Hi... I'm Brandi?

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BrandiStarr87
BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
in Introduce Yourself
So it took years... and I'd finally gotten to where I didn't care what other people thought. I didn't hate myself, didn't even really care that I'm overweight. Why should I? I'd been on every single diet possible since I was 12.. there's no point anymore in trying because nothing works for me. But, I had my own style, didn't think I looked bad, I even thought that I was pretty. Until my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that if I don't lose weight, he would leave me.

Well that's just.. fantastic dude. Thanks for the ego boost. So what do I do? Well first I'm upset.. and hurt. That was mean. And while I understand that you can't be with someone you aren't attracted to, I don't understand where it came from. I'm the same as I was when we met. I hadn't gained, hadn't lost. THE. SAME. So why is it an issue now?? I went from upset and hurt... to mad. I informed him that if he didn't want me with the weight.. he didn't deserve me without it. It was a good week long fight. I finally decided maybe he was right, and here I am. I started eating better a week ago. And now I'm doing something else I'd rather not say what because for those of you that don't understand, you're going to give me grief and honestly I've had enough. Just know It's doctor supervised and I've lost 6 pounds. So don't even go there. I know what i'm doing.

My goal is to lose 111 pounds. I'm down 6 so far, and I set myself 15 pound goals. So every 15 pounds I get a reward (I'll get to what I am granting myself in a moment), except for the last. The last goal is 21 pounds. It seemed silly to cut that one up into a 15, and then just 6 remaining. Figured I'd just lump it.

So my rewards.. the way I see it, I'm more likely to stick to it if I have a real reason to. Obviously other than the full reward of just not being as big as I am. anyway, what they are:

-15 pounds - Something pretty from Kirklands
-30 pounds - one new pair of pants and shirt
-45 pounds - 2 walmart chicken strips and a bottle of Halloween
-60 pounds - A tablet (I may change that one.. i'm not sure i even want a tablet)
-75 pounds - Boots
-90 pounds - Professional haircut/color
111 pounds - New awesome wardrobe!

yay. Anyone else do that? reward system, I mean? thought it might be helpful. I had trouble with the first goal. I couldn't figure out what was smallish that I still wanted... and honestly I don't even really care so much about that one... I'm gunning for the 45 pound goal. I really want those 2 chicken strips. I really should have gotten a few before i started dieting. I was craving them for like a week beforehand. Lol. Oops.
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Replies

  • PBWaffleCakes
    PBWaffleCakes Posts: 900 Member
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    The reward system seems to help a lot. I have too many bills but sometimes when I have extra money I reward myself. Sunday I ordered a new dress.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    I hope at the end of that week-long fight you kicked his *kitten* to the curb. You did, right? Because what you said was true. If he doesn't want you the way you are now, he doesn't deserve to see you the way he wants to see you.

    Do you see how I worded that? I didn't say he didn't deserve to see you skinny, or thin, or after you've lost weight. I said the way HE wants you to be.

    What do YOU want? Do you want to lose weight for yourself? To get healthy? To look and feel better?
    Because that, my dear, is truly all that matters. What YOU want to do, not what anyone else wants you to do, in order to fit into their ideals.

    You do this for you, ok?

    And just to let you in on a little secret, you can still fit in those chicken strips if you really want them. It's all about balance and moderation.
  • GohanJKA
    GohanJKA Posts: 66
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    I agree with Mysteriousmerlin on this completely.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    Rewards are an awesome way to "see" your progress in something tangible. Because although we can see that number on the scale, for a lot of us the mirror doesn't reflect it in our minds.

    I really hope that guy is now your ex, and that you're doing this for you and not for him. From what I can see in your profile picture, you are GORGEOUS!
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    I'd increase your weight loss goal from 111lbs to about 271...include the weight of that useless scab of a boyfriend.

    Do it for yourself. If you stay with him after losing the weight, you're essentially reinforcing and rewarding his douchebaggery.

    Regardless of the outcome of your relationship, good luck. You can do it.
  • ljones27uk
    ljones27uk Posts: 177 Member
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    Dump his *kitten*, get fit and healthy for yourself and then when you bump into him one day, when you've lost what you want to lose you can walk on by feeling great knowing that he wants something he can't have, maybe if you have a new partner you could introduce him!! That would make me feel great! :-)) What a douche.

    Re rewards - I've got a new suit and a j Lindbergh top lined up for when I hit target.

    Good luck.
  • MistyHiker
    MistyHiker Posts: 175 Member
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    So it took years... and I'd finally gotten to where I didn't care what other people thought. I didn't hate myself, didn't even really care that I'm overweight. Why should I? I'd been on every single diet possible since I was 12.. there's no point anymore in trying because nothing works for me. But, I had my own style, didn't think I looked bad, I even thought that I was pretty. Until my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that if I don't lose weight, he would leave me.

    Well that's just.. fantastic dude. Thanks for the ego boost. So what do I do? Well first I'm upset.. and hurt. That was mean. And while I understand that you can't be with someone you aren't attracted to, I don't understand where it came from. I'm the same as I was when we met. I hadn't gained, hadn't lost. THE. SAME. So why is it an issue now?? I went from upset and hurt... to mad. I informed him that if he didn't want me with the weight.. he didn't deserve me without it. It was a good week long fight. I finally decided maybe he was right, and here I am. I started eating better a week ago. And now I'm doing something else I'd rather not say what because for those of you that don't understand, you're going to give me grief and honestly I've had enough. Just know It's doctor supervised and I've lost 6 pounds. So don't even go there. I know what i'm doing.

    My goal is to lose 111 pounds. I'm down 6 so far, and I set myself 15 pound goals. So every 15 pounds I get a reward (I'll get to what I am granting myself in a moment), except for the last. The last goal is 21 pounds. It seemed silly to cut that one up into a 15, and then just 6 remaining. Figured I'd just lump it.

    So my rewards.. the way I see it, I'm more likely to stick to it if I have a real reason to. Obviously other than the full reward of just not being as big as I am. anyway, what they are:

    -15 pounds - Something pretty from Kirklands
    -30 pounds - one new pair of pants and shirt
    -45 pounds - 2 walmart chicken strips and a bottle of Halloween
    -60 pounds - A tablet (I may change that one.. i'm not sure i even want a tablet)
    -75 pounds - Boots
    -90 pounds - Professional haircut/color
    111 pounds - New awesome wardrobe!

    yay. Anyone else do that? reward system, I mean? thought it might be helpful. I had trouble with the first goal. I couldn't figure out what was smallish that I still wanted... and honestly I don't even really care so much about that one... I'm gunning for the 45 pound goal. I really want those 2 chicken strips. I really should have gotten a few before i started dieting. I was craving them for like a week beforehand. Lol. Oops.

    Hi Brandi!

    We are here to encourage.

    I've been in your place so I know what you mean about giving up on ever losing. But it can be done!

    Welcome!
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Well, this will probably ruffle feathers, but no. I didn't leave him. I told him if he didn't want to be with me, then he could go any time he pleased. I'm not doing it for him, and I told him that. I also told him I probably won't lose much, and if he wants to go then, that's fine too. I'm doing it because I was feeling sick all the time, and it'd be nice to not feel that way (and I haven't since I started this... "diet"...) Also.. I have PCOS. I'm afraid I can't have kids... but I'm kind of hoping that if I lose some of the weight, maybe it'll happen.

    Also spite. Spite is such a wonderful thing. I kinda figured that if he didn't leave, and I did by some miracle lose the weight, as soon as I hit my goal, THEN I'd kick him to the curb, just to be a b*tch. Make him suffer through my hungry mood swings and what not, and yeah.

    Before you get onto me for being spiteful... I am not a bad girlfriend. I'm more forgiving than I should be, and I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could for him through this entire relationship, and all I ever wanted from him, was love. And after everything, he gives me THAT crap? Oh HELL no. I am not a mean person. I'm probably one of the sweetest people you'll meet (disregarding the fact that I'm bipolar... I mean I'm on meds.. lol).... Until you piss me off.

    You guys are really great, and supportive. Thank you.

    I'm poor, the rewards are going to be hard to get.. and will probably hurt my bank account a little but I figure at that point I've earned it. Some struggle is good for ya. Lol. And the chicken strips.. (cries uncontrollably) I can't have them. Not for a while at least. For the next two weeks I'm on a REALLY strict diet.. and then two weeks of still pretty strict but slightly less than now.. and then back. Should be fun. -_-
  • ktroth14
    ktroth14 Posts: 2
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    Gotta agree with the others. If he's telling you that, he's mean and hurtful and you deserve more. That being said, I understand you coming to grips with what he said, at least with realizing you needed to lose weight. Sometimes it takes a metaphorical slap in the face to get you to see it. I just think he went about it the wrong way and if he really loved you, he would've suggested concern for you rather than "lose weight or I'm out." That's a ****ty ultimatum and if he didn't like your weight in the beginning, why did he date you?

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I've done it and succeeded. I've done it and failed. I'm back to succeed and keep it off for good.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    I agree with all the comments that this is a real bad sign that someone who supposedly loves you would give you an ultimatum about your weight. It is one thing to be concerned about the health of someone you love and want to support them in becoming healthier, but it is creepy and cruel for him to say what he did.
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
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    What do YOU want? Do you want to lose weight for yourself? To get healthy? To look and feel better?
    Because that, my dear, is truly all that matters. What YOU want to do, not what anyone else wants you to do, in order to fit into their ideals.

    You do this for you, ok?

    This.

    I hope you are not doing this because of what he said to you. If that's the case, you'll never stick with it and you will end up resenting him if you stay together.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    Also spite. Spite is such a wonderful thing. I kinda figured that if he didn't leave, and I did by some miracle lose the weight, as soon as I hit my goal, THEN I'd kick him to the curb, just to be a b*tch. Make him suffer through my hungry mood swings and what not, and yeah.


    Yikes. You two probably belong together.
  • ghosthackexe
    ghosthackexe Posts: 181 Member
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    I hope at the end of that week-long fight you kicked his *kitten* to the curb. You did, right? Because what you said was true. If he doesn't want you the way you are now, he doesn't deserve to see you the way he wants to see you.

    Do you see how I worded that? I didn't say he didn't deserve to see you skinny, or thin, or after you've lost weight. I said the way HE wants you to be.

    What do YOU want? Do you want to lose weight for yourself? To get healthy? To look and feel better?
    Because that, my dear, is truly all that matters. What YOU want to do, not what anyone else wants you to do, in order to fit into their ideals.

    You do this for you, ok?

    And just to let you in on a little secret, you can still fit in those chicken strips if you really want them. It's all about balance and moderation.

    +1 for insight +2 for Garra
  • ghosthackexe
    ghosthackexe Posts: 181 Member
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    and good luck on your journey the goals system is great
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    Also spite. Spite is such a wonderful thing. I kinda figured that if he didn't leave, and I did by some miracle lose the weight, as soon as I hit my goal, THEN I'd kick him to the curb, just to be a b*tch. Make him suffer through my hungry mood swings and what not, and yeah.


    Yikes. You two probably belong together.

    And by that comment you showed that you are no better. Congratulations on that.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Well, this will probably ruffle feathers, but no. I didn't leave him. I told him if he didn't want to be with me, then he could go any time he pleased. I'm not doing it for him, and I told him that. I also told him I probably won't lose much, and if he wants to go then, that's fine too. I'm doing it because I was feeling sick all the time, and it'd be nice to not feel that way (and I haven't since I started this... "diet"...) Also.. I have PCOS. I'm afraid I can't have kids... but I'm kind of hoping that if I lose some of the weight, maybe it'll happen.

    Also spite. Spite is such a wonderful thing. I kinda figured that if he didn't leave, and I did by some miracle lose the weight, as soon as I hit my goal, THEN I'd kick him to the curb, just to be a b*tch. Make him suffer through my hungry mood swings and what not, and yeah.

    Before you get onto me for being spiteful... I am not a bad girlfriend. I'm more forgiving than I should be, and I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could for him through this entire relationship, and all I ever wanted from him, was love. And after everything, he gives me THAT crap? Oh HELL no. I am not a mean person. I'm probably one of the sweetest people you'll meet (disregarding the fact that I'm bipolar... I mean I'm on meds.. lol).... Until you piss me off.

    You guys are really great, and supportive. Thank you.

    I'm poor, the rewards are going to be hard to get.. and will probably hurt my bank account a little but I figure at that point I've earned it. Some struggle is good for ya. Lol. And the chicken strips.. (cries uncontrollably) I can't have them. Not for a while at least. For the next two weeks I'm on a REALLY strict diet.. and then two weeks of still pretty strict but slightly less than now.. and then back. Should be fun. -_-

    First, I'd refrain from giving yourself food related rewards. I just think (opinion here) that it's a bad move. So many people are in the place they are because of food as a reward system.

    And, are you on medication for your PCOS?

    And finally, why are you on a really restrictive diet? It's not necessary in order to lose weight. In fact, for a lot of people, it's detrimental to success.

    ETA: Spite is actually a pretty terrible thing in general and a bad idea as motivation. Lose weight to feel sexy, or wear a bikini or get muscles or run a 5k. Don't do it to hurt someone. :/
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Yes I'm on medication for the PCOS. I'm on a really restrictive diet because NOTHING else worked.

    Also, yes I have ONE goal as a food reward but it's not the entire reward, and it's tiny and insignificant. I really don't think two chicken strips are going to kill me, and I don't allow it until nearly the midway point so I think it'll be okay.

    I appreciate yall's comments and support and good lucks. Good luck to ya'll too. I've seen a lot of you have done a lot already, and that is great. :)

    As for the spite thing... which I figured was a bad thing to say. The odds that I will actually do that, are slim. I love him a lot more than he loves me, I'm just really mad at him. That was MEAN and hurtful and there were much better ways he could have gone about that rather than threatening me. I'm bitter at the moment, but I probably will not leave him, overweight or not. If I was going to, I would have already. I don't have that kind of patience.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Also, yes I have ONE goal as a food reward but it's not the entire reward, and it's tiny and insignificant. I really don't think two chicken strips are going to kill me, and I don't allow it until nearly the midway point so I think it'll be okay.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk, though I fear I will come across as one. But why did you ask for advice on your reward system if you're not really open to opinions? I wouldn't have answered otherwise.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    Also, yes I have ONE goal as a food reward but it's not the entire reward, and it's tiny and insignificant. I really don't think two chicken strips are going to kill me, and I don't allow it until nearly the midway point so I think it'll be okay.


    I think the point is that you don't need to see food as a "reward." Learn to incorporate chicken strips into your daily goals. Two chicken strips aren't going to ruin your whole day.
    And by that comment you showed that you are no better. Congratulations on that.

    Omigosh THANKS!

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