Wife confusing me on my getting into shape again
Replies
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4 hours of commuting, I would find another job../
Agree with this or move closer.
Just present her with the options as well. Workout will mean more time or not workout and you cna stay a bit heavy. Let her figure out a workable solution. Sounds a lot of hassle.0 -
sounds like a control issue.
basically she's trying to manipulate and control you by making any choice you engage in the "wrong" choice.
you just have to start doing what you want to do for you.
Having just dated a guy that was emotionally, verbally and physically abused for years by his wife, I have to agree with this. There is nagging and bickering and hormones and all that "normal" marriage stuff. But abuse is abuse. I'm not saying kick her to the curb, but please be aware of how you let yourself be treated. Your kids will learn from you and your wife how they're supposed to act when they grow up. Slippery slope...0 -
You cant reason with a pregnant woman,.....period.
Good luck dude., I feel for ya. Being a woman with crazy hormones is as hard on us is it is on you, I promise you that.
After the baby comes and if she is still being irrational, sit down with her and tell her to make a plan for you to lose the weight and see what she comes up with.
And it has been my experience, that when I am feeling really bad about myself, I would try to demean my husband to make him feel like crap too. It took a lot of work on me, but I finally realized what I was doing and stopped. I would be willing to bet she loves you no matter what.0 -
You cant reason with a pregnant woman,.....period.
Good luck dude., I feel for ya. Being a woman with crazy hormones is as hard on us is it is on you, I promise you that.
After the baby comes and if she is still being irrational, sit down with her and tell her to make a plan for you to lose the weight and see what she comes up with.
And it has been my experience, that when I am feeling really bad about myself, I would try to demean my husband to make him feel like crap too. It took a lot of work on me, but I finally realized what I was doing and stopped. I would be willing to bet she loves you no matter what.
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Thank you everyone for your helpful replies. Since she is pregnant and is a stay at home wife right now (our first daughter is in kindergarten) I am more than willing to accept that a lot of things can be from a hormonal imbalance. I am more of a practical thinker and she is the opposite sometimes. We do have clashes but have been together for a while and I care for her so much so I want to at least do my best to get to my goal.
I will take your advice and sit with her so we can discuss the best course of action calmly. She has been talking about hating how heavy she feels with the baby inside her. She looks fine to me and I compliment her but she still has that insecurity. Perhaps its time to sell some stuff around the house and invest in putting together a home gym so I can do everything there and not need to sacrifice family time.
Hearing it from all of you that it might be jealousy or insecurity that comes along with the current work situation coupled with her being pregnant is very reassuring that I need to make some changes to better accommodate my family. My father told me when growing up that its God first, Family second, Work third.
Thanks again everyone for the support.
You sound like a smart man. Yes I was hormonal my first pregnancy. The second not so much. Though my 3 yr. old does drive me crazy while my 16 yr. old just hides in his room. Good luck0 -
See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.0
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See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
White Men Can't Jump!0 -
Hello everyone. I've been getting back into shape after the usual hits from life that take so much out of all of us(college, then marriage, then kids and jobs). My problem is not the getting back into shape. Im using the sixpackshortcuts program and building muscle while losing fat at a very quick rate. The problem is the gym time and my wife wanting me home faster. I already have 2 hours each way on bus to a full time job. so I leave my house before shes awake and I get back to town in the early evening everyday.
Heres where it starts getting contradictory for me and a bit confusing. She complains to me about being a bit overweight and tells me to lose the fat and become healthy. So I started working out like I used to and its working. I spend about 1 hour at the gym for 2 days for weights and then do workouts at home for the next 2 days on my own equipment and repeat. She tells me she hates it when I get home late and that the diet is pointless and I should just act normal again. But she really makes me feel bad about myself when im heavier and tears me down a lot with verbal abuse.
So she wants me to be healthy and more lean, but doesn't want me to actually go through to work needed to make it happen. She gets mad at me either way so I really don't know what to do here.
Any ideas? Any advice from people with similar experiences?
For starters before all that other stuff....
What do you want??0 -
Also let me say this too.....
as others have mentioned.
Seems like you are early in your marriage....
so if there is verbal/mental/emotional abuse. Get that addressed now, and get it worked out.
I spent the last 14 yrs of my life dealing with that......you think you can take it, and deal with it and if you just do a little more she will be happy.
No doesn't work like that.
IT WILL BREAK YOU IN TIME.....You will be miserable.
No way to live my man.
I am now walking away from the last 14 yrs of my life....everything I have worked, sweated and poured into.....all given to her.
I am having to start over now....
But I do feel better, I ain't walking on egg shells.
Get the issue addressed now, and it won't be easy....control freaks don't like to be tested.
But it will be worth it......
Good luck0 -
Tell her to quit crying. You gotta do some things for yourself. She's probably going to throw all your belongings on the lawn, but hey... freedom.0
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I have to agree with the previous comments about verbal abuse. Then again I'm a bit biased after just leaving a relationship with a very controlling and narcissistic person.0
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Girls get mad at you for things you did in their dreams even though it wasn't even you.0
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Any ideas? Any advice from people with similar experiences?
Get a new woman.0 -
Hey. My fiance has cheated on me REPEATEDLY in my dreams. And it hurts, man. It hurts. He deserves to suffer a little for that, don't you think?Girls get mad at you for things you did in their dreams even though it wasn't even you.0 -
Also keep in mind you're going the extra mile to do something SHE's pushing for (and you want to) and you're doing it. If she isn't in the best of shape- you now have one of those "you're making me look bad" situations- because YOU"RE really actually doing it- and you're going the extra mile.
Tell her that's nice- but you can't have it both ways. Tell her you're doing the best you can- but your health and wellenss are important and that she survived 8 hours on her own all day- and she can survive another hour or two without you.
My BF is ONLY here Wed/Thur- and I'm at work during the day- and Wed I go to the gym- because it's gym day- I do my best to get home to him quickly- but I still don't get home till almost 7. Tough titties. I work for what I have and it doesn't' come for free - he gets that this fabulous *kitten* comes with a price tag.
work it out-but stand your ground on making sure you have time for YOU>
^This. 100%. Coming from a woman too
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Lol, it sounds like a regular marriage to me.:laugh: :laugh:Hello everyone. I've been getting back into shape after the usual hits from life that take so much out of all of us(college, then marriage, then kids and jobs). My problem is not the getting back into shape. Im using the sixpackshortcuts program and building muscle while losing fat at a very quick rate. The problem is the gym time and my wife wanting me home faster. I already have 2 hours each way on bus to a full time job. so I leave my house before shes awake and I get back to town in the early evening everyday.
Heres where it starts getting contradictory for me and a bit confusing. She complains to me about being a bit overweight and tells me to lose the fat and become healthy. So I started working out like I used to and its working. I spend about 1 hour at the gym for 2 days for weights and then do workouts at home for the next 2 days on my own equipment and repeat. She tells me she hates it when I get home late and that the diet is pointless and I should just act normal again. But she really makes me feel bad about myself when im heavier and tears me down a lot with verbal abuse.
So she wants me to be healthy and more lean, but doesn't want me to actually go through to work needed to make it happen. She gets mad at me either way so I really don't know what to do here.
Any ideas? Any advice from people with similar experiences?
I get it. So here's what I did. I worked out in the same room as her. I huffed, breathed loud, sweat all over the carpet, etc.........................till she kicked me out and told me to go back to what I was doing before. And never heard anything after.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition1 -
ok- coming from a woman....
I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.
My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?
Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.
And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wihttp://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/with_user/73667875fe. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!
Good luck!
Been there, doing that (including the pregnant wife). I agree with this response.2 -
I had the same problem with my husband. He passively supported me getting into shape for my health, but when it came down to me spending a significant amount of time in the gym--that wasn't right. Now that I have a daughter, he thinks it's letting someone else our daughter if I get a babysitter so I can go to the gym. So I've been trying to go at lunch.0
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Sorry mate. You married a woman. No point in expecting logic.
Butthurt.1 -
I did have a similar experience with many different topics and it went on and on until finally ending in divorce. Now I'm not saying for one second you should even think about that. I am a firm believer in doing everything possible to have a healthy wonderful marriage. I decided to reply to your post because over the years I kept giving up a little bit of myself. Same situation, work marriage, kids, etc... I made small concessions which over time because bigger and bigger.
You are now practicing self-love. You are being true to yourself. Never, ever give that up. Do not lose sight of who you are, your goals and your dreams. If you are healthy and happy then your family will be too. You will define the direction of your family by your actions now. And if she is verbally abusive to you then please call her out on it and stand up for yourself. Her making you feel bad about your self image and then making you feel bad about trying to correct it is a sign of abuse and manipulation. I'm not saying she is... just saying it is a sign. and there could be other signs too. I AM sensitive to this as I've gone through it first hand.
Suggest you take a look online at what other signs there are for guys who might be in abusive relationships with women they love. It was eye opening when I finally realized what had occurred to me for so many years. God bless and good luck!1 -
You have had a lot of good suggestions. My 2 cents worth is communication is the key. You both need to sit down and have a discussion and come to an agreement. You can't guess what is in her mind and she can't guess what is in yours. I had an experience years ago with my husband when I first went to weight watchers. I was doing very good and he was sabotaging me by taking me out to celebrate my weight losses by going for ice cream causing difficulty with my weight loss. I eventually quit dieting. A few years later I cried when he decided it was time for him to lose weight and I was not ready to jump back on that merry-go-round. Weight loss is about so much more than taking off pounds. There are a lot of emotional things that come along with that extra baggage. Talking it out is the best thing you can do for your relationship.
Good Luck to you.1 -
THIS!! Great Info!!ok- coming from a woman....
I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.
My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?
Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.
And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wife. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!
Good luck!0 -
See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
White Men Can't Jump!
I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."0 -
See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
White Men Can't Jump!
I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."
You are funny.0 -
Build a home gym and workout together once the kids are in bed?0
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See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
White Men Can't Jump!
I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."
You are funny.
I don't think you ever win w/ a woman....0 -
Build a home gym and workout together once the kids are in bed?
Is that what they are calling sex these days?0 -
I think she wants you around in general. She wants you to be healthier so you'll stick around longer and she wants you around before/after work faster so she can be around you longer. She probably knows that she's contradicting herself, but she doesn't know exactly how to get what she wants without both. (It's a girl thing. We talk and reason when we're not really sure what we want in the long run.)
A possible solution: would she come to the gym with you?0 -
It's not like you are spending hours at the gym everyday. It's 2 days a week. Tell her to get over it.0
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"Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.
And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wife. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down! "
^^THIS.
You should still try and talk to her about her comments being hurtful. but the above SO MUCH.1
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