How do you start believing in yourself?

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

You have to keep trying and trying and trying until one day it just 'clicks' and it becomes easier -
Easier isn't easy - trust me - I have pounds and pounds to go - but until just recently I didn't think it's possible -

Today - I think it is - something just clicked - I finally called myself on all the bullsh** I've been telling myself -
and I think for today I have it figured out - some days are better than others, but I'm in it for the long haul - you've just got to get
to that place too

You can do it - Good luck!

You don't understand how bad I hate myself. I hate the way I look, the way my face is fat, I hate my big butt and my big hips, I hate everything! I hate to look in the mirror! So my question is how do you pull yourself out of this rut I am in?

First, notice that there's a big difference between "I hate myself" and "I hate the way I look." They aren't the same thing, not even one little bit.

See whether you can't manage to love yourself while hating the way you look. Be gentle with yourself. Relax. Stop fighting. Give yourself space to be imperfect.

From that standpoint of loving and cherishing yourself, including all your foibles, true change can start. All the best to you!

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

Just love this!

I really can't add much but just want to say...try not to use the word 'hate' towards yourself. It may sound cheesy but speaking from my own personal experience, part of the problem is that I never really thought of taking care of myself. Once I made the mental switch that eating well and exercising was something I did just for me, to take care of me, and for my well being it became much easier. I think that saying to yourself 'I hate myself, the way I look, who I am..' and so on may end up backfiring when you start taking the steps to a healthier you. If you look at it with the 'I hate myself' attitude then eating fewer calories and getting active may seem like punishment instead of positive changes to make yourself happy.

Just a thought...good luck to you though and hang in there. I think most of us have been where you are now, and many others on here are still in your position. Reaching out and socializing may very well help :flowerforyou:

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

I agree with this, except the order at the end (I had to work on myself mentally before I could change physically).

In all honesty, the believing in yourself comes later. What comes first is the decision to be healthy and the acceptance of that responsibility. People usually describe this as the "click". I had to lose some weight and inches before I really believed "I can do this". Then once I got further in my journey, it changed to "I can do whatever I want" (within reason, of course).

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

The way I predict my weight goal was to go get a accurate body fat % test. Then you kind of have to use other people to compare how you might look at a certain weight.

Also my finish line had a lot of mental obstacles in the way that I had to overcome before even starting the journey.

Honestly, I had to go see a therapist to deal with the problems you're talking about. For me, the way I perceived myself and my commitment/dedication to the weight loss process went hand in hand. But also feelings of not being good enough, not deserving, self image, etc. affected me beyond just my weight loss efforts. When you're in that negative mindset, it's hard to see the reality of the situation and its easy to be convinced that other people are capable of change, but you aren't. It took almost a year of therapy to work on these issues before I could really get a hold of my my weight loss efforts and believe that is possible. Most people can do them side by side, but I couldn't. Don't get me wrong, I was still trying to watch what I ate and exercise, but it was a sporadic effort.

I think there's an aspect of blind faith in the beginning. I wasn't sure I could do it because I didn't have any track record that showed that I could. It's certainly easier said than done, but I think it's a combination of blind faith, the reassurance of others who have been there and succeeded, and the fact that I'm starting to see results which is proof posititve that I can do it.

Everyone has ups and downs. My therapist used to say that many people looking to lose weight get caught up in the world of absolutes, that everything is black and white and that that somehow makes it easy, or that a weight loss journey is supposed to be a steep downward line, but in reality, weight loss is a bit of a jagged line with lots of ups and downs. In the beginning, I think it's really important to find happiness with the small changes you're making. They do add up and they build the foundation for more monumental changes and milestones.

My therapist also said that acceptance doesn't necessarily equal perfect happiness or that you're completely satisfied with the thing that you're accepting. Acceptance is just that...being okay with it, learning to live with it and stop dwelling on it. I'm perhaps not articulating this correctly, so my point might not be coming across all that clear, but what I mean to say is that once I accepted my body how it was in that moment, I could forgive myself for the previous false starts, which let me clear the slate and move forward. I used to be crippled by how things could've or should've been, instead of focusing on how things are. I accepted my role in gaining all the weight, stopped blaming others, found ways to call myself out on my excuses, and now I finally believe that it's possible.

Hope this helps.

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

Don't think in terms of the finishing line. As you lose weight your goals may very well change, also what looks and feels good may not match the number on the scale. I've changed my goal at least a dozen times, think lifestyle changes and baby steps.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

^^^ This is perfect.

I would also add, come up with a mantra, something positive that you say to yourself everyday (don't tell anyone). Go one step further and make the first letter word your new password. That way every time you type in your password you have to tell yourself how awesome you are and you create a secure password that won't end up on a hacker list.

For example:
"I'm awesome, funny, beautiful, and make a kick *kitten* cup of coffee!"

The fact that you are on here means you have the motivations to change something.
Pick one thing that's manageable and stick to it. How about going gluten free for one week. Keep eating carbs but try out quinoa pasta...it looks and tastes like real pasta. Try Rudi's gluten free breads---keep it in the fridge and have some for breakfast. That
way you are not forgoing the things that you may like. You like chips buy sweet potato or try a whole grain brand...costs more but getting that crunch can be crucial when cravings hit.
One good tip if you eat carbs make sure you eat with protein it slows down the insulin which put weight on faster than anything.

Know that fruits, vegetables and lean meats along with good fats can be eaten every day. Instead of a lot of cheese on a sandwich try cutting an avocado in half and using it instead of mayo and cheese.

Small things that still keep your taste and urges under control is the way to go if you have little self control. Try that out for few weeks it's amazing just replacing small things like a rotissiere chicken with a natural rotissiere chicken can make all the difference. Less toxins less chemicals in the body that holds onto fat.
Buy some organic raw apple cider vinegar put it into some juice or water and sip on it throughout the day...or drinking a cup of green tea with l-theanine can really burn fat in the bloodstream.
Take or drink Vitamin C after a heavy meal to cut fat in cholesterol. Take a whole food vitamin like Life Alive you can find at Walmart, Target, Walgreens.
You like Hummus eat that once a day and it's amazing how it can control bad estrogen the thing that holds water weight and fat.
Small things add up in a few weeks you'll know what does or doesn't work.
If you can't seem to fill yourself up make sure you eat some good fat before each meal...maybe pistachios, or olive oil with garlic and chopped basil and rosemary...dip some of the gluten free toasted bread into it.
If you think you need to stop eating then you will only eat more...don't ever RESTRICT yourself...just change what you like for the natural version. Eventually the changes will come when you see and feel different.
One other thing I like if you like fizzy soda---buy the sparkling polar springs lemon water(not soda), and mix it with a small amount of juice or lemonade. It's like having a san pelligrino lemon soda or try blood orange.
Good Luck!

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

I know what you mean. I've been overweight my whole life too. I've never actually seen myself thin or lean before, so it's hard to visualize my end goal. Therefore, it's difficult to know what I'm working so hard for. BUT I assure you that as you continue in your journey, you start to gain more benefits than JUST the end goal. For example, I feel more energy, I'm stronger, my skin is clearer, my hair is shinier, I'm more flexible, I'm happier, I'm more positive, etc. etc. It's great!!!

Also, as I get closer to my goal, I am now very excited for the new body I know I CAN have. Like I said, I've never been lean. But now as I have progressed, I know I can be and I'm ready to get there.

All my life I struggled with hating how I look. I would be so desperate that I would go on fad diets or buy weight loss pills/tea, etc. Then I'd give up after a week because it wasn't working fast enough. Then I'd hate myself again. And thus the cycle continued.

Finally I got out of the cycle by realizing that this was not a quick fix. It was a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. And I was finally ready to embrace it. Little by little I cut out the things that I knew were holding me back. I cut out soda, fast food, junk food, alcohol, Starbucks (Oh, this was the hardest for me!!)

Anyway, it really is my of a mindset and lifestyle change. Love yourself by taking care of your body. Eat good things for it to thrive and be healthy. Drink lots of water. Hydration is so refreshing and wonderful! I never knew how dehydrated I was keeping my body.

I'm sorry for the long response, but I definitely know the feeling that you are having. But you can get through it! Just remember that it is a lifestyle change and not a "diet".

Also, friend me is you want and I'll encourage you!

Much love,

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

What is your why.
I still struggle with my why. I always wonder if the why is good enough to keep me going. I have not read why you want the change... I read you hate the way you look and why your sad. Is the why you want to lose weight to change how you feel- because that wont happen on its own. You will have to explore your heart and head before you get your butt moving. That may be your speed bump.

What does it mean to be fat? Does it really mean that?
Do you want to get thinner for your kids or health or? Vanity wont be enough to sustain the weight loss... maybe finding your why will help you keep with something...

Good luck with your journey..

Bold was harder for me than to actually make changes. The changes all started to fall into place.