How to deal with the "one-upper"?

Options
misssuperstitious
misssuperstitious Posts: 178
in Motivation and Support
Just a random question (OK, not so random, it's been bugging me for almost 24 hours) do you guys have anyone in your life who constantly have to "one-up" you? It doesn't matter what it is, but mostly it's jewelry size, or body size, this one particular person always has to brag about always having or doing something "better" than me. I'd love to just cut ties with her, but that's impossible...I'm REALLY dreading having to see her and her fake boobs in the near future... (I apologize to all the nice women with fake boobs)
«13

Replies

  • kidtechnical
    kidtechnical Posts: 146
    Options
    LOL. No thankfully, it would drive me nuts. My kids friend is like that and we just laugh at him, if he starts "oh I can do that only..." we just laugh and say "it's not a competition", he's 7 but maybe you could try that with your friend, just laughingly point out that life isn't a competition!
  • McGee61403
    McGee61403 Posts: 2
    Options
    Copy and paste this post, as if it were someone else, and leave it around for her to see. (Unless, of course, her bOObs get in the way!)

    If it were me, just because I AM quite the tool, I would buy a small wipe board and make a 'YOU' and 'ME' column. When she starts the obnoxious trend, put a hash mark in her column, and say, "Oh, you got me beat...((( AGAIN! )))

    Every time she one ups you, just say "FANTASTIC!!" using the well-known language of sarcasm (I speak it fluently...you?)!!

    Good luck!

    Oh, by the way, it isn't ME, is it?? :noway:
  • ctrlaltdelboy
    ctrlaltdelboy Posts: 30
    Options
    just smile graciously and say 'how interesting....' and don't worry about it - it's not important
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
    Options
    UGH!! I detest people like that. :frown:
  • louisee294
    louisee294 Posts: 140 Member
    Options
    haha. YES! there is always someone ready to make you feel like ****. FACT. I know it shounds like somehting a mother should say, but it is there own insecurity.

    A lot of the time the people who are thin feel that they are ugly, or who are pretty feel they are fat, or who are rich dont have good relationships... my list goes on. In my experience these people are more insecure than me, and when you recognise this you think, well thats their problem, because the thing they are bragging about is often the only thing they have.
  • mandyreadsbooks88
    mandyreadsbooks88 Posts: 66
    Options
    I have a friend. We all call him Topper, Which he thinks means Top, as in like a first sergeant. But actually its Topper as in the character from the Dilbert comic strip who always had to one up everyone even if it meant sounding ridiculous.True story
    Sam, " Im going out on a date with a really hott girl tonight"
    Topper, "I went out on a date with a supermodel last week but I had to dump her because she was too clingy."

    Basically it is insecurity manifested. Don't let it infuriate you, instead you should feel sincere pity and compassion that this woman thinks what makes or breaks a person is the external qualities.
  • jyt2573
    jyt2573 Posts: 80
    Options
    The strategy that works best for me in these situations is to simply laugh at them. Once I realize they are a one-upper, it takes all the validation out of anything they say. I once had a one-upper in my life that got so crazy, the things she would say to 'one-up' the conversation could not, under any circumstances have been real. After that, she became comical.

    Turn the game around, so when she one-ups someone, you get a point. If she one-ups you, you get two points. Soon, she will be a source of amusement.
  • sambrint
    sambrint Posts: 8
    Options
    I would not meet up with her & do your best not to respond to her. Keep making excuses (unless you are brave enough to say why you don't want to see her - she'll get the message)
    Life is too short to have people in your life that drain you (unless you work with this person, then it's a bit harder!!!)
  • LainMac
    LainMac Posts: 412 Member
    Options
    Start coming up with more and more outrageous things for her to one up.

    You "Oh, I had really bad toothache. I was in so much pain."

    Miss Not Nice Fake Boobs "That's nothing, I had two root canals yesterday without Novocain!"

    You "I climbed the local mountain recently. I was pleased that I could do it.

    MNNFB "I climbed Mr Everest and gave the Sherpa advice on how to carry my bags better. They complimented me on my flawless Nepalese."

    You "I think I saw a UFO yesterday"

    MNNFB "That's nothing, I was probed three times last week by the green aliens, blue rock aliens, and the humanoid aliens. They asked me to be their queen but I told them that Earth needed me too much."

    ================

    Seriously, start coming up with slightly outrageous things and right down on a piece of paper 2 to 4 things that she might say to outdo you. Keep score. Make it a game that only you can win.
  • WonderNoodle
    WonderNoodle Posts: 549
    Options
    I HAD one in my life (she no longer works where I do)!

    I had a customer at my counter who I knew was undergoing chemo and was responding when I asked her how she was feeling. She was mid-sentence when the co-worker butted in and began to tell us how STRONG SHE WAS when SHE underwent a more DRASTIC chemo for her more SEVERE cancer. OMG! :noway: REALLY? The customer and I just sat there with our mouths haning open in complete disbelief.

    Your one-upper probably does it to everyone in her life. Next time just smile while you remember how sad it is that she feels the need. :ohwell:
  • kidtechnical
    kidtechnical Posts: 146
    Options
    I like lainmacs style, but I would do it the opposite: Next time she one ups you, you one up her back with something unbelievable and when she looks at you funny just say "oh, I thought we were one upping one another". Of course this wont work if she one ups your one up! I think that phasing her out of your life would be great, but if that's not possible then find a way to laugh and dismiss it OR grab the bull by the horns and say "you always need try to be better than me and it makes me sad, because it degrades you, why do you do that??" That'll be an interesting conversation to have...
  • ickybella
    ickybella Posts: 1,438 Member
    Options
    Firstly, let me say that I have a very mean/evil streak. I used to have a one-upper in my life. Now, I'm 3000 miles away, thank God. She was absolutely ridiculous. It started when we were children and only got worse as she became an adult. Eventually, I got so sick of it, and the fact that everyone was falling for her crap, that I decided to make her sound even more ridiculous. Instead of talking about anything that could make her sound better when she one-upped me, I would talk about things that could only make her sound worse.

    Me "Dude, I am so fat I can hardly tie my shoes." (true at the time)
    Her "Well, I'm so fat I have trouble wiping my butt." (not sure if that was true as I never checked)

    Me "Jeez, I'm so clumsy I burned my hand on the oven just looking at the chicken."
    Her "Yeah? Well I fell into a moving car yesterday because I tripped over my own feet."
    Seriously, she said that.

    Me "Yuck, I forgot to wear deodorant. I stink so badly I can't stand myself!"
    Her "I haven't showered in two days and my butt stinks so bad my boyfriend won't come near me."
    Yes, she did go there.

    Now, I know it's not a nice thing to do to someone. I was not in a good place at the time, but it did give me some strange, sick pleasure. I was not a nice person! :devil: Now, I can avoid talking to her because we're on different continents, but I have decided to just say to her "You win." any time she feels she must have to do better. Obviously, she's insecure and it's too much wasted energy if I allow things like that to bother me. I'm sure it won't be easy, as I am very highly strung, but I'm trying to be normal lately. :laugh:

    P.S. I almost said "Oh yeah, well my one-upper is worse than yours." :wink:
  • runningneo122
    runningneo122 Posts: 6,962 Member
    Options
    Everyone in a person's life teaches him/her one of two things: How to be... and how NOT to be.

    I pray for people like the one described. Shallow insecurities are really pitiful when put on such a glaring display as that. Keep your chin up and feel better about yourself for not falling into the trap of acting like the offender.
  • XiomaraSantana
    XiomaraSantana Posts: 5
    Options
    OMG this is very interesting my Mother and sister have done this my entire life I keep my healthy distance from them because they have a way to "top" everything. My sister has done this in every aspect. Just a word of caution be very very careful about advice/suggestions from these type of people becuase their sole purpose in life is to be "better" than you to compete, as opposed to generally wanting good for their loved ones they see everything as a chance to build themselves at others expense. Remember also these are super super insecure people..thats why they do what they do ..GOOD LUCK

    XIO <3
  • kidtechnical
    kidtechnical Posts: 146
    Options
    runningneo122 I tip my cap to your wise words :flowerforyou:
  • TrailRunner
    TrailRunner Posts: 140 Member
    Options
    Remember also these are super super insecure people..thats why they do what they do ..GOOD LUCK

    XIO <3

    I agree.
  • melissashparago89
    melissashparago89 Posts: 27
    Options
    I would show lack of interest and say (with no emotion of course) "cool" or "thats nice" hahaha... It's rude when you are so happy about something and tell someone and they have to steal the shine! Once I got an A (92) on this test in high school and my friend of course had to say "Oh, then I probably got an A too"... ehh. it pissed me off!! Or if I had a busy day... HERS was busier. It's annoying, so I just try and ignore her and show her I honestly could care less...

    Good luck with Fake Not Nice Boob Girl lol <3
  • loushep
    loushep Posts: 191
    Options
    runningneo122 I tip my cap to your wise words :flowerforyou:

    Ditto. Well said runningneo :smile:
  • jyt2573
    jyt2573 Posts: 80
    Options
    P.S. I almost said "Oh yeah, well my one-upper is worse than yours." :wink:

    This made me laugh out loud!
  • XiomaraSantana
    XiomaraSantana Posts: 5
    Options
    If all else fails accidently " bump" into her balloons with a pin ... and watch her self-esteem and boobs deflate before your very eyes..JK LOL

Categories