Wife confusing me on my getting into shape again

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13

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  • AmberMagdalena
    AmberMagdalena Posts: 461 Member
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    I have to agree with the previous comments about verbal abuse. Then again I'm a bit biased after just leaving a relationship with a very controlling and narcissistic person.
  • uconnwinsnc1
    uconnwinsnc1 Posts: 902 Member
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    Girls get mad at you for things you did in their dreams even though it wasn't even you.
  • Negative_X
    Negative_X Posts: 296 Member
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    Any ideas? Any advice from people with similar experiences?

    Get a new woman.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Girls get mad at you for things you did in their dreams even though it wasn't even you.
    Hey. My fiance has cheated on me REPEATEDLY in my dreams. And it hurts, man. It hurts. He deserves to suffer a little for that, don't you think?
  • Raclex
    Raclex Posts: 238
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    Also keep in mind you're going the extra mile to do something SHE's pushing for (and you want to) and you're doing it. If she isn't in the best of shape- you now have one of those "you're making me look bad" situations- because YOU"RE really actually doing it- and you're going the extra mile.

    Tell her that's nice- but you can't have it both ways. Tell her you're doing the best you can- but your health and wellenss are important and that she survived 8 hours on her own all day- and she can survive another hour or two without you.

    My BF is ONLY here Wed/Thur- and I'm at work during the day- and Wed I go to the gym- because it's gym day- I do my best to get home to him quickly- but I still don't get home till almost 7. Tough titties. I work for what I have and it doesn't' come for free - he gets that this fabulous *kitten* comes with a price tag.

    work it out-but stand your ground on making sure you have time for YOU>

    ^This. 100%. Coming from a woman too :smile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,538 Member
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    Hello everyone. I've been getting back into shape after the usual hits from life that take so much out of all of us(college, then marriage, then kids and jobs). My problem is not the getting back into shape. Im using the sixpackshortcuts program and building muscle while losing fat at a very quick rate. The problem is the gym time and my wife wanting me home faster. I already have 2 hours each way on bus to a full time job. so I leave my house before shes awake and I get back to town in the early evening everyday.

    Heres where it starts getting contradictory for me and a bit confusing. She complains to me about being a bit overweight and tells me to lose the fat and become healthy. So I started working out like I used to and its working. I spend about 1 hour at the gym for 2 days for weights and then do workouts at home for the next 2 days on my own equipment and repeat. She tells me she hates it when I get home late and that the diet is pointless and I should just act normal again. But she really makes me feel bad about myself when im heavier and tears me down a lot with verbal abuse.

    So she wants me to be healthy and more lean, but doesn't want me to actually go through to work needed to make it happen. She gets mad at me either way so I really don't know what to do here.

    Any ideas? Any advice from people with similar experiences?
    Lol, it sounds like a regular marriage to me.:laugh: :laugh:

    I get it. So here's what I did. I worked out in the same room as her. I huffed, breathed loud, sweat all over the carpet, etc.........................till she kicked me out and told me to go back to what I was doing before. And never heard anything after.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,643 Member
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    ok- coming from a woman....

    I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.

    My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?

    Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.

    And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wihttp://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/with_user/73667875fe. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!

    Good luck!

    Been there, doing that (including the pregnant wife). I agree with this response.
  • journalistjen
    journalistjen Posts: 265 Member
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    I had the same problem with my husband. He passively supported me getting into shape for my health, but when it came down to me spending a significant amount of time in the gym--that wasn't right. Now that I have a daughter, he thinks it's letting someone else our daughter if I get a babysitter so I can go to the gym. So I've been trying to go at lunch.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Sorry mate. You married a woman. No point in expecting logic.

    Butthurt.
  • chrisleibman
    chrisleibman Posts: 4 Member
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    I did have a similar experience with many different topics and it went on and on until finally ending in divorce. Now I'm not saying for one second you should even think about that. I am a firm believer in doing everything possible to have a healthy wonderful marriage. I decided to reply to your post because over the years I kept giving up a little bit of myself. Same situation, work marriage, kids, etc... I made small concessions which over time because bigger and bigger.

    You are now practicing self-love. You are being true to yourself. Never, ever give that up. Do not lose sight of who you are, your goals and your dreams. If you are healthy and happy then your family will be too. You will define the direction of your family by your actions now. And if she is verbally abusive to you then please call her out on it and stand up for yourself. Her making you feel bad about your self image and then making you feel bad about trying to correct it is a sign of abuse and manipulation. I'm not saying she is... just saying it is a sign. and there could be other signs too. I AM sensitive to this as I've gone through it first hand.

    Suggest you take a look online at what other signs there are for guys who might be in abusive relationships with women they love. It was eye opening when I finally realized what had occurred to me for so many years. God bless and good luck!
  • bainsworth1a
    bainsworth1a Posts: 313 Member
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    You have had a lot of good suggestions. My 2 cents worth is communication is the key. You both need to sit down and have a discussion and come to an agreement. You can't guess what is in her mind and she can't guess what is in yours. I had an experience years ago with my husband when I first went to weight watchers. I was doing very good and he was sabotaging me by taking me out to celebrate my weight losses by going for ice cream causing difficulty with my weight loss. I eventually quit dieting. A few years later I cried when he decided it was time for him to lose weight and I was not ready to jump back on that merry-go-round. Weight loss is about so much more than taking off pounds. There are a lot of emotional things that come along with that extra baggage. Talking it out is the best thing you can do for your relationship.

    Good Luck to you.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    THIS!! Great Info!!
    ok- coming from a woman....

    I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.

    My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?

    Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.

    And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wife. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!

    Good luck!
  • jessilee119
    jessilee119 Posts: 444 Member
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    See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    White Men Can't Jump!

    I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    White Men Can't Jump!

    I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."

    You are funny.
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,070 Member
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    Build a home gym and workout together once the kids are in bed?
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    White Men Can't Jump!

    I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."

    You are funny.

    I don't think you ever win w/ a woman....
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    Build a home gym and workout together once the kids are in bed?

    Is that what they are calling sex these days?
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
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    I think she wants you around in general. She wants you to be healthier so you'll stick around longer and she wants you around before/after work faster so she can be around you longer. She probably knows that she's contradicting herself, but she doesn't know exactly how to get what she wants without both. (It's a girl thing. We talk and reason when we're not really sure what we want in the long run.)

    A possible solution: would she come to the gym with you?
  • MissTattoo
    MissTattoo Posts: 1,203 Member
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    It's not like you are spending hours at the gym everyday. It's 2 days a week. Tell her to get over it.
  • Squamation
    Squamation Posts: 522 Member
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    "Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.

    And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wife. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down! "

    ^^THIS.

    You should still try and talk to her about her comments being hurtful. but the above SO MUCH.

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