Overcoming nasty self image

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jteammom
jteammom Posts: 173
in Health and Weight Loss
Like many others, I am not new to weight loss. I have gained and lost and lost and gained more weight than I care to remember. Part of my problem is that no matter what I weigh, when I look in the mirror, I see a plain, overweight, drab person. (An aside here - I have a morbidly obese friend who used to say "I'm just like an anorexic. We both look in the mirror and see someone fat.) Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone has been able to overcome this, and if so, what's your secret?

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Replies

  • jennylynn84
    jennylynn84 Posts: 659
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    I have this problem a lot. It's hard to shake yourself out of how you used to think about yourself. I've gone down from a tight 18 to a lose 12 or a snug 10. I've not been this weight since sophomore year of high school (I'm 26). And while I don't feel as fat as I did before I definitely don't feel like a pixie. I have to adjust to the concept that, "Yes, that will fit me." When shopping for Halloween, I was convinced that I might not fit into a regular adult costume - that I probably still needed the big girl version. When it came time, I ended up fitting into a regular adult medium. The numbers on the clothes don't match what I think I am in my head. I've often thought "Surely these pants are mis-tagged."

    I'm trying to work through it though. And one way is to take the time (and money) to buy myself a nice outfit that shows off the new bod. I've got curves now (and not just the kind that made me round). So I endeavor to find something that shows them off. Not skanky - nice clothes, but stuff I never would have worn before. My most recent was a kinda tight sweater dress with one of those wide belts and some leggings. Because it was short and clinging and (gasp!) belted, it did the trick. And I feel pretty and thin all day.

    I've already got an outfit in my mind's eye for my next "aren't I pretty?" outfit. And, for me, it's all about getting used to the idea that, yes, I can wear these things; yes, I'm able to "pull off" this look. I figure one day, I'll have accomplished 2 things - 1) I'll have an awesome wardrobe. 2) I'll actually think of myself in those terms all the time. Even in jeans and an old t-shirt.
  • qwho
    qwho Posts: 157
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    trust me, I am there too, if low self-esteem is your root issue?. Low self-esteem has always been a problem, and both of my kids suffer from it too. I wonder if it is hereditary? I don't allow pictures of me to be taken, I don't fit in, in large gatherings and avoid them at all costs, I am never at ease in social situations, to sum it up, I am not comfortable in my own skin.
  • jteammom
    jteammom Posts: 173
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    jennylynn - I love love love the idea of the "aren't I pretty outfit". I am going to start thinking about what I want that to be. Perhaps something with high heeled boots and a pencil skirt. Ok - now I am excited.

    qwho - I think you are right about self esteem. My mom felt pretty crappy about herself and did her best to drag me down with her. Plus she was (still is)hyper-critical. When my kids were growing up I was really concerned about passing that on and so far they are all pretty comfortable with themselves. One thing I try to remember in social situations is that nobody is obsessing over me and my inadequacies - because they are too busy worrying about their own. What I really need to do is stop comparing myself to every other woman in the room. I'm still the one my husband takes home!
  • qwho
    qwho Posts: 157
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    jteammom, that is a great attitude to have.
  • mdmakin
    mdmakin Posts: 1
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    You need to not only banish the bad thoughts from your head, but replace them with good ones. Anytime you think "My body doesn't look good", catch yourself doing it, and replace it with something validating that you cannot deny, such as "I made a healthy choice this morning by choosing an apple as a snack instead of chips". In order to rid yourself of negative thoughts, you have to replace them with good ones. I've thought "I'm not as skinny/pretty/fit as (person)." I catch myself doing it, and I think instead "I'm making healthier choices for me and my body, and that's all that matters." Replace, replace, replace! We are all beautiful : )
  • jteammom
    jteammom Posts: 173
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    mdmakin - Excellent point. For me, it would be even better to focus on something completely unrelated to food. (since I need to get over that obsession, too!) So every time I start thinking "What a dumpy fat lady" I am going to think...I'm not sure yet but maybe I will remind myself of other good stuff about me. I'm smart, I'm funny, I have pretty eyes, I take good care of my family...
  • raindancer
    raindancer Posts: 993 Member
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    trust me, I am there too, if low self-esteem is your root issue?. Low self-esteem has always been a problem, and both of my kids suffer from it too. I wonder if it is hereditary? I don't allow pictures of me to be taken, I don't fit in, in large gatherings and avoid them at all costs, I am never at ease in social situations, to sum it up, I am not comfortable in my own skin.

    Wow, that sounded like I wrote it about me. I struggled with it my whole life.
  • mmheartspb
    mmheartspb Posts: 9
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    mdmakin that is a great idea! Thanks for sharing! I also suffer for self esteem issues...maybe a little bit more positive reinforcement will help.
  • nodnallynn
    nodnallynn Posts: 8
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    i have been in the same boat. since i joined i have been making smaller goals. i have lost 48lbs but when i look in the mirror i still see that fat stomach, i have lots of people encouraging me and noticing my weight loss but i still have to wrap my brain around the idea that i am changing daily and i look at my old clothes and i can see a difference and i am feeling better, just take one day at a time and believe in yourself.
  • Stefani74
    Stefani74 Posts: 448 Member
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    I used to be there. And to some extent I still am, but not nearly as severe. A trick I started was I forced myself to look in the mirror everyday and tell myself something positive over and over, until I started to believe it. At first it was just little things, like I am smart, I am good at this or that, I am a good mom. And then finally one day I was able to look in the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful and sexy even with the flaws! It's about learning to love WHO you are...inside and out!
  • superwmn
    superwmn Posts: 936
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    You are not alone. I'm so sorry you're suffering. You CAN overcome this. I did it at my highest weight. I was able to look in the mirror and see someone loveable and worthy of love. To see someone who was beautiful and perfect exactly as she was. Being able to love myself 100% EXACTLY as I was is what made my transformation possible. I got there through the help of this book...

    http://www.oprah.com/health/An-Excerpt-from-Geneen-Roths-Women-Food-And-God

    ...and I chronicled my own journey here:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-1-48846

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-2-48848

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-3-48849

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-4-48850

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-5-48851

    YOU CAN DO IT!!!

    Charmagne
  • jteammom
    jteammom Posts: 173
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    So glad to see this thread picked up again. Perfect timing. I have been doing pretty well and thinking positively, until the last couple of days. A month from now I will be joining my husband on a business trip where wives are invited. All the other wives in our group are very slim. Very, very slim. And pretty. Obviously not the way I see myself. I still find "positive self talk" kind of awkward, because it feels to me that I am putting others down in order to raise myself up. That's not a good feeling. So here is what I am striving for:

    "Too many people believe that in order to be humble they must put themselves down, see themselves as worse than everyone else. They minimize their gifts and maximize their shortcomings. Genuine humility, however, is truthfulness: we acknowledge both our talents and our failings. Humility come from the word humus, earth. Humble people are down to earth. They are honest in evaluating their strengths and their weaknesses."

    Time to evaluate my strengths!

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