The 3 letter word: S_E_X

I feel sexier now that I'm losing weight, so I think maybe keep heading in that path and you might get it back>? You could start by buying sexy outfits etc?

Hope that helps!

It happens...been there done that. Turns out mine was depression along with being so big I felt bad all the time. His was hard to diagnose but was a hormonal issue that was resolved with a doctor visit. Now that I am smaller and feel better and he is back on track it has been great! You can get it back, it's just finding out what the issues are.

You should definitely see a rise in your sex drive once you begin losing weight. Eating unhealthy foods and living a sedentary lifestyle does more than make us gain weight, it also messes with our hormones...big time. As you incorporate healthier food choices and exercises in to your life, your endorphins will increase. As you lose weight and build confidence you should feel better about yourself and your partner. Also make sure you're getting plenty of rest, no one wants to have sex when they are exhausted all the time

In the meantime, I would suggest speaking with your OB/GYN about options and your partner may want to have his testosterone levels checks.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, talk to your partner about your feelings. Communicating about these issues is KEY and working through it together will make it all the more satisfying when your sex life is back "on schedule."

I feel badly that your sad. Don't be sad. I think it is like you both say that neither of you are happy with yourselves right now and nothing more than that. Your drive will come back! It's hard having a new baby so maybe get a babysitter and plan a date night!

I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. I can tell you you're not alone. Since I have gained weight i have less of a desire. I think as long as you and hubby are still thinking about it and talking it will come back when you are feeling physically and mentally better. I wish you lots of luck!

Actually, I noticed the same thing, the more I weighed the less we had sex, but every pound I lose makes it more frequent.

Just so you know, the more you weigh, the less your confidence and self esteem is, which has an impact on your libido. When you lose weight your confidence builds up which makes you look more sexy!

I don't think it's necessarily the weight that's having an impact on your sex life, but maybe the fact that you now have a daughter, who takes a lot of energy to raise, among probably a lot of other things. Maintaining an awesome sex life takes work, and long-term couples almost always feel like they're not having enough sex.

That said, if you both feel lousy about your bodies, that is likely taking a toll. Over time, eating healthy and exercising can give you a lot of energy, and make you feel sexy and confident. You could always try working out together, in addition to making an effort to do romantic stuff (like having a monthly date night), or switching up your sex routine (try doing it somewhere other than the bedroom!) I just read an article that said that long-term couples forget to flirt with each other, and suggested going to a pub separately and then meeting up and flirting like you just met. Kinda corny, but apparently it's effective!

Anyway, the weight loss thing can only help, especially if you're both supportive of each other. This is something a lot of people experience, but I hope you two find a way out of your rut!!! Good luck!

:flowerforyou:

littlemoron

Sounds like there's a couple of things going on here: you're in a LTR, which in ANY LTR, it takes effort and intent to keep the sex spicy. Then you've had a baby; you've got hormonal changes going on, and your partner is reconciling seeing you not just as a woman, but a mommy. So just those factors alone can easily affect a couple's sexlife...Add to that the weight gain you've both had, which might be making you both feel less attractive or less sexy, but ALSO can cause physiological changes.

In men, that weight gain can lower testosterone production (especially if he was once very active, and then got sedentary). You could both also have symptoms of merabolic syndrome.

So in short, don't beat yourself up that things are less-than-steamy right now. You're HERE, so you're obviously trying to get your health back on track. Hopefully your partner is also working toward regainingmhis health as well; if so, I think you'll find things improve long before you reach your goal. As you start to see changes in your body, your self image will improve; when you FEEL sexy, it shows, and he'll take notice. Also, seeing each other working hard can be very sexy. And as your partner loses weight, his testosterone may increase, which of course will make him friskier.

Honey....your a new mom who has some extra weight. Don't give up it can and will get better. You just need to work for it. Even if you don't feel sexy make a date with your man. Do something you both enjoy...and even if it feels fake flirt with him....it will come back. Really it will...just take time and work! If you wanna (or need to vent) talk more feel free to add me as a friend.

I'm not sure exactly what your situation may be however, it has been determined that the hormonal distress associated with abdominal obesity is a major factor behind a lowered libido. The imbalance caused by excess belly fat for example could mean high estrogen, low testosterone, low DHEA, high insulin and/or high cortisol all of which can have an adverse affect on your sex drive.

I can tell you that I noticed a dramatic decline in my libido as well as my boyfriends late last year and it perturbed me. My boyfriend of 10 years and I discussed our weight possibly being the cause. I started MFP at the beginning of the year, he a few days after me. It's been three weeks and there has been a significant increase in sex drive in this short time. We're both down 10 pounds and we've plenty to loose, I'm at 265lbs and he's at 210lbs however, as dramatic the loss, so was the gain.

I can appreciate not being 100% pleased with your appearance and feeling "unsexy" however, from my perspective I've found that, that didn't seem to matter anymore.

I think as you shed the weight you'll see a significant change in sex drive and quite obviously one in self-confidence as well. Don't give up, you're on the right track now as far as working on your perception of self, that's easy to change once you accept where you are now and move on from there.

Hopefully, this was helpful.

:flowerforyou:

I am a new member and first time poster.

Speaking (writing? texting?) as a man (and feeling a good bit self-conscious as a member of what appears to be a small minority of male members on this site), and as someone who has lived 58 years and who has gained weight over the years (~40 pounds, lost much of it, then regained it, I would say it may be difficult to focus on sex if your self esteem is low. It is understandable that your self esteem might be low if you feel your weight is growing or is out of control.

As we know, the formula for permanent weight loss requires a combination of increasing activity (exercise) and adjusting/limiting diet. All of this requires breaking old habits and creating new habits. We are all creatures of habit. If you want the good life, create habits that give you the good in life. Sex is one of the many good things in life.

Changing habits requires maintaining a positive, focused attitude. We can control, to a large degree, our attitude.

For weight loss, create new habits that incorporate more activity, less food consumption. Make it a habit to focus on a positive attitude toward sex and all of the good things in life. Examine your life and recognize all of your existing habits. Some, like brushing your teeth are good habits. Some, like over-snacking, are bad habits. Make it a habit to break your old, bad habits.

For an improved sex life, start a regular date night, at least once a week. Make it a new, good habit. Keep your attitude positive You don't have to have intercourse to enjoy each other's mutual company and intimacy. Give it time. Persevere. Remember, sex is one of the many good things in life. It gave you your child!

You'll be surprised what can happen.

I hope this helps. It has already helped me focus on what I need to do. Thanks, and good luck.

The healthier you get the better it will get! Trust me! Being very overweight takes away a lot of energy!

Honestly after having a child it takes a good amount of time to get your hormones on track and for some that never happens with out medical help. It is totally natural to feel the way you do and its out of your control. If your hubby packed on the weight to thats normal in a pregnancy and so therefore he is feeling the aftermath to. I think feeling better about yourself has a lot to do with it. Im a strong believer in if you look good you feel good. And even though i have weight to lose to i do know for a fact on the days i take the time to look good i do feel good. I have 2 kids my youngest is 3 so i know its hard sometimes to even get in a 5 minute shower but trust me its gonna help. Its a long process but it will happen if you sick with it. And sad to say but humans are creaters of habit. And sex is a hell of a work out so if you can allow yourself to be open to it it will become habit and you will be losing weight toneing muscles and spending some intimate time with your loved one.

I've been married 31 years to the same man. Thirty ONE years! Here is one important thing I can share with you:

FAKE IT! Pretend that you want him so bad you ache! He's feeling like you don't want him as well as you feeling that he doesn't want you. You're both waiting for the other one to make the first move!

The more you have sex - the more you want it. . . There are different stages at different ages - When we were first married, good grief we were touching one another ALL THE TIME. Then the later 20's I wanted it and HE didn't. 30 hit and man HE couldn't get enough! 40-it was back to ME wanting it all the time. We are closing in on 50 and have met a happy medium between us both now. At all times - we agreed way in the beginning that no matter who it was that was in the mood-the other would never say no. We agreed that a lot of our friends strayed from thier relationships because of that tiny little word. One too many "no's" and they started looking for a yes someplace else.

We did counseling at one point and discovered that we didn't talk enough. I found I NEVER complimented him on ANYTHING he ever did. A married couple that wants to stay married needs to focus on the POSITIVES in one another! So you guys are talking about it and that is a GREAT thing! Start slow - by cuddling - reinact a couple of your dates that were especially nice in the beginning - find that "feeling" again - it's a great feeling of satisfaction when you "survive" being married 31 years -the ups and downs are very worth it, a couple learns so much along the way Have FUN together - ALWAYS!