I dont know were this is headed anymore
Replies
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Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
Strong assumption0 -
Have you spoken to him about how you feel?
Yea we speak about it . He just tells me hes fine and that he loves me etc... its just this look and this gut feeling I have... 1st relationship were I just cant read him
That's not him. That's your own insecurities in your head. You're putting it on him because you have difficulty believing things could be good for you, so you look for reasons there would be trouble.
From your last thread, you said he once said he still thinks about his ex. That could mean a thousand different things. It doesn't automatically mean he's still hung up on her. Especially if he's choosing to be with you.
A lot of people are gonna tell you to trust your gut. I don't think that's the best advice.
But you'll do what you want, good luck to you.
^Listen to Brett, he gives good advice.
We all get insecure from time to time. Hell, I had a mess of a weekend myself. But if you recognize it, you can put things into perspective a little easier. If he's telling you everything is ok, then it probably is. That said, if it's not making you happy then you have to make the right decision for you.
Temporary insecurity is normal. Perpetual insecurity is derailing. At the end of the day, you need to be confident in yourself. The best way to build self-confidence is to build a life for yourself that you love. Find friends to spend time with, find a workout you enjoy, get involved in the community...whatever your passionate about. If you make your life all about him, you will suffer for it in the end.0 -
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex
Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.
I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......
I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.
Advice?
You need to learn how to be single. It's easier to hide yourself in a relationship, but learning to be on your own and value who you are as an individual is priceless.
Also, this (man my friends are awesome). This is so important. If you love yourself and you love your life than he becomes a complement to it, not the end all be all of your own happiness. It's a really powerful thing to realize that if it doesn't work out, it's ok because you have other amazing things to do.0 -
I cook for him, clean his house.
why?
you're his girlfriend not his mum.0 -
.....
Advice?
You need to learn how to be single. It's easier to hide yourself in a relationship, but learning to be on your own and value who you are as an individual is priceless.
This. For the win. /thread
Why did you move to another country? Do you remember? Likely to find yourself, etc. etc. Do that. Leave him and do YOU.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?0 -
Everyone needs some space. You're saying you need it, so why aren't you giving him some? You're coming off as very clingy.0
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anyone can be anybody for up to 6 months... in a relationship... there's a honeymoon phase... perhaps you are just concerned that your settling in for the long haul... talk it out.. maybe it's time to step away for a bit to reflect... I am not say for weeks.. or months.. but a few days... deciding if the "next level" is in the cards for you two... instead of sharing your angst with a bunch of strangers... share with him.. if he is the man you hope he is... he will understand...
best of luck!!!0 -
Not gonna bother reading the other responses or dissecting your post.
Go back to doing your own thing. You've said that you're having trouble pulling your weight, commuting back and forth, miss being on your own, and that you've given up "fun" things. Go back to doing life how you were before and if he's the right guy for you, you guys will work it out.
If not...
Just break up.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?
I change my statement to clingy ladies who need reason to be around like to clean. I don't know why. I do not like to becomes someone's world.0 -
Everyone needs some space. You're saying you need it, so why aren't you giving him some? You're coming off as very clingy.
And this.0 -
Maybe he just needs some space. That's a lot of closeness for 3 months. Think of your apartment as your fortress of solitude and go there for a while. Let him initiate and come to you. No one wants to be chased like that. If a man came on that strong to you would you be happy or would you get a restraining order?0
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Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
It's too early for this.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
It's too early for this.
Not when you been working for 2 hours already.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?
I change my statement to clingy ladies who need reason to be around like to clean. I don't know why. I do not like to becomes someone's world.
I don't think they are related at all.
I love to cook. I'll cook for everyone and anyone. That doesn't make me clingy.
Some women love to clean. Some women were raised thinking that it's their job. Some women just don't want to live in a dirty bachelor pad. That doesn't mean they are clingy.
Activities aren't always prescriptive.0 -
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Trust issues, financial issues, insecurity issues, anger issues...did I miss anything? Its only been 3 months, just break up and work on yourself first before your next relationship. Good luck0
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Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
It's too early for this.
Not when you been working for 2 hours already.
I've been working for two hours. It's still too early for this.0 -
I think perhaps, adults should be aware of appropriate boundaries. Boundaries for yourself and for others. Healthy boundaries make situations like this improbable.
Put yours back in place and move back to where you were.0 -
It sounds like you need to take a step back. You jumped in way too fast and now it seems you are both regretting it. Start staying at your own house again and give each other space. If it works out, great. If not, it wasn't meant to be anyways. You need to be financially secure and able to handle your own stuff before you can expect to have a good, solid relationship.0
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Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
Wrong.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
Not this lady!0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
It's too early for this.
Not when you been working for 2 hours already.
You missed the point. I've been up for over four hours and I still find your post to be offensive and ridiculous.0 -
This is how co dependent abusive relationships start.
You know something is wrong but you hang in there.
Why would anyone want to be with someone that is angry most of the time?
Seriously, go to your house and if he wants to be with you, he will show up there.0 -
This is how co dependent abusive relationships start.
You know something is wrong but you hang in there.
Why would anyone want to be with someone that is angry most of the time?
Seriously, go to your house and if he wants to be with you, he will show up there.
And we're at abuse! I love MFP. Big 'ol frigg'n bear hugs of crazy0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?
I change my statement to clingy ladies who need reason to be around like to clean. I don't know why. I do not like to becomes someone's world.
I don't think they are related at all.
I love to cook. I'll cook for everyone and anyone. That doesn't make me clingy.
Some women love to clean. Some women were raised thinking that it's their job. Some women just don't want to live in a dirty bachelor pad. That doesn't mean they are clingy.
Activities aren't always prescriptive.
True but I also know women that want to be with the guy and if his place is dirty then she will not come over. Then the guy rushes to clean his pad in personal record time.0 -
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick.
Is there really or are you just being a woman and making situations up in your head? We all do it.A)Feelings that are still there for his ex Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
Does he actually have feelings for his ex, or are you being paranoid because he said he thinks about her sometimes...which is normal. Cooking and cleaning for someone isn't going to make them any more or less in love with you. You need to rethink what how you think love works. If you're doing groceries together I'm sure he's being a gentleman and paying not because you can't but because he wants to and acknowledges it's for both of you. Does he actually seem angry, or is he not constantly talking so you think he's angry? Perhaps he's stressing about things completely unrelated to you?I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships. I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......
You LIKE him a lot? Your last thread spoke of love, now it's like? Maybe you need to get yourself together because you don't really seem to know where you are mentally and emotionally. So you miss being on your own, doing stuff on your own...is he stopping you from it, or do you stay home because you think you have to? I have to ask, how old are you? I'm just curious because your mentality when it comes to relationships seems somewhat...young. Being in a relationship doesn't mean to stop being your own person and doing your own things. Unless you have a different structure like D/s or M/s where you've agreed to do what the D/M say, then you can do things on your own. Even in most D/s relationship, the sub does her own things sometimes. It's healthy. You don't stop being an individual when you have a bf/gf, you need to realize and work on that.I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.
Advice?
95% of the time when a man says something they mean it. Biologically and psychologically, men differ from women. They're more straight forward, it's just how they're wired. If he didn't love you...he wouldn't say it. Obviously we don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship, but from what you're telling us...you're extremely insecure. Perhaps you're self sabotaging because you're scared that you'll get hurt? He seems to be a decent guy and yet you're projecting things that may not be there onto him.
Try to keep this in mind...
Men don't talk about their issues like women do, they often close themselves off and think of a solution. That makes them seem distant sometimes.
Men like having alone time. Maybe he wants you to go out and do your own things sometimes so he can have time to himself, but he can't say it nicely because he's sure you'll take it as him not wanting you anymore (going back to your previous outburst over his ex honesty)
Men don't feel the need to constantly fill the void of silence and they shouldn't have to. It's ok to go through phases where you just want quiet.
You seem to be suffocating him. You want space but aren't giving it. Go out, make friends, have coffee alone. He needs space and so do you. A healthy relationship is one where you've got TWO functioning INDIVIDUALS.0 -
I read your first thread a week or so ago, and now this one. In all honesty, it sounds like you are trying to find something wrong.... You need to stop and think are the issues really him, or are they you.
Take a little time apart, stop going over to his house all the time and spend time at your house. Take some time to yourself and figure out what the real deal is.0 -
This is how co dependent abusive relationships start.
You know something is wrong but you hang in there.
Why would anyone want to be with someone that is angry most of the time?
Seriously, go to your house and if he wants to be with you, he will show up there.
How is co dependency abusive? It's not healthy but it's no abuse. That's an entirely different thing. She's stated he's nice and polite. How did you jump to abuse? The OP has posted before about HER insecurities, which are still evident in this post. :ohwell:0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?
I change my statement to clingy ladies who need reason to be around like to clean. I don't know why. I do not like to becomes someone's world.
I don't think they are related at all.
I love to cook. I'll cook for everyone and anyone. That doesn't make me clingy.
Some women love to clean. Some women were raised thinking that it's their job. Some women just don't want to live in a dirty bachelor pad. That doesn't mean they are clingy.
Activities aren't always prescriptive.
True but I also know women that want to be with the guy and if his place is dirty then she will not come over. Then the guy rushes to clean his pad in personal record time.
That scenario has absolutely nothing to do with your comment.
Also, wanting to come over to a place that isn't filthy =/= clingy.0
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