Type 1 diabetic in need of support and help

Hello Jeff, I am a type 1 diabetic, having been diagnosed more than 40 years ago. I can relate to everything about which you wrote! To be honest, I don't know how I have managed to live with this disease as long as I have, as I also have been the furthest example of the "good" diabetic for many, many years. In the past couple of years I have begun showing some of the signs and symptoms of some of the complications related to our diabetes...slight kidney damage, retinopathy, neuropathy, etc. But regardless of this, I still have the hardest time breaking old habits such as my sweet tooth and I don't know why. All doctors seem to say is, "Just stop doing it.", as though those words alone are going to stop the bad eating habits. As diabetics, we all know why we should adopt better eating habits and healthier lifestyles. But, I have yet to meet one medical person that is willing to focus on the "how" aspect of it. My sweet tooth really spiraled out of control a few years ago when my blood sugar fell to a dangerous low of about 25 during the night. I don't know how I did it but I managed to flop myself out of my bed and literally drag myself to the kitchen where I knew I had a regular soda on the bottom shelf of the fridge. (sugar tablets in my headboard were new and still wrapped in plastic which I could not open since I was so very disoriented). Some how I managed to make it to that soda, but not before creating a phobia that has left me scarred both physically and emotionally. I have scars on my chest and forearms from having drug myself across the carpet to the point that the carpet burn was bleeding and raw. But the emotional scars are even worse. I am so terrified of it happening again that I purposely allow my blood sugars to run high. I sleep with the lights on, what little I manage to sleep at all anymore. I have aged more in the last few years, ever since that one incident occurred, than I have in the last 10 years before it happened. I have attempted speaking with several different doctors, nurses, dieticians, you name it, about this crippling fear, all to no avail. I have researched pumps, cgms, etc. till I am blue in the face, convinced that if I could find a doctor that would set me up with a system that I could make many of the necessary changes I need to in order to improve and prolong my life. They all said the same thing, which makes no sense to me at all, "You need to be in tight control before switching over to insulin pump therapy with a cgm." If I were in tight control I would not need the new technology, would I? To make matters even worse and as many diabetics may or may not know, the longer I have this condition, the more subtle the symptoms of high and low blood sugars have become. My 35 feels no different than my 450 anymore. In fact, I have to fall lower than 30 or go higher than 500 before I notice anything at all anymore. But, I am happy to say that after seeing my new endo doctor last week, I finally have a doctor that agrees with me and is willing to try me out with the latest pump therapy, Minimed 530G with the Enlite Sensor AND the MySentry night system so that maybe I can finally get some much needed sleep...who knows, maybe even with the lights off someday. Now if I can find a way to put down the sweets, I would be a lot better off still. They started out as my crutch developed from a fear of low bs, especially at night. But now as I am about to get the pump therapy I have been begging for for years now, I still find myself wanting sweets so badly I cannot believe. Does anyone have any suggestions or am I the only idiot that has this problem? I have had hundreds, probably thousands of incidents of low bs at all hours of the day and night. But this particular one has really put a fear into me, creating horrible habits, that I just cannot seem to shake! Help!