My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!

2

Replies

  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    ummm, totally dump him first! how does he not support you, and threaten to break up with you! my boyfriend tells me he likes me the way i am, but he knows its important to me and supports me anyway. its not fair for you, its your life, your body.. not his!
  • HEATHERB500
    HEATHERB500 Posts: 78 Member
    Hey girl! You need to let him know that you are doing this for you and that you would like him to support you with it. If he is unable to do that then let him be on his way. He is most likely insecure and that's not the type of guy you want to be with anyway. My boyfriend of ten years started this crap too. I told him that if he doesn't want it to that this doesn't concern him. I am also almost finished with my nursing degree and he has tried to sabbatage that too. he knows he no longer has anything to minipulate me with. I have shown him the door, funny thing is he keeps coming back. When I'm done he won't be allowed back. Here's the deal if you explain to him and he is still manipulating and doesn't change or at least try to change his ways within a few months he never will. You will be better off without him. Put yourself in a situation where you do not have to depend on any man for anything. You are young find the things that you enjoy that are separate from him and learn to love yourself. Then when the right guy come along and treats you like you deserve without the immature manipulation bull---- you will be a lot happier. Best of luck in reaching your goals.

    Take it form someone who has been walked all over for ten years!
  • DPruneda17
    DPruneda17 Posts: 124 Member
    I bet he's scared that if you lose weight, that other guys will start to notice you even more. I think he's scared he'll lose you once you get too HOT! ;oP It sounds like he is insecure of himself and your relationship. He may need to be reassured that you losing weight and feeling better about yourself will only improve your relationship. Happy girls make happy boys! haha!

    OR he just likes his girls a little fluffy!
  • ctheslayer
    ctheslayer Posts: 79
    "Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."
    - Eat Pray Love
  • syl312
    syl312 Posts: 31 Member
    Sounds like he's INSECURE and thinks you will move on once you lose the weight!! you do what makes u happy.. :)
  • itsbella
    itsbella Posts: 1,101 Member
    What about him? Is he healthy? Does he care about himself? Could it be that if you get healthier and more beautiful you may want to DUMP HIM FIRST???!!

    Tell him that if he doesn't get healthy with you mind, body and spirit...you're gonna put your boots on that were made for walkin'!! :wink:

    CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL ....it never works!
  • lushy20
    lushy20 Posts: 215 Member
    sounds to me like he is getting worried than you will look better and no long wanna be with him. hes the one with the issues not you. tell him you are doing this for yourself that you wanna feel and look better for him no one else. if hes not happy with that then to me hes not worth your time
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
    I don't know ya'll or the relationship, but it sounds to me like he is looking for an excuse! Maybe, if you want to keep him, ask for a break and do your own thing get healthier and if he doesn't like it when your ready to end the break, then find someone who appreciates you for You! :) Good luck.
  • MysticMaiden22
    MysticMaiden22 Posts: 324 Member
    I say dump the guy. Relationships are about being supportive of your partner. I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't support my venture into better health.
  • vero_1
    vero_1 Posts: 85 Member
    Is your goal within a healthy BMI for you?

    If it is, dump him. No one needs to be given ultimatums. You deserve better!

    If it isn't, maybe he is just concerned for your health.

    I'd have to agree with this one.... Granted giving you an ultimatum was dumb on his part, but sometimes people are worried and they just want to force you to do what they think is right.


    *Edit: Noticed you answered this question lol. So then ya...next time he says that, I'd say ok, if that's what you want...bye.
    I agree as well... Have you sat down to talk to him about the reasons he feels so strongly about you losing weight? Have you explained to him that you are doing this to be healthier and that you will not just let your self waste away? Is he worried about your health? there has been quite a bit of reporting on eating disorders lately and maybe he is concerned about that... Does he like your curves? A while back my mom was really into losing weight and as she got slimmer dad started to worry that she would lose her curves (silly I know). They had a good talk and he said, "ok... as long as you take care not to lose too much booty" Sometimes people don't know how to express their concerns and just try to make us do what they think is right and we can missundertand that until we take the time to figure it out.
    Now, if he is just doing it to control you, then perhaps it is time that you take a good look at your relationship...
  • jillcaudill
    jillcaudill Posts: 54 Member
    I know that it is easy for any of us to say that you should dump him when we aren't the ones with the feelings involved. What is his reason? There could be all kinds of reasons.

    Maybe he has a thing for larger women. Lots of men do. They want the curves and the soft body. You say you were smaller when you met. Has he been trying to fatten you up? That is really selfish if he would keep you from being healthy for his own pleasure. If this is the case then I would call him on it. Maybe he would change his attitude if he realizes how selfish that is. But if he still insists I would seriously consider what your reasons are for staying with him.

    Maybe he is worried that you would be unhealthy if you lose weight. If you are not in a healthy weight and are trying to get to a healthy weight, then maybe you should educate him. If you are trying to get to an unhealthy weight then maybe you should listen to him and he has a right to be concerned.

    Maybe he is worried that you will turn too many heads if you lose the weight. Is he insecure? You know that song "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. And from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you." Well remove pretty and insert skinny, and remove ugly and insert fat. If this is true, then OMG, girl seriously consider why you are with him. Insecurity is not an easy thing for someone to over come, and if they are abusive because of it (and if this is true, then yes, it is very abusive) you are not going to have an easy time changing him. Don't put up with manipulation and control. My advice on this one... RUN!!!
  • melissashparago89
    melissashparago89 Posts: 27
    Okay wow.. I have a few friends like that, but your boyfriend should stand by your side and be your #1 supporter. He does not sound worth your time at all. Regardless of whatever his thinking is-- You are better off without him. You need someone who will support you and love you every step of the way!!

    Good luck to you!
  • kittytrix
    kittytrix Posts: 557 Member
    Here are my thoughts. You look pretty thin from you pic. If this is out of concern that you may be getting too thin, then go to your doctor and see if you are indeed in the healthy weight range already.

    Now there are some guys out there who feel threatened when their girlfriends lose weight because they think their women will leave them. If that's the case, you don't want to be bonded to someone who is that insecure.

    You know what is best for you, but I would say it doesn't hurt to check with a medical professional to see if you are on the right track.
  • sarahnicolexoxo
    sarahnicolexoxo Posts: 230
    When someone loves you...they love everything about you and will support you through every decision that makes you happy. If he's worth it, sit down and have a heart to heart.
  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
    Dump him first. You're doing this for you, not for him. If he doesn't understand that now, he never will!
  • Dlenakakis
    Dlenakakis Posts: 11 Member
    Agree with everyone else - GET A NEW BOYFRIEND
  • Candy42adore
    Candy42adore Posts: 40 Member
    If he truley loves you he will accept you no matter what! If it makes you feel any better I am having the same battle..............but w/my husband:)
  • javamom
    javamom Posts: 309
    Run! You'll burn calories and get rid of somebody who is "weighing" you down at the same time!
  • 60HzShuffle
    60HzShuffle Posts: 51
    Tell him you have plenty of candidates lined up :)
  • mlb929
    mlb929 Posts: 1,974 Member
    I'm not sure what you were seeking in posting this thread. But can't imagine you got the answer you wanted of being told to dump him. After 21 years with my husband, never would he be so disrespectful to not love whatever I weigh at any given moment.

    That said - does he really not like the new you - or is he jealous of your commitment to exercise? Or maybe you are cooking meals that fit a healthier way for you, that he doesn't want to eat. Maybe he simply doesn't want to talk with you about it. My boss tells me that I'm obsessed, because I bring my own lunch now or come in late one day a week for a long run - he was used to me being there super early and we ate out every day - HIS lifestyle changed because of mine. My husband, admittedly isn't pleased when he wants to sleep in on a Saturday, and I have the alarm set for 5:00 to get a work out in before the kids wake up. Its my changes to my lifestyle that affect him. This is my guess as to why he may have said those things.

    My career is in the legal field and I'm familiar with divorces all too much and often, IMO many of them occur because people had different goals and one put them aside to please the other, then oneday the light went on and the person left behind was "suddenly" unhappy. You need to commit for you - no for him or anyone else. There are a lot of fish in the ocean, don't go fishing in a pond that you can't find a good catch.
  • nsueflorence
    nsueflorence Posts: 295 Member
    I second the call for a new boyfriend. If a man can't appreciate you for who you are and what you want to be, he's a chump. You're a beautiful girl, and you'll find plenty of better men out there if he doesn't wise up and support you.


    agreed. also he is most likely jealous of all the attention I am guessing you get anyway from other guys. He couldn't deal with you getting anymore. Do what is right for you. If you are doing it to get healthy then push on and leave him BEHIND!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Wow! He sounds either immature, insecure or looking for a way out! I would talk to him and ask him what the real problem is. Sounds like there are deeper issues.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • Shannon7713
    Shannon7713 Posts: 76 Member
    personally I say it's time for a new boyfriend. Sorry

    AGREE!
  • mvedas
    mvedas Posts: 69
    personally I say it's time for a new boyfriend. Sorry

    Agreed! He should support you no matter what.

    Also agree, he should support your choice to get healthy and not burden you with his self-esteem issues. Stay strong and we're all here to support your weight loss!!
  • calvarado
    calvarado Posts: 72
    Say Adios and find yourself a man that's deserving of you!
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    Wow I have to agree life to short!! New boyfriend!!! Sorry
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    opps:)
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    didnt mean to post that many times sorry
  • Lakeside54321
    Lakeside54321 Posts: 23
    The dude just doesn't want you to look good for other guys.... it is called insecurity.... and he needs to grow up.... However.... let him grow up on someone else's door step!
  • Mrl617
    Mrl617 Posts: 15
    I agree with everyone else. Dump him. Why wouldn't he like the new you?
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