Husbands! Need your advice!
Replies
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My husband has cut out soda and has lost 4 inches around his waist without the scale changing. I think the bodymedia band is a great idea IF it is sensible for your current budget and if you are able to make somewhat large purchases without consulting the other. Otherwise I would suggest taking measurements so that he can see the inches coming off even if the scale isn't moving.
YES! I have noticed his body changing some. he cut out soda also! and so many other bad foods. we did that over the course of 3 months.
I think I will also start taking his measurements! that's a fab idea! I keep trying to tell him the scale isn't important! he is working out and muscle is heavier than fat! he might not be loosing because he is replacing with muscle!
thank you!oh.. and there is no cheating on his diet where I wouldn't know about. No foods I don't know about because i've been home from work for 5 weeks with him on holidays (and he works from home).
He is getting almost scared of food
1. The "bad" foods thing and the "almost getting scared of food" thing is a little troubling
2. You can't be 100% certain he isn't sneaking food, unless you monitor his every movement. I went through 6 weeks of basic training and we snuck food around the dormitories right in front of the training instructors who supposedly knew everything. Just sayin'
He tells me what he eats that isn't here. He isn't a sneak lol and yes the scared of calories is very troubling! He thinks he is only using up 1500-1700 cals a day, so he has to sutract 300-500 from that! which is where I AM! not him!
He has gone out once or twice this month and had 2 beers ( so 4 beers in a month ). He tells me. and he logs it. He is meticulous about logging it! Even butter he logs! everything! lol0 -
Depending on his height yes he may be under eating which has a direct impact on weightloss. His body may be going into starvation mode to preserve the calories he is eating. I am all about the fitness gadgets just can't always afford them though.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Thanks, I needed that on a Monday morning.0 -
he gets that! We are doing this life style change together. The results are happening faster for me BUT I am doing exactly what all the tools on MFP are telling me! I try and keep my calories up even when i'm not hungry! I'll force myself to eat enough ( almonds or cheese or fruits ) to get close to my cal goal for the day.
he wont.
if he eats only 1100 cals in a day, he wont try and eat more. He was feeling sick over the weekend ( which I wasn't surprsided about ). 
I just want him to success and be happy and healthy.
There's not much you can do about that in my view. His emotions seem to be driving his thought processes at present. Trying to persuade someone who is emotionally invested in a certain way of thinking is very difficult unless they come to a different way of thinking for themselves. The lifestyle tracker is a sticking plaster on a wound in this scenario.
I think a chat along the lines of "I love you. I support you. I would prefer if you followed the MFP guidelines with me but I respect your decisions" may go far further in convincing him in the long term than a purchased gift.
However, close scrutiny at calorie intake through diet must be the first port of call along with an unconscious eating which is taking place (this is remarkably easy to do and forget about). Measurements, photos, tracking fitness improvements as measures of success are also good ideas.0 -
Soapbox alert - Muscle is not heavier than fat. 1 pound is 1 pound. Muscle is denser than fat, but not heavier. So if I take a pound of feathers it is 16 ounces and a pound of lead is 16 ounces. One fills several, several pillow cases and one fills the palm of ones hand.
Get a sixteen ounce steak (muscle) and sixteen ounces of lard (fat) and look at the difference in space taken up. But a pound is a pound, density is another matter. (Sorry, soapbox over.)
As to the fitness tracker, if he would use it then get it. I would, but I struggle with the same issue he does, it's almost as if my body does not want to change. I have lost an inch around the middle, but the scale is the same (that density thing, muscle takes up less space for the same weight) This is why your average NFL linebacker weighs the same as your Arnold Schwarzenegger in his bodybuilding heyday, but they look way different.
The idea you seem to have grasped onto about measuring (neck, chest, biceps, stomach, waist, thigh) is a good one. Measure and record on a weekly or bi-weekly schedule, along with weight.
I hope this helps. Also, someone mentioned men tend to be results driven, this is so true. Hugs are huge and while they don't change results, my pain at not losing is lessened because I know my wife cares and my efforts, while they may not be producing tangible results, are noticed and appreciated.0 -
He isn't going into starvation mode, he isn't building muscle in a month to offset any weight loss. He's most likely eating more than he thinks or he would be losing.
I said earlier I wouldn't be offended about the gadget and I wouldn't, but I might be offended that my SO is trying to be responsible for me. He's an adult if he wants help he can post a topic, or look around for information.0 -
My very amazing husband is currently struggling with loosing weight. He is eating right and working out. But the scale isn't changing. *I* see the changes! It has only been a month, but he is getting frustrated. I hate seeing him like this.
I personally feel he isn't eating enough calories! He thinks he needs to cut them more!!! he is a foot taller than me and eating only about 300 cals more than me a day!
My question for you guys:
Would you feel offended if your lovely wife bought you a Bodymedia band or something similar? Something the would more accurately calculate his heart rate and his calories burned in a day? ( or a similar product )
Would you be upset that your wife took it upon herself to do this?
Only you can predict how your husband will react. We cannot help you with this.
MY husband probably wouldn't like it, and may be slightly offended. I just know this based on his personality. He knows I would love it if he bought it for me. I love all things fitness. It's a hobby of mine. He doesn't share my passion for fitness though. He lifts,works out and is in great shape, but doesn't share my level of enthusiasm.
so on point.
Same for mine- (but he's not actively trying to do anything RAGE RAGE RAGE) but he would think I'm nagging him. Even though I never bring it up. It's a point of contention at this point for us- so if I bought him something like that- it would NOT be well received.
Hahaha. If I bought him a fitness gadget, it would be like him buying me a new alternator for his car. Uhhhh.... Thanks babe. It's what I've always wanted! Lol. Different hobbies, different passions.0 -
Soapbox alert - Muscle is not heavier than fat. 1 pound is 1 pound. Muscle is denser than fat, but not heavier. So if I take a pound of feathers it is 16 ounces and a pound of lead is 16 ounces. One fills several, several pillow cases and one fills the palm of ones hand.
Get a sixteen ounce steak (muscle) and sixteen ounces of lard (fat) and look at the difference in space taken up. But a pound is a pound, density is another matter. (Sorry, soapbox over.)
As to the fitness tracker, if he would use it then get it. I would, but I struggle with the same issue he does, it's almost as if my body does not want to change. I have lost an inch around the middle, but the scale is the same (that density thing, muscle takes up less space for the same weight) This is why your average NFL linebacker weighs the same as your Arnold Schwarzenegger in his bodybuilding heyday, but they look way different.
The idea you seem to have grasped onto about measuring (neck, chest, biceps, stomach, waist, thigh) is a good one. Measure and record on a weekly or bi-weekly schedule, along with weight.
I hope this helps. Also, someone mentioned men tend to be results driven, this is so true. Hugs are huge and while they don't change results, my pain at not losing is lessened because I know my wife cares and my efforts, while they may not be producing tangible results, are noticed and appreciated.
yes, you are right. but it's what I meant but said it wrong.
I see him changing. He's shirts are looser and his pants are looser.. but he is stuck on the weight. He "can't" ( maybe isn't ready to say? ) that the weight doesn't matter. that muscle will take up less room but weight the same as the fat that was taking up more space.
I just wish he saw himself the way I see him.0 -
He needs to eat higher calories than that. I know I recently checked my BMR because I had lost a lot of my energy after MFP dropped my calories to 1420. I adjusted my settings now I'm back up to 1620.
I'm a 5'7" woman. If he eats to little he's going to lose muscle.0 -
If I had a nickel for every time I've heard the phrase "Husbands! Need your advice!" I would have well, a nickel! lol
But to answer....I would love it if my wife would buy me exercise, fitness related things but, I'll let her keep getting mani's and Pedi's and the occasional kinky outfit from the lingerie shop. I'm pretty easy to please. lol0 -
My very amazing husband is currently struggling with loosing weight. He is eating right and working out. But the scale isn't changing. *I* see the changes! It has only been a month, but he is getting frustrated. I hate seeing him like this.
I personally feel he isn't eating enough calories! He thinks he needs to cut them more!!! he is a foot taller than me and eating only about 300 cals more than me a day!
My question for you guys:
Would you feel offended if your lovely wife bought you a Bodymedia band or something similar? Something the would more accurately calculate his heart rate and his calories burned in a day? ( or a similar product )
Would you be upset that your wife took it upon herself to do this?
While an activity tracker is fun, it ain't gonna do any good if we don't know what exactly is going on with him, such as age/height/weight, method(s) of calculating intake/burns, etc. On the surface it sounds like he's absolutely correct in that he needs to cut calories because it appears he's eating more than he thinks. Activity tracker is a waste of money if he's doing everything else "wrong."
He's calculates all his calories. it's about 1300-1500 a day ( some days less ) for a man of 5'11" 200 lbs.
anyone can see that is WAY TOO LITTLE !! he is working out about 4-5 times a week. He is eating SUPER clean. I make all the meals. He just isn't eating enough because he just wants to loose weight so badly! He doesn't believe me ( or the tools on here ) that he is using up WAY more calories. He thinks his body is sooo different.
I'm hoping a device like this, that will more accurately show him what he is actually using up in a day, and to subtract 300-500 cals from that, will benefit him.
Or am I way off in my thinking?
Just a word of caution based on this post... If he feels like you are trying to get him to use this so you can prove yourself right, he may not want to use it.0 -
I wouldn't be offended, in fact if I were struggling or frustrated, I would welcome it.
But I agree, he is probably on a plateau; just needs to stick with it and possibly switch up the routines.
Weight isn't the only factor with exercise. He could be gaining muscle. If he keeps it up the scale will start to drop again.0 -
My very amazing husband is currently struggling with loosing weight. He is eating right and working out. But the scale isn't changing. *I* see the changes! It has only been a month, but he is getting frustrated. I hate seeing him like this.
I personally feel he isn't eating enough calories! He thinks he needs to cut them more!!! he is a foot taller than me and eating only about 300 cals more than me a day!
My question for you guys:
Would you feel offended if your lovely wife bought you a Bodymedia band or something similar? Something the would more accurately calculate his heart rate and his calories burned in a day? ( or a similar product )
Would you be upset that your wife took it upon herself to do this?
While an activity tracker is fun, it ain't gonna do any good if we don't know what exactly is going on with him, such as age/height/weight, method(s) of calculating intake/burns, etc. On the surface it sounds like he's absolutely correct in that he needs to cut calories because it appears he's eating more than he thinks. Activity tracker is a waste of money if he's doing everything else "wrong."
He's calculates all his calories. it's about 1300-1500 a day ( some days less ) for a man of 5'11" 200 lbs.
anyone can see that is WAY TOO LITTLE !! he is working out about 4-5 times a week. He is eating SUPER clean. I make all the meals. He just isn't eating enough because he just wants to loose weight so badly! He doesn't believe me ( or the tools on here ) that he is using up WAY more calories. He thinks his body is sooo different.
I'm hoping a device like this, that will more accurately show him what he is actually using up in a day, and to subtract 300-500 cals from that, will benefit him.
Or am I way off in my thinking?
Just a word of caution based on this post... If he feels like you are trying to get him to use this so you can prove yourself right, he may not want to use it.
Oh gawd no. I don't care if I'm wrong. I'm not like that, and he knows that. It wouldn't even cross his mind. I didn't even think I was coming off that way till I read this
I'm so not trying to "prove a point". Sorry if i'm coming off like that. oh gosh.
I want him HEALTHY. and I really think he is doing this in an unhealthy way. Which is terrifying for me. I know the problems under eating can produce. Especially when working out.0 -
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He needs to eat higher calories than that. I know I recently checked my BMR because I had lost a lot of my energy after MFP dropped my calories to 1420. I adjusted my settings now I'm back up to 1620.
I'm a 5'7" woman. If he eats to little he's going to lose muscle.
This is exactly what my fear is! I really think he is under eating.0 -
I would love the support, the gift, and the ability to eat back all of the calories I burned (accurately).
As for his frustration, if he's anything like me (a totally insecure crybaby), he'll enjoy lots of compliments on how he's looking better. Also, other physical-type motivation... WINK!0 -
Pardon? lol0 -
back in the old days i was 5'11 and 211 pounds and i was Hawt with a capital "H"...now I am NAWT with a capital "N"...BUT....if he is tripping about being 200 pounds and not losing weight..i think maybe he needs to refocus on structure and form and look for the way clothes fit and the way muscles ripple ..and most importantly..how he feels when he forgets about "weight"..and concentrates on how his wife eyes him when he turns around suddenly...that's what I do..i watch my wife....my suggestion? .watch your wives fellas..she will tell you when you are looking good :P0
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My husband has cut out soda and has lost 4 inches around his waist without the scale changing. I think the bodymedia band is a great idea IF it is sensible for your current budget and if you are able to make somewhat large purchases without consulting the other. Otherwise I would suggest taking measurements so that he can see the inches coming off even if the scale isn't moving.
YES! I have noticed his body changing some. he cut out soda also! and so many other bad foods. we did that over the course of 3 months.
I think I will also start taking his measurements! that's a fab idea! I keep trying to tell him the scale isn't important! he is working out and muscle is heavier than fat! he might not be loosing because he is replacing with muscle!
thank you!oh.. and there is no cheating on his diet where I wouldn't know about. No foods I don't know about because i've been home from work for 5 weeks with him on holidays (and he works from home).
He is getting almost scared of food
1. The "bad" foods thing and the "almost getting scared of food" thing is a little troubling
2. You can't be 100% certain he isn't sneaking food, unless you monitor his every movement. I went through 6 weeks of basic training and we snuck food around the dormitories right in front of the training instructors who supposedly knew everything. Just sayin'
He tells me what he eats that isn't here. He isn't a sneak lol and yes the scared of calories is very troubling! He thinks he is only using up 1500-1700 cals a day, so he has to sutract 300-500 from that! which is where I AM! not him!
He has gone out once or twice this month and had 2 beers ( so 4 beers in a month ). He tells me. and he logs it. He is meticulous about logging it! Even butter he logs! everything! lol
The truth is somewhere between what you're saying and what he's telling you. Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
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I would love the support, the gift, and the ability to eat back all of the calories I burned (accurately).
As for his frustration, if he's anything like me (a totally insecure crybaby), he'll enjoy lots of compliments on how he's looking better. Also, other physical-type motivation... WINK!
YES!
Lol! I'm ALL OVER THAT! He rolls his eyes at me when I compliment him, but whatever.. I'm hoping hearing the truth often enough he will see it himself!0 -
When I was bigger, all I wanted to do were the completely wrong things, such as eating at too high of a deficit and wanting to do cardio all of the time. It's seriously taken me years to see the benefit of eating at a small deficit and doing consistent weight training (with some cardio on off days, some days of serious deficit, and some splurge days of eating treats at above calorie goal). Sometimes the only way to figure this out is by making years of mistakes. People tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear them until now when I have to face that it's true.0
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When I was bigger, all I wanted to do were the completely wrong things, such as eating at too high of a deficit and wanting to do cardio all of the time. It's seriously taken me years to see the benefit of eating at a small deficit and doing consistent weight training (with some cardio on off days, some days of serious deficit, and some splurge days of eating treats at above calorie goal). Sometimes the only way to figure this out is by making years of mistakes. People tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear them until now when I have to face that it's true.
This is true.
But as his wife, I hate seeing him frustrated lol.
I'll do whatever I can, and also fail at it, to try and help lol
I think i'm going to surprise him with new range of weights also! He was talking about that a few days ago! he is away on a trip today, so it could be a great welcome back home gift :P -- We both need that, so it wouldn't be so " for you" type of gift lol 0 -
I just wish he saw himself the way I see him.
Sounds like you guys need some pro help.
Not sure which one of you is the neuroses motivator, but one of you is.
Get whole in your mind, and your body will follow.
The spice must flow.0 -
Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
^^^^ This!
If you want to get him the gadget because you think he may be into it, then get it just because that.
If you want to proove a point. Don't. If he feels frustrated with his weight loss, try your best to encourage him and show him support, but it comes down to him owning up to his own weight loss. He has to do the research and ask questions. You can't do that for him or else you risk "shoving it down his throat".0 -
Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
^^^^ This!
If you want to get him the gadget because you think he may be into it, then get it just because that.
If you want to proove a point. Don't. If he feels frustrated with his weight loss, try your best to encourage him and show him support, but it comes down to him owning up to his own weight loss. He has to do the research and ask questions. You can't do that for him or else you risk "shoving it down his throat".
I'm really not worried about that. We have been together for 12 years. He knows I don't do anything to prove him wrong. He knows if I do anything, it is out of love and support.
hmm. guess that pretty much answers my own question though! When I type it out like that.
Thank you!0 -
if he is like me...
i love that my wife wants to support and help...
but i dont want to take or try anything that she is offering if i have not done my full research on it.
its only been month and this might just be a part of his process.
plus you have to give him time to learn what works for his body and THAT IS frustrating
just dont offer him garbage food or make him feel bad if he doesnt want to eat garbage with you!0 -
As someone who has been the majority of my life. Finding the right ratio of calories to working out is a challenge. I think I have finally found what is right for me. Just working on maintaining and building a little more muscle. The scale really shouldn't be the final judge. If his clothes are fitting better he is obviously getting more fit.
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Would it help if you got one for yourself too? My husband isn't trying to live right so if I got him a band he would probably be a little hurt. However, I've seen the fitbit thing that comes with a couple of bands. (I'm not technologically inclined). If you got like a 3 pack and did it together, would it be less offensive?0
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As someone who has been the majority of my life. Finding the right ratio of calories to working out is a challenge. I think I have finally found what is right for me. Just working on maintaining and building a little more muscle. The scale really shouldn't be the final judge. If his clothes are fitting better he is obviously getting more fit.
completely agree!
Now, how do I convey this to him lol 0 -
BTW congrats on the 100lbs down!!!0 -
I don't know your husband, so I don't know how he'd receive a fitbit.
However, I'd like to suggest taking a step back. From your post, it looks like you are owning both the problem and the solution. A better role for you to play is helping him define his problem.
Is he getting results or not getting results?
If he is getting results and not noticing them, a fitbit would not be a solution - progress pictures might be. Tracking measurements might be. There are suggestions you could make and let him figure out what will work for addressing them.
If he's not getting results:
- What results does he want?
- What is his strategy?
- Is it likely to give him those results?
- Is he giving himself a reasonable timeline for getting those results?
A fitbit may or may not be helpful based on his goals and strategy. However, you can provide information and feedback based on his goals and strategy that might help him find a good solution to his issue.
Who knows? Maybe cutting 300 calories a day is appropriate for him? He's the one that needs to decide that.0
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