is "fat" derogatory?

Hi, I'm Lori and I'm fat

Everything we say to another person is absorbed by the prism of that person. If you aren't trying to communicate effectively, what are you doing opening your mouth?

It's like using the 'n' word. I'd never do it - I'm too old to pretend I'm hip and its pretty clear that a very very large number of people find the word offensive so its not a word I need to use. On the other hand, if two people that know one another want to use that word, and neither are offended by it - it's none of my business.

Same for a whole host of other words. I don't think 'retarded' is a slur - to me its a description of someone that has retarded learning. However, I'm also aware that people with learning disabilities might find it offensive, so I'm pretty careful in the use of what I think is not a slur - but what someone else might consider a slur.

Calling someone fat - ask yourself what is it you are trying to convey. Is fat the same as overweight? Obese is a technical term (and according to my BMI, I'm obese) - but I know some people think that's a horrible word.

Know your listener and if you give a darn about how someone else responds to you, there is no victory in convincing someone that a word you used shouldn't be offensive to them.

Being offended is a sign you need to be offended some more.

I use the terms fat or obese though I prefer fat. It's just a physical descriptor like tall, short, skinny, fair, dark, etc. I HATE it when people will say things like "oh don't say that about yourself, you're not fat" UH YES I AM and it is not a negative thing to say so. Now if someone is using "fat" as an insult that's a different story, but on its own there is nothing wrong with the term FAT.

Being offended is a sign you need to be offended some more.

No, it's not. There isn't a "feeling offended" immunity you build up.

I don't understand why people aren't more concerned with being kind. I try to avoid offending people whenever I can, because WHY NOT? Is there some weird sense of pride one gets when being offensive? I genuinely don't get it. You're rendering another person's feelings invalid when you tell them that getting offended is dumb, weak, silly, etc, which is a ****ty thing to do.

Being offended is a sign you need to be offended some more.

No, it's not. There isn't a "feeling offended" immunity you build up.

I don't understand why people aren't more concerned with being kind. I try to avoid offending people whenever I can, because WHY NOT? Is there some weird sense of pride one gets when being offensive? I genuinely don't get it. You're rendering another person's feelings invalid when you tell them that getting offended is dumb, weak, silly, etc, which is a ****ty thing to do.

If we walked around with the mindset that we shouldn't say anything that could ever possibly offend anyone, it would be a pretty silent world. Good luck with that.

I think those who find the word "fat" offensive or derogatory are those who are afraid to admit (or refuse to admit) that they are, indeed, fat. Dude, whether or not you want to believe it, you are fat. It's no secret to anyone around you.

Most of the time, I use "overweight" and "obese" to describe the degree of fatness.

An ugly person is ugly and everyone knows they are but its not nice to call them ugly to their face - would you do this without question just because the word is a fitting description?

There are some derogatory words for a person's race... everyone knows they are that race - but its not nice to use those words - would you do this without question because its a word that describes them?

A fat person may be fat but its not nice to call them fat - why is this more acceptable to say this to their face than the words above?

I call myself fat all the time...because I am. I've been fat since I was 9 years old. I use the word "fat" to describe myself when I'm unhappy with myself mostly (because it hurts and I'm frustrated and angry at myself after years of trying to reverse it). However, if another person (particularly someone who is not overweight) called me fat to my face I'd probably feel even worse about myself than I already do. If my husband or someone who's opinion I valued called me fat I'd feel suicidal.

There is a time and a place to use this word. (As someone said earlier its all about context). People have feelings. So do you. Why make another person feel bad? Fat people know they are fat... trust me they do. Would you use this word just to make yourself feel better? Because you think it'll help them in some way? What good does it do for anyone exactly?

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”

I *have* fat but it's not what I *am*. I also have a liver, but that doesn't make me liver.

This made me laugh because when we were kids, my sister used to call me Liver just to get under my skin. In return, I called her Gizzard.

I can call myself fat. You may not. Don't ask why. It's just the way it is.