If your doctor told you....
TheVirgoddess
Posts: 4,535 Member
in Chit-Chat
"You have a cute little figure and it's just going to keep getting cuter as you lose more weight" on your third visit to him, ever - would it make you uncomfortable?
My doctor said this to me about a month ago. At first I was weirded out by it, but several of my friends said it was no big deal, and I knew he wasn't intending to be creepy, so I brushed it off. But I have to run in today for tetanus shot (I stepped on a rusty nail) and I find myself dreading seeing him.
I'm not going to flip out on him or call the medical board, but I'm considering finding a new doctor.
I'm not asking if I'm overreacting, these are my feelings, and they are valid - but I was wondering if this would bother you?
My doctor said this to me about a month ago. At first I was weirded out by it, but several of my friends said it was no big deal, and I knew he wasn't intending to be creepy, so I brushed it off. But I have to run in today for tetanus shot (I stepped on a rusty nail) and I find myself dreading seeing him.
I'm not going to flip out on him or call the medical board, but I'm considering finding a new doctor.
I'm not asking if I'm overreacting, these are my feelings, and they are valid - but I was wondering if this would bother you?
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Replies
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Personally it wouldn't bother me unless it was like every time I went and I felt uneasy. Maybe see how your visit goes today and make the decision then. It could have been a harmless compliment but one can't be too sure.0
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I think you should speak to him about it.
Otherwise he may say the same thinking he's being "encouraging."
Especially since he's new to you and not your physician you've known since 1995.
and if you don't say something about how you feel, who will??0 -
It wouldn't bother me at all.
If it bothers you, get a new doc.0 -
It depends on vibe.
If it's dear old sweet man vibe, ok.
If it's creepy man vibe, nope, nope, nope - I'm outta there.
Tetnus shot should be a good indicator. If he strokes your arm, time to find someone new.0 -
Was he telling the truth?
If my doctor told me I had a cute figure, I would wink at her and tell her thank :-) (then again I am a very casual flirt in real life)
I will take every compliment I can get :-) (yes I know its little for women and can be creepified)
If it does bother you, either let your PCM know or ask for another or change clinics.
Just one ole man's opinion0 -
I don't think I would like it, especially if said doctor is ever going to see or touch any of my private bits.0
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I'm not sure what vibe there was honestly. He's not a cute old man though. I think he was just trying to be friendly - but a physician commenting on my physical appearance makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I liken it to him saying "you're very pretty" - just has no place in a professional appt, IMO. I don't find it offensive or sexual or anything, just unprofessional I guess.
And yes, I do have a nice, hourglass figure and I had lost over 35 pounds since our last visit, so the changes were very noticeable.
I will mention to him and base my decision on his reaction. Thanks for talking me through it you guys
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It's too bad that if a person wants to compliment, or encourage someone, they have to reconsider because it may be misconstrued as sexual harrassment.0
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Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.0
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It's too bad that if a person wants to compliment, or encourage someone, they have to reconsider because it may be misconstrued as sexual harrassment.
Except I specifically said I didn't feel that the comment was sexual in nature. So - nice try but that was a miss.0 -
um, YES! honestly, it would definitely make me feel uncomfortable, but i'd also still feel flattered.... but more uncomfortable. geez.0
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I'm not sure what vibe there was honestly. He's not a cute old man though. I think he was just trying to be friendly - but a physician commenting on my physical appearance makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I liken it to him saying "you're very pretty" - just has no place in a professional appt, IMO. I don't find it offensive or sexual or anything, just unprofessional I guess.
And yes, I do have a nice, hourglass figure and I had lost over 35 pounds since our last visit, so the changes were very noticeable.
I will mention to him and base my decision on his reaction. Thanks for talking me through it you guys
Maybe he was trying to congratulate you on your weight loss.
Great idea just executed poorly. Sometimes us guys trip all over our conversations.0 -
I'm not sure what vibe there was honestly. He's not a cute old man though. I think he was just trying to be friendly - but a physician commenting on my physical appearance makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I liken it to him saying "you're very pretty" - just has no place in a professional appt, IMO. I don't find it offensive or sexual or anything, just unprofessional I guess.
And yes, I do have a nice, hourglass figure and I had lost over 35 pounds since our last visit, so the changes were very noticeable.
I will mention to him and base my decision on his reaction. Thanks for talking me through it you guys
Maybe he was trying to congratulate you on your weight loss.
Great idea just executed poorly. Sometimes us guys trip all over our conversations.
Yeah, this is what I think it is. And like I said, I don't think he's a creeper, or was TRYING to be flirty or anything. It's more that I've never, ever had a doctor comment on my physical appearance, so it really threw me. And compliments on my appearance always make me vaguely uncomfortable, no matter who they are from.0 -
It's a shame there are so many people out there who can't give appropriate compliments.It's too bad that if a person wants to compliment, or encourage someone, they have to reconsider because it may be misconstrued as sexual harrassment.0 -
My response would have been "Uh, okaaaaaaaaaaay." and I would have just brushed it off.
However if he starts becoming a creeper about it than you you need to say something. It could very well be that he was noticing the change in you and giving you encouragement to keep going.
ETA: I'm like you, OP. I never know how to take compliments and get embarrassed when given one.:blushing:0 -
Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.
Yes. That is the point I was trying to make.
Personally, I am surrounded by women. 3 Daughters, 2 Granddaughters, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 sisters and all of their female friends. Guys sometimes get accused of not complimenting those around them. However, when they do make an effort, their intentions are sometimes scrutinized.
I always take a compliment at it's face value and try not to read anything negative into it.
If a person says I look attractive should I thank them for the compliment or automatically assume they want to sleep with me? That sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's only because I am a 60 year old man. If I were attractive, would I have to think differently?0 -
OP - I would be uncomfortable with that comment as well. It sounds to me like maybe he was just trying to be encouraging, as some others have said, so I'd try talking to him; but yes, that sounds like something that shouldn't happen again if it makes you uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable with your doctor is a terrible thing; I'm surprised he even went down that path in the first place.0
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Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.
I would definitely say so. I would certainly appreciate someone on my health care team who noticed and backed my efforts to be trimmer.0 -
Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.
Yes. That is the point I was trying to make.
Personally, I am surrounded by women. 3 Daughters, 2 Granddaughters, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 sisters and all of their female friends. Guys sometimes get accused of not complimenting those around them. However, when they do make an effort, their intentions are sometimes scrutinized.
I always take a compliment at it's face value and try not to read anything negative into it.
If a person says I look attractive should I thank them for the compliment or automatically assume they want to sleep with me? That sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's only because I am a 60 year old man. If I were attractive, would I have to think differently?
If you'd like to actually read what I've said and then have a conversation with me, I'd be happy to. But you're either reading stuff that isn't there, or assuming an awful lot about me - neither of which I have time for.
As to the rest - my doctor and I had already discussed my weight loss and how proud he was of me. The figure comment was something he threw out as I was leaving. I know his intent wasn't to be creepy, which is why I didn't say anything. I'll see how things go this time 0 -
Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.
Yes. That is the point I was trying to make.
Personally, I am surrounded by women. 3 Daughters, 2 Granddaughters, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 sisters and all of their female friends. Guys sometimes get accused of not complimenting those around them. However, when they do make an effort, their intentions are sometimes scrutinized.
I always take a compliment at it's face value and try not to read anything negative into it.
If a person says I look attractive should I thank them for the compliment or automatically assume they want to sleep with me? That sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's only because I am a 60 year old man. If I were attractive, would I have to think differently?
If you'd like to actually read what I've said and then have a conversation with me, I'd be happy to. But you're either reading stuff that isn't there, or assuming an awful lot about me - neither of which I have time for.
As to the rest - my doctor and I had already discussed my weight loss and how proud he was of me. The figure comment was something he threw out as I was leaving. I know his intent wasn't to be creepy, which is why I didn't say anything. I'll see how things go this time
Actually, I wasn't making an assumption about you at all. I was sugggesting that sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. Or maybe an act of encouragement. I'm not a woman and maybe a male point of view is not applicable in this instance.0 -
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I LOVE hands so it is something I would have said. No big deal, let it go.0
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Is he single and hott?
That's important.0 -
I've had gynecologists comment on my lady parts. They become desensitized because they look at bodies all day long. Commenting about your body does not always mean sexual harassment.
Is he a good doctor? Do you trust him? Has he taken time to look you in the eye and listen to you? Is he thorough? Does he care about your health? These are the questions that matter.
ETA reading comprehension prior to coffee. But the point remains the same.0 -
One comment, that's a compliment - an awkward slightly unprofessional one - but we all have our off moments. If he continues to make these types of comments every time you see him, I'd say something and then switch doctors.
A former co-worker had a male doctor tell her that she was voluptuous. It kind of creeped out and made her wonder if that was a backhanded compliment at the same time - like she was a bit chunky and that's a nice way to say it. But it only happened once so she brushed it off as him having a brain fart. And by the way, he wasn't wrong, she's a looker. 0 -
He commented on my figure. As in shape of my body. Not my fingers.0
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He commented on my figure. As in shape of my body. Not my fingers.
my bad, I saw finger lol in that case, he is a perv0 -
None of us were in the room so we have no idea of the tone he used.
If you think his tone was neutral, then I don't quite understand what's the big deal of a doctor commenting on something positive that his patient has done toward her health. And that falls within the realm of his responsibilities toward you.
If you think the tone was not neutral, switch doctor.
Don't punish him for saying something he is supposed to be saying, if there really was no undertone to it; just shows that your other doctors haven't done their jobs properly (to discuss figure/size).
I'm not sure I'd use the word cute about a patient myself, but we all are so different. Hence my question about possibly perceived undertone.0 -
Well, if you can trust anyone to give an objective opinion on your figure, it would be your doctor. Maybe he was trying to be encouraging.
Yes. That is the point I was trying to make.
Personally, I am surrounded by women. 3 Daughters, 2 Granddaughters, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 sisters and all of their female friends. Guys sometimes get accused of not complimenting those around them. However, when they do make an effort, their intentions are sometimes scrutinized.
I always take a compliment at it's face value and try not to read anything negative into it.
If a person says I look attractive should I thank them for the compliment or automatically assume they want to sleep with me? That sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's only because I am a 60 year old man. If I were attractive, would I have to think differently?
If you'd like to actually read what I've said and then have a conversation with me, I'd be happy to. But you're either reading stuff that isn't there, or assuming an awful lot about me - neither of which I have time for.
As to the rest - my doctor and I had already discussed my weight loss and how proud he was of me. The figure comment was something he threw out as I was leaving. I know his intent wasn't to be creepy, which is why I didn't say anything. I'll see how things go this time
Actually, I wasn't making an assumption about you at all. I was sugggesting that sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. Or maybe an act of encouragement. I'm not a woman and maybe a male point of view is not applicable in this instance.
Male point of views are always welcome with me. I'm sorry I apparently misunderstood your post.0 -
"You have a cute little figure and it's just going to keep getting cuter as you lose more weight" on your third visit to him, ever - would it make you uncomfortable?
My doctor said this to me about a month ago. At first I was weirded out by it, but several of my friends said it was no big deal, and I knew he wasn't intending to be creepy, so I brushed it off. But I have to run in today for tetanus shot (I stepped on a rusty nail) and I find myself dreading seeing him.
I'm not going to flip out on him or call the medical board, but I'm considering finding a new doctor.
I'm not asking if I'm overreacting, these are my feelings, and they are valid - but I was wondering if this would bother you?
It depends on the person and my relationship with them.0
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