Just can't do it... :o(

ChantalD75
ChantalD75 Posts: 680 Member
edited September 23 in Health and Weight Loss
I have tried and tried to get motivated. I have gotten on the treadmill once.... felt really good after.... can't get up in the morning to do it. Can't get it done at night I am too drained from the day plus have kids to feed and other mom duties... I know I am pilling on the excuses.... I just need to do it. Guess I am so far in a slump I just can't bring myself out. My clothes don't fit anymore. My partner is no longer attracted to me and have made comments about me starting an excercise program. I just don't know how to get on the healthy wagon again. I do watch what I eat but probably not as good as I should. I have changed my eating habits but not enough to make a difference it seems. But now with my partner not even looking at me anymore... he tries to avoid me it seems. Just gets me more depressed. And my kids poking fun at their 'fat' mom just isn't helping me. Our weather here sure isn't helping either plus ALL this snow we have gotten. And the freezing temps to go along with it. My biggest problem too is that I don't want anyone to see me excercising. I do have the treadmill in a locked room. But I find myself, at every noise. Looking at the door... and with my music on i am always afraid someone will walk in even tho it's locked. There is a gym in my small town... but it's co-ed... just not for me.... I have my physical coming up in a couple of weeks and I know that the doctor will tell me to loose the weight or I die. She just gives me the Canadian Food guide and tells me here follow this.... WHAT?? That doesn't help me at all.....

HELP!!!!
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Replies

  • annadilynn
    annadilynn Posts: 84
    YOUR PARTNER NEEDS TO SUPPORT YOU...if he is so bent on you exercising...take him up on it...join a gym, let him stay home and take over mom duties while you go!...it gives you a break for you!! and it sounds like you need it...
    We have all had slumps...take baby steps if you have to...
    I am here for you!
    you CAN do it!!
  • biggills22
    biggills22 Posts: 3
    Just out of curiosity, why don't you want anyone to see you exercising? There is no shame in exercising. The shame is in not exercising!
  • Zinzie182
    Zinzie182 Posts: 8
    Oh this just breaks my heart. Of COURSE you can do it! We all start somewhere, and it sounds like your starting place comes with lots of roadblocks and challenges. Try looking at weight loss as your own benefit, forget your kids making fun and your neglectful husband. This is for YOU, not them. And you are 100% capable. The hardest part is starting, but once you get going, and you see results, you won't want to sabotage yourself with unhealthy foods. You'll WANT to exercise, to boost your weight loss even more. It does get easier, you just have to want the results more than that extra hour of sleep, more than the pizza. Please don't give up, you are ABLE!
  • xoopsyxdaizyx
    xoopsyxdaizyx Posts: 20
    just do it. you just get up, and you do it. trust me... you will be so happy you did it. and after a couple weeks, you will feel like crap if you dont. you will feel so much better. physically and emotionally. but do it for YOU. not for your husband, and not for your kids. do. it. for. you. you can do it, you really can. start today... right now!!
  • ChantalD75
    ChantalD75 Posts: 680 Member
    thank you!! I guess I don't like people seeing me because I don't want them judging me. I don't know. I am weird.... lol.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    I hear ya--
    I was so THERE last fall- could NOT make the time to get to the gym; and then got mad at myself and ate to stuff down those feelings. Put on almost 25 lbs in 5 months while shaking my finger at myself and telling myself I was a bad girl.

    I had to make my goals into minigoals for a single day rather than loftier goals of rest of my life. .. or even the rest of the week. Rather than "I will swim 3X per week for an hour", I settled for "I will walk at least 10 minutes TODAY." And instead of "I will be under my calorie goal every day this week, " I went to " I won't snack after dinner--TODAY."

    Hang in there! You CAN do it!
  • cclala
    cclala Posts: 190 Member
    There are people on this board with 5 kids, low incomes, no gym membership, no treadmill in a locked room, living in cold climates, severely obese....and they manage to do it. Think of them when your mind is playing tricks on you and piling on the excuses.

    Step 1: Ask yourself if the pain of changing is greater than the pain of being overweight. For some, it is.

    Step 2: If you truly do want to change, you will. Think of the people mentioned above, and when you start making excuses tell yourself to STOP. Say it out loud if you have to.

    Step 3: Just get on that treadmill. Don't overthink it, just get on it. Tell your legs to move regardless of what your mind is saying.

    And finally, tell your family to knock it off with the jokes. Tell them when you are that room they are NOT TO COME IN. Own your life, it's the only one you have. Don't let the silly laughter of a few kids stand in between you and your health.
  • jalovec
    jalovec Posts: 62
    You can do it! Some people like to set up a written schedule, then follow it. Some people like to try one small change per week (e.g. oatmeal for breakfast, or one workout). Others like to give themselves small rewards when they reach a small goal. Some people find success by following a set meal plan, with recipes. Yes it's a lot of work. Is it worth it? That you have to decide for yourself. But you CAN do it.
  • ashandbensmom
    ashandbensmom Posts: 41
    I completely feel your pain. I did lose the weight , but now I am stuck in that odd place of, I lost so much what does it matter if I gain a pound or two. This weather EVERYWHERE does not seem to be helping ANYONE, myself included. Just remember you need to do this for YOU not anyone else.

    I also understand how you feel about letting someone see you work out, but honestly when most people see an overweight person working out they think " Good for them!" rather than disgust. At least I know I do ! That being said if you are still uncomfortable can you find 30 min in your day when no one is home ( partner at work, kids at school)? Any little bit helps.

    Once again you need to do this for YOU and the motivation is there you just need to find it. Good Luck!!!!
  • jenX1174
    jenX1174 Posts: 154
    Honey, I have been there more times than I can count. You have got to decide, is this how you want to feel the rest of your life? Starting out sometimes can just seem so overwhelming, and sometimes just making one change at a time can help. Maybe just follow a healthier diet, use the tool on here to meet your calorie goal. Or, start with exercise, focus on that for a little while, then add a change in your diet. You need to do what works for you, but you need to take care of you.

    Staying on the track you are now, is only going to lead to worse things.....diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, arthritis and tons of medications that will screw up your body even more. This is what helped motivate me.....I couldn't imagine my health becoming worse than it is because I already felt bad enough, physically.

    Think about what you are going to do today, think about what you will do tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time will add up to the whole big picture, and the results will be amazing in the end. You will FEEL better, no bad habit is worth more than that, I promise.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    Don't get me wrong, I sympathize with you, but if you think negatively you're going to act negatively. If you change the way you're thinking you'll change your behavior. Who cares who sees you working out in the privacy of your own home...maybe the kids will see mommy getting in shape and it will show them that you care about healthy living...and your partner asked for it. One trick I learned, if you really don't feel like working out, then just do it for 10 minutes...you'll notice that the hardest part is getting started, you'll feel great after 10 minutes and WANT to do more. But please, change your mind set.
  • Amb1976
    Amb1976 Posts: 241 Member
    I can understand where your coming from....my husband has been known to be quite RUDE in his comments toward me and needing to loose weight....instead of getting depressed....hun, GET MAD! seriously....when u get mad your going to find that extra push to first of all, get on that treadmill, then bit by bit, push for that extra minute....when im working out and getting tired, dont think i can make it, ill think of something he had said that really hurt my feelings and think of how pssd off it really made me for him to say something like that to me...hes my husband, he shouldnt talk to me that way, and it MAKES me push for that extra min just to prove i can do it! this takes time, ive come to accept that fact...im happy as long as im making my 2 lbs a week goal...every little bit helps...feel free to add me...i too HATE working out in front of ppl..even my own family...once your MAD ENOUGH to succeed, thats when you will get the results you want....you can do it!
  • prettybrownround
    prettybrownround Posts: 362 Member
    Its one thing to know what your problems is, its another to do something about it. You have to turn your excuses and negative feelings into motivation to improve your life, not just for your spouse and your kids but for yourself. There is no time like the present. You can do it! You must believe in yourself. You made the right move by joining MFP. Now take advantage of the support that's available to you. Get up, get active, and get going!!!!!
  • Amajoy
    Amajoy Posts: 140 Member
    There are people on this board with 5 kids, low incomes, no gym membership, no treadmill in a locked room, living in cold climates, severely obese....and they manage to do it. Think of them when your mind is playing tricks on you and piling on the excuses.

    Step 1: Ask yourself if the pain of changing is greater than the pain of being overweight. For some, it is.

    Step 2: If you truly do want to change, you will. Think of the people mentioned above, and when you start making excuses tell yourself to STOP. Say it out loud if you have to.

    Step 3: Just get on that treadmill. Don't overthink it, just get on it. Tell your legs to move regardless of what your mind is saying.

    And finally, tell your family to knock it off with the jokes. Tell them when you are that room they are NOT TO COME IN. Own your life, it's the only one you have. Don't let the silly laughter of a few kids stand in between you and your health.

    I conqure! You CAN do it, dont let anyone else tell you otherwise!
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member
    I hear what you're saying, but it won't get any easier if you wait to lose this weight and put it off indefinitely. Think about how good you'll feel on February 3rd, 2012 when you've lost 52 lbs (at a very conservative 1lb a week) and a bunch of inches. I know that seems like so far away, but it really isn't. I still can't believe it's not the Oughts anymore!

    Honestly, at the beginning, you don't need to worry about sweating on a treadmill. Just by making smart food choices, you'll be off to a fantastic start. Trade in calorie laden beverages for good, clean water. I know that Canadian tap water is delicious (even in Toronto, where I am!!) Be more conscience about your portion sizes, fill half your plate with veggies (without salt & butter!), count your calories and use up your daily allotment and you'll be off to a fantastic start. If you can go out for a walk, try to do that. I know the weather hasn't been cooperating lately, but soon it will! In the meantime, when you do have some alone time (if you are nervous about your family's reaction), do some light jogging in place during commercials. Go out dancing (just don't pair it with drinking or overeating!) If you have a friend who you can talk to, see if they'd be interested in some kind of a fitness regiment (maybe at her house??)

    Whatever you do, don't give up and figure it can wait. It will only get harder. If not, you could be looking at being 52 lbs HEAVIER on February 3rd, 2012 (as a 1lb a week gain isn't all that hard either!) The people here are amazing -- you've come to the right place. Just know that you're worth this extra effort. And once you feel more comfortable about it, playing outside with your boys are a great source of cardio!
  • cclala
    cclala Posts: 190 Member
    I completely feel your pain. I did lose the weight , but now I am stuck in that odd place of, I lost so much what does it matter if I gain a pound or two. This weather EVERYWHERE does not seem to be helping ANYONE, myself included. Just remember you need to do this for YOU not anyone else.

    I also understand how you feel about letting someone see you work out, but honestly when most people see an overweight person working out they think " Good for them!" rather than disgust. At least I know I do ! That being said if you are still uncomfortable can you find 30 min in your day when no one is home ( partner at work, kids at school)? Any little bit helps.

    Once again you need to do this for YOU and the motivation is there you just need to find it. Good Luck!!!!

    Yes! When I see overweight dancers in my zumba class, I want to high five them. Nothing but respect.
  • jenX1174
    jenX1174 Posts: 154
    Exactly....I work out in front of my fiance and my 16 year old son. I don't care, and they are actually proud of me. They certainly don't watch.....how boring that would be.
    If he is laughing at you, then he is just masking his insecurity.....if you look better, than other men will be attracted to you. If it's the kids, then they need to learn respect!
  • jfgstrack1
    jfgstrack1 Posts: 47
    Come On...You can do this...I've just joined and there's a bunch of us. Do it with us nd we'll help each other. I needn you and you need me. Let's help each other day by day!!!
  • life1979_24
    life1979_24 Posts: 147 Member
    i felt silly or dumb working out on vacation when i was 18 and cubby so i didnt now i am huge cuz i didnt start working out again when i got home.working out is a habit that is hard to develop and easily broken. lesson learned dont be ashamed to work out. there are lil things you can do though out the day to get your body moving and not even notice its work. dance when you are making dinner instead of sitting down. play with your kids during commercials(tickle fights). fidget fidget fidget, tap your toes flex your thighs, every lil bit helps.
  • karriecook
    karriecook Posts: 84 Member
    I completely feel your pain. I did lose the weight , but now I am stuck in that odd place of, I lost so much what does it matter if I gain a pound or two. This weather EVERYWHERE does not seem to be helping ANYONE, myself included. Just remember you need to do this for YOU not anyone else.

    I also understand how you feel about letting someone see you work out, but honestly when most people see an overweight person working out they think " Good for them!" rather than disgust. At least I know I do ! That being said if you are still uncomfortable can you find 30 min in your day when no one is home ( partner at work, kids at school)? Any little bit helps.

    Once again you need to do this for YOU and the motivation is there you just need to find it. Good Luck!!!!

    Yes! When I see overweight dancers in my zumba class, I want to high five them. Nothing but respect.

    Amen, sista! And seriously, what a wonderful example you are setting for your children when they see you exercising.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    I agree with starting off small. Why don't you pick one meal and change it per day, plus 10 minutes of exercise. Just do a day to day thing. That night, make a goal for the next day. It will build your confidence that way without making it too much to think about and get overwhelming.

    Also, you have to want to do this for YOU, not anyone else. If you can't make yourself change for you and be happy, nobody else will be able to do it either. You just have to get your mind there, starting small is a good way to get going.

    You can do it and we are all here to help!
  • bromk
    bromk Posts: 34
    I heard a key word in your comments...depressed. It sounds like there may be some underlying issues beyond just motivation that are impacting what's happening for you. Since you have an upcoming appointment with your doctor, I suggest you talk with him/her about depression. There are many things you can do to begin to combat this (not just medication, although, it can be a huge help), and once you begin to feel better emotionally, it is easier to find the motivation to get moving. If depression is part of the problem, it really can become a vicious cycle until you get to the root of the problem.

    I hope you find the answers you are seeking, and I wish you luck in your journey.
  • Mrs_McFadden
    Mrs_McFadden Posts: 1,139
    I agree with bromk, you sound very depressed. As someone who has been severely depressed (clinically) you really have to make sure you get your mental health evaluated to make sure that it doesn't get worse dear OP. Please at least get a consultation with a psychologist.

    As to your post- I think you need to apply some cognitive perspectives to your issues..

    Of course you are tired and life is dragging you down etc- you're living in an unhealthy body, you're overworked and under appreciated- which almost all mothers are, aren't we? I'm a SAHM and it's tough for me to get everything done- I only have three kids but two of them are 3 and 6 months old. Even though I'm home all day I still struggle finding enough time to get on a treadmill. I can be on the internet b/c my baby son sleeps in my arms when he nurses!

    I don't like being ogled while exercising either, I have social anxiety disorder and I'm somewhat of an introvert. So I totally understand your issues with it. But I keep my treadmill in my gameroom of my house where the kids can play so my 10 year old can play with the baby while I hit the treadmill. Is it humiliating? Yes and no. I fend off a lot of questions from my little ones b/c my treadmill had to be dusted off recently so I could use it, so for them it was a completely novel experience to see me using it LOL. But- the way I see it- I'm teaching my children if nothing else, that you don't just give up. Just because you've made mistakes (me, cumulatively, by allowing myself to get to 200 lbs) doesn't mean you excuse yourself from not trying to rectify the situation. And yes! If you fall off the horse you dust yourself off and get back up.

    Life is so short and tomorrow is never promised. Try to feel joy that you have the opportunities to alter the fate of your body. Try to envision that as you age, if you steward your body toward a healthier state, you will have a higher quality of life for your grandchildren and to enjoy those golden years! Think about all of the things you'd like to do that would be *nicer* if you were fit!

    Losing weight is definitely not the panacea for happiness everyone seems to think it is- but it's probably natural that many overweight people face up to emotional baggage that they haven't over the years because if you invest in the process deeply from a mental perspective that is bound to happen, and in that way, you can grow as a person even as you shed your superficial sacrifice to the world: your fat.
  • appleshells
    appleshells Posts: 165
    do not lose weight for your partner, do it for YOU.
  • junkfoodsux
    junkfoodsux Posts: 21
    Maybe you should change your username to "I CAN DO IT 2010!" Who knows, it may be the small spark you need to get yourself going in the right direction.
  • kimballtracy
    kimballtracy Posts: 94
    yo CAN do it!!! i dont like to work out infron of my husband either....but my kids are 3 and 7 months so they really dont care...but i understand where you are coming from...maybe after dinner make your husband do the dishes and clean up the kitchen while you lock yourself in your room...and if he says something tell him that if your gonna get inshape you need to make time for it....i sometimes have trouble getting in a work out with kids and laundry and cooking dinner and my 3 year old likes to eat every ten minutes it seems...sometimes if i see that the kids are being quiet i stop what im doing and get on the treadmill....
  • rmkorama
    rmkorama Posts: 232 Member
    Agreed with what's been said, that you need to start small and build on your successes. Don't try to change everything in your life all at once. That is a sure recipe for failure. Find one thing to change, and change it. Then add to it.


    Second, you may have to sit down with your kids and have an honest and forthright conversation with them about kindness and cruelty. Making fun of people, no matter whether they're related or not, is not good IMO.
  • maurap26
    maurap26 Posts: 90 Member
    Just start small, 10 or 15 min. of exercise to start
    really, anything to start
    keep track of your water & every week try to drink more
    tackle your food issues slowly too
    you can do it :)
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    "I can understand where your coming from....my husband has been known to be quite RUDE in his comments toward me and needing to loose weight"

    You know, beating him to death will burn some calories. :) (Sorry, couldn't help myself!) :bigsmile:
  • Erica9903
    Erica9903 Posts: 156
    OK fedup, here's the deal...YOU CAN DO IT!! You will only be successful if this is done for you. Do you want to lose weight?!?!?! IF so quit making excuses and do it. Don't lock the door to the treadmill- leave it open and when your kids see you trying to lose weight and start poking fun at you walk, jog or run even faster and harder. I go to our local YMCA and yes it can be uncomfortable but I just remind myself that everyone there including me is trying to acheive that same thing-to be healthy and in shape. I have 2 kids that all but demand my attention and a husband who at times can be just as bad. I also work a full time job and have all of the wife/mother duties of housework and such but I MAKE myself make time for this because I'm worth it...AND SO ARE YOU!!! :love: Now, GET OFF YOUR *kitten* AND GET ON THAT TREADMILL!!! You can do this. Even if it's just a few minutes a day get on that treadmill, drink more water and cut back on your portions. The world doesn't stop because you're watching what you eat...you can still have the things you love just in moderation and portion control. I think it would help to change your profile name too. Maybe "I AM WORTH IT!". I wish you the best of luck on your journey to weight loss success!!

    By the way, is your partner a major hottie or could he use a little work himself??? Sometimes the best way to combat the things they say or the way they make you feel is to give them back a taste of what they're giving you. My hubby can be very demanding of my time but he is very in tune to the changes I want to make for me and our family. We are in this together! Maybe if he sees you trying he will hop on board with you and you guys will get back to where you once were.
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