Not drinking and dating
Replies
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Love it!Right this post my seem a little pathetic. I'm doing a 90 day health challenge and I know that not drinking is going to be the thing I struggle with most.
Also I hate the idea of going on a date and saying "I'm not drinking" especially living in London where there is such a large pressure.
Does anyone have any good date ideas? Or any alternatives to just getting drunk???
Thanks. X x
looks like you'll just have to bang random men while sober for 90 days! :laugh:0 -
See, this is how I feel. I've been with the same guy for over nine years and neither one of us drink. That was one of the "plusses" when we met (amongst many other "plusses that still exist.Personally... I would never date a man who thinks that going to bars and getting drunk is "fun".
:bigsmile:).
He's a professional musician, so we've been to plenty of pubs together, especially during the St. Patrick's season, but there is never any pressure to drink for either one of us.
OP, "no thank you" goes a long way when offered something you don't want to eat or drink. If someone gives you a hard time about it, then don't date him again.
Good luck on your getting healthy challenge. Those are fun to do, and if done in a healthy way can lead to a lifestyle change.0 -
I just tell people I don't drink. I will on occasion (once or twice a year), but if somebody else has such a big hang-up over what you do or don't do that's their problem. Just find somewhere to go on a date that's not a bar.0
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What large pressure?0
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You should never have to explain why you aren't drinking on a date. So you don't order a drink, big deal? Find an activity to do where there isn't an option to order a drink if you feel it will be a problem. A museum or a physical activity maybe? As for any alternatives to getting drunk... enjoy life sober?
Yeah we have things like top golf / urban golf etc here! I don't mind not drinking I just know that probably the types of people I would like to go on a 1st date with would like a drink ;-)0 -
I didn't drink for the best part of a year when I was losing weight.
IMO if you just explain why you are not drinking then most people are usually on board. If they aren't then they aren't for you.
Don't compromise on your goals to accommodate other people.
As for other ideas the zoo is probably my favourite!
Yeah the zoo is a great shout actually thanks =-)0 -
Drugs are a pretty good alternative to drinking and on top of it calories / guilt free!
I am not sure how you would bring that up on a 1st date hahahaah ;-)0 -
Right this post my seem a little pathetic. I'm doing a 90 day health challenge and I know that not drinking is going to be the thing I struggle with most.
Also I hate the idea of going on a date and saying "I'm not drinking" especially living in London where there is such a large pressure.
Does anyone have any good date ideas? Or any alternatives to just getting drunk???
Thanks. X x
looks like you'll just have to bang random men while sober for 90 days! :laugh:
Hahahaahahaha or they might have to wait 90 days?0 -
Remember: You live in London - anything goes!
(I'm writing this from the point of view of having lived in London for ten years or so during my twenties/thirties and also from the point of never having had drinks when going out because I just never liked the taste of alcohol).
If you don't make an issue out of it, there is a good chance nobody else will.
When ordering a drink just say "Mine's a diet coke/coke/orange juice/fruit cocktail/hot chocolate" - don't give an explanation, don't apologise. That's what you want if somebody has a problem with it or finds it odd then they have to bring it up which chances are they might not.
Also - do you really want to date somebody who is trying to pressurise you into drinking or makes you feel awkward for not drinking?
In terms of doing things which aren't centred too much around social drinking for a date maybe the following might work for you:
* Going ice skating in Alexandra Palace
* Take a walk around Primrose Hill/Regents Park/Hampstead Heath and bring a picnic basket
* Go for a film & then go for sushi
* Take a salsa/merengue/lambada class (Bar Salsa on Charing Cross is pretty good for that) and then just do a lot of dancing for the rest of the night
* Do a "Learn of Snowboard/Ski" in a day class at the Snowdome in Hemel Hempstead (about half an hour on the train from Euston Station and then maybe a fiver or so for a taxi unless you fancy a half hour walk) (or any other course really - freestyle, bumps training, focused improvers/coaching classes - InsideOut Skiing is pretty good).
*Go to the theatre or musical
*Go for coffee dates in the afternoon
Most of all just chillax, enjoy yourself and have fun!
This was amazing thank you! It actually gave me start thinking outside the box as well so thanks =-) x0 -
If they pressure you to drink, then you have a built in litmus test for whether they are a good fit or not.
You don't need to offer any explanation.
You live in London , so here are my date ideas:
1 Go to the Dr Who Museum.
2. Go to the theater when David Tennant is performing anything Shakespere
3. Go on the Dr Who tardis ride
4. Go on the Dr Who tour where you can see where the episodes were filmed.
Oh, sorry, that would be if you were dating ME.
What about if they dont like Dr Who?0 -
If a guy's idea of a date is to get drunk then he's a pathetic loser not worth your time or energy.
If you can't think of ways to have fun that don't involve drinking then you need serious help.
Oh dear there is always one isn't there?0 -
*creeps OPer's profile*
*reconsiders his reply*
Look, most men are going to think you're weird if you don't drink but you shouldn't have to feel social pressure so here's what I'll do. We'll have to date and I'll turn a blind eye to you not drinking.
Hahahaha but you will still be thinking its weird I am not drinking =-( =-( haha0 -
liannexxx: Right this post my seem a little pathetic. I'm doing a 90 day health challenge and I know that not drinking is going to be the thing I struggle with most.
Also I hate the idea of going on a date and saying "I'm not drinking" especially living in London where there is such a large pressure.
Does anyone have any good date ideas? Or any alternatives to just getting drunk???
Thanks. X x
My first immersion into the London social scenes and the heavy drinking youth culture was as a 17 year old student at Lucie Clayton, so I do understand the pressures you're highlighting. If you believe that your dates are going to sabotage your 90 days Health Challenge, insist upon choosing the venue. Every reputable establishment has a mocktail menu. Chances are, your dates will not know you're drinking a non-alcoholic beverage if you opt for a mocktail replacement; They'll simply mock you from having deviated from the standard choices, the wines or the beers.
^ Option one.
Your 2nd approach would be to walk up to the bar and order your very own drink, which shouldn't be a problem today, when a good number of the younger British (extended) set prefer to go Dutch. Ask the bartender to mix you a mocktail, serving it in a believable glass. That's a Lucie Clayton tip. Everyone else will be getting sloshed, just NOT you.
Recommended activities, you may opt for:
Cordon bleu cooking classes, designed for the health conscious including bargain tips and discount options.
Hunting and shooting trips
Take up the challenges; Run a half marathon for example and those military-esque Tough Mudder like challenges.
The Farmers Markets (Notting Hill or Marylebone); There are private shoppers who provide a service where you may choose an orientation of sorts, customised to your personal lifestyle needs.
What sorts of men are you dating? Even drinkers need to not drink sometimes. It's easier if it'll just be the 2 of you. It's different if you'll be dating amongst a group, where peer pressure would be likely. Having said that, you are 26. Peer pressure is a non-issue at your stage in life, unless of course you're attempting to conform, subduing you. Living a life of fitness is a life of selfishness; Be 26!
Thanks I really appreciate this. I am going to look into maybe the tough mudder option and some other things =-) x0 -
*creeps OPer's profile*
*reconsiders his reply*
Look, most men are going to think you're weird if you don't drink but you shouldn't have to feel social pressure so here's what I'll do. We'll have to date and I'll turn a blind eye to you not drinking.
Hahahaha but you will still be thinking its weird I am not drinking =-( =-( haha
I can do that be weird out because a girl that does not partake in a common interest of mine. I will have to try that.0 -
*creeps OPer's profile*
*reconsiders his reply*
Look, most men are going to think you're weird if you don't drink but you shouldn't have to feel social pressure so here's what I'll do. We'll have to date and I'll turn a blind eye to you not drinking.
Hahahaha but you will still be thinking its weird I am not drinking =-( =-( haha
I'll be too drunk to notice. :drinker:0 -
Logging the calories *before* I open/order each drink gets me to not drink so much....
Alcohol calories add up fast!!0 -
Right this post my seem a little pathetic. I'm doing a 90 day health challenge and I know that not drinking is going to be the thing I struggle with most.
Also I hate the idea of going on a date and saying "I'm not drinking" especially living in London where there is such a large pressure.
Does anyone have any good date ideas? Or any alternatives to just getting drunk???
Thanks. X x
Do you ride? You could always go horse riding through Hyde Park? You would need to not be too early or around 9am to 4pm though, or your date will certainly have competition from the Mounted Household Cavalry. lol 6am is an excellent time for civilians.
ETA: bold0 -
As long as your'e not a bore just because you aren't drinking....giving off the "i really wish I could drink but I can't" vibe, then i think people care less than you think whether you are drinking or not.
and i agree with, don't hide it or make excuses, " i don't drink' should be enough.0 -
Last time I was in serious weight-loss mode (3 years ago, when I dropped 110 lbs.), I had to make a conscious decision that I didn't really care what anyone else thought. Whether it was being embarrassed at how I looked at the gym, to having to adjust my social life--they were dumb, superficial things to care about, and I had to get my priorities in order.
I'm sort of re-experiencing this now, as I did some serious backsliding in the past year. (My employer feeds us, and we have three makeshift bars just on our floor.) But it's worth it. When I hit my target last time, I had not an ounce of regret that I'd missed out on the socializing, etc.0 -
Give your date Ruffies.. he wont notice you aren't drinking. That also opens up a lot of fun options: Like leave him on the tube
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Guys in London are so tight (Cheap) anyway....so they'll probably be glad you're not drinking Alcohol. Lol
But on a serious note, maybe suggest Dates where drinking isn't really an option.
Like outdoorsy/daytime dates.0 -
I liked Wintersport20s post@12:15.
Like others I am surprised at your way of thinking.
1. I always thought you went on a date to get to know the other person. Dont be afraid of being yourself. Its a bit worrying if you can only think of drinking as a possible date. You are choosing not to drink alcohol for a reason and presumably thats to forego the calories. Thats a good reason becayse you want to do the 90 day thing. You dont need to justify that choice to anyone but yourself and particularly to your date. If they dont respect your decision then its unlikely they will respect you about much else.
2. Sometimes the issue is more with the drinkers because they feel they cnat enjoy their own alcohol or fear the non drinker cant be enjoting themselves with alcohol. This is plain stupid. Tell the person you arent drinking, you could say its for medical reasons or a challeneg etc. If they cnat respect that then dump them.
You then have 2 options.
3a) Do as some have suggested and drink non alcoholic low calorie drink. Your date will have to improve his pulling technique by actually talking to you and being good company rather than relying on beer goggles. I know that may be a challenge some of them cant live up to.
3b) Choose a date or activity that doesnt involve alcohol at all. As suggested, skating, zoo, exhibition, play, film, bowling, a walk, a trip. Loads to choose from and you can do soemthing that interests you or you can use it to measure the imagination of your date by seeing what he comes up with other than the pub. If hes interested enough he will make the effort.
The result is you might end up doing something you like doing and have fun. You might also end up talking to each other. Use not going to the pub to your advantage and focus your time on dates who will make an effort, can handle not going to the pub or handle you making a choice not to drink alcohol. Win win for you.0 -
Try something else! Dates in bars are boring. And drunks are boring.
Seriously. Who wants to take something that makes you temporarily a bit more stupid? Especially on a date?
Just as an experiment, go to a bar on your own without drinking, and watch the people around you. Notice how bad they look. The vacant, gormless expressions on their faces. And if you are feeling brave, the way their breath and sweat start to smell of stale alcohol.
Go and do something you would have done on your own. Preferrably in the daytime, so you can bail and see your friends if it's rubbish, or carry on if it's good. One of my best dates was getting two travelcards and spending hours going around London on a bus. Seriously. We talked for hours, and I went out with her for ages.0 -
Refusing to order a drink is no biggie. I am on medication that prevents me from having alcohol and I don't even bring it up. I just don't order a drink. I get lemonade, tea or soda and usually no one even asks. When I was a single man, I liked to go out for coffee for a first date- very little investment, you can actually "talk" to each other, if the other person is not a fit, you can usually figure it out pretty quick and all that you've lost is an hour and some change.
From the look of you, I don't think a man is going to care one way or the other whether or not you drink- he's most likley going to feel incredibly fortunate that you're talking to him in the first place.
If not, he's either BLIND or CRAZY.0 -
Come on, seriously. Your not a teenager , it's silly to worry about people pressuring you about drinking. Your an adult so if you don't want to drink then that's your choice. If dates or friends are going to pressure you to drink then it sounds like they are pretty immature and you need to get New friends.0
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"I don't drink, thanks." and if your date objects or pressures you, time to end the date, at least if you wish to be around some one that respects you and your boundaries, however you choose to set them.
Moreover, explaining yourself in such situations isn't, in my experience, helpful. You don't have to justify personal decisions about what you do with your body. If you find yourself in a situation in which you feel like you must, unless doing otherwise would be dangerous, better to exit the situation than demean yourself.0 -
Does anyone have any good date ideas? Or any alternatives to just getting drunk???
Jump straight to shagging.0 -
When you're invited to a bar, decline.
If someone thinks that it's odd you don't drink or doesn't want to go out with you if you don't drink, then you just saved a lot of time, lol.0 -
I didn't know drinking was required to date. No wonder I'm going through a dry spell. In any case, I like active dates: go hiking somewhere and have a picnic, scenic bike ride, that kind of thing. Who drinks and then does active stuff?0
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I rarely drink. If I do, I just have one (two if they are small). My husband has never had a drink in his life, so drinking was never part of our dating.
I go dancing
Watch a dance performance
Go hiking or do something outdoors/active/adventurous.
Roller or ice skating
Art event
Live music
Go look at stars
Long walks down the beach (lol)
Enjoy the city
Food0
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