Where do I go from here...

For the past month or so I've been feeling it in my body, that things were getting out of control. Just the way I felt in my clothes, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, which I try to avoid...it's been weighing on my mind so heavily in fact that I had a dream last night about it...

I'm a smart person, I know what I should be doing and know how to do it...I work in the health and fitness industry ironically, I'm a full time gymnastic coach for goodness sake!!! I was an athlete growing up. There's no shortage of reasons why I should have it together at this point, but it hadn't clicked up to this point.

Anyway...this morning I decided it was time to "man up" and actually see what I already knew on the scale...I have tipped the 300lb mark.

Growing up I was very fit and had a positive body image, and since moving into adulthood I've slowly seen my weight creep up over the last 10 years, but this number literally brings me to tears. I've always played the game where I look at someone who is overweight and compare in my head. I'm not that big, I don't look like that, etc... I feel like I can't accurately judge my true image to the outside world, but there is no justifying or finagling a way to feel good about 305.5lbs. period.

I don't know if this is what I needed; to hit rock bottom as it's called?...This aching pit in my stomach and the cold hard fact that I've been ignoring. I've yo-yoed so many times that I'm at the point where I feel like no one, including myself really takes me that seriously when I say I'm going to get in shape and lose weight, and that I've lost the right to ask for their help.

I am going to be 28 at the end of the month, and I can't stand the thought of wasting what's remaining of my youth overweight on the couch while life is passing me by.

History tells me that a month from now I'll start to make excuses. That I'll stop logging my food accurately or at all. I'll resign to the fact that I have people that love me unconditionally and try to reason with myself why I can't just do the same. That other things/people are more important than what I'm trying to accomplish, but I can't let history repeat itself. The cycle stops today.

I am going to need help. I am going to need support. I am going to need reminders of why I'm doing this, and need the encouragement when it seems too hard.

Where do I go from here...?