[HELP] Weight loss is a slippery slope for me

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summerfrock
summerfrock Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
For context, I've never lost weight on purpose before. At my lightest, I was 140lbs, a weight I got to by losing 15 to 20 lbs over two weeks. Those two weeks were when my depression REALLY kicked in, and all I did was sleep and cry.

That said, I gained all the weight back (plus a few more pounds), and started getting into MFP to help manage my intake. But right now, my depression is starting to kick in again and it's playing tricks on me. My diary is open, and you'll see that for most of the week (I only just started), I've been netting 800-900 calories, which I KNOW is not healthy, and I've been trying to address it, but it also brings up this entirely new host of issues: will I ever lose the weight? Will I ever even manage to maintain it? I feel disgusting and gross, and I know that the level at which I'm feeling these things is definitely not proportional to the amount of weight I need to lose (20lbs). I want to reach out to the community for help because I honestly cannot find anyone to talk to or even just pull myself together.

Replies

  • bunnypanther
    bunnypanther Posts: 110
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    Have you seen a doctor about the depression?

    I had similar...not eating or sleeping and constantly crying. Saw doc and he said I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Got some happy pills and a councellor...much better. I do understand where you're coming from but for now, I wouldn't worry about dieting.

    Think you need to address the depression before anyhting else :D
  • dramaqueen45
    dramaqueen45 Posts: 1,009 Member
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    I agree with the second post- don't worry about weight loss but see a physician or psychiatrist and address the depression before anything else.
  • nicola8989
    nicola8989 Posts: 381 Member
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    I know depression can really mess with your weight, mine has caused me to lose and gain weight relentlessly. I would also recommend going to see a doctor. you are not disgusting and gross but I know that feeling so well - sending you lots of supportive thoughts x
  • summerfrock
    summerfrock Posts: 2 Member
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    Thanks so much, you guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone; friends are genuinely bewildered that I'm so unable to handle this, because in the past I did a very good job of hiding that bout of depression by staying home a lot and pretending to have a life. To answer your question though, I never went to a doctor that time, I just kind of launched into a bunch of trips and tried to pull myself out. Worked for a year or so, and the second bout kind of brought about this weight gain.

    I haven't got access to a doctor where I am, and my insurance doesn't cover it anyway. I made an appointment with a counselor at work (who is a licensed therapist by trade), and she agreed to see me.

    In your experience, does addressing depression help with weight? I still want to lose weight though, to be honest, because I can't afford new clothes (they've been snug, lol) and also for the sake of exercise. I've found myself unable to run as fast for as long now that I've gained weight.
  • nicola8989
    nicola8989 Posts: 381 Member
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    Yes addressing depression should help x I hope it goes well with the counsellor at work xx
  • brosis85
    brosis85 Posts: 114 Member
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    I agree that addressing the depression is absolutely crucial for your OVERALL health, not just to address the weight (which doesnt sound like it is as big of an issue as it may seem) but having said that - anything to do with weight requires hard work, a positive attitude and commitment. Try not to focus so much on what MFP says, or what the scale says, but rather try and focus on the feelings you are going through. For example, when you go for a run or walk or get your exercise, focus on how good it feels to get out and just do something, breathe in the air, etc. The feeling will make you continue to make those kinds of healthy decisions, but the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle behind the scenes will help battle your depression, address any challenges you are having with your weight, help your performance at work and help with so many other aspects of your life!

    Keep up the good fight! :) All the best!
  • dramaqueen45
    dramaqueen45 Posts: 1,009 Member
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    I'm glad that you are going to talk to someone about this. And yes, if you are addressing the underlying issues of depression rather than numbing yourself with food you should start to see some positive changes in that direction. People use food the same way they use alcohol or drugs- to numb the pain of the negative emotions. Exercise is a natural mood enhancer. Even if you can't run, try to get outside and do something like walking or cycling or even gardening. The sunshine is also a natural mood enhancer. It's too bad that you don't have access to a doctor, but just talking to someone and taking small steps to deal with the depression will help lift your load (hopefully). I'm also a counselor by profession. Good luck to you and by all means, seek out emergency room help if you feel yourself spiraling out of control (uncontrollable crying, unable to get out of bed, suicidal thoughts or plans, etc).
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
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    Addressing your depression is first and foremost. Focus on that.

    A little sidebar about weight loss: part of why you gained back the weight that you lost last time was because you did it too fast. Any time anyone is losing weight, it's not 100% fat. You lose fat as well as muscle (often called "lean mass"). People try to lose weight slowly while exercising (especially strength training) to minimize the amount of lean mass that is lost. So, I'm going to make up numbers for emphasis.... someone starving themselves to take off 20lbs. Let's say that was 10 lbs of lean mass, 10 lbs of fat. It's going to be soo so so much harder to maintain that low weight because the lean mass was helping them burn calories. Let's say that person's maintenance calorie range is 1,400-1,500. Someone else lost 1/2 lb per week while also exercising. That person lost 18 lbs of fat and 2 lbs of lean mass. That person has a maintenance calorie range of 1,900-2,200. Again, making all those numbers up.

    That's why crash diets fail. You did not fail. Dealing with depression can put you in the right place to deal with weight loss. However, it's a good idea to start exercising now. Exercise can help with depression. Start with adding some walking to your weekly routine, maybe some bodyweight exercises until you have access to weights.

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