Moderation DOES NOT WORK for me

Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive

Not here to hold anyone's hand. If they want honest feedback they're going to get it.

You can in fact lose weight eating any and all of your favorite foods and for one to be healthy for life they must develop a healthy relationship with food. Not being able to control yourself around food is an excuse and an unhealthy relationship.

The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101

We will have to agree to disagree then. Me telling someone that they have control over their life isn't a debby downer statement.

but people INTERPRET it that way, and you can't control someone's interpretation.

It's the internet. There's nothing you can post that won't be misinterpreted by someone.

That's assuming they have the reading comprehension to have a prayer of understanding the post in the first place.

The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101

So what? It's not *my* problem, and the underlying issue is not mine to fix.

It's Reality 101.

As a recovering binge eater one thing I can tell you is that the less of the unhealthy stuff you eat the less you will crave it. The more of it you eat the worse it gets. If you can cut out the junk food for a while you will go through a type of withdrawal but once you get past that it gets way easier. I rarely have cravings and when I do it is usually for a particular macro nutrient that I am shy on that day.

However, when I went on a trip last month and was eating out non-stop I didn't make the best choices. As a result, I found those cravings creeping back in I am having to stamp it back out. If you stick with good habits and eat less and less processed junk you will wake up one day and find you are no longer a slave to food.

Good luck

Agreed. I'm a recovering binger and I couldn't have said it better myself. I tend to avoid my trigger foods completely for the time being.

The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101

So what? It's not *my* problem, and the underlying issue is not mine to fix.

It's Reality 101.

If it's not your problem then why bother commenting on it? Making a comment is a method to get involved

Indeed.

And just as the person asking the question isn't motivated by the needs of the people the question is being asked of, my response is motivated by my own personal needs.

Everybody here is in it for themselves.

That's what happens when nobody is getting paid to tread gently.

If you need extra hand holding, get off the internet and pay a professional to provide the service.

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You're telling me you would allow some stranger online to discourage you to succeed? You would allow a stranger to make you abandon your mission? I'm sorry but that's just weak.

Nailed it.

:smokin:

Whooooo Are yall hungry orsomething? All of these pissy comments AND totally non productive information! Sheesh!!!! :explode:

If you put a basket of naan in front of me, I'm not going to eat just one piece, probably, but that doesn't mean I'm addicted to naan.

That is true. However, if every time I put a basket of naan in front of you you cannot control how much naan you eat, then you might have a problem. I would call that an addiction.

That's not an addiction.

An addiction is when you pull out a Glock and rob the 7-11 on your way into the restaurant so you can order the Naan you wouldn't otherwise be able to eat.

What you're describing is just a lack of discipline.

Yes, I agree. It's a lack of discipline or a strong liking or something akin to the M&M thing (and for what it's worth, I actually COULD eat a few M&Ms without a problem and without it seeming like torture at all, although I don't--there's a bowl of M&Ms on the cubical of a co-worker for people to dig into at all times--because M&Ms usually aren't worth even the reasonably small number of calories to me).

So it is certainly true that if I don't eat naan I don't really think about naan (well, I probably would if it was sitting in front of me at the Indian restaurant because my friend ordered it, which is analogous to the OP and whatever food her parents have around), and if I have a small piece I'm going to want to eat more and will have a harder time not overeating than with many other foods. However, to suggest that this reaction -- which is simply because I really like naan -- is instead an "addiction" seems crazy. Especially since, as I said, I don't have this reaction to other bread, let alone carbs in general or food in general. Precisely what substance, then, am I addicted to and how does this "addiction" work?

And, no, it's not a compulsion either. Liking something enough that you want to eat more of it than you know is good for you (if you consider all factors) does not make something compulsive or mean that you lack free will.

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OP, there isn't just one way to do moderation. Someone saying they eat something "in moderation" doesn't necessarily mean they can have it in the house and just eat one portion at a time. You can also enjoy foods "in moderation" by limiting the frequency. If there is a certain food where you know if you have it, you're eating all of it, you can enjoy it "in moderation" by only having that food on special occasions, or every few months, or once a month, or whatever works for you.

Absolutely. And again the OP hasn't even pointed out what she's talking about with moderation.

From some of the responses you'd think that moderation meant never exercising any judgment about what you want to eat or always having a little of everything available that you might at one time have thoughtlessly put in your mouth, and I don't think anyone is recommending that.

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Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive

It's especially not helpful for people who have addiction tendencies.

Many people, myself included, can moderate with most items but have to abstain from particular foods. I can eat 10 french fries and stop, for example, and not think of french fries for another two weeks. But if I get a cookie or any other sweet/chocolatey/fatty treat into my system something shorts out and I HAVE to eat another. It instantly becomes an obsession, and trying to "control" it only makes it worse.

I tried moderating with sweet treats for 10 long years and finally realized/admitted that I have a problem with those kinds of foods. I'm totally comfortable with skipping the cookie now that I know this. I do not feel restricted, obsessed, deprived, and I have zero cravings. I grieved it and moved on. It is now almost three years later since I started abstaining from those foods.

I am now grateful, instead, to be happy, healthy, obsession-free, and I enjoy being a size 4-6 as opposed to a 14-16 (pushing my way into 18's). You gotta do what works for you. One size does NOT fit all.

I'm glad that restriction was a solution to your compulsive overeating of sweets, but that doesn't mean you or anyone else is addicted to food.

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Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive

It's especially not helpful for people who have addiction tendencies.

Many people, myself included, can moderate with most items but have to abstain from particular foods. I can eat 10 french fries and stop, for example, and not think of french fries for another two weeks. But if I get a cookie or any other sweet/chocolatey/fatty treat into my system something shorts out and I HAVE to eat another. It instantly becomes an obsession, and trying to "control" it only makes it worse.

I tried moderating with sweet treats for 10 long years and finally realized/admitted that I have a problem with those kinds of foods. I'm totally comfortable with skipping the cookie now that I know this. I do not feel restricted, obsessed, deprived, and I have zero cravings. I grieved it and moved on. It is now almost three years later since I started abstaining from those foods.

I am now grateful, instead, to be happy, healthy, obsession-free, and I enjoy being a size 4-6 as opposed to a 14-16 (pushing my way into 18's). You gotta do what works for you. One size does NOT fit all.

Then maybe those people need to log off the computer and seek professional help instead of looking for strangers online that will present information exactly the way they need it delivered. That's basically saying "I'm special so please, everyone adjust to what I need, how I need to be treated because my I'm damaged so don't expect me to adjust".

There are a few things wrong with your response here:

1.) You assume that telling someone that they "just need to exercise self control" is "exactly the way they need it delivered". If everyone were robots that might work. But they're not. People receive things differently and have different needs.

2.) You assume that strangers don't have answers for other strangers reaching out for help, thus these people should "log off". I identify w/the OP and I have answers that will speak to them. So while professional help is also recommended and helpful, we can also help. No need for all-or-nothing thinking.

3.) No one is saying they are so special. Your misunderstanding is causing you to be angry about this subject and project a butthurt image onto these folks. They are hurting, they are in need of help, and asking for such help. When you come at them with pat answers and a judgmental attitude, it is human nature to become defensive.

4.) You say "everyone adjust to my need"... Actually, this is very good advice and what many people here have been trying to say all along, lol. Yes. In many cases, we need to adjust our words and attitudes depending on the person. Again, we are not all robots. I work in Sales in one of the largest food companies on the planet. My guys constantly adjust their words and attitudes depending on their vendor. There's nothing wrong with doing that, in fact, it helps people hear better.

Look, I get that people who have these tendencies can be frustrating to those who don't. Anything you don't understand is scary. And fear produces anger and impatience. Happens all the time. But we are human: we have the ability to overcome prejudice and truly understand one another. I hope people will start to do that.