Self-hate tips?

I'm not going to tell you to ignore the things you don't like about yourself when you look in the mirror. Instead, (and I know it's kind of cheesy) try making a conscious effort to say nice things about yourself. Talk to and about yourself the way you would talk to or about someone that you really care about. It may seem empty at first, but setting up a routine of positive self-talk is a step in the right direction over constant negative self-talk, and you may find that you start to mean what you say after awhile.

My other suggestion is also something that you already mentioned - focusing on what your body can do rather than what it looks like. It may not be a source of instant gratification, because I know that sometimes when we feel out of shape, we might not feel like our bodies are at their most capable. So try setting small fitness goals that are important to you (for me, it was things like doing my first military-style push-up and running my first mile non-stop). As you work toward accomplishing these things, your body will become noticeably more capable, and you will probably notice physical changes as well. Another interesting side effect of setting and accomplishing goals is in one of my favorite quotes that an MFP friend has posted on her profile (shout out to itsfuntobenormal!): "what you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." Profound mental changes can happen when you push yourself out of your comfort zone and prove to yourself that you can do things you didn't know you could do.

September was my month to love/like my body

I decided that I was spending way to much time being unhappy about how my body looked. When I was heavier I probably spent less time looking in the mirror or I just accepted things they way they were - of course with the little nagging thoughts that 'if that were smaller I would so much better' or 'if I could just get rid of that, clothes would fit so much better!' Now what those things are gone and I look in the mirror a lot more but it is the same thoughts just about new things :frown:

During the month of September I actually spent more time in the house in my underwear, just doing the things I normally would do (be cautious with cooking and playing with a kitten), this gave me some time to really "see" the changes and how much less of me there is. I have some saggy skin and stretch marks - but that is right now part of me and who I am

I have taken a lot of photos during this process and looking back at them and being able to say no, not happy there, nope not satisfied there means I could be happy here or at the next phase but either way it is still me and I do not want to go back to 244 lbs, or feeling bad health wise, etc. I believe that a satisfied time will come, I think we may have ideas about what we want and think we should look like but the reality is that even looking at someone that we may think of as having the perfect body, they have some issue as well - more than likely we would not be able to see it but it is real to them.

Celebrate what you like and camouflage what you don't - I have flat stomach and a small waist that my co-workers hate about me and I have some items that accentuate this for those days when I need that. I also agree with Justamom410, it is equally as important to celebrate your health and performance.

Look in the mirror, and literally tell yourself how you have succeeded so far.

I don't have any self-hate tips; I stopped mistreating myself emotionally years ago. Accepting and loving the good and bad about yourself regardless of where you are in life is an internal choice. One lesson I learned a long time ago is to stop trying to become something I wasn't meant to be [i.e. slim and 125 lbs] I just don't have the body type to get there. I nurture the body I have the best I can regardless of what other people have to say about it. If they don't like it and have issues about my looks or body size, that's their problem, not mine.

Oh yes, self-loathing, I am quite familiar with.

Here's what I can tell you: I just celebrated my 43rd birthday, and when I look back at photos of myself 10-15 years ago, I didn't look too bad, although I didn't see it at the time, because I was so focused on what was wrong and never saw what was right.

So now, not only am I still overweight but I'm older. The weight I can work on; the years and the time I wasted I will never get back.

Read the book "Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hansen. It's less than $20 on many websites and bookstores and is available on ereaders and audio book if you prefer either of those. It had a PROFOUND impact for me!

TL;DR - change your self-talk. You DO have a choice!

My adult daughter and I had the exact same feeling. And as we lost our first 5 and then 10 lbs, it actually got WORSE! I forget which one of us mentioned it, but we had a good laugh together. It's like, I've done all this work, and I'm still in this HORRID place! I joke that I want to have my 60-lbs-lighter body NOW on a sort of loan, where I have to keep doing the work. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm being honest here.

I was seriously angry for a while over this, and angry AND embarrassed about that!

What finally worked was a change in attitude. I asked myself how things are different when I'm at a normal weight (for me). I'm a little more active, a little more careful with my appearance, and I'm not constantly sniping at myself about how I look and how I'm a failure if I overindulge in food or don't workout to the point of feeling queasy.

Then I thought about WHY I want to lose weight - and it has more to do with *feeling good* when I do stuff - being able to jog up stairs without huffing & puffing, for example. Sure, looking good is a nice added benefit, but the key for me (YMMV) is how I *feel*. I live in my body, but don't often look at it!

I decided to (as much as possible) quit looking at myself for now. I haven't covered up mirrors or anything, but I'm just kind of tuning out beyond what's needed for applying makeup, for example, or checking hem evenness. I resolutely refuse to focus on what I don't like. It's unproductive to look for 6-pack abs right now, for example. So why cut myself down? How does that help?

Instead, I focus on who I *AM* - an active healthy person. So I have been walking and hiking - now up to 10+ miles! I'm *improving* my eating habits because that's just part of being healthy, right? Nothing radical, just trying to make sure that carb macro includes some veggies and fruits (I kid you not).

I know it sounds weird, but it's a little like learning some dance steps. Instead of trying to control every movement of every limb in *this specific sequence,* sometimes it works better to just let go, move, and let your body sort it out. Often, it DOES!

I'm not the speediest person at this weightloss thing...but I can say that I have not had one single "yo-yo" experience since making this psychological adjustment. I have faith in who I am, and the little changes are sticking and adding up over time. And I'm MUCH healthier now than when I started, too. I like that a LOT.

Am I *excited* about how I look yet? No. But I was damned happy to see 4 clothing sizes drop, and it's gotten a lot easier over time to not pick apart my appearance. We all have control over how we talk to ourselves, and if you realize the conversation is negative, figure out a way to change it.

HTH

Someone once taught me a trick when i was in the same situation as you. At first i thought this was stupid but after about a month it started to work and now i love who i am regardless of what others say..

Every morning - WITHOUT FAIL - get up, look into the mirror and say to yourself "i am beautiful, i am aweome and i AM worth it". that's it.. nothing else. Don't add anything like "yeah right" just say that sentence and smile and walk away. Even if you don't believe it just keep doing it.. everyday. Eventually you will believe it cause you are beautiful, awesome and worth it.

Worked for me hopefully it will work for you.

When you find yourself being internally negative, ask yourself this question:

Would I treat someone else the way I treat myself?

If you would say those things to your best friend, your spouse, your child, then it might be helpful or constructive criticism. If not, maybe you need to remind yourself that you deserve better.

This may seem trite, but for me it honestly is always learning to appreciate what my body can do, which means focusing not just on losing weight, but on physical fitness. Both this time and the one other time I lost a good bit of weight (I did maintain for quite a while), as well as the other times in my life I've been exercising regularly I found that there came a time when I just became more confident in my body (I may not have thought it was super great, but I didn't care so much, I was happy with it and what it could do). It usually happens relatively quickly after I start making some progress both in losing weight and, more significantly, in making fitness improvements.

In particular, both times I lost weight I found (and maybe I'm just lucky) that I was quite a bit happier with myself at the same weights that had distressed me when I'd been at them before. Part of this was feeling more in control, because I was in the process of losing, and part just the comparison, of course, but a huge part was knowing what I could do, the fitness aspect.

I also find that focusing on fitness makes me less worried about a particular look and more interested in longterm improvement and functionality, and also seems to affect what looks good to me. Like I'm definitely positive about athletic bodies generally, with a much broader range of sizes than I would have considered appealing back in my early 20s when I was 125 and thought I was too fat (and really could have been more fit).