I feel like a horrible person... :(

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  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    Could it have been the cleaning crew? It doesn't matter, your point was CLEARLY made...don't give the woman acting like an itch any chocolate. At all. Ever.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

    He's lucky he didn't get shot. Candy dumped on the desk? Pfft, that's tame for Americans.
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    I get why you feel bad but I think it was a fairly reasonable assumption. Did you apologize and clean up the mess you made? If not, do so now - if too late to clean up, at least apologize. Lesson learned - next time, no retaliation, at least until you know the facts.

    I was actually away from my desk when he found it (I start work before him) so he had to clean it up by himself. I did apologize and explained why I instantly thought it was him. Still feel bad about it though.
  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,643 Member
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    Apologize. But next time they know not to mess with you :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    No you are not a horrible person. I'm inclined to believe it was him and that he is lying about it.

    Don't beat yourself up. You were respectful up until you were disrespected.
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

    Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

    So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.
  • beautifulwarrior18
    beautifulwarrior18 Posts: 914 Member
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    I would have skipped the part where you put it on his chair and just threw it in the trash. Let's be honest, no one in your work place needs 5 lbs of candy. Don't feel bad and I would just not talk to him about your lifestyle. He sounds like an *kitten*. You don't need an excuse for not wanting certain things on your desk. If he asks next time tell him it makes your desk feel to cluttered.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

    Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

    So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.

    You are completely justified in omitting a food item from your diet for whatever reason you choose. Don't apologize for not wanting chocolate and not wanting to be around chocolate. This would be different if you demanded that no one in the office eat chocolate around you. Your desk is your personal space, and by law, is acknowledged as your space. If you don't want chocolate in that space, no one has the right to force that on you.

    Edited to add: This behavior, if it continues or escalates, can constitute as "hostile work environment" by law. I would recommend you report him to your HR department if he doesn't respect you from this point forward. You have made it known that this behavior is not welcome.
  • ItsMeBlue
    ItsMeBlue Posts: 25 Member
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    hmm....OP, I'd say hindsight is 20/20..I'm certain i'll overreact in the future as well, so who am I to judge...I will say that, if he had any sense at all, then he will realize he asked for it by making a stupid comment within earshot of other people. If it wasnt him then it was someone who doesnt like him and wanted to set him up. either way, he will get over it or he wont...i would say that an office lesson was learned .... listen when you say no to chocolate.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

    Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

    So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.

    You are completely justified in omitting a food item from your diet for whatever reason you choose. Don't apologize for not wanting chocolate and not wanting to be around chocolate. This would be different if you demanded that no one in the office eat chocolate around you. Your desk is your personal space, and by law, is acknowledged as your space. If you don't want chocolate in that space, no one has the right to force that on you.

    Edited to add: This behavior, if it continues or escalates, can constitute as "hostile work environment" by law. I would recommend you report him to your HR department if he doesn't respect you from this point forward. You have made it known that this behavior is not welcome.
    I agree.

    There are certain things I can't just eat in moderation. I cannot stop eating Oreos after I have that first one. I can eat an entire thing of mousse tracks ice cream. I don't have an issue with binging in general, but some food just really tastes good. So I don't keep it in the house. It works and there's nothing wrong with that.
  • Oscarinmiami
    Oscarinmiami Posts: 326 Member
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    lol...he is lying it was him
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Well now maybe he's learned that he is going to be judged by past behaviors and comments. It should be obvious but a lot of people don't get that until something like this happens. I, too, though of The Boy Who Cried Wolf while reading your post.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Am sure its already been said with so many sensible poster around.
    The self medicating with chocolate made me laugh.

    You have one of those situations where you just got a bit emo. Imo you should explain it to him and apologise. Thats as much as you can do. He either accepts and life goes on or he does not.

    If he is telling the truth and it wasnt him, then you will have apologised.
    If he is lying and it was him or he knows who did it then he is a childish idiot liar. You will have apologised so that reflects on him.

    Either way you get on with your life. Are you a horrible person? based on this no. Just someone who wnats to diet and doesnt need other people making it harder.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Now that I've been all helpful, I just have to say that reading this thread really made me want some chocolate.

    Don't worry, OP. I ain't mad at ya! :wink:
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

    We live in a cube farm, no one cares what someone is eating. If grown men want to pig out on halloween candy, who am I (the lead of my team) to tell them they are not allowed? A person's food choice is just that, their choice. All I can do is ask that it not be left at my desk or 5 feet away from my desk so I have to smell it all day.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    You Americans are Drcrazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

    He's lucky he didn't get shot. Candy dumped on the desk? Pfft, that's tame for Americans.

    Right? I mean, at least she didn't release her pet bald eagle to crap red, white and blue all over his desk.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?
    "You Americans"? Really?

    For the record, this isn't the atmosphere in every office in the country.



    I had to laugh though. Born and raised in the USA and in every office I've ever worked in....varying degrees of this goes on (among other things). Is everyone that way? Of course not...but I cannot wait to retire because this is pretty much it. Kindergarten everywhere. It explains a lot these days. :frown: (Oh, and sometimes the employers ARE part of it).
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?
    "You Americans"? Really?

    For the record, this isn't the atmosphere in every office in the country.



    I had to laugh though. Born and raised in the USA and in every office I've ever worked in....varying degrees of this goes on (among other things). Is everyone that way? Of course not...but I cannot wait to retire because this is pretty much it. Kindergarten everywhere. It explains a lot these days. :frown: (Oh, and sometimes the employers ARE part of it).
    Huh. I've worked in several offices and while, yes, people have candy around, they don't behave like children. I have lived and worked in the US my entire life, too. Heck, we didn't behave that way in elementary school, much less in the workplace.

    Where do you live? I'd like to avoid it.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

    Yep we are a bunch of wild and crazy guys , hey hey hey :drinker:
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?
    "You Americans"? Really?

    For the record, this isn't the atmosphere in every office in the country.



    I had to laugh though. Born and raised in the USA and in every office I've ever worked in....varying degrees of this goes on (among other things). Is everyone that way? Of course not...but I cannot wait to retire because this is pretty much it. Kindergarten everywhere. It explains a lot these days. :frown: (Oh, and sometimes the employers ARE part of it).

    I do agree with this. In every office I've worked in or even visted, there's been candy and cake eating at least a few times a month and pranks of varying degrees are played regularly.

    As the lead I try to stay out of the pranking and just make sure work gets done the 99% of the time, no one destroys company property, and it's all done in a friendly mannor. When it starts to go too far (only ever came close once) I always nip it right there.

    I think that's why I feel so bad. I am the lead and it's my job to stay nuetral. Retaliation was wrong. I need to do better next time and if nothing else, this has taught me to take two seconds to cool off and think before I act.

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