Write it All Down... && Burn that #%*@

Just a little insight, thought I would share, it might help someone:
I am sure you have seen the shows where they write everything that hurt them, or whatever on a piece of paper and then burn it. I always thought that was SO silly. Growing up a lot of things happened to me and burning a piece of paper isn't going to make me feel "free" or whatever. Or...so I thought. Stay with me here.
About a week or two ago I started to go through a lot of "moments". A "moment" to me is a time when something happens, someone says something, or something just 'clicks' and it changes you...forever. The one I'm talking about here is when I realized I was punishing myself for all of my mistakes in the past. In other words I was holding myself back!! I really was, and probably still am, because I'm still working on it.
Here is what was going through my mind: Alright, SO when I was 16, maybe 17 years old, I had BIIIIIG dreams, high hopes, all these ideas about how MY life was going to be. OF COURSE, I was perfect, so nothing was going to stop me. Fast Forward: I'm 25 and I realize, life is NOT that simple. You can't just write everything down and tell yourself you are going to do it and hate yourself for ever if something goes wrong? I mean I hated myself because I dropped out of high school, because I got involved with abusive people, because I allowed people to hurt me, because I didn't finish school, because I gained weight...The list goes on. So then I started thinking about this as a plan. The plan I developed when I was 17 was as follows: Go to school get a degree in sociology, communications, and Spanish. (All three full bachelors, no minors). Marry at 25, have children at 30, I wanted to travel every year (a different country), be fluent in 5 languages (I'm 3 short), I wanted a 5 bedroom house with a garage and a boat. Now according the that plan, I'm a reaaaaaaaaaaaal loser. I hated myself because I messed everything up, I made bad decisions and chose the wrong paths, I just did everything wrong, and because of that I couldn't move forward. NO joke: In the past 2 to 3 years my life hasn't really changed (except for having the most amazing baby and getting the most amazing boyfriend). I'm still at the same place in my education, pretty much the same position at my job... gained like 70 pounds and keep 'trying' to lose it. I despised myself and thought I was a failure and therefore nulling my ability to move forward/develop in my life. Then the moment happened: One morning, about a week ago I was getting ready for work and the thought just hit me...

THAT PLAN IS VOID!!! I mean I was 17, I didn't KNOW anything. Oh believe, I thought I did, but I didn't. So since I've decided, I need a NEW plan. I've been developing one. It doesn't matter what I was going to do, or should have done. That part of my life is over all I can do is control the future. So I'm 25 and I'm writing a new plan and I'm burning the old one!!


...I hope no one takes this wrong and thinks I'm saying don't have big dreams or anything. I am not saying that, I'm saying forgive yourself for the past and move forward. Make love to the future!