Don't believe in myself

Kp203N
Kp203N Posts: 22
in Motivation and Support
How do i get started in reaching my goals? I know I can reach my goals, I've done it before, but I just can't seem to get out of a slump and reach my goals. I have gained 29 pounds and have lost 1 this week. (good as long as i keep it lost) I wrote my new goals down but I don't believe in myself. i took one step away from my computer and my heart sank. I can't possibly reach my goals. i suck. That's how I feel. What's wrong with me? Why can't I begin to feel batter about myself? i don't even know what goals i want. I've thought about them so much that they are just a mish mash of words in my head and I get all confused. I've had panic attacks before (I have generalized anxiety disorder, but please don't talk to me like i'm crazy :) ) I just want to feel better about myself but I don't believe anyone believes in me and I don't believe in myself. What do it do?
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Replies

  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
    For me, I went and checked out the success stories thread....the stories and photos there are SO motivating and inspiring. I started running because of them and now I'm in love with it. If you've done it before, there's no reason to think you can't do it again. Surround yourself with positivity and give yourself a pep talk. You got this.
  • rogerOb1
    rogerOb1 Posts: 318 Member
    Everyone has days when they don't feel at their most motivated....its OK, just continue to eat better than you did before and exercise more, and eventually good things will happen (not as quick as we would all like, but they happen). Id say settle on a long term goal and then think about a shorter term goal too. (e.g. I'd pick out a t-shirt that doesn't quite fit the way I want and work towards making it a better fit).

    Id definitely agree about checking out the success stories on this site - and theres no reason why you cant be one of them too one day.
  • divediva2
    divediva2 Posts: 297 Member
    It is tough, overwhelming and scary to look at all you have to do to become healthy. My first advice is to stop the negative thoughts and talks in your head. Think about what you would say to your best friend or a loved one if they talked about themselves negatively. You would point out the good things they are doing, the positive. You would tell them how much they are worth the effort, how much they are loved and while not perfect they are the best they can be right now.

    Goal setting is not easy. Take a moment and think about a simple goal you can do today, it could be getting 6-8 glasses of water, or eating 4-5 veg servings. Just make a simple one day goal and then move to the next day. Baby steps. Making too many goals are going to overwhelm you so make simple ones, day to day. You will find it easier as the days go on and soon you will be ready to make bigger long term goals.

    I know how it feels to be paralyzed like you describe. Right now I am in a very good place. I realized I cannot do this on my own. My answer to breaking free was to get a trainer to help. i lucked out and have a fabulous one, I can cry, complain, state my fears and she will talk me through them. 4 weeks in and I am feeling wonderful. I am fitter (not as fit as I can be!) and I sleep better. Now that those two issues have fallen into a good place I am more involved in eating healthily. It is all coming together. My first goal was to get a trainer. I did and I am so glad.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    doing things- gets things done.

    Just take a step and do something- don't get bogged down in over thinking.
  • VaxSA
    VaxSA Posts: 90 Member
    I believe in you!
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    doing things- gets things done.

    Just take a step and do something- don't get bogged down in over thinking.

    ^^ this - just go and do it and stop overthinking it.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    I was laid off from my job last year and I had those same feelings. I'm a failure, I suck, I'll die penniless on the street, I'll never get hired again, etc etc etc. It was awful!!

    A couple of things got me through it:

    1) Trying. No matter how down I was, I got up and turned on the computer and looked for jobs. I answered every phone call, went on every interview. It was up and down - I got a couple of great jobs, but both were short-term contracts. I got turned down for a job I really wanted, and then I (with barely any savings left) turned down a job for lowballing me. Life was really all over the place, but every day one foot went in front of the other anyway.

    2) Talking. Like you're doing now - reach out, ask people to give you some love and encouragement to get you through the toughest times so that all of the trying can eventually pay off.
  • love8383
    love8383 Posts: 169
    you only have 29 lbs to lose, a lot of people on here have 100+ to lose, just do it in small increments 1 or 2 lbs per week, stress makes losing weight even harder so try not to over think it, i would set a calories goal and weigh in no more than once a week so you don't get obsessed with the numbers.
  • jpa2161
    jpa2161 Posts: 5
    I am one with over 100 pounds to lose. It's not going to happen overnight I learned. But after 20 days my weight has dropped about 15 pounds but I keep wishing I would see a physical change but don't expect to for a while still. I just focus on eating healthy, logging my food, watching my calorie intake, etc. You will get there :)
  • Kp203N
    Kp203N Posts: 22
    you only have 29 lbs to lose, a lot of people on here have 100+ to lose, just do it in small increments 1 or 2 lbs per week, stress makes losing weight even harder so try not to over think it, i would set a calories goal and weigh in no more than once a week so you don't get obsessed with the numbers.

    No I don't. I have a small goal of 29 pounds (for now) I have to lose about 140 to reach my goal weight. (of 135) Sorry If i forgot to mention that. Stress does make it harder. And I have already have done those 2 things :) I think I just overthink and worry over it. Thanks :)
  • Kp203N
    Kp203N Posts: 22
    Thank you all for your posts. :)
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself :flowerforyou:
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
    Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself :flowerforyou:

    +1 Change one small habit at a time. That's how we all do it. Maybe drink a large glass of water right when you wake up and with every meal. You'll be surprised at the avalanche a small change can turn in to. Stick to it. Don't make excuses.
  • Sommerville_Nutrition
    Sommerville_Nutrition Posts: 20 Member
    Two things..

    1) ."If you don't believe in yourself no one else will"

    2) And I have a 10 minute rule. I vow to exercise for only 10 minutes when I am feel depressed or stressed I don't set myself up for failure and say oh this week I am going to the gym X number of times and going to do this and that. I just say okay today I'm giving myself 10 minutes, that could be climbing stairs, ride my bike running or walking. What I have found out is 10 minutes runs into 15, 15 into 20 and before you know it wow where did the time go. If your trying to diet then don't over exercise you body will go into starvation mode and say whooaaaa I'm hanging on to the that fat cause I'm gonna need it. And yes tons of water!!! Water = urination and sweating and that is the only way you can release fat unless your getting lipo. I'll throw in my personal favorite as an added bonus. Chia seeds. The dieting miracle I swear. 1 teaspoon for breakfast and one for lunch. It makes you feel full! It's good for you and a great source of dietary fiber. Trust me it works!
  • healthyartist59
    healthyartist59 Posts: 1 Member
    Believing in the goals we set for ourselves is a confirmation in itself that we believe in our self. Taking a situation mentally to what you feel would be the worst outcome in any situation, prepares you for the bumps along the way because you have already allowed yourself to think about it. The best part is, because you have given it thought, you have started to prepare yourself for any down slides and realize that you can persevere! Surround yourself with positive motivators, be it friends, music, activities/hobbies - don't consume yourself just with weight loss. Make your new goal a part of your daily routine, just like you would getting ready for work. We don't achieve success in all areas of our lives at all times, sometimes we achieve, sometimes we don't. The best routine to get into is to commit to a routine, and keep committing until it comes naturally. Most changes in behavior take at least 30 days or repetativeness before we become comfortable with it to the point of feeling no effort was made to achieve the changes. Our greatest gift is choice. Better yet is that there is no limitation on how many times we choose! That is totally in your control. So keep choosing to commit to the goals you have set. You will get there.
  • Kp203N
    Kp203N Posts: 22
    Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself :flowerforyou:

    +1 Change one small habit at a time. That's how we all do it. Maybe drink a large glass of water right when you wake up and with every meal. You'll be surprised at the avalanche a small change can turn in to. Stick to it. Don't make excuses.

    Thank you guys :)
  • Kp203N
    Kp203N Posts: 22
    Believing in the goals we set for ourselves is a confirmation in itself that we believe in our self. Taking a situation mentally to what you feel would be the worst outcome in any situation, prepares you for the bumps along the way because you have already allowed yourself to think about it. The best part is, because you have given it thought, you have started to prepare yourself for any down slides and realize that you can persevere! Surround yourself with positive motivators, be it friends, music, activities/hobbies - don't consume yourself just with weight loss. Make your new goal a part of your daily routine, just like you would getting ready for work. We don't achieve success in all areas of our lives at all times, sometimes we achieve, sometimes we don't. The best routine to get into is to commit to a routine, and keep committing until it comes naturally. Most changes in behavior take at least 30 days or repetativeness before we become comfortable with it to the point of feeling no effort was made to achieve the changes. Our greatest gift is choice. Better yet is that there is no limitation on how many times we choose! That is totally in your control. So keep choosing to commit to the goals you have set. You will get there.
    Thanks I'm not giving up. :)
  • squirrelzzrule22
    squirrelzzrule22 Posts: 640 Member
    I have anxiety problems too, and for me being on top of health and nutrition and exercise actually REALLY helps with the anxiety. So stick with it, day by day, because you CAN do it. You want to lose 30lbs....that is similar to my goal as well. There are people on here who have lost LITERALLY HUNDREDS. If they can turn their lives around like that, you and I can get fit, healthy, and in shape!
  • Solar_Cat
    Solar_Cat Posts: 188 Member
    Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself :flowerforyou:
    ^^^ This.

    And I've noticed that part of being kind to myself means not getting drawn into ANY of the self talk. If I notice the thought "I suck" and then try to counter it with the thought "No, I'm awesome," the only thing I accomplish is starting a mental war. I find it works much better when I disbelieve any and all such random thoughts, and simply get on with doing what I need to be doing. Ignore the commentary. It's just buzzing.
  • bukowski_shine
    bukowski_shine Posts: 70 Member
    If your trying to diet then don't over exercise you body will go into starvation mode and say whooaaaa I'm hanging on to the that fat cause I'm gonna need it.
    But if you are starving your body isn't is already time for it to use that extra fat instead of hanging on to it? :smokin:
  • bimmerjt9
    bimmerjt9 Posts: 20
    It is easier and less stressful to me to not fret over the weight goals. I just made the decision to eat healthy and slowly increase my physical activity as my body can handle it without busting myself up over it. It is easy to get worked up and anxious watching for results. Contrary to what some have said the success stories can make me anxious to see my own results but can also be inspiring. The resolution to make a life style change is something you can accomplish relatively quickly, it's not easy. For me it took a serious health scare. It has been 6 months and I've lost about 10% of my body weight but since joining mfp and really tracking my food intake it has been coming off faster.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    Try breaking things down into smaller chunks that are more easily attainable. Write them down along with reasonable deadlines for achieving them (for example, run 1 mile without stopping by Halloween) and work towards those smaller goals. They will make the bigger goals happen without you even noticing them.
  • Sunbrooke
    Sunbrooke Posts: 632 Member
    I can relate. I don't believe in myself either, and I am thin and in shape. You need to set little goals and then achieve them. Set easy goals, like working out for 10 mins for five days straight. Then increase it. Don't say a calorie goal that is too aggressive either. Whe. You are feeling down, you need to build yourself back up. If you make goals that are a stretch, you will feel worse if you don't meet them... Also, if you don't feel like working out at all, or want to binge and go over your conservative calorie goal, remind yourself that that you are worth meeting goals and feeling good. You deserve to feel good.
  • Effalunt
    Effalunt Posts: 40 Member
    I second those who have suggested breaking your goals into smaller pieces. I realize the first 29 pounds is part of a larger weightloss plan, but what are your other goals? If everything feels like it's too much, can you decide what is your top priority right now? You don't have to accomplish everything on your list, but if have some smaller victories you might have some forward momentum.

    Best of luck to you.
  • Kp203N
    Kp203N Posts: 22
    It is easier and less stressful to me to not fret over the weight goals. I just made the decision to eat healthy and slowly increase my physical activity as my body can handle it without busting myself up over it. It is easy to get worked up and anxious watching for results. Contrary to what some have said the success stories can make me anxious to see my own results but can also be inspiring. The resolution to make a life style change is something you can accomplish relatively quickly, it's not easy. For me it took a serious health scare. It has been 6 months and I've lost about 10% of my body weight but since joining mfp and really tracking my food intake it has been coming off faster.

    I understand that. I look at some and get disappointed because my body doesn't look like that. But they are still inspiring :)
  • dani85pex
    dani85pex Posts: 18
    How do i get started in reaching my goals? I know I can reach my goals, I've done it before, but I just can't seem to get out of a slump and reach my goals. I have gained 29 pounds and have lost 1 this week. (good as long as i keep it lost) I wrote my new goals down but I don't believe in myself. i took one step away from my computer and my heart sank. I can't possibly reach my goals. i suck. That's how I feel. What's wrong with me? Why can't I begin to feel batter about myself? i don't even know what goals i want. I've thought about them so much that they are just a mish mash of words in my head and I get all confused. I've had panic attacks before (I have generalized anxiety disorder, but please don't talk to me like i'm crazy :) ) I just want to feel better about myself but I don't believe anyone believes in me and I don't believe in myself. What do it do?

    HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS.....now breathe, relax....you've said you've done this before so you know your capabilities! YOU WILL DO THIS! You've already made a good decision and came to the ppl that understand and are exactly where you are or have been....own what you can accomplish and know we're all here for you....Every.Step.Of.The.Way.....as far as your anxietry, I get it....go outside and get some fresh air, no matter the weather, and just breathe. If that does not help, as someone that can relate, medically...there's nothing wrong with calling your doctor and sharing what's going on....Our minds do play tricks and even more so when you're doing something out of the norm or changing was was routine. Having anxiety those can be big triggers for you. I hope this helps. I believe in you. HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I understand that. I look at some and get disappointed because my body doesn't look like that. But they are still inspiring :)

    well get used to that- and get out of your own head.

    Apparently I (according to some) have a body to die for... and I still have self doubt and image issues occasionally- we ALL have bad days.

    It's hard- but you have to work on separating who you are and your self worth from what you look like.

    You have to find a happy place about YOU- that is completely separate and not tied to your physical appearance. Because if you don't- when you get to your goal weight- you're going to find yourself deeply unhappy that you have "arrived" and yet somehow you still feel hollow about yourself. Don't rely on "when I get to that- I'm going to be happy" It'll never happen- you have to work on that stuff now.
  • drepublic
    drepublic Posts: 180 Member
    Why can't I begin to feel batter about myself? i don't even know what goals i want. I've thought about them so much that they are just a mish mash of words in my head and I get all confused. I've had panic attacks before (I have generalized anxiety disorder, but please don't talk to me like i'm crazy :) ) I just want to feel better about myself but I don't believe anyone believes in me and I don't believe in myself. What do it do?

    Having recently went through a panic attack not knowing what was going on (scared the daylights out of me), I understand. I had to keep telling myself "It's all in your head..." Scary stuff...

    Regarding the "Belief that you are worth the effort," I highly recommend you plug into Personal Development.

    I usually recommend John C. Maxwells book "The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth" and another book from him called "Failing Forward." Both life changing in my opinion.

    From the 15 Laws My favorite Law is the "Law of the Mirror" which says: You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself. And the author does give tips on improving your self image, which then raises the ceiling of your potential, because you believe you can lose the weight...you will do the work...just like you did last time. :happy:
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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  • Fsunami
    Fsunami Posts: 241 Member
    you only have 29 lbs to lose, a lot of people on here have 100+ to lose, just do it in small increments 1 or 2 lbs per week, stress makes losing weight even harder so try not to over think it, i would set a calories goal and weigh in no more than once a week so you don't get obsessed with the numbers.

    No I don't. I have a small goal of 29 pounds (for now) I have to lose about 140 to reach my goal weight. (of 135) Sorry If i forgot to mention that. Stress does make it harder. And I have already have done those 2 things :) I think I just overthink and worry over it. Thanks :)

    I was an overthinker for 44 years. I thought it helped me out (and maybe in some ways it did), but have learned in the big picture that all it does is overcomplicate things.

    You only have today. Yesterday is done and tomorrow isnt here yet. You cant undo the past, or control what is to come.

    What you can do? Focus on today. Focus on being successful today. Focus on that which you have accomplished, not what you havent.

    Try to simplify things, and take pride in your successes.

    If you have 29 to lose, lose 1 pound. 29 times.
    If you have 140 to lose, lose 1 pound. 140 times.

    You dont have to do it all by tomorrow. And no matter who we are, we can only eat one piece of the elephant at a time.

    Give yourself credit for being motivated to do.

    And make a conscuous effort to eliminate negative self talk WHENEVER it pops up. It doesnt benefit you, its counterproductive, and ultimantely toxic to yoo.

    Been there on the anxiiety, etc. I know of what you speak.

    Believe in you. The rest of us do. But at the end of the day? It HAS to come from within. Otherwise, its a band-aid.

    Reach out if you need a supportive friend...

    Fsunami

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