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MyFitnessPal Community

i don't judge obese people

rayonrainbows

this is the tread we need here, on this forum where most all of us have the common goals of making positive changes for our bodies and out lives.

i saw the thread "i judge obese people" -- and i read it. and i felt awful. that sickly UGH shudder deep inside that i feel when i see violence or other prejudices. i know it's just one person's experience and projections, misplaced and possibly partially misinterpreted on an internet forum. but i felt the pain and frustrations of those who read that forum post, and received yet another kick in the confidence.. one more reminder of the painful judgments they've experienced.

we don't need that negativity -- there's enough of that in the world already. MFP can be a wonderful community because we have the opportunity to connect with other people who are experiencing similar struggles, setbacks, and hopefully successes. there are a ton of different opinions here, which is great. a ton of people with difference experiences, in different stages of their fitness journeys. but MFP should be a safe place of support and encouragement. maybe some tough love too, if it's asked for. but always understanding. and always compassion.

i was obese at one point. i was young and didn't know better. that's my reason. that's my excuse. some people's reasons for straying from the "normal" weight category (both obese and underweight) are deeper and more complex and painful than anything i could ever imagine. the reasons are plenty and varied, and everyone has a story.

we can list some potential reasons. it might be helpful to have concrete causal scenarios in the backs of our heads next time we encounter someone who is different from us. depression and medication are common. stress and unimaginable trauma. addiction and habit and hopelessness. etc. cycles build upon themselves, and breaking free from destructive cycles is harder for some than for others.

but no matter the reason, people are people. they are struggling with their issues, big and small, just like the rest of us. they are complex beings, who are more than a number on a scale and way more than whatever you see in the small moment you interact with them.

if understanding and compassion are too difficult for you, try. then try harder. they're two of the best qualities we are capable of having and sharing with other people (and animals, &etc). and if you truly can't see beyond your own experiences far enough to appreciate our differences, maybe just fake it 'til you make it. something, anything, other than projecting your negative judgments onto others who are here looking for support.

for those of you who were hurt by the other forum post, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the OP and i'm sorry for the rest of society that has judged to the point where one more forum post is just the tip of the iceberg. i'm sorry for myself and all the times i haven't been the understanding person i want to be. i hope you can brush the negativity and judgments off and carry on being the strong person you are.

i'm happy you're here, on MFP, and i believe in you. you have the power to take control of your body, and it's going to feel sooo darn good to read your success story when you succeed.

hopefully i haven't said anything that could be misinterpreted and cause an argument in this post. i truly mean only support and encouragement, and please forgive any mis-wordings that might be interpreted otherwise..

/end rant

Replies

uconnwinsnc1

I judge fat, not people. If someone is obese, they need to lose weight; it's that simple (and if someone is underweight they need to gain weight). I don't judge them as a person until I hear them try to deny that they need to lose weight, or try to spout some HAES nonsense. If they are making an effort to lose weight good for them. We've all been there (well most of us). If they are making excuses/ externalizing their weight as beyond their control/ blaming others/ trying to justify their obesity/ etc, that reflects poorly on them as a person in my opinion.

This push by some to redefine "acceptance" as "approval" isn't fooling anyone. I don't approve of being fat, and I never will. I tolerate it, and it's up to the individual whether or not they want to be fat, but I am not going to stop saying that being fat is bad. It's unhealthy and it looks gross.

I have been fat. I still am packing more pounds than I would like. That being fat is unhealthy and looks gross shouldn't be news or surprising to anybody, whether they are fat or not. It's simply a fact. Water is wet. Being fat is gross. That isn't an insult or a jab or a judgment on any person. It is just a statement that if you are fat I think you should try your best to lose weight. You deserve respect and love. But you shouldn't be fat.

It all comes down to personal responsibility and making an effort to better oneself physically, mentally, spiritually. It has nothing to do with whether someone is currently fat.

Could we please have a picture of you, so that we might judge your end all, be all beauty for ourselves, and decide how gross or not gross we think you are?

You know, I'm going to list some things that are gross:

Snail slime
Dirty toilets
Not washing your hands after you use the toilet
Cat hairballs

Things that are NOT gross:

Human beings regardless of size.

Why would you let yourself take someone's opinion personally? Don't get all sarcastic because someone makes you unhappy with what they say.

Miss_1999

I judge fat, not people. If someone is obese, they need to lose weight; it's that simple (and if someone is underweight they need to gain weight). I don't judge them as a person until I hear them try to deny that they need to lose weight, or try to spout some HAES nonsense. If they are making an effort to lose weight good for them. We've all been there (well most of us). If they are making excuses/ externalizing their weight as beyond their control/ blaming others/ trying to justify their obesity/ etc, that reflects poorly on them as a person in my opinion.

This push by some to redefine "acceptance" as "approval" isn't fooling anyone. I don't approve of being fat, and I never will. I tolerate it, and it's up to the individual whether or not they want to be fat, but I am not going to stop saying that being fat is bad. It's unhealthy and it looks gross.

I have been fat. I still am packing more pounds than I would like. That being fat is unhealthy and looks gross shouldn't be news or surprising to anybody, whether they are fat or not. It's simply a fact. Water is wet. Being fat is gross. That isn't an insult or a jab or a judgment on any person. It is just a statement that if you are fat I think you should try your best to lose weight. You deserve respect and love. But you shouldn't be fat.

It all comes down to personal responsibility and making an effort to better oneself physically, mentally, spiritually. It has nothing to do with whether someone is currently fat.

Could we please have a picture of you, so that we might judge your end all, be all beauty for ourselves, and decide how gross or not gross we think you are?

You know, I'm going to list some things that are gross:

Snail slime
Dirty toilets
Not washing your hands after you use the toilet
Cat hairballs

Things that are NOT gross:

Human beings regardless of size.

Why would you let yourself take someone's opinion personally? Don't get all sarcastic because someone makes you unhappy with what they say.

I'll be honest with you, personally, I don't give a **** what other people think about me. It matters not. If you like me, if you don't, I sleep the same at night (general you, that is). I've lived long enough to realize that people are going to think what they want to. HOWEVER, with that said, I've seen the damage some of these comments have caused others on the other thread in question, and yeah, like the comment above. People will dish out **** like that, but then, then, they hide behind an avatar. If you have an opinion, stand behind it, and show who you are. Although, it is a sad day, when a human being is gross for being fat. I'll be honest with ya, I think my body is a hell of a lot more gross right now with all of this skin hanging off of it than it was when I weighed 400lbs. Am I healthier? Absolutely, in so many ways, do I *personally* think my body looks better naked? Nope. Not by a long shot. Does that mean every person with excess skin is gross? Absolutely not. If someone has an issue with themselves, they don't need to be projecting it on to everyone else.

I understand that we all have our struggles. Everyone has a story. Everyone has problems. Don't pass or project an issue you (general you) have onto another person. Do we all pass judgments from time to time? Of course. We're human beings. I work on that daily, do to my best to realize that everyone has a struggle, to know that people have all been through something I haven't, and I don't know what they might be dealing with.

NoMoreBlameGame

I judge fat, not people. If someone is obese, they need to lose weight; it's that simple (and if someone is underweight they need to gain weight). I don't judge them as a person until I hear them try to deny that they need to lose weight, or try to spout some HAES nonsense. If they are making an effort to lose weight good for them. We've all been there (well most of us). If they are making excuses/ externalizing their weight as beyond their control/ blaming others/ trying to justify their obesity/ etc, that reflects poorly on them as a person in my opinion.

This push by some to redefine "acceptance" as "approval" isn't fooling anyone. I don't approve of being fat, and I never will. I tolerate it, and it's up to the individual whether or not they want to be fat, but I am not going to stop saying that being fat is bad. It's unhealthy and it looks gross.

I have been fat. I still am packing more pounds than I would like. That being fat is unhealthy and looks gross shouldn't be news or surprising to anybody, whether they are fat or not. It's simply a fact. Water is wet. Being fat is gross. That isn't an insult or a jab or a judgment on any person. It is just a statement that if you are fat I think you should try your best to lose weight. You deserve respect and love. But you shouldn't be fat.

It all comes down to personal responsibility and making an effort to better oneself physically, mentally, spiritually. It has nothing to do with whether someone is currently fat.

Merriam-Webster defines "gross" as: "big, bulky, excessively fat" (definition 2a).

Congratulations, you've learned elementary vocabulary; here's your sparkly little star and your glitter pencil!

I'm done saying things nicely to people who *clearly* deserve the alternative.

I'm off to do some squats. You know...to try to build some muscle under all my disgusting *grossness*.

xxantiheroxx

I never claimed to be the end all, be all of beauty, all I said was that being fat is gross. To the extent that I am fat, I am gross. Seriously. It's not personal at all; I don't think fat people are lesser humans, I just think that they need to lose weight because fat is gross. This goes for me as well.

Like if you were unfortunate enough to be born with some sort of deformity, that would be gross. It doesn't mean you, as a person, are bad or ugly or underserving of respect or love. But the deformity itself, which is not you, is gross.

Excess skin hanging all over the place is gross too.

It's just true. Some people may find it attractive. I don't and I don't deserve to be silenced for having an opinion just because you don't like it. This is not in any way an attack on you or anyone else as a human being; you are worth just as much as anyone else, skinny, fat, black, white, gay, hetero, etc, etc, etc, etc.

I have some stretch marks that I find gross. There are other things about myself I don't find particularly attractive. The things I can change I work my best to change. The things I can't I accept as "I'm never going to be perfect, and some things about me I find a little gross". It's not the end of the world.

No need to get defensive. No you can't have a picture. Why do you need a picture anyways, it's not like I have commented on anyone's picture or made any personal remarks, yet you right away want to attack me, personally, because I have an opinion you don't like.

mercurysfire

i make snap judgments about things and people all the time. I try not to, but brains are wired that way. What i don't do- concrete that judgement to the point that it cannot be changed or voice a hurtful opinion about it.

if you find something about a person gross and you are not a personal friend of said person to the point where you can suggest something in a tactful way, keep your hole shut. don't blurt something out that you wouldn't be caught dead saying out in meatspace where people can actually see you and then hide behind anonymity and "honesty". yes honesty can be brutal- but it doesn't have to be. we don't need more simon cowells in the world poking at insecurities and imperfections until they bleed.

if you are going to judge someone without ever trying to get to know them, keep it to yourself. just because you have an opinion doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to be privy to it.

fat people already know they are fat. people with deformities already know it's there.<insert physical imperfection here> the owner already knows. and they may have spent a lifetime trying to live with it, hide it, or fit in, or learn to play it off somehow. what they don't need is someone telling them how gross they are. they are not trying to offend your delicate sensibilities by being.

i understand looking for validation of an opinion or a thought- but if you have to think long and hard about posting something- just don't, if it's not something you can ask in meatspace to an actual person, then probably Secret or 4chan should be your destination.

Thanks OP. that post was bothering me a lot yesterday.

xxantiheroxx

On this forum, in this thread, about judgments people make, my comment is clearly germane to the conversation. I have not called out anyone for being fat or having a deformity or anything else. I have called no one gross. I have simply stated an opinion on fat, and a few other things I personally find unattractive. I have no idea whether anyone on here is fat or not. It's not the point, as nothing I have said is directed at any person.

By and large I agree with you. If talking about how fat someone is irrelevant to the conversation then there is absolutely no reason to bring it up. In this thread, however, it is to the point.

I don't doubt there are many fat people on these message boards that could, if they wanted to, read my words uncharitably and take what I say personally (what I am saying IS NOT PERSONAL), and become offended. That is in no way my intent though, and I am not going to just be quiet in a thread where my opinion is relevant just because some one may take my words the wrong way.

If sentiments such as the ones I have expressed are "triggering" to some, those people should not be reading a thread about judgment and obesity, because such sentiments are certainly not few and far between and are certainly pertinent to the discussion. Anecdotally, most of the people I have ever met find fat to be gross.

The FA/HAES movements are actively trying to silence the majority of people, obese/not alike, from saying what everyone already knows, to save some feelings.

I wouldn't not say that being in a constant state of drunkenness, being aneorexic, or smoking a pack a day is attractive just to save the feelings of alcoholics, people with aneorexia, or chain-smokers, yet with obesity for some reason everyone has to be hush-hush.

I get that obese people "know" they are obese. To the ones on MFP who are trying to make positive lifestyle choices to change that fact, I applaud them. That doesn't mean that when the subject of obesity comes up I need to keep my mouth shut about how obesity is bad.

savingsunday

Well said OP! Cheers! :drinker:

Miss_1999

Like if you were unfortunate enough to be born with some sort of deformity, that would be gross. It doesn't mean you, as a person, are bad or ugly or underserving of respect or love. But the deformity itself, which is not you, is gross.

Seriously, I'm at the point where I'm almost speechless. What I'm trying to do, and help you understand here is that it's a package deal. What you see, it's ALL part of a person. Their "deformities, their scars, their *fat*, and/or lack there of, everything about our bodies tells a story. No, it's *not* our soul, but it's part of what we've been through. It's part of who we are. Saying "your fat is gross, but you aren't gross", no, that does't fly, nor does, "wow, you were born with a cleft palate, that's gross, but you aren't". Nope, not gonna fly. If you think these things are gross, that's fine, own them. Own them all day long and twice on Sunday, but don't be a hypocrite and say that the people associated with them aren't "gross", too. It's a package deal. You are most certainly entitled to your opinion, just like everyone else. You can think the sky is purple all the live long day if you wish. It's your absolute right, with that said, when you put it out on an internet forum, or anywhere else, just because you have an opinion, it doesn't mean someone won't challenge it, or question it, because most likely, they will.

As for me being insecure. No. I'm simply a realist. I call it like I see it. I'm not beating myself up because of where I was, or where I am now. I like what I have going on, and I like who I am as a person. I genuinely care about other people, and I take a stand for those who may not have the strength to fight for themselves, or be able to find the words. I don't like seeing people hurt, and after I read this thread, and the other, I saw a lot of hurt, and that bothered me. It bothered me to know that here, of all places, where people where coming as a safe haven for support, they saw something that brought them down, and made them feel bad about themselves. Yeah, that made me angry, and you better believe, as a natural born leader, I stepped up to the plate. I know I can't save the world. I don't want to be Superwoman, or the President, but I don't like seeing others hurt by what I see as others either spouting off without thinking, or misinformation. The other thread was an absolute train wreck. Let's don't make this one the same way.

xxantiheroxx

Like if you were unfortunate enough to be born with some sort of deformity, that would be gross. It doesn't mean you, as a person, are bad or ugly or underserving of respect or love. But the deformity itself, which is not you, is gross.

Seriously, I'm at the point where I'm almost speechless. What I'm trying to do, and help you understand here is that it's a package deal. What you see, it's ALL part of a person. Their "deformities, their scars, their *fat*, and/or lack there of, everything about our bodies tells a story. No, it's *not* our soul, but it's part of what we've been through. It's part of who we are. Saying "your fat is gross, but you aren't gross", no, that does't fly, nor does, "wow, you were born with a cleft palate, that's gross, but you aren't". Nope, not gonna fly. If you think these things are gross, that's fine, own them. Own them all day long and twice on Sunday, but don't be a hypocrite and say that the people associated with them aren't "gross", too. It's a package deal. You are most certainly entitled to your opinion, just like everyone else. You can think the sky is purple all the live long day if you wish. It's your absolute right, with that said, when you put it out on an internet forum, or anywhere else, just because you have an opinion, it doesn't mean someone won't challenge it, or question it, because most likely, they will.

You say it doesn't fly and I say it does. Many people with the means who are born with cleft palates, for instance, have cosmetic surgery for purely cosmetic reasons, because they think cleft palates are unattractive. The liposuction industry is huge, because people don't like looking at fat.

Saying that your fat or deformity or whatever is "part of you" is ridiculous. If someone has really greasy crappy looking hair and hasn't bathed in days someone makes a comment about how people should practice good hygiene in a thread about hygiene that IS NOT an attack on the person. I have no idea what anyone on here looks like, whether there pictures are accurate, etc, and I don't really care because I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE ON HERE. I am just talking about fat in general and that I think it's gross and that people who are fat should try to lose weight, just like someone who hasn't showered in 3 weeks should hop in the tub.

You are still trying to defend not showering, which is fine, but don't call me an *kitten* because I think people should shower and am not afraid to voice that opinion.

As for me being insecure. No. I'm simply a realist. I call it like I see it. I'm not beating myself up because of where I was, or where I am now. I like what I have going on, and I like who I am as a person. I genuinely care about other people, and I take a stand for those who may not have the strength to fight for themselves, or be able to find the words. I don't like seeing people hurt, and after I read this thread, and the other, I saw a lot of hurt, and that bothered me. It bothered me to know that here, of all places, where people where coming as a safe haven for support, they saw something that brought them down, and made them feel bad about themselves. Yeah, that made me angry, and you better believe, as a natural born leader, I stepped up to the plate. I know I can't save the world. I don't want to be Superwoman, or the President, but I don't like seeing others hurt by what I see as others either spouting off without thinking, or misinformation. The other thread was an absolute train wreck. Let's don't make this one the same way.

I never saw the other thread, and I am not trying to cause a train wreck. I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight. I'm glad you like "what you have going on". Really. What I like more is people trying to better themselves regardless of where they are currently at, and not making excuses for their poor choices. Do I know what anyone's choices on here are? No. And I'm not accusing anyone here of making poor choices. All I am saying is 7000+ calories a day doesn't eat itself, and regardless of how any of us got to the point is rather inconsequential. What matters is recognizing that being obese is a problem and doing one's best to rectify that problem. I don't judge a person based on whether or not they are fat, but I judge the state of being fat, and being fat is bad. That doesn't mean I think fat people are bad.

You seem to have trouble with the concept that an attribute that a person has can be viewed as good or bad without the person being views as good or bad, so lets try to flip the argument to show that a bad person can have good attributes to help you understand.

I think Hitler was a BAD person.

Hitler seems to have had a healthy body-weight (at least at some points, I'm not a Hitler expert).

Your argument would go like this:

1. Having a healthy body weight is GOOD

2. Hitler had a healthy body weight.

C. Therefore, Hitler was a GOOD PERSON.

This does not follow, at all, because having a single GOOD attribute is not determinative on whether someone is a GOOD PERSON.

Likewise, when I say that being obese is BAD, or GROSS, that does not mean I view all obese PEOPLE as BAD PEOPLE or GROSS PEOPLE. They have an attribute that I think is bad and gross and that I think they should work to change, but I am making no judgment on them as people, and there is no one you need to be "standing up" for, as I am not attacking anyone.

Miss_1999

Like if you were unfortunate enough to be born with some sort of deformity, that would be gross. It doesn't mean you, as a person, are bad or ugly or underserving of respect or love. But the deformity itself, which is not you, is gross.

Seriously, I'm at the point where I'm almost speechless. What I'm trying to do, and help you understand here is that it's a package deal. What you see, it's ALL part of a person. Their "deformities, their scars, their *fat*, and/or lack there of, everything about our bodies tells a story. No, it's *not* our soul, but it's part of what we've been through. It's part of who we are. Saying "your fat is gross, but you aren't gross", no, that does't fly, nor does, "wow, you were born with a cleft palate, that's gross, but you aren't". Nope, not gonna fly. If you think these things are gross, that's fine, own them. Own them all day long and twice on Sunday, but don't be a hypocrite and say that the people associated with them aren't "gross", too. It's a package deal. You are most certainly entitled to your opinion, just like everyone else. You can think the sky is purple all the live long day if you wish. It's your absolute right, with that said, when you put it out on an internet forum, or anywhere else, just because you have an opinion, it doesn't mean someone won't challenge it, or question it, because most likely, they will.

You say it doesn't fly and I say it does. Many people with the means who are born with cleft palates, for instance, have cosmetic surgery for purely cosmetic reasons, because they think cleft palates are unattractive. The liposuction industry is huge, because people don't like looking at fat.

Saying that your fat or deformity or whatever is "part of you" is ridiculous. If someone has really greasy crappy looking hair and hasn't bathed in days someone makes a comment about how people should practice good hygiene in a thread about hygiene that IS NOT an attack on the person. I have no idea what anyone on here looks like, whether there pictures are accurate, etc, and I don't really care because I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE ON HERE. I am just talking about fat in general and that I think it's gross and that people who are fat should try to lose weight, just like someone who hasn't showered in 3 weeks should hop in the tub.

You are still trying to defend not showering, which is fine, but don't call me an *kitten* because I think people should shower and am not afraid to voice that opinion.

As for me being insecure. No. I'm simply a realist. I call it like I see it. I'm not beating myself up because of where I was, or where I am now. I like what I have going on, and I like who I am as a person. I genuinely care about other people, and I take a stand for those who may not have the strength to fight for themselves, or be able to find the words. I don't like seeing people hurt, and after I read this thread, and the other, I saw a lot of hurt, and that bothered me. It bothered me to know that here, of all places, where people where coming as a safe haven for support, they saw something that brought them down, and made them feel bad about themselves. Yeah, that made me angry, and you better believe, as a natural born leader, I stepped up to the plate. I know I can't save the world. I don't want to be Superwoman, or the President, but I don't like seeing others hurt by what I see as others either spouting off without thinking, or misinformation. The other thread was an absolute train wreck. Let's don't make this one the same way.

I never saw the other thread, and I am not trying to cause a train wreck. I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight. I'm glad you like "what you have going on". Really. What I like more is people trying to better themselves regardless of where they are currently at, and not making excuses for their poor choices. Do I know what anyone's choices on here are? No. And I'm not accusing anyone here of making poor choices. All I am saying is 7000+ calories a day doesn't eat itself, and regardless of how any of us got to the point is rather inconsequential. What matters is recognizing that being obese is a problem and doing one's best to rectify that problem. I don't judge a person based on whether or not they are fat, but I judge the state of being fat, and being fat is bad. That doesn't mean I think fat people are bad.

You seem to have trouble with the concept that an attribute that a person has can be viewed as good or bad without the person being views as good or bad, so lets try to flip the argument to show that a bad person can have good attributes to help you understand.

I think Hitler was a BAD person.

Hitler seems to have had a healthy body-weight (at least at some points, I'm not a Hitler expert).

Your argument would go like this:

1. Having a healthy body weight is GOOD

2. Hitler had a healthy body weight.

C. Therefore, Hitler was a GOOD PERSON.

This does not follow, at all, because having a single GOOD attribute is not determinative on whether someone is a GOOD PERSON.

Likewise, when I say that being obese is BAD, or GROSS, that does not mean I view all obese PEOPLE as BAD PEOPLE or GROSS PEOPLE. They have an attribute that I think is bad and gross and that I think they should work to change, but I am making no judgment on them as people, and there is no one you need to be "standing up" for, as I am not attacking anyone.

I won't be a smart *kitten*, on this one and tell you that I know quite a bit about Hitler, WWII, and Germany. I'm absolutely fascinated by history. But case in point, you made my case for me, by the logic that you present, that *fat* people are gross. You showed that the Supreme Chancellor of Germany, a man, that, for all intents and purposes was considered to be of average height and weight, and by your standards would be considered "not gross", was yet, a vile, heinous human being, not because of the way that he looked, not because of his body, any part of his body, or the package that came with him, but because of the acts that he, and his inner circle carried out. Now, you know who Adolf Hitler was. You know the heinous acts that he and his inner circle orchestrated and committed. The average person, walking down the street. We know nothing about them. We don't know if they have bodies under their homes, or if they are running a soup kitchen for the poor. We don't know their hearts. If they are obese, we don't know the reason. If they have scars, we don't know why. If they have a deformity, we don't know the cause.

The point I'm making, it took me a great many years to look beyond myself and realize there a hell of a lot more people on this earth than just me. People go through things that I can't even fathom. My worst day on this earth, may be the best day that someone is praying for. I don't know their struggles and successes, and I sure can't tell by looking at them. I have zero room to look at another human being and judge who they are, or what they've been through, simply by what they look like. I constantly remind myself of this if I find myself making a judgement when I'm looking at a person. There are times, and often, I do see people and wonder what their stories are, what they've been through, what they are going through, are they happy, and various other questions, simply because I am a curious person by nature, but until someone actually opens their mouth, and speaks, and lets me in on who they are, what they believe, and where they stand on things, I do my best to reserve judgement.

JUDDDing

One problem with a conversation like this (and a forum like this) is that, seemingly to a lot of people, the opposite of "judge" is "accept all of my excuses and commiserate with me".

dbmata

I see someone got salty.

Tobi1013

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

headofphat

Cliff's notes?

uconnwinsnc1

Hitler seems to have had a healthy body-weight (at least at some points, I'm not a Hitler expert).

mercurysfire

xxantiheroxx- next time you run into a fat person or someone with a physical abnormality in the real world, make sure and tell them how gross you think that is and that they should get some plastic surgery. make sure and tell them it's nothing personal and you're totally not judging them as person, but really that's gross man. throw money at that problem and make it go away.

or if you see a 12 year old girl that's maybe a little husky(that's always what people called us-husky) make sure and tell her how gross that tummy is or her thighs. and then make sure and pat yourself on the back for planting the seeds of an eating disorder. it'll be one less gross fatty you have to look at.

you may not ever think of it when you spew opinions into virtual space- but those words no matter what the intent- can destroy someone.
you missed the point of this thread. it is supposed to be positive, encouraging and helpful. your opinion on fat being gross is none of those things. at all. you can't pick apart a person and accept one thing and not another. it's not your burden to bear in the first place. a person is a whole package, lumps stumps warts and fat- but they come with a heart too and feelings. and a lot of those feelings happen to be self-hate and guilt for those things you are calling gross. the body acceptance movement isn't about "i'm here i'm fat deal with it." it's about finding the strength to love yourself in spite of those things so maybe you can change them.

Polishprinsezz

Quit beating a dead horse already. Move on. So much butthurt here in the support forum. Why even worry about what people think about your weight and keep doing you?

xxantiheroxx

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

I'd really have to look at you to know what I would think, but I will assume for your hypothetical that you look fat, which I find unattractive. There is no good reason for someone to be 40+ lbs overweight that I can think of.

I would probably think, "This person is fat and needs to lose weight". I would assume that you were at least slightly unhealthier if you didn't tell me "I'm in perfect health" (and who knows, you could be lying anyways, either to me or yourself), and I would think, "this person should lose some weight to be healthier/have more confidence/be more attractive/have more energy".

Or I might not think anything at all. It all depends on how you carry it, I guess. I certainly wouldn't compliment you on being overweight, unless you used to be REALLY overweight and had lost some weight and were in the process of trying to lose weight, in which case I would compliment you on your progress and tell you to keep it up!

Mistapholeezkat

Unfortunetly, I didn't see the original post about judging fat people. That being said I feel I have a good understanding of the direction it took. I certainly don't judge a person by their shape or weight, or looks. I have been heavy and I know how hurtful it can be. It seems that there are a lot of people commenting in defense of fat people. Just because someone is heavy doesn't make them a bad person, but it doesn't make them a nice one either. I would like share a bit of a recent conversation at my work. There is a young gal who just started (24 yrs old) She is very plump to say the least. That doesn't make her a bad person. Her attitude does. While we shouldn't judge her because she is heavy, she felt very comfortable telling us her opinions of other women she is working with. An "older" gal brought her birthday card from her husband to work. She was very excited that it said something like..."after all these years you're still sexy (or something to that tune.) She is about 48 years old. The young gal said and I quote "That's disgusting! Old people shouldn't be having sex. I think that women over 30 shouldn't have long hair and women over 40 shouldn't; have sex." She then went on defending her reasons. I was insulted because I have long hair and I am 40. She also told us her opinions about single moms and welfare. She didn't know us or our backgrounds to be so vocal. I will not excuse her for what she said or write it off because she is young. I have an 18 yr old daughter and she would never be so insulting about people especially in mixed company. So while I didn't judge her on her weight, she...in all her glory....certainly had nasty opinion about others and made it known. I wondered what she would have felt or said if I told her I thought she is slothful and disgusting because she is heavy?

xxantiheroxx

xxantiheroxx- next time you run into a fat person or someone with a physical abnormality in the real world, make sure and tell them how gross you think that is and that they should get some plastic surgery. make sure and tell them it's nothing personal and you're totally not judging them as person, but really that's gross man. throw money at that problem and make it go away.

or if you see a 12 year old girl that's maybe a little husky(that's always what people called us-husky) make sure and tell her how gross that tummy is or her thighs. and then make sure and pat yourself on the back for planting the seeds of an eating disorder. it'll be one less gross fatty you have to look at.

you may not ever think of it when you spew opinions into virtual space- but those words no matter what the intent- can destroy someone.
you missed the point of this thread. it is supposed to be positive, encouraging and helpful. your opinion on fat being gross is none of those things. at all. you can't pick apart a person and accept one thing and not another. it's not your burden to bear in the first place. a person is a whole package, lumps stumps warts and fat- but they come with a heart too and feelings. and a lot of those feelings happen to be self-hate and guilt for those things you are calling gross. the body acceptance movement isn't about "i'm here i'm fat deal with it." it's about finding the strength to love yourself in spite of those things so maybe you can change them.

I'm sorry but this is a thread about obesity and judgment, and everything I have said is relevant to this thread. I would never randomly walk up to someone on the street and tell them I think they are gross, that would be mean. I'm sorry your jimmies are rustled and that I think fat is gross. I can't help it. I think fat is gross. I think physical deformities are gross. I think going days without showering is gross. That's just the way it is. It doesn't make me a bad person.

If you are happy with yourself and the way you look it shouldn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. If my opinion truly "hurts" maybe the person has issues with their own appearance. If a person has issues with their own appearance they should work to change themselves so the no longer have issues, not "pretend that everything is gravy".

You say it's about finding the "strength to love yourself" or whatever bs platitude is in vogue right now, but the reality of it is we all have our issues and loving yourself doesn't come by ignoring them or pretending they don't exist, it comes by facing those issues head on and doing your damndest to overcome them.

I have stated time and again that I don't judge a person based on their weight, and that I applaud people who are overweight and working on losing weight. I think that's fairly supportive.

What I am not going to do is coddle someone who is overweight or tell them "that's great that you're fat!". Because it's not.

Kaelakcr

if understanding and compassion are too difficult for you, try. then try harder. they're two of the best qualities we are capable of having and sharing with other people (and animals, &etc). and if you truly can't see beyond your own experiences far enough to appreciate our differences, maybe just fake it 'til you make it. something, anything, other than projecting your negative judgments onto others who are here looking for support.

for those of you who were hurt by the other forum post, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the OP and i'm sorry for the rest of society that has judged to the point where one more forum post is just the tip of the iceberg. i'm sorry for myself and all the times i haven't been the understanding person i want to be. i hope you can brush the negativity and judgments off and carry on being the strong person you are.

i'm happy you're here, on MFP, and i believe in you. you have the power to take control of your body, and it's going to feel sooo darn good to read your success story when you succeed.

This is perfect. Thank you for this post. There is so much negativity in the world. Why bring it here, where people are here to work on improving their health? If you judge people who are overweight, then you should also be cheering for them when they want to make healthy changes.

dbmata

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

I would tell you that everyone knows BMI is a bs scale, and go get a bf% test of some reputable accuracy done.

Kaelakcr

I don't judge fat people because they could have a binge eating disorder, which is just as real as any other eating disorder. Some people are emotional eaters, and are depressed, it on medications that cause a lot of weight gain. I personally am an emotional "not eater." But I also was a big drinker for years, which caused my weight gain (eating French fries when blackout drunk = not good at all). Neither one of these extremes is healthy. But I have very different standards for myself than for others, unfortunately. The type of women's bodies that I am attracted to are much curvier than what I strive to be, which is really weird. So I try to love myself and not judge anyone or endlessly compare my body to every body I see. Everyone has their own struggles with weight and food, and happiness should not be dependent on weight or size. I have an obese friend who has a very positive body image and I envy that.

This, exactly. Having had anorexia, I know about the fact that a person of any size can be in unimaginable pain because of eating issues. Eating disorders are a mental illness. Judging an overweight person with BED is like judging a person who looks unkempt because they have schizophrenia. And because no one walks around wearing a sign saying "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER", I personally think it's best to reserve judgment. They will not come out and tell you unless they're emotionally close to you (or on the internet).

Judging people based on their body is stupid. Having a personal preference is one thing. But choosing to talk to someone or not because they're fat, excluding them or thinking less of them...it's shallow and small-minded, in my opinion.

Kaelakcr

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

I would tell you that everyone knows BMI is a bs scale, and go get a bf% test of some reputable accuracy done.

But you're judging based on sight. And often, if someone is carrying a little extra weight, or depending on their natural composition, you can't tell if they are fat or not. People don't walk around with BF% stamped on their forehead.

amandzor

If they didn't judge me for my weight, they'd find something else to judge me for.

The only way to truly combat it is to not give a **** what people say. Who are they to you? Their judgement is usually their own insecurities surfacing.

After a terrible existence in high school, I grew out of caring what people thought about me. And thank goodness for it.

Love yourself. Love those who judge you.

My mom once told me, "If they mind, they don't matter, and if they matter, they don't mind."

xxantiheroxx

I won't be a smart *kitten*, on this one and tell you that I know quite a bit about Hitler, WWII, and Germany. I'm absolutely fascinated by history. But case in point, you made my case for me, by the logic that you present, that *fat* people are gross. You showed that the Supreme Chancellor of Germany, a man, that, for all intents and purposes was considered to be of average height and weight, and by your standards would be considered "not gross", was yet, a vile, heinous human being, not because of the way that he looked, not because of his body, any part of his body, or the package that came with him, but because of the acts that he, and his inner circle carried out. Now, you know who Adolf Hitler was. You know the heinous acts that he and his inner circle orchestrated and committed. The average person, walking down the street. We know nothing about them. We don't know if they have bodies under their homes, or if they are running a soup kitchen for the poor. We don't know their hearts. If they are obese, we don't know the reason. If they have scars, we don't know why. If they have a deformity, we don't know the cause.

The point I'm making, it took me a great many years to look beyond myself and realize there a hell of a lot more people on this earth than just me. People go through things that I can't even fathom. My worst day on this earth, may be the best day that someone is praying for. I don't know their struggles and successes, and I sure can't tell by looking at them. I have zero room to look at another human being and judge who they are, or what they've been through, simply by what they look like. I constantly remind myself of this if I find myself making a judgement when I'm looking at a person. There are times, and often, I do see people and wonder what their stories are, what they've been through, what they are going through, are they happy, and various other questions, simply because I am a curious person by nature, but until someone actually opens their mouth, and speaks, and lets me in on who they are, what they believe, and where they stand on things, I do my best to reserve judgement.

Well we are in agreement on this and I have never implied otherwise. I have consistently maintained that it is the fat that is gross, not necessarily the people.

For some reason you think that the "fat" and the "people" can't be separated, but it's quite obvious they can; just head on over to success stories and see for yourself.

Do I think that fat people are gross? No. I think fat is gross, so yes I do think that fat people have at least 1 gross attribute. Their fat. I am fully supportive of anyone who is fat who is working to eliminate their fat. I don't judge them. They are fat, that is a fact. I find fat gross, that is also a fact. Thus, I think fat people should work to lose fat.

It has nothing to do with the type of person they are. I am not demanding that they hide themselves from my sight. I am not even asking them to lose weight. I just think it would be in everyone's best interest if they did.

If anyone is happy being fat and doesn't like my opinion that fat people should lose fat, tough titties for me. It's no skin off my back and it won't be the first time I have had a difference of opinion with someone.

Again, and again, and again, and again... and again, I do not judge people based on their weight.

Tobi1013

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

I would tell you that everyone knows BMI is a bs scale, and go get a bf% test of some reputable accuracy done.

But why? What would be the point in knowing that number? I'm healthy AND carry extra weight. Why do I need to know my BF%?

Tobi1013

I am simply saying that it's bad to be fat and that if someone is fat they should try to lose weight.

So, what if I told you that all of my most important health markers are well within the "good" ranges, I lift like a boss, crossfit several days a week, and carry at least 40 extra pounds for my height per BMI charts. What part of all of that is bad?

I ask this because you would look at me, see that I am fat (and gross, let's not forget that part) and assume that my being fat is bad. In what way?

I'd really have to look at you to know what I would think, but I will assume for your hypothetical that you look fat, which I find unattractive. There is no good reason for someone to be 40+ lbs overweight that I can think of.

I would probably think, "This person is fat and needs to lose weight". I would assume that you were at least slightly unhealthier if you didn't tell me "I'm in perfect health" (and who knows, you could be lying anyways, either to me or yourself), and I would think, "this person should lose some weight to be healthier/have more confidence/be more attractive/have more energy".

Or I might not think anything at all. It all depends on how you carry it, I guess. I certainly wouldn't compliment you on being overweight, unless you used to be REALLY overweight and had lost some weight and were in the process of trying to lose weight, in which case I would compliment you on your progress and tell you to keep it up!

So, I realized I asked the wrong question. What part of being fat is bad FOR ME knowing that all of my health markers are good?

Tigg_er

My mom once told me, "If they mind, they don't matter, and if they matter, they don't mind."

^ This is a great saying.

We all judge just because we are human. Part of our makeup I believe.
Some people just get a little vocal about it and should just keep their mouths shut. It does'nt do anybody any good to spout off about your self righteousness , Including my own judgemental self. :happy:
A little kindness never hurt any one that I know of.

Miss_1999

I won't be a smart *kitten*, on this one and tell you that I know quite a bit about Hitler, WWII, and Germany. I'm absolutely fascinated by history. But case in point, you made my case for me, by the logic that you present, that *fat* people are gross. You showed that the Supreme Chancellor of Germany, a man, that, for all intents and purposes was considered to be of average height and weight, and by your standards would be considered "not gross", was yet, a vile, heinous human being, not because of the way that he looked, not because of his body, any part of his body, or the package that came with him, but because of the acts that he, and his inner circle carried out. Now, you know who Adolf Hitler was. You know the heinous acts that he and his inner circle orchestrated and committed. The average person, walking down the street. We know nothing about them. We don't know if they have bodies under their homes, or if they are running a soup kitchen for the poor. We don't know their hearts. If they are obese, we don't know the reason. If they have scars, we don't know why. If they have a deformity, we don't know the cause.

The point I'm making, it took me a great many years to look beyond myself and realize there a hell of a lot more people on this earth than just me. People go through things that I can't even fathom. My worst day on this earth, may be the best day that someone is praying for. I don't know their struggles and successes, and I sure can't tell by looking at them. I have zero room to look at another human being and judge who they are, or what they've been through, simply by what they look like. I constantly remind myself of this if I find myself making a judgement when I'm looking at a person. There are times, and often, I do see people and wonder what their stories are, what they've been through, what they are going through, are they happy, and various other questions, simply because I am a curious person by nature, but until someone actually opens their mouth, and speaks, and lets me in on who they are, what they believe, and where they stand on things, I do my best to reserve judgement.

Well we are in agreement on this and I have never implied otherwise. I have consistently maintained that it is the fat that is gross, not necessarily the people.

For some reason you think that the "fat" and the "people" can't be separated, but it's quite obvious they can; just head on over to success stories and see for yourself.

Do I think that fat people are gross? No. I think fat is gross, so yes I do think that fat people have at least 1 gross attribute. Their fat. I am fully supportive of anyone who is fat who is working to eliminate their fat. I don't judge them. They are fat, that is a fact. I find fat gross, that is also a fact. Thus, I think fat people should work to lose fat.

It has nothing to do with the type of person they are. I am not demanding that they hide themselves from my sight. I am not even asking them to lose weight. I just think it would be in everyone's best interest if they did.

If anyone is happy being fat and doesn't like my opinion that fat people should lose fat, tough titties for me. It's no skin off my back and it won't be the first time I have had a difference of opinion with someone.

Again, and again, and again, and again... and again, I do not judge people based on their weight.