Have I hurt my 8 year old's self image???

Seems to me that you are doing the right thing! As long as you encourage her and don't say anything negative she'll understand and come out of it okay.

Talking honestly and openly about food, exercise and a healthy lifestyle is the best thing you could do for your daughter! Not only talking, but doing. I wish I had that kind of guidance and support as a child - it is very important for young people to know what is healthy and what is not. Pretending that there are no problems with being overweight is damaging to self-image, learning how to be healthy is not damaging - it's repairing.

I have actually been the 8 yr old in this situation.

The advice I would give is to not obsess over weight loss. And don't make it about weight loss. I resented my mom for wanting to make me her diet buddy all the time. She never intended to hurt me or anything, but I was definitely seeing it as "you're too fat, we need to worry about your weight now." She was more on the low carb and calorie stuff, though. Teach portion sizes and when it's okay to eat certain things. Don't give her restrictions, just encourage a healthy lifestyle.

And for the love of God, DO NOT act like being fat is the worst thing that could happen to her. Teach her to love her body no matter what and to take care of her body, which can do amazing things for her if she cares for it.

That's what I would do, and I know if my mom did that to me, I probably would not have been so resistant.

Also, get your husband in on it. Make it a household change. She will learn to eat and and enjoy healthy foods because it will be what she grew up with. As an 8 yr old, her options are pretty limited beyond what is given to her in her home.

This is GREAT advice and my son is only a year old, but I will take this forever. Once he can understand my fear of weight gain I will have to watch how and what I say

Tips that I've seen work with several families:

-- Make it about you. Our old bad habits were about us and our kids absorbed them. The same will slowly happen with healthy habits.
-- Consider telling your daughter that you struggle with eating the way you should to be healthy and that you'd like her help.
-- When you are shopping, let her know that you think she's smart and that it would be cool if she'd help you figure out the healthiest XYZ to buy. For instance, look at peanut butter labels and compare ... noting things like how almost all of them have hydrogenated oils (partly or fully) but that Skippy Natural (for example) doesn't. That's choosing a healthful choice for a reason other than pure calories. Do the same with bread and cereal --which has the most protein and most fiber? You'll be teaching her to read labels and make smart choices based on things other than just calories.
-- Explain that you aren't buying unhealthy snacks (including junky kids cereals) because, even though she might be able to have them, if they're in the house, you'll be tempted and get off track. Find a way to bring healthier snacks into your house (fruits, etc.).
-- Ask her to help make sure you get out for some exercise, maybe even taking a walk with you to be sure you make it all the way to the corner or other marker.

Kids love to make sure they supervise us and these kinds of things make an opportunity for them to do exactly that, and meanwhile, they also (coincidentally) become healthier and learn that this is all really about healthier and not just weight. The goal is get them to realize the a healthy weight, follows healthier choices.

I've seen that when people make it about them, and solicit the helpfulness and intelligence of kids, the whole family benefits.
Hope it helps. The kids sure love it!!

I grew up with a Mother who was ALWAYS nagging me to lose weight. I would say that as a result, I am OBSESSED with food. She would lose weight by binging and purging. I learned how to eat, by watching her binge(didn't realize the purge part until I was older) and thought this was the 'normal' way to eat. Consequently, I have been overweight my entire life. As an adult, I have had to teach myself how to properly eat and control my binge eating mindset. I learned a lot from my Mother. I have had a damaged self image because of the snide remarks and downright angry comments to me about my body. I am strong and love my Mom. I forgive her for her actions, knowing that she had self-esteem issues herself and was just pojecting them onto me. So, back to the original question: "Have I hurt my 8 year old's self image?"- As long as you are being positive, teaching her to make smart decisions, complimenting her on her successes, and letting her know that she is loved for who she is, she will grow in ways unimaginable! Had my parent's taught me how to properly eat and exercise, I wouldn't be here today. Putting your kids through 'bootcamp' and forcing them to do things they are not interested in will only push them away. It sounds like your daughter trusts you and still looks to you for guidance, and that's not something you ever want to sacrifice. I would have never told my Mother the kid's made fun of me, because she would have just reinforced their cruelity. Be a role model for her, every girl needs a loving and caring Mother. Don't damage, protect.

I grew up with a Mother who was ALWAYS nagging me to lose weight. I would say that as a result, I am OBSESSED with food. She would lose weight by binging and purging. I learned how to eat, by watching her binge(didn't realize the purge part until I was older) and thought this was the 'normal' way to eat. Consequently, I have been overweight my entire life. As an adult, I have had to teach myself how to properly eat and control my binge eating mindset. I learned a lot from my Mother.

I'm always interested in the things are parents "did" that make us who we are now. I find it impossible to recognize skinny or fat in people because my mom constantly point it out. I remember my mom telling me when I was about 6 about her diet this and her diet that. I remember her standing in the closet crying during one of her "fat" times, the thing about it is my mom was never obese, just a higher BMI at times, but never more then 30-40lbs overweight for her height.

Because of my mom's - I have learned never to diet. I gained weight because of an auto accident, and realized that I felt so terribly by the weight I'd gained, I needed to rethink my lifestyle. To my kids, food isn't what we focus on, it's physical activities. I believe if you instill a love and desire to be outside, moving, working, playing - that wanting to eat correctly follows it.

My kids have been taught to read labels because they have celiac disease, but this also makes them aware of serving sizes and portion control. We weight and measure all of our food to form good habits. My kids are 9 and 11 - they know my husband has had gout 20 times because of the beer and pizza They understand that food is connected to choices.

Thank you - for this topic - I think it's so often overlooked in raising children as we get busy by eating fast food too often and making the wrong choices for them from the beginning.

As a mother and a daughter let me say that I can tell more than anything from your post that you love your daughter and have her best interest at heart. You both are admitting to having issues with your weight and you are working together to be healthier. I do not see anything wrong with that. Good luck to you and your daughter.

I think it's never harmful to teach lessons in good nutrition and exercise. I wouldn't focus on her body image or weight loss so much as good nutrition and her overall health. At her age learning to enjoy exercise is so important. Find a way to keep her active and having fun (swimming, dance, cheer ) whatever she enjoys. Plus keep the food things enjoyable for her, teach her moderation in the things she enjoys that aren't so healthy. Once in a while have an ice cream or a cookie out ( not eating these things every day makes them so special!).

I would have LOVED to have been taught about healthy eating in the way you are with your daughter.

I was forcibly placed on Weight Watchers at age 10/11 by my Mother and I spent a very long time obsessing over how many calories/points/sins a certain food was and I have this horrible memory of sneaking ONE GRAPE from the refridgerator and getting hauled over the coals in front of a school friend over it.

I still have a pretty awkward relationship with food because of this.

I think you're doing a great things for your daughter, hon, I really do and more than that - I admire it.
:flowerforyou:

I have wondered this myself. I am obese. Recently I have started becoming more aware of my eating, and I have started weighting myself daily. My son is 8 and he weights 63 pounds. Now he walks around saying that he is fat and needs to lose weight. Did I damage my son? I try not to say to much about my diet, but I am honest when he asks me. I always tell him that mommy needs to lose weight, not him.

I didnt go thru all the posts, but have you taken her to her DR and let her DR help you guys out? So glad your doing something now , kudos to you for helping her!

I think the difference is that she came to YOU and asked for help. I would definitely focus more on being healthy and making good choices with her over "losing weight"... but I say that knowing that she is about to get to the stage where MANY girls are a bit chubby before growing into their weight. She could be at that point now actually.

I have a little boy who is at a healthy weight... and I know that is different... but we talk a lot about making healthy choices. I may not eat some dessert or starchy food that he and my dh are having but I always try to emphasize that I don't want it and not that I "can't have that" too. We talk about foods that are healthy foods and foods that are "sometimes" foods that we don't eat every day (cookies, cake, chocolate milk mostly).

Good for you for being a mom your daughter felt she could come to when kids were teasing!

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/obesity/l/aa012503a.htm

The first goal in getting kids to a more healthy weight should actually not be weight loss. Instead, the usual recommendation is for kids to just stop gaining weight, and then, as they get taller, they can 'grow into' their weight.

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Although trying to help overweight children lose weight is important, even more important may be trying to prevent them from becoming overweight in the first place. This too is not easy, but something that needs to be started in early childhood, especially if your child is at risk for becoming obese, like if they have overweight parents.

Targeting the behaviors that lead children to become overweight can be helpful in preventing your child from becoming overweight. These include unhealthy eating habits and a lack of physical activity and exercise.

Tips, both to prevent obesity and help your child lose weight, include:

* limiting the number of calories that your child drinks. For example, many kids drink too much juice and soda each day. Sticking to the usual recommend limits of 4-6 ounces of 100% fruit juice for children under age 6 years and only 8-12 ounces for older children can help to limit excessive weight gain.
* limiting the amount of milk that younger children drink. Although drinking milk is important and it is a good source of calcium, too much milk can lead to your child becoming overweight. Obesity often starts in early childhood, with a common scenario being a child who drinks too much milk. Children usually only need about 16-24 ounces of milk each day.
* avoiding frequent meals of fast food.
* don't 'super size' your child's meals. A common problem that contributes to overweight children are meals with portions that are too large.
* don't force younger children to 'clean their plates.' An important way to help children learn to eat healthy is for them to know that they can stop eating when they are full.
* encourage regular exercise and physical activity in your children each day. This may include going for walks as a family, playing outside, riding a bike, or participating in organized sports, like soccer and baseball.
* limit inactivity by setting strict limits on watching television and playing computer and video games.
* avoiding allowing your children eat while watching TV. Instead, limit meals to the dinner table.
* don't put too much of a focus on what your child eats. Remember not too restrict calories and instead, offer a healthy diet with 3 healthy meals (don't skip meals, especially breakfast) and a few snacks, and allow occasional treats. Talking to your child too much about calories, fat and dieting can actually cause more harm than good, leading to eating disorders.
* know what your child is eating and where his calories are coming from.

And also important, be a good role model for your children by eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly. Keep in mind that a healthy diet is usually low in saturated fat (<10% of calories) and cholesterol (<300 mg/d) and moderate in total fat (<30%–35% calories).
Get Help

Losing weight is not easy and you may need to get extra help for your child. This will likely include your Pediatrician, who can monitor your child's weight gain and loss every few months, but it might also include a Registered Dietician, who can help you come up with a more healthy diet for your family.

If being overweight is affecting your child's mood or self-esteem, then a Child Psychologist might also be helpful.