need help with my wife

Have you talked to her about this? I mean, really talked? Is she tired, is she stressed? What is behind the not eating? If you're in the Navy, you have health care resources that you can take advantage of if needed.

I totally agree with this point! About a month ago, I went through a separation and even though I was the one who "tore off the band aid" so to speak, it devastated me. After that I would go until 5 or 6 at night without eating, and not even realizing I wasn't eating because of the other things going on around me. I would also binge and then not eat for a day; this went on for a good 3 weeks, so not the same as your wife but just an example. Granted the break up became ugly and really brutal, and obviously your wife is not going through a break up, but the point is that something mental/psychological - anything, literally - could be causing this. Being healthy is usually just as much mental as it is physical. Maybe there is something goin on that she can't talk to you about, or feels like she can't.

That being said, she is an adult and she needs to realize that what she's doing is not only self-destructive it's causing problems with those closest to her. For example, if your children see their mom doesn't eat and she is staying thin (which, as we all know is the thing to be, as media tells us) it can cause your children to have an unhealthy relationship with food later on in life.

Definitely would recommend some counselling or seeking help from a doctor/nutrition specialist. Good Luck!

I wish I could introduce her to my mom.
My mom will never admit that she's had an eating disorder her whole life. She was always proud that she was skinny, that she didn't need to eat regular meals. As the years went by, she started to eliminate entire normal foods because of one reason or another. Beef will give her high cholesterol. Pasta will give her heartburn. Chicken could give her salmanella. Even things like vegetables will give her gas Little by little she withered away.
She is now 62 years old and crippled with what the doctors will only call IBS constipation version. Every morning she is in severe pain. She needs pain pills to get through the day. The rest of her life where she is supposed to be enjoying it is pretty much ruined. She doesn't believe she will ever be pain free again. Once or twice a week she begs my poor father who has to deal with this to take her to the hospital. At this point, no doctor will even work with her because they all say there is nothing they can do.
They believe it was caused from YEARS of eating too little. Her intenstines have atrophied from under use. The solution would be to gain weight, but at an older age plus with a system that doesn't process food correctly anymore, that's pretty much impossible.
She's miserable and will likely be for the rest of her years at a young 62.
She tells me all of the time she wishes she could talk to the younger her and tell her to eat more. So since she can't, read this to your wife so she can see where her future self will be heading if she doesn't begin to take nutrition seriously.

She also needs to start taking responsibility for herself since she's a grown woman. If this means you have to take her in to see a professional about her eating disorder, then that's what it means. Tell her how much it scares you that she may not be around in a few years because of her behaviour. Maybe she needs to start sending you e-mails or text messages showing her eating a plate of food three to four times a day. You shouldn't have to look after her like that, but for now, to help her, it might be necessary. Tell her you're going to keep an eye on her food and the garbage can.

Best of luck.

she is his WIFE. what do you mean he shouldn't have to look after her like that? she is experiencing difficult times and the worst thing he can do to her is not be supportive.

Um.. yes.. I said he should help her. But she also needs to help herself or the problem will not be resolved. It's the very same thing as weight loss. Until a person wants to do it for themselves, it's extremely difficult to do anything for them. So yes she ALSO has to take responsibility. That doesn't mean he can't help her when she's ready. And why does she have to take responsibility? Because she's an adult. If she were a child, sure he could force her to do what he wants. But that's not the case. When I said he shouldn't have to "look after her like that" I meant he shouldn't be treating her like a child because she isn't one. Not that he doesn't have a responsibility to be supportive as her husband. Obviously the photo thing was just an idea that WOULD require both people to be actively participating in the effort to get her healthy. I never said it was a good idea! Just that it was one. A professional is obviously who they need to talk to.

If it were me having the issue, a month of my husband making me do this might really ring home with me and make me realize how much help I need.

She also needs to start taking responsibility for herself since she's a grown woman. If this means you have to take her in to see a professional about her eating disorder, then that's what it means. Tell her how much it scares you that she may not be around in a few years because of her behaviour. Maybe she needs to start sending you e-mails or text messages showing her eating a plate of food three to four times a day. You shouldn't have to look after her like that, but for now, to help her, it might be necessary. Tell her you're going to keep an eye on her food and the garbage can.

Best of luck.

she is his WIFE. what do you mean he shouldn't have to look after her like that? she is experiencing difficult times and the worst thing he can do to her is not be supportive.

Um.. yes.. I said he should help her. But she also needs to help herself or the problem will not be resolved. It's the very same thing as weight loss. Until a person wants to do it for themselves, it's extremely difficult to do anything for them. So yes she ALSO has to take responsibility. That doesn't mean he can't help her when she's ready. And why does she have to take responsibility? Because she's an adult. If she were a child, sure he could force her to do what he wants. But that's not the case. When I said he shouldn't have to "look after her like that" I meant he shouldn't be treating her like a child because she isn't one. Not that he doesn't have a responsibility to be supportive as her husband. Obviously the photo thing was just an idea that WOULD require both people to be actively participating in the effort to get her healthy. I never said it was a good idea! Just that it was one. A professional is obviously who they need to talk to.

If it were me having the issue, a month of my husband making me do this might really ring home with me and make me realize how much help I need.

i see what you mean. you have some good points but there are so many women who suffer ED and never seem to realize that they have a problem. im not sure if it is denial or if they really believe that it is ok not to eat

Try meal prepping. On the weekend, prep some meals for the remainder of the week. It will be easier since everything is already cooked and portioned out into containers.

Maybe take a cooking class together. It may create a spark of enjoyment, and it could be a nice way to bond and just have some fun together.

the fact that you think she's lazy and would actually write that on a semi-public forum is disturbing. I guarantee she knows that you think that about her and so you can't expect her to trust you. Just my humble opinion.