Letting go of impossible expectations

Francl27
Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm struggling a little bit with it. I might be vain, but one of the reasons for losing weight was that I was curious about what I'd look like if I was thin. Now here I am, 19 months later, fitter than I've ever been except maybe when I was 17, and I realize I'll never be thin, unless I get a tummy tuck.

When I read success stories of people who have had one, and compare to mine, I'm guessing I have about 3 pounds of skin and attached fat there. It's ugly. I have two extra boobs when I bend over over my belly button, and another one underneath. I hated my fat arms when I started, and unfortunately I'm left with bat wings there as well... not huge, but enough to give me that horrible 'flap' if I move my arm. My neck is a bit of a mess and I still have a small double chin made of extra skin.

Obviously this is much better than it was when I was obese and I'm nowhere near thinking 'what was the point?', but yeah... it's hard at times to come to terms with the reality. I guess it's a good thing I'm married because I don't think I'd ever be comfortable being naked (or even in a bikini) in front of anyone else.

Please don't tell me to lift heavy and do strength training etc... I've been doing that the whole time (well not at the gym as they won't let you use the squat rack without a trainer). Heck my arms and legs are pretty ripped (well, if you forget the bat wings) and I've been getting a lot of comments about it. My core is pretty strong as well.. under the skin and the last of the fat (I'm probably around 21% body fat at this point, but it's hard to tell obviously). But I was obese pretty much all my life (I'm 36), got a lot of stretch marks gaining back 20 pounds in 6 months when I was 21 and only gained weight from there (guessing 40 pounds in the last 5 years before I started losing), and I have bad skin (never heals properly if I get a cut or something).

I know I'm not the only one dealing with this... how has everyone else come to terms with it?

Replies

  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
    Tricky.... I changed my target weight probably 5 times until I was happy with the result - my issues were a bit different to yours. Having said that, I looked at your photo's on your wall and I cannot see the points you make. I always wanted to be quite toned (not ripped, but enough to see good definition and shape), but my lifestyle and motivation would never allow it to happen. When I adjusted my priorities to my reality, the issues I was seeing were really not that big a deal. It was just that I knew they were there, and made them an issue for me. Once I had my head round the reality, I felt a lot better with myself. After all, I was healthy and a lot better than I had been when I started. Vanity had nothing to do with it - it was the perspective viewpoint that made the difference for me.
  • SwallowInTheOcean
    SwallowInTheOcean Posts: 10 Member
    I have 15 more pounds to lose and I'm starting to see that I'm probably going to look a little wrecked. I have major stretch marks from gaining so fast while pregnant and my arms have been an issue all my life.

    I never had a "goal body" or look I was going for. It's always been about how good I can get my own body to look. Not who I can look like...I want to be my own version of healthy and fit. I want to flaunt my scars and saggy skin and talk about my journey to a better life. All the little extra stretch marks, skin, and fat it's just little character marks. Proof of what a badass you are.
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
    I think you look fantastic. That striped dress really shows off your strong shoulders and arm muscles. I'm jealous!
  • astartig
    astartig Posts: 549 Member
    you are being too hard on yourself. you look great. if there is extra skin I think they say to give it up to two years to readjust and you should massage those areas regularly to help with blood flow. use lots of moisteners as well.

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