What if she's right?

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JamieZ0503
JamieZ0503 Posts: 24
in Health and Weight Loss
My Mom used to be very thin before she had kids. She had a beautiful figure. She had children and must have decided to give up because she refuses to exercise and eats way too much and looks kind of terrible. I feel awful saying that, but it's true. It scares me for my future.
Two summers ago, I was taking an early morning beach bootcamp with a friend and was taking it very seriously. My mom asked me why I bothered because I am just going to end up looking like her anyway.

She also talks about how she and I are the same size (we aren't even close in size. At least 3 sizes apart). She is constantly trying to get me to go in her closet and find something else to wear.

It really hurts my self esteem, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering..what if she's right?

What if I am doing all this work for nothing, just to end up looking like her?
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Replies

  • heyjude345
    heyjude345 Posts: 66 Member
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    Well, you control your own destiny. You are in charge of how much you eat and if you exercise. You said that your mom stopped exercising and ate poorly. Don't do those things.
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
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    She's only as right as you allow her to be.
  • daydreams_of_pretty
    daydreams_of_pretty Posts: 506 Member
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    She's not right. The reason she says those things is that she wants them to be true because it will validate what she has told to herself, which is that she was destined to be at the size she is at now and shouldn't try to fix it.

    My mom also does this.

    If you lose weight, then it might mean that she should try to change, also. If you get heavier, then the status quo is all good.

    You need to ignore her and focus on your goals. You can lose weight if that's what you want to do.
  • stonegirldancing42
    stonegirldancing42 Posts: 76 Member
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    I agree. From an emotional stand point, it's good you're recognizing & facing that fear. However, it is your life and if anything, you're aware of what slacking can do.
  • jeremywm1977
    jeremywm1977 Posts: 657 Member
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    Sounds like your Mom's a bit spiteful over seeing her self head downhill, and feels like being a bit of a Debbie Downer.
    Is she right, will you be just like her..........if you adopt her attitude, then yes.

    But if you decide to do the opposite as she did, and have the opposite attitude about it, then you may just buck the trend.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Time to pity mom -- but not fall for her forecasts. She is afraid. She has ended up as she has and can't recognize her responsibility in that. You have a choice. So does she, but she may not be ready for it yet.

    You know the old saying, "misery loves company." Well, your mom is reaching up out of her own quagmire and trying to pull you down into it. Work on your own confidence and maybe you can help her with hers.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    My Mom used to be very thin before she had kids. She had a beautiful figure. She had children and must have decided to give up because she refuses to exercise and eats way too much and looks kind of terrible. I feel awful saying that, but it's true. It scares me for my future.
    Two summers ago, I was taking an early morning beach bootcamp with a friend and was taking it very seriously. My mom asked me why I bothered because I am just going to end up looking like her anyway.

    She also talks about how she and I are the same size (we aren't even close in size. At least 3 sizes apart). She is constantly trying to get me to go in her closet and find something else to wear.

    It really hurts my self esteem, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering..what if she's right?

    What if I am doing all this work for nothing, just to end up looking like her?




    Sounds like you and I had the same mother. I took it to the extreme and decided I didn't want to look like her - so I didn't have kids (Had other reasons as well, but I refuse to let her be right about anything with me). I am the only one in the family who is thin, fit and healthy but I work at it. She has finally let up on the looking like her when I get older statements. Now it just doesn't matter anymore. I realized a decade ago that she won't change and that is who she is. So now I just worry about myself and not about what she thinks about how I look. (She also hates my hair back behind my ears - oh well).
  • quellybelly
    quellybelly Posts: 827 Member
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    She's only right if you let her be right. All the hard work you're doing will not be for nothing -- you will definitely see the results you want if you put in the time and effort. Don't let your mind get off track of what you really want just because others say you will never have it. Prove them wrong and prove to yourself you can do it :)
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    If she's right, then you must be insane. Either you two wear the same size or you don't. She says you do, but you insist that you don't. So, one of you is off your rocker.

    But even if you're the nutty one, you can still lose weight.
  • pplastics
    pplastics Posts: 135 Member
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    Do not let your mom's insecurities control your life and your choices. She is only saying and doing these things in a feeble attempt to make herself feel better. She doesn't want to accept the FACT that she made poor choices to get where she is now. She would rather hurt you than own up to her own mistakes. Don't know why some people are just like that.

    I put on all my weight having my kids, but I kept it on for 10 years by my own bad choices. Too much Ben and Jerry's, too little healthy living. I would never blame them or make them feel as though they are ruled only by some sort of warped "fat destiny".

    They only destiny laid out for us comes from the results of our decisions and hard work (or lack thereof).
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
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    Um, are you my sister?

    No, she's not right. You probably share some genetic traits that you can't do anything about. (After all, my *kitten* and my thighs have always been on the large side, and I can't diet my way away from these 'bama knees of mine.)

    In terms of the decisions you make, you can absolutely prove your mom wrong. I hope you will.
  • penny0919
    penny0919 Posts: 123 Member
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    Utter BS. If your mom worked out and watched what she ate she would look totally different.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    I'm smaller now than I was before I had four kids. The oldest is 20 and the youngest is 10 and I'm in my 40's. I lost quite a bit and must have looked pretty good because we had our 4th as a surprise but even after she was born I not only lost the pregnancy weight but got even smaller because I'd added lifting. I intend to continue whittling away at myself and getting stronger/healthier. My mother (who didn't raise me) was a size 14-16 her whole life and is now a size 2 because of medical issues. My aunt who did raise me died at over 450 pounds. Either way, I am my own person and taking a completely different path than either of them.

    Don't let your mom's issues become your own.
  • 7aneena
    7aneena Posts: 146 Member
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    Do not let your mom's insecurities control your life and your choices. She is only saying and doing these things in a feeble attempt to make herself feel better. She doesn't want to accept the FACT that she made poor choices to get where she is now. She would rather hurt you than own up to her own mistakes. Don't know why some people are just like that.

    Took the words right out of my mouth!

    She's not right, she chose to let herself be overweight but she doesn't want to own up to it. You losing weight makes her realize that and it probably scares her, that's not on you though
    If you don't want to be overweight, don't. You make your own choices
    GL
  • lobbylobster
    lobbylobster Posts: 33 Member
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    My grandmother, aunty, mother, and sister are all morbidly obese. I got told the same thing - that I will end up like them, no point fighting it, its just genetics. Even at my heaviest (75kg, and largely due to medical issues) I was lighter than them. If you're aware that you have a genetic predisposition to gain weight easier, or a lifetime of habits that will cause continued weight gain, its just more motivation to take care of yourself. It isn't destiny, fate or written in stone, and you shouldn't let it deter you, rather let it spur you to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
    As well as that, your mother making comments about you two being the same size is probably a blend of denial and jealousy - my mother used to do similar, calling me a pot bellied pig, or pointing out other overweight people and saying she wasn't THAT big (she was).

    I know how hard it can be, feeling like you're doomed to be overweight, and questioning whether you actually are bigger than you think, but keep your chin up and know that you have all the power in your life, and you are strong and capable of preventing yourself making your mothers mistakes.
  • GetSlimEquestrian
    GetSlimEquestrian Posts: 31 Member
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    Well, you control your own destiny. You are in charge of how much you eat and if you exercise. You said that your mom stopped exercising and ate poorly. Don't do those things.

    What she said^^
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    If you think she's right - she will be. But if you think she's wrong - she will be.

    It's all up to you, sugar.
  • aprilh47
    aprilh47 Posts: 250 Member
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    my mum keeps doing stupid expensive dont eat shakes diets and obviously looses 3-4 stone very quickly, as soon as she starts eating properly it goes back on. shes done it every year now for about 5 or 6 years.
    shes just started again to given herself a boost before she goes on a cruise in 3 weeks and has asked to borrow my clothes to take with he as we are the same weigh,t and, unfortunatly this is true.
    these diets really dont work, even at her smallest she was thin fat.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    My Mom used to be very thin before she had kids. She had a beautiful figure. She had children and must have decided to give up because she refuses to exercise and eats way too much and looks kind of terrible. I feel awful saying that, but it's true. It scares me for my future.
    Two summers ago, I was taking an early morning beach bootcamp with a friend and was taking it very seriously. My mom asked me why I bothered because I am just going to end up looking like her anyway.

    She also talks about how she and I are the same size (we aren't even close in size. At least 3 sizes apart). She is constantly trying to get me to go in her closet and find something else to wear.

    It really hurts my self esteem, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering..what if she's right?

    What if I am doing all this work for nothing, just to end up looking like her?

    :huh: sweetheart...she's wrong.
    :flowerforyou:

    But she's your mom & she knows what she knows :ohwell: I got one o' them too :blushing:

    ETA: come to think of it...I had a fantastic figure too before I had kids, and quit working out, & quit eating well...O, wait....:sick:
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    or like the guy at church told me, you will just gain it back. And church is where you should get encouraged, right? No, your Mom is not right, you can choose to take care of yourself.

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