Maybe i'm to blame for her weight, how do I help her?

She's got to want to help herself. Don't best yourself up for not being able to do that for her.

You are not in charge of other people's choices. Let go and be a good role model. My sister came to me just the other day to talk about a diet. Today she asked me to write down my doctor's name.

Two books I'd recommend:

Choice Theory by William Glasser

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. by Susan Forward (Author), Donna Frazier (Author)

They are old books.. but support those of us who try to take responsibility for the choices of others.

I imagine you already know the answer but unfortunately you can't change her. You can't change any person besides yourself- no one can. You said she's your younger sister, it sounds like you were older than 19 when you decided to change your eating and lifestyle habits, maybe it will happen for her too, just not yet. She will not be successful if she tries just because you asked her to. She will only be successful when she wholeheartedly decides to commit to a lifestyle change.
What you can do, however, is be supportive of her, continue to remind her that she is beautiful, continue to ask her to go for a walk with you, and continue on your path and hope to be an inspiration for her. Do not blame yourself for being a "bad influence" that's not going to help anything. Don't let negativity consume you. Just focus on the positives and focus on being a good influence from here forward. This is a tough situation, I wish the best for both you and her.

There's nothing you can do. Your sister needs to make this decision herself, and more than likely the more you talk to her about it, the more she'll eat just to spite you.

So the best thing you can do is be a silent example. She will notice, and one day she will want to take this journey on, (because you were successful at reaching your goal weight) and at that time she will be asking you questions.

With a younger sister, she's probably not listening to you, because she doesn't believe you're going to stick with it, and this is just some short term fad you're going thru. Now it's up to you to prove her wrong.

You can't make her change obviously, but I think doing things like asking if she wants to walk with you, or when you're cooking something healthy asking if she'd like you to make enough for her too, or even asking her if she wants to cook with you are good things to do. Don't push her, just let her know there's an open invitation to join you. I'm sure you know, but there's an incredibly big psychological component to what amounts to an eating disorder. Just remind her that you love her no matter what.

Good luck in trying to help--you sound like a very caring big sister! I can relate, because I have a younger sister who is morbidly obese and I'm terrified of losing her early to something like a heart attack or diabetes.

I have reached out to help her in the past, when I was much lighter and fitter than I am now, but got dismissed with the standard reply of "what do you know, you are blessed to be thin" or the even less logical remark (considering we're sisters, after all) of "it's genetic and there's nothing I can do to change it." I think I offended her by even bringing it up, and this realization hurt me...I was also shocked to see how much denial she had about her controllable weight problem and the potentially uncontrollable health problems it could lead to.

Now, years have passed. She is pushing thirty and is bigger than ever. I too have gained weight. I hope and pray that my journey to get healthier will inspire her now, in a way that it hasn't in the past, due to my current obesity. It's something she and I share in common now that we didn't before. Unfortunately, while I am still somewhat healthy despite my weight, her years of morbid obesity have taken their toll on her health...we're talking high blood pressure, prediabetes, and hormonal imbalances here...and most recently, she gave up walking for exercise (after only a week of doing daily 20 minute walks) when plantar fasciitis aggravated by her weight began to flare up.

Ultimately, I'm worried that she will continue to think of me as "different" and therefore be unable to relate to me, due to the differences in our appearances and in our weight loss experiences...for one thing, though we're both obese, she's actually well over a 100 pounds heavier than I am. For another, due to my experiences in successfully losing weight, I know that roadblocks (like joint pain that limits certain forms of exercise) can be surmounted...but she, on the other hand, is so quick to throw in the towel when difficulties arise that I wonder what will happen first...her learning to persevere and stick to a diet and exercise program in the long term, or her first heart attack.

Lead by example. Is she living with your parents still? They can change the way they shop and prepare meals, thats it. You've heard the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". You are not responsible for someone else's decisions, so take care of you and hopefully she'll follow suit.

The struggle is the same for every person. All of the success comes after we realize we have to change.
The first part of that is to honestly accept yourself, then forgive yourself, then change yourself.

No one can decide when its time for her. She has to reach that crucial moment of "Ive had enough".
You cannot feel guilty for her choices. When she is ready you will be there and that's awesome. I can understand its hard to watch her continue that lifestyle. Maybe leading by example and continuing to motivate her (even if its not well- received) will get her to reevaluate some of her choices.

I think the best thing you can do for her is lead by example. Maybe she will see you getting healthier and happier and it will make her want to change. Maybe not.

You can't make her do anything until she is ready.

And stop feeling guilty for her choices. It will only beat you down.