Others sabotaging efforts to lose weight...

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CheeriOkie
CheeriOkie Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
Has this happened to anyone? You announce to your husband that you are going to try AGAIN to lose those extra pounds. You explain how much his support means to you. And then, he immediately drives through the Donut Palace and orders your favorites. Eats them in front of you and asks you if you want a bite, just one bite! OOH look! They gave us extra donut holes.

No, I am not joking and neither is he. This literally happens every time. Today I got so mad and yelled "get that garbage out of my face!" I felt bad but darn! I might mention, my husband is maybe 10 lbs heavier than he should be according to the scales, but looks amazing. He doesn't have the issues I do.

How can I change this? Help!
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Replies

  • La5Vega5Girl
    La5Vega5Girl Posts: 709 Member
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    have you ever seen the episode of everybody loves raymond where deborah gets the donuts that ray's mother makes, and she smashes them with her frying pan??? yea, i would do something like that.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    ^^^^
    This.
    Also, do not make those kinds of announcements.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    A) Punch him in the face.

    Or

    B) Have an adult conversation with him.



    If that fails see A.
  • oarngesi
    oarngesi Posts: 73 Member
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    We all feel the same way sometimes, it is just other people living ther life around you. So your best stick to your plan youll make it.
  • slynn1023
    slynn1023 Posts: 27
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    my hubby doesn't "push" me to eat things or go out of his way to "rub it in my face". but he'll think he's being nice because he thought of me when he went to the store and get me a king size kit kat. Or he'll want to order food after I tell him I can't have it. But the biggest thing i think annoys me most is when I specifically ask for something and he brings me more than what i wanted (i.e. this happen the other day: I asked for peanut or peanut butter m&m's, be got me both, in king size... and i ate them. :( The only thing that saved me from crying was it was my "cheat day" )
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
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    Your husband may not have the issues you do, but he definitely has issues. The guy sounds like a real jerk.
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
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    I would imagine that if you want a healthy relationship, you should not try and destroy the food your husband buys for himself and tell him that buying the food, eating it in front of you, and offering it to you makes it very difficult for you. You can't ask that your husband not eat food that you think is bad for you since he does not have weight issues.

    And, maybe you can plan ahead to have a doughnut hole when he buys treats. Ask him to warn you so that you can make room in your daily calorie goal.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Maybe he is testing your will power and if you fails he will just eat it. My brother used to do crap like this with alcohol. You can do it. You can look at your favorites, eat in moderation, or not eat it at all.
  • annangelich
    annangelich Posts: 402 Member
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    YUP!!!!!
    What is up with that?!!!!
    This time I didn't tell him my plans I just started doing my thing. He has caught on by now, and he has tried to get me to eat something (like a mcdonalds burger) or cupcake... and I just say no thanks or accept it and then set it on the counter and "forget" about it. He's gotten the hint. Tonight is our ritualistic pizza and beer night. He got a healthier pizza for me (he likes it too) and did not buy me any adult beverages. He really means well. But sometimes I just need him to be extra and overly supportive.
  • Giddyduck
    Giddyduck Posts: 212 Member
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    I struggle with similar types of behaviors at times. A peer at work buys my favorite candy and puts it in random places for me. Today, I, NICELY, told her. I love the candy, love the thought, but to stop as this was not helping my healthy journey. She recognized that she was being an enabler. I am hoping it will stop.
    As far as your hubby, he loves you and wants you to enjoy the same things you used to-make sure he understands that you are on a journey and need his support. Remember, most of us are creatures of habit and most are not intentionally trying to sabotage you. Just thoughtless at times.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    While it does suck badly to watch others eat donuts, you have a few options in these situations.
    1. Say no and suck it up and just don't eat it
    2. Eat a small portion in moderation and make it fit into your day
    3. Go buck wild and eat tons of donuts


    I usually opt for #2. The only way he can truly sabotage you, is if she holds you down and shoves the food down your throat.
    The choice is yours.
  • TheLadyBane
    TheLadyBane Posts: 299 Member
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    While we were dating I would tell my ex that I wanted to eat healthier and cut out sweets and ice cream. He would buy ice cream and put it in the fridge and come home with a bunch of candy bars, some for him and some for me. I would eat it then get all upset that he bought it. At the time I wasn't mentally ready to really change my habits or my lifestyle.

    I got serious about making a change in my life. I decided to make lifestyle changes: clean up my diet (eat more nutritious foods and lower the amount of processed foods I ate), get regular physical activity, and stop eating out of boredom or to fill an emotional need. I still will eat some chocolate or ice cream if I feel like it but I no longer have that overpowering need to eat every bit of junk food that enters the house as soon as it comes through the door. My ex still buys ice cream and treats. I just don't partake unless I feel like it. And I certainly no longer get upset about him "enabling" or "sabotaging" me. It is my choice to eat it or not eat it, regardless of its presence in my house.

    While I can't say this will work for everyone, as I know people are at different points in their journey or have trigger foods, but my success has come from changing my attitude and holding myself ultimately responsible for everything I put in my mouth.
  • Zerodette
    Zerodette Posts: 200 Member
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    Has this happened to anyone? You announce to your husband that you are going to try AGAIN to lose those extra pounds. You explain how much his support means to you. And then, he immediately drives through the Donut Palace and orders your favorites. Eats them in front of you and asks you if you want a bite, just one bite! OOH look! They gave us extra donut holes.

    No, I am not joking and neither is he. This literally happens every time. Today I got so mad and yelled "get that garbage out of my face!" I felt bad but darn! I might mention, my husband is maybe 10 lbs heavier than he should be according to the scales, but looks amazing. He doesn't have the issues I do.

    How can I change this? Help!

    Sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you, which is immature. But it isn't sabotage. Force feeding would be sabotage. You can make a few treats fit into your day. But if you don't yet have the willpower to have just one or a few, that's not his fault.
  • SyzygyX
    SyzygyX Posts: 189 Member
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    I hope the rest of your relationship is healthy because his behavior sure as hell isn't.
  • CheeriOkie
    CheeriOkie Posts: 6
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    Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.

    If my husband shoved unwanted food in my face, he's get slapped and the food shoved in his face along with choice swearing. If you don't want it, stick to your Nope guns. You're giving mixed messages saying no one minute, then accepting it the next.
  • CheeriOkie
    CheeriOkie Posts: 6
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    I did not accept it... I felt very proud of myself. :)
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Stop announcing it. Stop expecting him to hold your hand through it. The moment you start telling people you need "support", they start rolling their eyes and stop paying attention. Only you can make your choices for you. Your argument is "You can't have doughnuts because I'm on a diet". Yes it's hard to watch someone pile away the food, but stop looking at it with envy and look at it with pity. He feels so bad about HIS choices that he has to belittle you into sinking with him.

    That being said, be a jerk right back. Bite the doughnut and spit it out at him. Tell him "Thank you for making me feel bad about trying to do better for myself". He treats you how you allow him to treat you. The second you stop reacting in a way he doesn't find funny, his tune will change.

    He is being a HUGE jerk so I hope he's amazing in bed or has a high paying job or has SOMETHING that is so fan-effing-tastic that more than makes up for that abusive behavior.
  • fluffyasacat
    fluffyasacat Posts: 242 Member
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    he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!"

    This is unbelievable. Maybe when you're "extra strong" you'll see he's got a major problem.
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
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    That being said, be a jerk right back. Bite the doughnut and spit it out at him. Tell him "Thank you for making me feel bad about trying to do better for myself". He treats you how you allow him to treat you. The second you stop reacting in a way he doesn't find funny, his tune will change.

    He is being a HUGE jerk so I hope he's amazing in bed or has a high paying job or has SOMETHING that is so fan-effing-tastic that more than makes up for that abusive behavior.
    If that's what you think is an appropriate response to him offering someone a doughnut, you should just get a divorce. It'd be easier.

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