insecure spouses

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  • safetyscott
    safetyscott Posts: 66 Member
    My wife was like this whenever i would go to the gym.....so i bought my own equipment and would workout at home....now she works out with me....i pretty much told her ...Im going on a journey to better myself...you are welcome to come with me, ill hold your hand the whole way....but im not following the path you are going down any longer...because it will eventually mean my end. We been married 22 years..glad she decided to follow me.
  • catmisha
    catmisha Posts: 10
    I think that happens all the time. The only thing I can think of, is having him joint you. Even if he goes only one time to the gym with you and quit, at least he will see what you are doing. Obviously he can see that you are looking better and he is not. Try to make him part of the whole process and try not to show that you are mad. They will take that the wrong way. Love on him a lot even if at the begining you dont feel very excited about it. It will pay off. Men have very poor communications skills. It works better just with more physical contact. Your health is very important. Dont quit.
  • Shamrock40
    Shamrock40 Posts: 264
    It may be a combination of things. It could be that you're not paying as much attention to him now, you're paying more attention to yourself after not doing it for so long. My husband definitely went through withdrawals when we had our first child. "What do you mean I have to do X for myself now?" Yeah, they can be kind of selfish that way, can't they?

    It could be that he's self-conscious about where he's at physically himself. Misery loves company, so if he's not going to change himself, he'll try to change you. What I would do is, (here's the cookie,) for the sake of trying to make things better, on a night you would normally go to the gym by yourself, ask him if he'd go outside and take a walk with you. If he can't keep up in the gym, surely he can keep up with you outside for a walk. Don't make it about working out though, making it about spending time together. Tell him you missed him today, grab his hand and tell him you would rather spend time with him tonight than go to the gym. If you've been together for a long time, it might surprise him. While you're out walking, put your arm around him or hold his hand tell him how much you love him. Talk about something that you loved about him when you first met. (Hopefully something that hasn't changed since.)

    And the next time he brings up cheating, I would flat-out tell him, Wake up!! I was X lbs lighter and in much better shape when I met you and married you. Don't you think that if I wanted someone else, I could have gotten them then? I married YOU, when I was in better shape because I love YOU!

    And if it doesn't improve, I'd see a counselor because those types of accusations are really hurtful and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
  • cory17
    cory17 Posts: 1,503 Member
    It's HIS insecurities, messed up mind. Mine complains that I go to the gym in am, complains that I've gained weight, also thinks I've got a secret boyfriend somewhere, won't do anything together, complains that he doesn't do anything, has a gym membership he pays but hasn't used in 15 years - see the common factor? It's him!! Thus, do whatever YOU think is the right thing for you and your health. And yes, the other posters are correct, often the accusers ARE truly cheating in some form. It's their craziness.
  • gallicinvasion
    gallicinvasion Posts: 1,015 Member
    This thread is honestly terrifying. All these goal-oriented women with husband trying to guilt and pout them into stopping their positive life changes. Disgusting. Those men need to grow up.
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,814 Member
    Well I certainly hope they worked this out in the last eight years...

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