Have I hurt my 8 year old's self image???
sbwood888
Posts: 953 Member
My 8 year old daughter is quite chubby. My husband and I are both downright OBESE. I realize that she has become chubby from learning our bad habits. Recently my daughter has said that she is being teased at school and wanted to lose some weight. She and I have been working together to lose weight. We talk about our meals and snacks so that we can "help each other" make good decisions. I am reading that it is REALLY BAD to ever talk about losing weight with a child because it can ruin her self image and cause lifelong eating disorders. :frown: Have I hurt my daughter??? I was trying to help her. Thoughts???
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She has already been hurt by the kids at school. Teaching her life long eating habits of eating healthy WILL help her. Don't give up. Remeber especially for a young child exercise is imporatant. You are doing the right thing for your daughter. There will come a time when you need to sit down and talk with her about what weight will be approiate for her adult age. Also remember the more mucle she gains now as a child doing active things, the higher metabolism she will have entering adulthood which can help her keep a healthy body weight for the rest of her life.
This is GOOD for your daughter. Just teach her when enough is enough! I was heavy my entire childhood, my parents encouraged it and i only have 100 lbs on my ticker for now because i have never been at a healthy weight. I am 22 and i have over 100 lbs to lose prolly close to 110 even after i've lost almost 20 lbs! Teach your daughter healthy eating, it will be good for her.
You are a wonderful mom to want to help her, and remember this needs to be for you too! You want to live a long healthy life so you can share it with your daughter. Good luck!0 -
As long as you're making a lifestyle change and educating her on proper ways to eat and care for her body, you aren't harming her. If you were to tell her she was heavy and put her on a strict diet without teaching her, THAT would be harmful. It sounds like you're doing the right thing, good for you!!
Edit to add: I have a 7 year old daughter and I spend a lot of time teaching her about what is good for her and what is bad for her in terms of food. She is very athletic and slender, but it's important that they learn how to care for themselves properly so they don't wind up overweight adults like we are.0 -
What??? That is crazy...I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like you are doing it together (very important), talking about good choices (also important), and creating a healthy relationship (physically and mentally).0
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I think its fine.......your not putting your daughter on a diet.......you are changing your families eating patterns to a healthy life style. I would just make sure you say we are living a healthy life style oppose to DIET.......I have a 5, 6 yr old step children and I use the term healthy life style.....the kids pick up on me excersing alot and eating healthy and they want to be like me so they do everything with me.........we say we are healthy oppose to dieting hahahahah I think its all in how you express it!!0
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I don't think you can hurt your daughter by teaching her good eating habits. Much worse to let her continue with the bad habits. It doesn't necessarily have to be about losing weight, teach her to make the right choices and get regular exercise and the weight loss will come naturally.0
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I think as long as you stress the healthy choices aspect of it and not the body image you are striving for that it's definitely not what those articles are talking about. I don't have any kids, but I would recommend not having a scale around her (or letting her know where it is, aside from at the doc's office), not talking about weight in #'s or even inches, but talking about how great you feel, and how happy you are making good choices. Because it's just as important to teach her those lessons about making good food choices as it is to protect her from feeling like you expect a certain body image from her- its all about balance.0
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I don't think so. You are simply teaching her the RIGHT habits - to eat well and exercise. I think its a very good time for her to learn the right habits, more specifically, before she's a teenager. I wish someone had done the same for me when I was her age!0
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Instead of making it about losing weight, I would try to make it about making healthy choices and exercise. Just jumping rope and playing outside are great calorie burners. Try to promote a healthy body image no matter what, everyone is different and beautiful.0
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I don't think that it is ever bad to talk to a child about "healthy choices". In fact, I wish my mom would have spent more time talking to me about it. I wish she would have let me experience different kinds of fruit and veggies...but since she did not like them and I did not have a choice in what we bought I never got to try them...until now as a 23 year old.Because I never got a variety of them I am just now learning things that I like. I would not obsess over her weight though because she is still young and will even out as she grows. Do things as like family walks and such...0
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I focus on being healthy in my house, not losing weight. (Though I need to and so does my son). I try to get my son to exercise with me, but only if he wants to. If he wants more to eat after a meal, I just ask him, "Are you really hungry?" If he says yes, then I tell him "of course you can." I think it is best to tell her- I have been unhealthy and now our family has unhealthy habits. Let'sd change our habits.0
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I will be honest you may have I mean when I was 6 i was told by my mom i was down right fat
Started dieting at 7!
Imagine a 7 year old looking at diet pills and slim fast.
Became anorexic at 8 went down to 98 when I was 13 and am now 16 got out of the hospital was released at 160 because of my build and now going back to my old ways.
Cant help anyone who doesnt want it this is who i am and how I will be till I die.
Please watch her please please please!
I dont want ANYONE to end up like me.
Dont let her skip meals0 -
I've been obese since I was 5, when I weighed in at 120lbs. The first diet I went on was when I was 7. I was on and off diets until I was 17 when I just said eff it. In my opinion, you may want to make the focus of your efforts with your daughter to be about getting healthy. She's still so young so this is the perfect time to build healthy habits with her. Forget the scale, only check her weight every month or even less, emphasize being active and making good decisions, which it seems you're already doing.0
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You're teaching your daughter positive self-image, not self-destructive ones. If this is something that SHE wants and SHE approached you about it, then I say roll with it and help educate her. If it comes to a point where she wants to quit, give her a pep talk or some sort of motivator to keep going (hey, adults do that too, right?). If she ultimately decides at a later date to quit, respect that... don't force her. If you educate, work with her, and try to be supportive, there's absolutely no harm in doing what you're doing.
I'm a high school English teacher and I interact a lot with girls about their weight. I know a lot of this through personal experience. I've never had problems talking these things over with them, as long as I'm approached BY THEM.
Shannon0 -
I have a seven year old that is in the same boat - I am always stressing myself out about how I talk about foods and health, so that I make reference to 'be healthy' rather than 'lose weight' - I keep trying to find activities she enjoys to help her get more excersize, but she would so rather be reading a book that playing soccer... She said she would be my 'personal trainer' when the weather gets nicer and go for runs with me - I'm looking forward to it!
I think you are doing a great thing, it is so hard not to agonize over all of the ways we are potentially damaging our children - LOL. Keep setting the good example - good luck!0 -
No absolutley not!! I was heavy as a kid and I wish my parents would have taught me better eating habits and worked with me to lose. I was teased mercilessly at school and I think that impacts a kids self esteem more than a parent taking their child by the hand to rescue them from a life time of bad eating habits. What ever you are reading..throw it away!!! You are doing the right thing by your child. :noway:0
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I think that since she came to you she feels its safe to talk to you. If you are doing it together or as a family she is not isolated. If you are all on board she dose not have to feel that you are against her. I think it is great that you are working together and that your daughter is conferrable enough with you and know what she is going through. I would just say dont gloat when you make progress but do commend her when she accomplishes a goal. Have you set mother daughter goals and rewards? I think that would be fun to have a girls day at the spa or go out and get some new clothing when you reach goals.0
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I try to keep it more about being fit than about weight for my son. He has reflux issues and just keeping a little bit of weight off helps him sleep better at night. He's also in a lot of sports and I tell him that eating well and exercising in any way will help with those sports. We have a lot of diabetes in our families too so we try to teach about that too.0
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The two of you talking about better eating habits and working with each other to achieve this is great. If you were telling your daughter that she was heavy and making her eat better and not doing it yourself would be a different story. A lifestyle change for the whole family is great; it will help her to make better decisions as an adult and help you and your husband feel better about yourselves in the meantime.0
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My 8 year old daughter is quite chubby. My husband and I are both downright OBESE. I realize that she has become chubby from learning our bad habits. Recently my daughter has said that she is being teased at school and wanted to lose some weight. She and I have been working together to lose weight. We talk about our meals and snacks so that we can "help each other" make good decisions. I am reading that it is REALLY BAD to ever talk about losing weight with a child because it can ruin her self image and cause lifelong eating disorders. :frown: Have I hurt my daughter??? I was trying to help her. Thoughts???
Not at all. You are helping her learn to make healthy choices as part of a positive, healthy environment. This is very different from how many parents deal with weight issues. Instead of focussing on how she's "failed", you're modeling positive relationships with food and a realistic self-image.0 -
I think you are doing the right thing. You are teaching her to make better choices and to eat healthy. You are doing a great job doing it now. You said she came to you about the kids teasing her. She feels safe and pro active. You are teaching her to do something about it. Unfortunately kids are cruel. They are also honest. If you child is chubby and they are pointing that out to her in the way that kids do. It is something she can change. If it were something she could not change, like a handicap, you would teach her how to respond too, wouldn't you?
I think if you are teaching her to eat properly in a positive environment you are doing her a world of good. Plus you are doing it too and leading by example. That's even better.
Keep up the good work.0 -
I don't know anything but:
I think you have not hurt your child. Your own efforts to change your lifestyle and the willingness of your child to join you can only be a positive move on your part.
Good on ya!!0 -
My opinion is to try not to talk about how over weight she is but put it in terms of making changes to be healthy.
I have a daughter too that needs to loose weight so I try encourage her to work out with me so we can be healthy. I don't call it a diet but rather healthy food choices so our bodies stay healthy. If she eats a cookie one day don't be dissapointed she is a child just make sure she stays acive and understands that staying active will keep her weight down. Kids are cruel but her weight should not define who she is. I think it's great that you both are doing this together. Keep telling her she is beautiful!!0 -
I wish someone would have told me about eating healthy as a child. It would have saved me a lot of torment growing up. I also credit being overweight to making me shy throughout school, which made things even more difficult.
You're doing the right thing. As someone else noted, make this about being healthy and active rather than weight loss. It will help teach her extremely valuable information that she will carry with her.
Continuing with her bad habits is what could ruin her self image. We all know you can't change the past, but picking up here and trying to show her the right way is (IMO) the best thing you could be doing!
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I think talking openly and honestly with your daughter about healthy food choices and fitness will NEVER hurt her. My daughter is only 4 and she already understands about healthy food and working out. I think girls have was more pressure from society to look a certain way and I want my child to not succumb to that pressure in unhealthy ways (like starving herself, etc) and to learn to love the body she was given by keeping it active and fueling it with delicious, healthy foods instead of processed foods and sugar.
I also think, at 8, your daughter is old enough to understand what a healthy weight range is for her (and for her parents!). Obviously she is going to hear about these things elsewhere...children are very cruel
I prefer my children learn too much at home than too much from their peers.
You are doing the right thing and being a good mama! Don't be hard on yourself!0 -
I think you're taking the right approach. It's all in the message and the delivery. I've been obese all my life and my mom would constantly put me down because of it - call me an embarrasment to the family, say she wished I was never born, etc...I actually never thought I had a "problem" until she started telling me I did.
You're not doing any of that. I wish my mom took the approach you did and make it a lifestyle change and something we worked on together [she was obese too].
Keep doing what you're doing - you're on the right path [take that from someone who was lead down the wrong one for many years].0 -
Instead of making it about losing weight, I would try to make it about making healthy choices and exercise. Just jumping rope and playing outside are great calorie burners. Try to promote a healthy body image no matter what, everyone is different and beautiful.
I agree try not say we are dieting... Just talk about healthy choices. And do not say anything NEGATIVE about YOUR own appearance!! If you say you don't look good, she will say the same about herself!! Yuu are doing a great helping your child!! Be proud!!0 -
As long as you're making a lifestyle change and educating her on proper ways to eat and care for her body, you aren't harming her. If you were to tell her she was heavy and put her on a strict diet without teaching her, THAT would be harmful. It sounds like you're doing the right thing, good for you!!
Edit to add: I have a 7 year old daughter and I spend a lot of time teaching her about what is good for her and what is bad for her in terms of food. She is very athletic and slender, but it's important that they learn how to care for themselves properly so they don't wind up overweight adults like we are.
I agree I do the same thing with my 8 year old daughter she is very athletic, tall and thin but I am trying to teach her about making good choices when it comes to food.0 -
I agree with everyone else. I think you are doing the right thing by trying to show her how to make healthy choices. And especially by doing it with her. I was a really big kid and teased all the time both at school and at home. I wish my mom would have tried to be active and healthy with me instead of giving me diet books to read and figure it out on my own.0
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Since this is about getting your child down to an appropriate HEALTHY weight and not about trying to get a couple pounds off her so you can live vicariously through her in pageant circles, then talking to her openly and honestly about healthy foods compared to "sometimes" foods is the only way to go, IMHO. It's when parents get perfectly healthy kids to start fretting about a few pounds that the problems start.
STOP buying the sweets and things that aren't healthy for her. Explain that they are TREATS, which (by their very definition) mean that they're eaten infrequently for special occassions. A child should not be expecting a handful of cookies to tie them over until the next meal or a big slice of cake after dinner (unless it's a birthday or a special occassion). Because of her age, you don't have to go into the health problems associated with obesity, but not having the food around would be a huge step in the right direction.0
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