find someone who appreciates you for You! :) Good luck.
  • MysticMaiden22
    MysticMaiden22 Posts: 325 Member
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    I say dump the guy. Relationships are about being supportive of your partner. I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't support my venture into better health.
  • vero_1
    vero_1 Posts: 85 Member
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    Is your goal within a healthy BMI for you?

    If it is, dump him. No one needs to be given ultimatums. You deserve better!

    If it isn't, maybe he is just concerned for your health.

    I'd have to agree with this one.... Granted giving you an ultimatum was dumb on his part, but sometimes people are worried and they just want to force you to do what they think is right.


    *Edit: Noticed you answered this question lol. So then ya...next time he says that, I'd say ok, if that's what you want...bye.
    I agree as well... Have you sat down to talk to him about the reasons he feels so strongly about you losing weight? Have you explained to him that you are doing this to be healthier and that you will not just let your self waste away? Is he worried about your health? there has been quite a bit of reporting on eating disorders lately and maybe he is concerned about that... Does he like your curves? A while back my mom was really into losing weight and as she got slimmer dad started to worry that she would lose her curves (silly I know). They had a good talk and he said, "ok... as long as you take care not to lose too much booty" Sometimes people don't know how to express their concerns and just try to make us do what they think is right and we can missundertand that until we take the time to figure it out.
    Now, if he is just doing it to control you, then perhaps it is time that you take a good look at your relationship...

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