Way OT, but I need some input....

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Replies

  • GravyGurl
    GravyGurl Posts: 1,070
    You should talk to your doctor about the reversal if you were to get a tubal ligation. When I had mine done my doctor used what they call Hulka Clips. Which are totally reversable if I had made the decision to have them undone if I wanted to have another baby.

    here is a link for it.

    http://www.tubal-reversal.net/tubal_ligation-tubal_ring-tubal_clip.htm


    Good luck on the cyst removal. :flowerforyou:
  • magichatter06
    magichatter06 Posts: 3,593 Member
    I'm going to vote for the wait option.

    You've got your whole life ahead of you to make the RIGHT decision for you. If by any chance you were to have a "surprise" that could be the best part of your life.

    Have you seen the movie The Waitress? lol this may have something to do with this, but the girl was pregnant by her awful husband and she really didn't want to have anything to do with the baby, but once it was born, it was her whole world.


    Good luck on your cyst! :flowerforyou:
  • MFS27
    MFS27 Posts: 549 Member
    I've been on just about every form of BC there is from the diaphram to IUD.

    I cannot handle BC pills - the hormones throw my body SO out of wack!

    The copper paraguard IUD made me bleed SO heavily for 3 weeks of of the month and I cramped up - no good.

    I LOVED Mirena IUD - it made my periods lighter, and I never knew it was there except for some very light cramping around TOM. The hormones are localized to your uterus, so my body was fine (NOT like on BC pills, where it is systematic). I had it for several years, removed it and conceived DS #3 within 7 months and now hubby has been tied!

    I'm so glad to be done with BC options. I agree with the other posters - I would wait a few more years before getting your tubes tied. But I have a friend whose daughter had her tubes tied at 18, and she never regretted it. You'll know what you need to do when the time comes to it. Hugs :flowerforyou:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    Thanks ladies! I really appreciate all the well wishes and input.

    I will let you know how the removal goes and where "the baby maker" stands when it's all said and done. I'll have my talk with DH, but ultimately, it comes down to what I want and how I feel.

    :flowerforyou:
    You're the best!!
  • kleimola
    kleimola Posts: 210 Member
    Hey y'all. :flowerforyou:

    As some of you may already know, I have been suffering from an ovarian cyst for awhile now. It's about the size of my actual ovary. So, after many appointments, the doctor is finally going to go in and remove the dang thing.

    Here's the part I would like some input on: My husband and I are 95% positive that we do not want children. I have made sure that I am not just hopping on the bandwagon with him by playing with babies and children and hanging out with mothers and mothers to be. I know that it is something I do not feel would fit into my life. This being the case, I have requested tubal sterilization. (Birth control hormones drive me CRAZY. I guess I have enough hormones!! :tongue: )

    What I am wondering, are there any people out there that have decided to not have children at a younge age and what regrets do you have, if any?

    (NOTE TO THE FAB MOMS AND POPS! I respect you and your decision to have children :flowerforyou: In no way am I trying to tork off the great parents here. Just trying to solidify my own decision and preparing for any future issues.)

    Thanks so much!
    M

    May I ask how old you are? Keep in mind that a lot of doctors will not actually do that procedure if you are under 30 for the reason that people change their minds. The would definatley do it if t were hazardous to your health not to but I have always been told that if you are under 30 they won't do it. I have also heard that some are more likely to do it under the age of 30 if you already have kids. Just something to think about in case you get your hopes up and they say no.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    I decided at about your age to not have kids and after years of being on birth control my husband took the big step up and got a vasecomy. We are both 31 and the doctors never even questioned it when we told them we do not want children. I have a wonderful niece that I can have when I want her and when MY time allows and when I have had to much I send her home. Kids are great, they just are not for me.

    Thank you, you said it perfectly.

    And, Kirsti, the doctor would, but only after having the consoltation with DH and I. He wants to be sure we're sure. :flowerforyou:

    I would be sure you ARE sure before ligation.

    I had an IUD for years, no problems. I had it put in when I was 18. That was in 1972. I'm sure they have gotten better. I had the old version:laugh: The only problem was the insertion caused a lot of cramping. If you do get an IUD you can ask for a mild relaxer like Valium or something similar to mitigate the cramping when the cervix is dilated. (They didn't give drugs at all in 1972; but it should be standard procedure now, I would think.)

    The hormones wreak havoc with me, too. At 14 I knew I didn't want kids. At 54, I have no regrets. Oh, and no kids. :laugh:

    Good luck whatever you do. Listen to your :heart:

    Cheryl
  • connieq288
    connieq288 Posts: 1,102 Member
    My brother who is only a year younger than me married a woman a couple of years ago. She got pregnant when she was 18 and had her tubes tied afterwards and now that she is married to my brother she would like to have another one. That was over 12 years ago taht she had that done. Now they have to save up to have them implanted in her. Like some of the other ones said before I would wait because you are still young and you very well could change your mind but if you really want to have it I had a different procedure done and absolutly loved it. I am 32 and have 3 kids. My oldest is 10 and my youngest is 13 mths. My doctor told me about ESSURE. IT can be done in the doctors office and it only took about 15 minutes to actually have it done. They inserted these little springs inside my tubes and then tissue grows around it. 3 mths after having it done I had a special xray done to make sure my tubes were blocked and they are. It was so much cheaper than having surgery. No hospital stay, no going under the knife, no being put to sleep. The only thing I had was a valium and my mother in law drove me home. Very simple procedure and I would recommend it if that is something you really want.

    Connie
  • msce2
    msce2 Posts: 35
    After I had my 2nd child, I asked the doc about getting it done, and they refused. They said I was too young. I guess people who are in their early 20's are more likely to regret their decision.

    Would your hubby be open to getting a vas? My cousin's DH had one of those and I hear they are more reversible than the tubes being tied. They now have a beautiful almost 2yr old daughter. Just a thought.

    Best of luck whatever your decision is!!!!
  • lessertess
    lessertess Posts: 855 Member
    I'm hesitated to weigh in on this one but it appears that all but one person who replied to you made the decision to have children or been happily surprised. I suspect that those who were unhappily surprised would never really step forward. I only met one women in my life who admitted that she should not have had children. I've met dozens upon dozens who should not have had children but did.

    I'm 46 and I don't have children. That was a choice I made years ago. I've always enjoyed being around children but never wanted my own. I don't regret my decision. Now, I do have days. My sister married and had children very young so our lives have been very different. There are days (maybe a couple a year) when she envies my life I envy hers. Nothing says that you'll never think about it and wonder "what if". That's just natural. But, even when I have those days, I'm comfortable that I made the right decision.

    Raising a child is the hardest and most selfless thing that you can do. I greatly admire the men and women who do it well and do it because they love it. I admire those who do it well, even when it doesn't make them happy but they recognize the responsibility. I don't recommend the latter. Raising a child should be joyous not a burden. I also have a lot of respect for those who decide not to have children. I don't have respect for those who have children and raise them irresponsibly or don't raise them at all. It's criminal, in my opinion.

    I think there are too many people in our society who have children when they don't really want them. I think they convince themselves that they are supposed to want them and that's what "people do."

    With that said.....the fact that you are asking our opinion indicates that you aren't really sure right now. Think it through before making a final decision and really examine what is driving your decision. In addition to examing how you feel about raising children, think , if you should change your mind, does that child needs to come from your own body. There are options like adoption or fostering. You need to understand if the other options are viable for you. That could very heavily influence your decision as well.
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
    Well.....the only advice I can give, is to wait....
    When I was 19 I swore up and DOWN that I didn't want kids.
    When I was 22 I got pregnant and it just changed my world and I'll gladly have more!! lol
    I'd get an IUD (those can last 5 yrs I believe) and I'd wait it out a while and if you still feel the exact same way at 30, than go for it
    Also, I'd just like to point out that my friends have said (at a younger age) they didn't want kids at ALL, then when they tried to get pregnant when they were much older and couldn't they were devastated.....so yeah, just be careful before making anything *permanent*

    =o)
  • flemtc
    flemtc Posts: 17
    Boy, you sure stirred the pot on this one! My 2cents is....wait. You are pretty young, even though you may not feel that way. We never know what life will throw at us, and we rarely know how we will respond....even at 52! Please wait, sweetie! I can tell you that my son and his wife are very career orienated....wanting to wait until at least 30 to have kids. They use some kind of natural birth control...not sure what....but she doesn't like all the hormonal changes with the pill. An IUD actually aborts a baby if you get pregnant, so be sure you are aware of that. I had a tubal ligation following my 3rd child, and at the time I felt it was right for me and I was 28. My decision was based on how difficult it was having 3 young children. However, within a couple of years, I wanted one more. That didn't happen. Its okay, just think it would have been a better fit....4 kids rather than 3. Anyway, we all have a story.
    One more note, I have a sister who was unable to have children, planned to adopt...went through all the motions, didn't follow through due to a divorce, and is now deeply regretting that. Her current husband is still willing to adopt, but they are in their late 50's. Probably won't happen. It is a lifetime decision.
  • wdeons
    wdeons Posts: 21 Member
    I have 2 kids and would love to have 3 but becuase of my own health condtion Idecided to have my tubes tied after the 2nd. I would rather be healthy for them then not healthy for 3. I owuld love to have one more sometime I get sad, but then I remember how beuatiful my boys are
  • emibmas
    emibmas Posts: 1,058 Member
    just a though - what if your DH does the procedure?
    Did you think about that?
    isn't it less invasive on the whole?

    It has been something we talked about as well. Has the same chances of reversal. And, naturally, he's afraid to have anyone touch his "jewels" with a sharp instrument. :laugh:

    A few of you have mentioned IUDs. I have researched that as well. For the most part, they sound like a blessing, but they actually have been know to cause much heavier, much longer periods as well as uterian (sp?) issues. And for a woman who has never had a child, especially a natural birth, they cervix would have to be "broken" and the IUD is actually less likely to stay in place for a woman with no children.

    I am very grateful for all the shows of support and input of ideas. This is an "unbiased" area for me. I can't thank you guys enough. I will continue to research and discuss with DH and I will keep you guys posted!

    I have an IUD. The first few months I bleed every day, small amounts, but still - annoying. After that, I get my cycle like normal. And in 5 years we will decide if we are done. I was not 100% sure, so that was the best option for me. My friend also has an IUD and she stopped getting her periods all together, which is normal too. Everyone is different on it.

    I have had an ectopic and with that there was a greater risk with me having an IUD, but the risk of having a repeat ectopic was greater with the tubal.

    Where you are right now in your life and how you feel right now is probably not going to be the same in 10 years. Be confident in your choice, and you will do what is right for you. Good luck.:flowerforyou:
  • BlazinEmerald
    BlazinEmerald Posts: 842
    I haven't read thru all the comments so if someone has already said this, forgive me. Have you actually talked with your Dr. about it yet ? It seems weird to me that they would do it , even if you wanted it. Here in Canada where I am and many other places they have age/child restricitions. Meaning you must be at least 29 years of age and or have children already before they will tie your tubes. I know that may sound harsh but they want you to be sure that your sure that your sure. Im 95% positive I only want 1 more child, but I wont have my tubes tied after JUST incase it becomes my hearts desire to have a 3rd. It really is your choice and your decision and I hope things work out for you. Not everyone is made to be a mother/father/parent, Im glad you realize and accept that you dont HAVE to do it, just because its expected , good on you :flowerforyou:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    I'm still weighing my options, though I may end up going with something less drastic at the moment. My biggest fear is that I may end up regretting it all. My husband (such a great guy!) is 100% behind any decision I make. We may end up getting him snipped. :laugh: He hates that term! :laugh:

    I understand that making a major decision like this at any age, but especially so young, is bound to leave a bitter taste.

    Thanks so much for the support, again, and I hope I didn't ruffle too many feathers!
    :flowerforyou:

    have a safe weekend.
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    I haven't read thru all the comments so if someone has already said this, forgive me. Have you actually talked with your Dr. about it yet ? It seems weird to me that they would do it , even if you wanted it. Here in Canada where I am and many other places they have age/child restricitions. Meaning you must be at least 29 years of age and or have children already before they will tie your tubes. I know that may sound harsh but they want you to be sure that your sure that your sure. Im 95% positive I only want 1 more child, but I wont have my tubes tied after JUST incase it becomes my hearts desire to have a 3rd. It really is your choice and your decision and I hope things work out for you. Not everyone is made to be a mother/father/parent, Im glad you realize and accept that you dont HAVE to do it, just because its expected , good on you :flowerforyou:

    Yes, I have spoken to him and yes the Doc will do it should I decide to go through with it.

    And thank you! You're too sweet :smile:
  • Theresa35
    Theresa35 Posts: 1,102
    I have to say that I am impressed on the open-mindedness of everyone's post as that is not always easy with an emotional subject. This is a very delicate topic and it has been discussed beautifully. Blessing to you on this journey.....:heart:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    I have to say that I am impressed on the open-mindedness of everyone's post as that is not always easy with an emotional subject. This is a very delicate topic and it has been discussed beautifully. Blessing to you on this journey.....:heart:

    I had faith in the fellow MFPers! I knew that there would be a huge range of ideas and thoughts on the subject. And I had faith that y'all would handle this gracefully and ask a LOT of questions (which if I didn't answer, I apologize! Please ask it again :smile: )

    There really are not enough words to thank you all for your continued support. I have been swayed to wait on the permanent proceedure. I think speaking to so many unbiased people (in that you don't know me or my way of life, so you can give honest opinions!) helped me search a little deeper than just the surface wants. And it gave my hubby and I something to talk about, examples to fall back on. He may end up getting a vasectomy, since it is less invasive and easier to reverse. That, and he's more positive than I am. :laugh:

    :flowerforyou: You are all the best!!
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
    Heya sweetie :flowerforyou: I know that adoption was mentioned as a possibility, and should you decide to go thru with the tubal sterilization, you may wish to consider. But even if you don't go thru with it, you may wish to consider adoption anyways!
    I was adopted as an infant, way, way, way back. I had a great childhood, and a loving and wonderful family. Then, when I was in my mid 30's, I started searching for my birthmom. Not an easy task mind you, because I was adopted in 1958, and it was a whole different culture then. But God actually gave me two miracles a few years later; my birth mother, and my genetic father! (they did not have a relationship after that date at the drive-in, really).
    I won't bore you with all the yada yada stuff, but will encourage you, and each and every prospective parent, and parent, to search in their hearts, and consider adoption as an option to genetic offspring. All I can tell you is that my life has been made very rich by my Mon and Dad, and brother. (yes the adopted side). I was placed into that family for a purpose, and I thank God that I was. Now, as an adult, God has blessed me, and added to my family (the genetic side), and in my book, it's a bigger, even more to love family. So please do consider adoption, it could be even more of a blessing for you, than your child.

    OK, returning control of this thread now, sorry for the hijack.
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    Heya sweetie :flowerforyou: I know that adoption was mentioned as a possibility, and should you decide to go thru with the tubal sterilization, you may wish to consider. But even if you don't go thru with it, you may wish to consider adoption anyways!
    I was adopted as an infant, way, way, way back. I had a great childhood, and a loving and wonderful family. Then, when I was in my mid 30's, I started searching for my birthmom. Not an easy task mind you, because I was adopted in 1958, and it was a whole different culture then. But God actually gave me two miracles a few years later; my birth mother, and my genetic father! (they did not have a relationship after that date at the drive-in, really).
    I won't bore you with all the yada yada stuff, but will encourage you, and each and every prospective parent, and parent, to search in their hearts, and consider adoption as an option to genetic offspring. All I can tell you is that my life has been made very rich by my Mon and Dad, and brother. (yes the adopted side). I was placed into that family for a purpose, and I thank God that I was. Now, as an adult, God has blessed me, and added to my family (the genetic side), and in my book, it's a bigger, even more to love family. So please do consider adoption, it could be even more of a blessing for you, than your child.

    OK, returning control of this thread now, sorry for the hijack.

    You are free to hi-jack! :bigsmile:

    Adoption is something I believe in strongly. I had mentioned in a previous post about the irritation of celebreties going outside of our shores to adopt when we have 100's of thousands of homeless children here. I understand why they do it, I'm just venting!!

    It gave me the chills to know you had/have such a rich and loving life. I have decided to wait on sterilization, but there are no guarantees in life for the ability to conceive should that become an option.

    Thank you for your input :smooched:
  • tracypaprocki
    tracypaprocki Posts: 49
    I had my tubes tied at 24. I had just had my 2nd child and both pregnancies were horrible. I regreted my decision early in my 30's. Just make sure you are 100% positive.
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