Unsupportive Family/Friends?



  • AngelaRoberta
    AngelaRoberta Posts: 24 Member
    It seems many people believe that making a change in your life must mean you don't like who you are. Perhaps they assume that deep down you must feel that you just aren't 'good enough.' And that very well may be true for some, but not all people.

    I believe that it's also VERY possible to decide to make a change because you deserve it. Because you ARE worth the effort and you are totally good enough to have/meet any goal that you set.

    Don't let anyone else distract you from your path.
  • EmotionalEater84
    EmotionalEater84 Posts: 311 Member
    My dad is this to me ... Not about alcohol, but food.

    He wants to take me out to eat at least once a week and makes me feel bad when I choose wisely (like a salad). He thinks now that he's restricted on where he can take my grandmother and I out just because of my choices. So, I can totally understand and relate to this!

    Stick to your guns. You're doing this for you, not them.
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    I recently found pictures of myself from when my son was 4 months old. I was super skinny again (I weighed 113 when I found out I was pregnant) I felt really good about how I looked and was excited for my husband to come home from deployment to see how much I had lost (the baby was 5 weeks old when he left). I sent the pic to a friend & said why can't I be close to this skinny again??? Obviously I know that I won't be that skinny again, it was 8 years ago and my body shape has changed, but my goal weight is 125-120 so pretty close to what I was then. Her response was "because that's gross skinny!" She's overweight and has told me shes struggled with her weight her entire life but just accepts it bc she doesn't want to work out or give up eating whatever she wants. She was a 24/26 and is down to 12/14 now. At first I was offended and kinda hurt by what she said bc I felt good about myself at that weight. But then I started thinking...she doesn't know what it's like to be skinny and struggle with weight gain, just like I don't know what it's like to be overweight and to lose a lot. At the end of the day I'm losing weight for myself...I want to feel and look good, I want to not be self conscious when I go to the beach with all the skinny surfer girls, I want my husband to be proud of me and the weight that I lost, I want my son to know a healthy lifestyle. I always tell my son "worry about yourself" and have found it applies in most of life...not just me telling him to mind his business!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Some people take other people's changes as an affront to their own lifestyle, whether they're willing to admit it or not. The best thing you can do is politely declined her invitations to indulge without explanation unless she really digs for it.

    Part of the process is realizing that not everybody will understand and/support what you are doing.
  • Briargrey
    Briargrey Posts: 498 Member
    "I'd rather be X than not enjoy life"

    Answer: "I am totally enjoying my life, so no worries! It may not be enjoyable for you - but it is for me, so you enjoy <insert whatever is on the conversational table here> and I'm happy for you!"

    If they get shirty after that, a quick "hey, I'm totally not judging you, don't think that because *I* choose to do this means that I think everyone around me should. You be your own awesome self!"

    And if they still don't get it.

    Eff 'em.
  • zenabby
    zenabby Posts: 24 Member
    I don't know. I'm not sure she was being unsupportive. I think it's more about the experience than the food. In her mind, good times with you is sitting around talking with a cocktail in hand. Or having fun in a bbq. It's more about the comfort feeling than the food (I think). And also, obviously, her thought process is way different from yours and she does not appreciate weight loss as much as you do.

    I have a huge family and traditions are built around food. This food for this occasion and that food for that. I realized a while ago that it made everybody sad if I did not participate or declined.

    It's tough, but nowadays my strategy is to serve myself (rather than someone else pouring it out for me), take a very tiny amount and sit with that for a really long time. I'l leave the wine glass on the counter and walk around or do something else, and mostly no one notices that I am not eating or drinking. I am participating, and that's what counts for them.
  • nickyhill1988
    nickyhill1988 Posts: 2 Member
    Keep strong with that! Before you know it family and friends will just learn to accept it! :-) Cut out alot of LIQUOR and the pounds dropped! Good job!
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,834 Member
    . Perhaps they assume that deep down you must feel that you just aren't 'good enough.' And that very well may be true for some, but not all people.

    I believe that it's also VERY possible to decide to make a change because you deserve it. Because you ARE worth the effort and you are totally good enough to have/meet any goal that you set.

    This is very true as well. She made it seem like I was hating on myself, all the while I was saying "I want to be healthy and live a long healthy life"

    I think I'm totally good enough and think I'm worth the effort and also can make reasonable goals for myself and acheive them. Some women are perfectly happy being overweight and don't mind the issues that can be associated with it. But I'm for sure not one of them :happy:
  • bellaa_x0
    bellaa_x0 Posts: 1,062 Member
    some people just don't get it.. don't stress it! this is for YOU, not her or anyone else. if it bothers her then too bad.
  • PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot
    Absolutely. I think some of it is jealousy over being able to take control of yourself and do what needs to be done. If someone else isnt ready to take that step, it'll often come across as animosity towards your lifestyle. Try to tune them out. They have their own journey, and you have yours.
  • cherrilovee
    cherrilovee Posts: 194 Member
    "Accept the way you are"
    Umm, there's a difference between accepting it and staying that way or accepting it and wanting to change.
    If you feel like you can lose some weight in a healthy fashion, DO IT. Forget about what family and friends think about it.
    It's YOUR life, not THEIRS.
    If they're jealous that you're reaching a healthy lifestyle and they're not even close, that's their problem.
    You can't help them if they don't want the help.
    You do you. Let her do her.
    You've done a great job with cutting calories and that's your journey.
    A lot of people may not accept it or agree with it, but you always have your MFP family to lean back on.
    At least you know that we'll always support you no matter what.
  • JordanMK_
    JordanMK_ Posts: 54 Member
    I find more motivation in all my MFP friends than all my family together!
  • Brooklyn703
    Brooklyn703 Posts: 18 Member
    For pushy food people---there's always at least one in your life---it's best not to bring up the reason why you are not eating. It only gives them the opportunity to challenge you. It's a difficult balancing act that I still find challenging at times. I have a few things I do.

    1. Make a joke out of it. There is a girl I know who pushes food and drinks on you and will not take no for an answer. I normally say to her 'boy--you should consider being a drug dealer with the way you are pushing that food" or " you really get bothered if people don't eat food" (make them aware of their behavior. It's worked for me to get them to get them to stop)
    2. Lie - for the BBQ invite or similar event, I would have said that I can't make it, I have plans.
    3. Ways to respond to pushy food people - just ate and I'm stuffed. I don't like [insert food here]. I'm feeling a bit nauseous and I'm staying away from spicy food... I'm on antibiotics and I can't drink.

    Since she is your godmother, it's trickier because it's hard to avoid her. The most important thing is to not mention diet, calories. It only gives her a opening to react.
  • NH_1970
    NH_1970 Posts: 544 Member
    Don't bother explaining yourself next time. It will fall on deaf ears and you will just end up as frustrated as you were writing this post ha. Sad that she thinks it's about finding a man. Those mentalities..
    This :heart: