My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!
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i say he doesnt deserve u and u should come out for a drink with me instead :O) lol
I agree. Dump the boyfriend and go out with Hippygeeza instead! :bigsmile:0 -
What a ****. That's all I can say. You have to take care of yourself first.0
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I'm a bit blunt, so hopefully I won't offend...
If you are considered obese by your BMI, and he's threatening to dump you for losing weight, then he sounds like a *kitten*. He is either already looking for an easy way out of the relationship or he's a controlling individual who just wants to hold you down. Either way, you're doing this for self improvement and to take care of yourself- he's not god or your owner, therefore shouldn't be treating you like that. You're doing hard work, and should be respected (and applauded) for it!
If it were me, I'd let him know without hesitation that if he isn't ok with me losing weight then he's free to pack his bags & start walkin'...0 -
Is your goal within a healthy BMI for you?
If it is, dump him. No one needs to be given ultimatums. You deserve better!
If it isn't, maybe he is just concerned for your health.
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You got some walking books? Put 'em on and hit the road.0
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gotta go with the new boyfriend! If he is trying to control you now with your weight, what else will he try to control?0
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If he dosent whant you i am open....0
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Ditch that dirtbag *kitten*...just saying...after this it would be something else...all about him...SCRAM!0
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Find out WHY he's against it. He might have a good reason. If he doesn't though- time for a new boyfriend.0
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I'm not sure what you were seeking in posting this thread. But can't imagine you got the answer you wanted of being told to dump him.
I agree. I think there's probably a reason why he's against you losing weight, since he had no problem with what you weighed when you first started dating. I noticed in your profile that you "want to be skinnier than my boyfriend's ex! (shhh;)" - maybe the way things ended between them could be a clue? He could be insecure because she was thin and got unwanted attention. Or maybe he's worried you won't spend time with him if you're always cooking and going to the gym. Or maybe he wants to be healthier but hasn't found the motivation yet, and feels like you taking these steps is going to force him to confront his own lifestyle.
I went through all these things with my current boyfriend (and he put up with some of it from me!), but we talked through them and now we're both getting healthy and we're stronger than ever.
Everyone who is telling you to just 'dump him' may be right, but if you care enough about this guy to take his opinion to heart I hope you'll sit down and have a talk with him about why he's trying to force this choice on you and where you see this relationship going. It may be that you have different goals and a break up is inevitable, but you at least owe him the chance to explain himself. And if he doesn't change his tune when you go ahead and continue your healthy lifestyle (which I hope you do!) or you find yourself looking for reasons to end the relationship, then perhaps it is time to move on.0 -
Sounds like he is insecure and scared if you lose weight you may just dump him. Get a head start and dump him now. Weight loss should be for yourself and no one else.0
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You should NEVER sacrifice your dreams and who you want to be for someone like that! Sweetheart there are WONDERFUL men out there, screw him!0
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Ok I have to ask what is your current weight and how long have you been dating? From my experience its not the loosing weight that bothers them its the incoveince for them. My bf and I would fight all the time bc he didnt get that I couldnt eat like him. So when I went on my health kick it was a rude awakening for both of us. You learn to work with each other. If he cant work with you on it then let him walk. Also my bf doesnt even care about my lbs which makes it hard lol. I know that sounds weird that I say that but it would help if he liked me a little thinner bc them it would motivate me more. Also my bf hates "too skinny" so maybe your bf didnt look at your body when you first dated and likes the thicker you now. A lot of men prefer a thicker woman (not fat just a lil thickness).0
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is he overweight? cause he might be worried that if you lose weight and look better and he still looks the same that you might leave him. talk to him ask him why he doesnt want you losing weight. he should want you to get healthier and feel better about yourself. if he doesnt understand then its time for a new man that will treat you right! your allowed to feel the best you can feel and he should support you no matter what if he truely loves you.
in the end do whats best for you...and getting healthy is always a good thing
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Sounds like he is controlling. A true BF or hubby would want what makes you happy.0
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I think I needed to read that. I am in a similar situation and that balnce quote struck a note with me0
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This has been said before, but I'll say it again. HE IS WORRIED THAT OTHER GUYS WILL FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE AND YOU'LL SEE THERE'S A BETTER OPTION OUT THERE!!! BECAUSE THERE IS!!! I can understand a little insecurity, we all experience that - but to give you an ultimatum? That is so selfish. He needs to support you! Good luck, let us know what you decide.
Oh, and as someone else suggested please dig deeper and get him to admit WHY he doesnt want you to lose weight and address that issue.0 -
Get a new boyfriend! If he's not supportive dump him ! Its your health not his ... Thats so selfish of him :-( ... Leave him girl Your beautiful :-)0
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Sorry to say this, but after reading this post I have to honestly tell you THIS IS A RED FLAG!!!! This is absolutely the beginning signs of a controlling boyfriend. Any man that would threaten you like this should be a warning sign to you. Trust me......if you stay with him, it will only get worse. By losing weight it will increase your self esteem and he feels threatened by this so if you stay overweight, in his mind he will be able to control you by belittling you and crushing your self esteem so that you stay with him. I have been there, done that, and would never allow that kind of control again in my life! You are better off without someone who wants to hold you down. You have to live inside your body, don't YOU want to be happy? You should never let anyone tell you what you should or should not do with YOUR body especially if it is to better yourself.0
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than honey you dont need a man like that in ur life only someone who supports u in everything u wanna do! and thats the truth...0
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Well, what the reason he doesn't like your weight loss? Does he think losing that much weight will be unheathy for you? Or is he physically attracted to you with a little more "meat" on your bones?
It's pretty harsh of him to threaten to dump you though, and if this is something that will boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself, I say get rid of him! Maybe he just wants you to stay bigger because he wants you to have lower confidence so he can have more power over you?0 -
I am sorry to hear that as I am aware how hard it is to do this journey to good health. You sound really disappointed and frustrated. I have to be honest and say, it sounds like he is controlling and confronted by the effort you are making. No one could know his reason and really, the reason is irrelevant. What matters is how you feel. Often when we make positive changes in our lives people feel challenged and get defensive or reactive.
All I can say is that his reaction is indicative of how he deals with stress and you need to decide if you can handle a man in your life who gets reactive when challenged. Or rather feels challenged by you just living your life.
Remember you are not loosing weight to get a new man (I assume) and you are not loosing weight as a subtle hint for him to. You are loosing weight because it is unhealthy to be overweight and your quality of life is diminished. It is about you, not him.
Go well.0 -
Sounds like he may have jealousy issues or something for him to not want you to lose weight !
I had one of those a few years back and it was NOT healthy... After a few months of arguing with him and him doing everything under the sun to sabotage me, I hadlet him go. It was 2 1/2 yrs lso it wasn't easy but I knew it was best for me! I did end up losing weight and it wasn't the 30 pounds I lost on my body, it was the 200 of him pulling me down!!
Be careful and please do what you need to do to be happy and don't let others pull you down. If he truly loved you, he would be supportive of you bc he would want you to be healthy and happy!0 -
That's too bad, but you can't let someone else dictate what you do for yourself. It might be a control issue. Starts out small and escalates each time you concede.
Good luck.0 -
from past experience, my ex once once told me that if I stayed larger, no one else would want me and he would have me all to himself...I left him cuz he was too needy:bigsmile:0
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PLEASE do what makes you happy. If you and him are not on the same wave length, then its time to reconsider whats best for you.0
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