Is it rude to ask a pregnant women when she's due

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  • carinthea
    carinthea Posts: 97 Member
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    A friend of mine I haven't seen for years but keep in touch with on Facebook kept on making allusions to a 'bump' (as did many of her regular visitor friends). I didn't ask (is it bad to say tbh didn't much care?)...found out that indeed she had been expecting when she posted a multitude of baby pictures on her Facebook feed. Some people don't post about it, and don't talk about it outside of their close knit group of friends, and I agree with others who say that unless you know for a fact that they are expecting don't ask, there may be a reason why they aren't saying anything.
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
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    OP - How would you feel if someone assumed you were 9 months pregnant when you weren't? Even if you're one of those superhumans who have the perfect level of self-esteem that keeps you from being offended when someone assumes your stomach is large enough to contain a 9 month old human being when said baby doesn't exist, can you see how someone might be offended by that?
  • marquishagetaka
    marquishagetaka Posts: 322
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    I don't, once before I asked a co-worker. That was no fun, she grilled me, she had a tumor. Now I just keep my mouth shut.
  • Nikachelle
    Nikachelle Posts: 66 Member
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    Never EVER ask if they are pregnant. It's up to them to tell you.

    If they're not pregnant, you've just called them fat and hurt their feelings terribly. It's not worth it. (And yep, this has happened to me in the past.)
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
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    It's extremely rude. The woman you ask could be overweight rather than pregnant. If you're not friendly enough with her for her to tell you of her own accord when she's due, then what business is it of yours in the first place?

    Extremely rude? What business is it? So, how far does this invasion of privacy by attempting polite conversation extend? Can i ask if she's having a good day or might that be extremely rude because her dog might have just died? Plus what business is it of mine how her day is going? Can i ask if she's enjoying the weather? No, because her aunt might have just died in a tornado in Kansas. Besides, what business is it of mine if she's having a good day.

    it's just questions. ain't nobody dying cuz they got asked a question. and if they are, well, then they should talk to someone about being wound so tight.

    As someone who carried my weight in my belly when I was bigger, I'm going to go with don't ask, because it is insulting.

    I was asked multiple times if I was pregnant or when I was due, and those were some of the most devastating moment of my life when it came to my self-esteem and body image. I understand that for the most part those comments weren't malicious, but it is rude.

    I also have a good friend of mine who has a tumor in her abdomen that they haven't been able to surgically remove yet and who looks pregnant because of it. When people point that out, she's stuck with a really difficult decision and it's unfair to put someone in a position where they have to expose something personal to you, especially if you don't know them.

    Another good friend of mine is pregnant, but has no intent on keeping the baby and has already found a couple for adoption, and when she's asked by strangers, it's a conversation that she just doesn't want to have and is a further reminder of what she's going through.

    Being pregnant is very personal, even if you're 9 months, ready to pop type pregnant. Unless a stranger grabs you and goes "my water just broke" you should keep your mouth shut about her potential pregnancy.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    If you don't know her well enough that she's told you she's pregnant then don't ask!
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I wouldn't.

    But I'm an extremely private person, so I rarely ask anyone anything that I wouldn't want to share.

    People keep asking my boss when she's due. She used to be very slim but over the past year she's put on about 30 lbs and it all went straight to her stomach. She does look a little pregnant, but she's still in tears every time someone asks.
  • dmoses
    dmoses Posts: 786 Member
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    Um, yea, I don't touch that subject with strangers. Ever. The baby could be popping out and I'd be all "so, how's your day?"

    wise wise man!
  • SairaJ28
    SairaJ28 Posts: 9
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    Why would you want to ask? I personally would never ask, even if they are shopping for newborn baby clothes. It's none of my business, if they want to tell me, then they will.
  • Lesleycali
    Lesleycali Posts: 236 Member
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    I agree with most of the others, don't bring it up. If they aren't pregnant it will be so upsetting (it happened to me twice), and if they are pregnant there is a good chance they don't feel like talking about it. When I WAS pregnant I grew so tired of discussing my body and life with friends and coworkers and strangers. If they start talking about being pregnant, then go ahead and ask away, just let them initiate the conversation.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    You don't:ohwell:
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    If you don't know her, how do you KNOW she's pregnant? She could have a belly from being overweight.

    And....if you don't know her, it's really none of your business anyway if/when her due date is.

    Edited to add: Even if you do know her, and she hasn't told you she's pregnant, DON'T ASK. It's none of your business!
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    Don't do it unless you know for sure they're pregnant. Think of how awful that would be if it happened to you. And anyway, is it just for small talk or do you really feel the need to know that?
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    It's extremely rude. The woman you ask could be overweight rather than pregnant. If you're not friendly enough with her for her to tell you of her own accord when she's due, then what business is it of yours in the first place?

    Extremely rude? What business is it? So, how far does this invasion of privacy by attempting polite conversation extend? Can i ask if she's having a good day or might that be extremely rude because her dog might have just died? Plus what business is it of mine how her day is going? Can i ask if she's enjoying the weather? No, because her aunt might have just died in a tornado in Kansas. Besides, what business is it of mine if she's having a good day.

    it's just questions. ain't nobody dying cuz they got asked a question. and if they are, well, then they should talk to someone about being wound so tight.

    As someone who carried my weight in my belly when I was bigger, I'm going to go with don't ask, because it is insulting.

    I was asked multiple times if I was pregnant or when I was due, and those were some of the most devastating moment of my life when it came to my self-esteem and body image. I understand that for the most part those comments weren't malicious, but it is rude.

    I also have a good friend of mine who has a tumor in her abdomen that they haven't been able to surgically remove yet and who looks pregnant because of it. When people point that out, she's stuck with a really difficult decision and it's unfair to put someone in a position where they have to expose something personal to you, especially if you don't know them.

    Another good friend of mine is pregnant, but has no intent on keeping the baby and has already found a couple for adoption, and when she's asked by strangers, it's a conversation that she just doesn't want to have and is a further reminder of what she's going through.

    Being pregnant is very personal, even if you're 9 months, ready to pop type pregnant. Unless a stranger grabs you and goes "my water just broke" you should keep your mouth shut about her potential pregnancy.

    That's a lot of really good points that people probably don't think of.
  • feedmedonuts
    feedmedonuts Posts: 241 Member
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    I don't know. Maybe I lack people skills but I refuse to ask at all unless I *KNOW* they're pregnant. Also don't make comments on their bodies if they do tell you. For example....the first few months people said I wasn't showing at all and would say I don't look pregnant, etc. Ok that might be kind of a good thing but then it caused me some anxiety and I was worried about my babys health. Then my belly decided to POP and someone asked me how far along I was. When I said 5.5months she looked shocked and said my belly is "awfully big" for only 5.5months. Then I felt morbidly obese :indifferent: Why do people find the need to even comment at all?!
  • kobiemom
    kobiemom Posts: 218 Member
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    Favorite Dave Barry quote: "Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless she's actively giving birth."
  • ColeCake292012
    ColeCake292012 Posts: 247 Member
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    I never ask unless it has been implied by them that they are, in fact, pregnant!
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Unless she has specifically told you that she is currently pregnant, then NO, it is not ok to ask.

    I say this as someone who carries my weight around my belly and have been asked many times before when I am due and have had complete strangers touch my non-pregnant, just fat, belly. It's uncomfortable. Even now at a healthy weight, if I am bloated, then I look pregnant. Just yesterday I had a cashier at the grocery store tell me that I shouldn't be consuming the canned tuna that I was buying because it is "bad for the baby." So...NEVER EVER ASSUME. Unless you see that baby popping out, or if she starts the conversation by stating that she is currently pregnant, DO NOT assume.
  • Zerodette
    Zerodette Posts: 200 Member
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    I am an OB and I joke that I wouldn't even ask a patient on Labor and Delivery if she was pregnant.

    If you don't know the lady it's really not your business. Sure, babies are cute and fun, and having a baby is USUALLY joyful. But what if she is newly postpartum after delivering a baby that is very sick or has died? What if she's still pregnant with a baby that she found out is going to have serious problems? Hey, what if it's actually an abdominal tumor she's having removed next week? It's not okay to insert yourself into a stranger's other medical conditions, is it?

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