Dealing w/ Unsupportive People
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I know what you are feeling. Yesterday was my second day of diet and I have to say I am still feeling the effects of less food in my life.... And after having my light soup at night (I was still hungry) he went to 7/11 and bought the chocolate I love the most.
After a short argument, I went to my bedroom and before we went to bed I talked to him. Seriously they have to understand and support us in this journey. If not, it is fine because it is MY journey, not his. and I leave the room for now. I am sure after a while I will not care. THe first week of diet is hard because your body is used to not have limits.... I do feel better already and have my goals set!
Also, when I reach my goal I will reward myself with a trip to Brazil and a pinup (boudoir) photoshoot!
Nobody and no food will keep me away of reaching my goals! Sometimes will be very tempting, very hard, very sore (my legs are killing me today). But it will be for a better me in the future! And if I keep it up it will be a soon future!
Set rewards for yourself! A beach trip of a nice dress!
Good luck and keep it up!
Best of luck for all of us!
Mayana0 -
You need to give him a good reality check by explaining to him that though he may think it, YOUR weight loss journey has absolutely NOTHING to do with him. What man wouldn't support his woman wanting to better her own health unless he was jealous or just an overall *kitten*. If you plan on staying with him and putting up with his inability to understand what you're going through, you need to block him out and perhaps not discuss your weight loss with him. Only talk about it with people who are willing to give you the support you NEED(like people on here, for example.) What it boils down to is that though HE may think you're perfect and don't need to improve your health, at the end of the day it is YOU who wants it. Don't let any "man" stop you from reaching your goals, ever. Ditch him, or block him out.0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
And you put up with it, why?0 -
My wife is supportive of my diets even though they may seem weird to her. My friends however are another story. They like to give me a hard time about it and get me to go out to eat with them and stuff. I just remember that they are fat for a reason and are a constant reminder of why I started dieting in the first place.0
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Yeah I really don't get it either, sounds to me like he has issues dealing with you trying to improve yourself, probably because he's going nowhere, but either way I don't want to jump on the "dump him" wagon, but you know yourself when you deserve better......you can only change yourself0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?
Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.
I agree life is too short to hang out with mean people. Is he nuts or something? How could he say something like that and it doesn't matter if it's in public or in private. He should appreciate what he have because I'm sure you can do better. Your partner must take you for what you are, not what you're meant to be.
Humiliation is not negotiable in a relationship.
About the unsupportive people, well, I have to deal with that everyday for the rest of my life. My whole family is like that, when they don't say anything they start to put obstacles so I will fail. There was a week that I have to go jogging midday and, girl, midday jogging in Brazil is cruel.
Try to explain to him that you must do this, that's beyond choice now and it's a life style changing. I won't be so extreme telling you to say "Take it or leave it" because I'm sure you love him otherwise you wouldn't be so worried. But love yourself first because in the end it's you against yourself and nothing else.0 -
I agree with everything posted here, and a serious talk is needed! Also, you may consider that there may be some insecurity on his part here too. I’ve seen it before; some people feel threatened when a partner is doing work to improve themselves. Either because they feel bad about their own health level and want to keep you there with them (misery loves company) or they are insecure and worry that once you get your smokin’ hot healthy body you’ll loose interest in them. Sometimes finding the cause of people’s unsupportive behavior is the first step. Then again, maybe he’s just a jerk and you should kick him to the curb!! LOL!!0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?
Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.
AGREED. That is not love or respect. No offense but there are WAYYYYY better guys out there. Don't settle. You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
agreed!! that's not a boyfriend, that's baggage!!0 -
I had the exact same problem with my husband when I first started. He did not want me to lose weight at all and made it very hard for me to lose it while he was eating brownies, crackers, chips, etc. right in front of me. Every night he would suggest pizza for dinner knowing it was my favorite!
I finally had to sit down with him and tell him that I am doing this for ME and not anyone esle. I am the one that is unhappy and he needed to understand that. It took a few days, but I think he finally got the hint after our talk...and now he's doing MFP with me.
If that doesn't work with your BF, you'll just have to overcome the criticism. You have to remember that you are doing this for YOU, no one else, so don't worry about what they think. You'll be glad you stuck to it in the end.
XOXO!0 -
That's abuse!! Why do you put up with that. You are worth so much more!!!0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
Oh my goodness! Why would you put up with that?? And you say "LOL, Mean". Not funny at all! I can tell you how to lose a quick 150+ pounds of dead weight...0 -
I deal with my friends being negative sometimes..but since I'm so far away from home I don't have to deal with that too much now. Your boyfriend being not supportive of what your trying to accomplish is horrible. As a guy you need to encourage and support your girlfriend, not sit and make fun of or be negative about the situation.0
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Today I am still feeling anxious about comments made yesterday at my parents house. They have a treadmill so when I sleep over for the weekend I like to use it.. When I came down after kicking my own *kitten* and feeling amazing my dad said something to the effect that I was obsessed with exercise.. it was a lil side conversation between he, my husband and my mom, like a joke!! It really hurt my feelings and actually made me shed a few tears- of course I didn't let him see that . I quickly answered Well, if trying to do 30 mins of cardio and a 25 minute circuit training DVD almost everyday is being obsessed then I am sorry.. He quickly replied oh, no I don't mean it like that and used my husband as his scapegoat who then used my dad as the scapegoat.. So when I confronted my husband he says no, I am really proud of you, I think it is great. Why are you trying to pick a fight with me.. Then I am feeling bad again!! SO much for those endorphins I just released.. I just felt crushed. But he has made numerous comments as well from time to time.. nothing specific but just UGGH whateverr!!! So I ask the server specifically what I want for dinner, I know the amount of calories in just about anything, lol.. I thought I was just trying to be healthy. Why would that bother anyone? Right now I am down to 143 LBS. At one point I weighed 234..
As everyone is sitting there stuffing face with tons of Italian appetizers, wine, pasta, meatballs, and sausage etc etc.. I am rummaging the pantry and fridge for something to eat. As I know that this is my own fault for not bringing food with me I am trying to be as discreet as possible. Then it starts again.. Brother in law- What are you doing?? Um looking for something to eat- Oh with the roll of the eyes, smirk y smiles.. Seriously?? Who cares what I am doing. All day I felt very unsupported and that sucks- I hate to think that they think I am looking for attention because I am on a diet. I know that at times I can talk too much about dieting etc, but at least I am not obsessing about negative things like I used to. Making the choice to become healthy has brought me such a new lease on on life. I smile everyday and have passion to live again! I have 15 pounds to go to reach a 100 pound weightloss, and rightfully so, I am proud of that.
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@Melgetsfit - :flowerforyou: You should feel good about your obsession. When they make those comments you should stand tall and in a clear voice say "Thank you very much, I do take my exercise seriously" and keep walking tall.
Jerry Lewis once said (sorry but it was him) For those who understand no explanation is necessary, for those who don't understand no explanation will suffice.
You are not the one who has to apologize or say your sorry.
Only you can give people permission to make you feel a certain way. Only you can allow your family to get at you in this way.
Be strong, stay true to yourself. We are all behind you 1000%.
ZH0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.
My husband was like this in the beginning too...until he knew I was serious about losing weight and when he began to understand how this site works. Now before we plan any meal, he asks me to plug it into my daily allowance and see if it's okay or if we need to make adjustments. Keep at your goal and keep trying to show him that this is what you want...and EDUCATE HIM!0 -
You're doing this for you, just remember that. After two weeks into working out and eating great at the start of 2011 my husband was begging me to let him join in. Now he's working out with me, helping me make good snack choices and sharing our healthy dinners. I think he knows how important this is to me right now. It's also fun to have a common goal with a significant other. Just let him know you need his support either way. Hang in there!!!0
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even my husband who is so in favor of me losing wt and getting in good shape can say unsupportive things.... He sometimes wonders why I do things the way I do or why things are done he thinks his way is better...or even how it seems like taking forever. My answer is .... Do you want me to continue with this..... if yes then am i getting results... if yes then leave me alone and let me get on with it.... that usually settles it... again I don;t buy into his stuff... That is all based on his experiences and feelings not mine. I own what is mine and let him own what is his... I don't joint own his crap... have enough of my own....0
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I'd get another boyfriend. My husband is my number 1 supporter
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@Melgetsfit - :flowerforyou: You should feel good about your obsession. When they make those comments you should stand tall and in a clear voice say "Thank you very much, I do take my exercise seriously" and keep walking tall.
Jerry Lewis once said (sorry but it was him) For those who understand no explanation is necessary, for those who don't understand no explanation will suffice.
You are not the one who has to apologize or say your sorry.
Only you can give people permission to make you feel a certain way. Only you can allow your family to get at you in this way.
Be strong, stay true to yourself. We are all behind you 1000%.
Thanks So MUCH!
ZH0 -
My gf isn't UNsupportive, but I don't exactly talk about my triumphs around her either. She was working out hard and watching what she ate a year + back, and really struggled with it. So the fact that I'm doing well with exercising and eating right annoys her quite a bit. It doesn't help her that she is a picky eater and doesn't care for a lot of fresh veggies.
She needs to lose weight, but that is something she needs to decide to do for herself (though I've never told her she should lose weight.). So I weigh myself when she is not around, and don't stick it in her face that I'm doing well. Hopefully she will come around.
As for the bfs mentioned in the thread who talk negatively to their gf about this stuff....good riddance. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of crummy talk from a significant other.0 -
I kick them out of my life.0
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Many women stick with guys for a lot of different reasons. Some guys are just uncomfortable with women being on diets and doing stuff they don't understand. And looks like he could be a little more supportive in this area, especially since it's something you want and are really asking for his support. My BF is great in every aspect, but it took him awhile to really understand 100% why I'm doing this. He thinks i'm uber sexy and pretty,etc, and thought that is enough. He didn't understand how much I'm not happy with my appearance and how it affects my confidence, etc. It also has a damper on my sexuality. If I don't feel sexy, despite him telling me constantly, I don't feel like getting naked, and it doesn't matter how many damn times he tells me. So, I've told him that he should help me so it would help him so he can have a girlfriend that wants to get naked more frequently! Aside from that, you do need a bf that is supportive and if he can't, turn it into motivation. He can piss off.
I have a close friend that is very pessimistic and negative in this area. I have a lot of supportive friends who tell me I"m doing awesome and to keep going with my journey. Her..not so much. She actually believes that being negative and constantly offering me crappy foods and telling me I'm exercising too much is motivation for me to keep proving her wrong. In a sense, she's right cuz it seems like she wants me to fail cuz she's heavy and doesn't want to make any changes. I have told her that she should be more supportive and its hard to keep motivated. She outright said it is not hard. Whatever..how would she know, right???0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.
It sounds to me like he's afraid that he's going to loose you once you lose that weight. And in order to achieve your goals and get where you want to be, you need to be obsessed with it. Flaking off isn't going to get you anywhere. I'm sure that you know that, but he obviously doesn't. I would maybe talk to him about the whole thing and make sure he fully listens to you about why you want to do it. And if you don't plan on leaving him, make sure he knows that. I would also try to ask him why he's being this way and let him know how it's making you feel. Try to see if you can get to the root of the problem.
Good luck!0
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