Need friends with kids, family on spectrum

My son is not on the spectrum, but from one mother to another we all feel like we are screwing it up sometimes. This is a difficult transition for both of you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, but I am sure things will get better when you both get more comfortable with the routine. Keep doing the best you can, you have a difficult job. Head up :-)

I'm on the spectrum. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my mid-twenties, but I can say without at doubt that although I wasn't diagnosed, high school was pretty damned awful. The socialization aspect was definitely the hardest... I studied hard and got good grades.. and I had good friends who looked out for me... but I didn't spend a whole lot of time with them, outside of school. I didn't really know how.

Then again, things were kind of weirdly easier for me at that age because I actually caught glandular fever (mono?) at that age and barely the house for about three months. I was ill with it for a while and honestly it was a great excuse to get out of socialising. It probably made things harder for me in the long run though.

School is weird, because the whole social dynamic changes so fast around you. All of a sudden you've got all these weird decisions to be making about how you're going to handle important social issues... and you don't have your normal sources to gain information from - I'm talking things like drink, sex, drugs - you can't ask anybody about how to handle this stuff, because you're not learning it naturally in the way that NT people do and any NT responses are going to be useless because they're approaching from an entirely alien angle. It's like you desperately need a point of reference that you just don't have. The way I felt, it was like I was missing a 'life' textbook that everybody else had. Everything's supposed to be your choice and people say that nobody's going to judge you on your choices, but you KNOW that they are and you have no idea what the rules are...... only that the rules are very different than they were two years, one year, six months ago. It's awful, I just felt so.... unsafe.

And on top of all that, you're stressed, you're tired from staying up till 1am studying, and everybody is telling you that the rest of your life hinges on how much effort you put in to the next few months, so you feel like you have to push yourself harder and harder. :explode:

Even if I'd had a diagnosis, I don't think it would have made it any easier... and honestly, I'm glad I didn't at the time because I would have felt 'marked' by it. :huh: I'm not saying it's a bad thing that I was diagnosed, not to use a cliche but it was honestly the start of the rest of my life. I'm nearly 30 now, and on paper I have had a terrible year, but honestly I'm the happiest I've been in ages and it's because, five years on, I'm really 'growing into' my Aspergers. It's not a curse, it's not a crime. There can be fantastic benefits to having an autistic mind. But when you're a teenager, holy hell it makes things difficult.


Feel free to message me if you need to.

My son who is almost 17 is a Junior this year & he has Autism Spectrum Disorder & ADHD. He has an IEP at school & all the teachers are aware of his "special needs" - he attends regular classes. A few things we have done that seem to be helping are we require him to participate in at least one sport or activity - kids w/ ASD seem to fit in well in Drama & Art Clubs - or if your daughters school has a no-cut sport (cross country, tennis, something) that is a great option. My son is doing a sport which helps with the "H" in his ADHD & he feels like he belongs to something & the coach is aware of his issues so she is very encouraging to him which helps with self esteem. I would suggest talking with the school counselor for recommendations on a group, club, activity that your daughter would fit in with. My son also has a volunteer job on the weekend where he is learning to work & also helps with his self esteem. I would search for "social skills training" in your area, you might be able to find one at a nearby college that has a psychology dept. or through a life skills counselor, where your daughter can improve her social skills & awareness. My son has a very unique group of friends at school that he has made through the activities/groups we made him participate in & he feels like he "belongs". Also, we have my son take all the "life skills" classes available to help prepare him for becoming an adult. If you are able to afford regular counseling with a life coach (we can't right now - but hopefully sometime...) that would be awesome, someone other than you (parents) that she can talk through things with & that can tell her things she won't hear from you. My son & I have regular struggles but these things have helped in our situation - I hope this helps you too!

Hi,
I have three children on the spectrum, feel free to add me. I've sent you a request.

My oldest son has bipolar. He's nine years old, and it causes some social problems obviously. He's very intelligent, but he struggles with perfectionism which makes homework hard. His dad has been in and out of his life the entire time. He officially called it quits about three and half years ago. He came back briefly for a few months at the end of last year, but this is only because he was in renal failure, and he thought he was going to die. When he didn't, he continued with his usual MO.

I understand what you're going through, I think, is what I'm trying to say. My son and I have a long road ahead of us, and I'd be happy to befriend you.